Flotsam

So, last night, at my apartment, was the Midwestern Infertile Blogger Confab. It was beyond any doubt one of the best nights in my recent memory. Mojitos were had. And yes, it was delicious to be able to talk about insurance, and uber-fertiles in the workplace, and to HSG or not to HSG, but our conversation was not limited to life on the end of the RE’s wand—we discussed everything from scandals involving our college professors (they were a particularly randy bunch, apparently), to bridesmaid’s dresses, to blogs, to writing.
I do not know when I last spent an evening with women (people, even!) wittier, more intelligent, and more thoroughly charming.
My isolation this past year has brought me perilously close to turning into a legendary hermit {Who lives in that apartment? Oh, we never go up there, that’s Old Lady Alexa’s place—they say she hasn’t seen sunlight in 50 years…}, and while this website has helped me emerge from that somewhat, I never thought it would lead to me making actual, flesh and blood friends.
But it has–some of them I have talked to via email, others I have spoken with on the phone, still others have sent me luscious foodstuffs. And now I have actually seen Molly’s gorgeous shiny hair and cunningly removable tooth, and heard Dooney tell the story of how she met Mr. D, and the lovely Erin—whose 20-month-old son is quite a Lothario, to hear her tell it–has been to my apartment building on two separate occasions!

I hope everyone had as delightful an evening as I did. Unfortunately, though, the evidence against my hostess-ing skills is mounting:

Docket number 31205: The People V. Alexa Flotsam
The Charges: Callous Disregard for Human Life; Assault (Of Sensibilities)

Exhibit A: Complainant arrived 24-hours prematurely for soiree at Defendant’s apartment. Complainant announced her presence via security intercom. Outside temperature was approximately 8 degrees Fahrenheit (-13.3 Celsius). Defendant stopped to apply blush before attempting to retrieve Complainant from cold.

Exhibit B: Defendant has a long history of convictions for Talking Too Much, including a sealed juvenile record containing charges of same. Still, on the evening of December 3rd, 2005, she once again proceeded to speak tediously and at great length each time a moment of comparative silence presented itself—this in clear violation of the terms of her probation.

Exhibit C: Complainant purchased package of bruschetta for aforementioned soiree. Bruschetta was composed of slices of white baguette, sprinkled alluringly with herbs and parmesan cheese. Defendant placed bruschetta in oven and left it there for one hour while conversing with guests (See Exhibit B). Bruschetta was eventually remembered and recovered from oven, but had been charred into inedible hunks of carbon:

The Prosecution rests.