1. Take first dose of Metformin Friday evening.
2. Wake during night to ominous gurgling from digestive tract.
3. Saturday morning, tempt fate by telling the Nearly, the Internet, and your mother that though you feel poorly, it is Not So Bad, and certainly nothing you can’t handle with pluck, determination, and a dash of Pioneer Spirit.
4. Immediately begin feeling worse.
5. And–improbably–worse.
6. Around noon, become overwhelmingly sleepy, and go to bed—IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. Generally you are hard-pressed to go to bed even at night without pharmaceutical assistance to silence the endless list-making of your mind, and the last time you went to bed IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY was after a trip to the emergency room and a dose of Compazine that knocked you unconscious.
7. Wake up at 2:00.
8. Go back to sleep at 2:30.
9. Wake up at 5:30 and lay in bed praying for a speedy and painless death.
10. Remember that excessive fatigue is a symptom of Lactic Acidosis, a rare and dangerous side effect of Metformin–fatal in 50% of cases.
11. Drag self from bed to computer.
12. Google “Metformin Lactic Acidosis So So Tired.”
13. Wonder why you are doing this anyway. You don’t want children. Children will want you to do things for them, like make them food cut into cunning shapes—you are much too tired for that. Besides, their incessant mewling will keep you awake.
14. Nearly, who has been eyeing you nervously all afternoon, decides this is perfect time to reveal things of shocking nature that put entire relationship in jeopardy.
15. Try to concentrate on what he is saying while simultaneously willing self not to vomit. Try to calmly discuss whether to dissolve partnership, but collapse sobbing instead.
16. Realize this is first day wearing newly re-sized Commitment Ring of eleven tiny diamonds purchased for you by Nearly over Christmas. Is this Irony? You think it might be.
17. Remind self to laugh about this, later.
18. Swat impatiently at spots in peripheral vision.
19. Become increasingly distracted by vigorous knife-throwing competition being held behind left temple.
20. Forgo second dose of Metformin in favor of charming bout of aphasia {What is the word for the opposite of yes? you say when asked if you want to Leave Nearly and Have Fresh Start With New Man}.
21. Remember that the word for “Hell” is “Migraine.”
So. Tra-la-la. As of today I am not on Metformin, the Nearly and I are still together, and my head feels just fine, thank you for asking.
Any of these things could change at any time.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh my God, Alexa.
Sounds like you’ve found hell, and it comes in tablet form.
Sorry about the Nearly semi-blowout. Commitment ring though, eh? Pics please.
Oh I’m so sorry – are you taking the extended release forumulation or the regular formula – the regular is indeed hell, I got it once by mistake. I have heard that some people can be allergic to metformin but it does work for so many, I’m sorry if you can’t tolerate it that sucks – and it doesn’t sound like you’ll want to try the extended release after this experience if that’s not what you were taking – because the difference between the two is huge.
Drats, sorry it was such a tough experience for you. I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Holy shit honey…that sounds awful. I hope things settle down soon.
Alexa!
I just don’t even know what to say. I guess I’m hoping for more details at some point in the near future, unless the lack of them means that both situations are resolved and require no further discussion.
Holy shit.
I’m sorry about the Metformin. I know how disappointing it is to think you’re moving toward a solution, only to have it not work out.
Hope you are feeling better in body and spirit soon.
You gave me a scare! I wasn’t sure if you were going to end it on “so here I am in the ICU…” or “Nearly has moved into the nearby motel…”.
Glad that things have resolved, for the moment, on all fronts. Hope it stays that way!!
I’m so sorry that you’re going through some emotional upheaval right now.
We’re thinking of you…
That drug sounds nasty!
The commitment ring sounds nice. Perhaps you can enter the next engagement ring pageant. :-)
Yuck and ugh and yikes. Take care of yourself.
Oh that does not sound good at all. I hope everything stays settled.
I have a very bad feeling about the Nearly- it sounds horribly familiar. I don’t want to pry, but of you want to talk about any of it, please know that I am here for you.
Well, this is a strange turn of events.
We need another confabulous to discuss.
Oh my goodness, I’m so worried about you. Hoping that the Nearly can redeem himself for whatever he did/said, and that you can live happily ever after. This entry just didn’t sound good.
I wonder if you had a horrible hypoglycemic episode on the Metformin. ? Some of the symptoms sounds similar (headache, nausea, fatigue, foggy headedness).
Well, I guess that answers my question about whether I should give it a try. But thanks for being my taste-tester.
Please continue to get well. And Nearly, if you are reading this: you’d better be a good boy — I mean, man — to Alexa, you hear?
Oh dear God… this is HORRIBLE… ALL of it… I don’t even know what else to say in absence of more details! I just truly hope you are both working things out… and that there this Metformin nightmare just STAYS AWAY!
I hope things have truly worked out well between you and the Nearly. As for the metformin – it sounds just awful. I hope there’s a way that works out.
Okay first I am sending a big hug, because that sounds simply horrendous all around. And much as I want details, I’m hoping there are simply none to be had after all, if that makes any sense.
But in my Metformin proselytizing way, may I ask if you normally (or ever) get migraines that make you nauseated? What I mean is, are you sure the Met caused it? It usually causes craziness of the intestinal variety, sometimes a bit of blood sugar issues, but this seems extreme. So maybe it wasn’t the met alone but a combination of migraine and emotional upheaval? (Of course, I have heard from people that absolutely can’t tolerate the met, so I know it’s possible.)
Holy crap, that sounds awful! I know the metformin takes a day or two to “settle in” – I hope the other stuff gets settled too. So sorry.
I am so, so, SO sorry that you had to experience the wrath of Metformin. Just reading your comments brings back horrible, PTSD flashbacks (I can even feel the waves of nausea crashing in my gut).
Taking Metformin was the only time during my fertility treatments that I decided it was so not worth having kids. I just couldn’t believe I was putting my body through so much torture.
And for Nearly to make you feel worse at a time like that…grrrr! I’d have crushed some Metformin and sprinkled it into his food for that!
When I came down with my Metformin-related illness, I was right on the lactic acidosis trail. I emailed my doctor and told him that something bad was happening, and that though I was not self-diagnosing, that I nonetheless expected lactic acidosis. The 50% statistic went through my mind many times as well. Damn Google.
I hope all is still well with The Nearly and that your body has not staged any other rebellions. I simply cannot have my Innard Twin suffer from such things.
I’m glad you’re feeling better, but v worried. Hope the Nearly problem was just one of those things rather than the start of a long negotiation. I really really hope that you and he are doing ok. The Metformin I just hope your doctor can figure out.
I know how horrible the metformin can be, but in the beginning this is normal. As long as you did not have severe abdominal pain and muscle aches with the nausea- that is very normal. I just passed a month and finally am feeling ok, as long as I eat properly, etc. I got horrible nausea/diarreah/and migraines in the beginning. Your entire metabolism changes, so it is goes to figure you aren’t going to feel too chipper at first. The chances of getting lactic acidosis is 1 and 100,000…where did the 50% thing come from?