Writing With The Stars…
Yesterday was my flex day. This month I started a new work schedule whereby I work one normal week, and then one wonky week with four ten hour days and Tuesday off. The theory being that I can schedule all of my doctor’s appointments for those Tuesdays, in order to avoid using my vacation time for ultrasounds and bloodwork. The other theory being that I could use the remainder of that Tuesday for writing. Not blogging, mind you, but writing that may result in an essay that I could conceivably finish and send out to a cold hearted editor to be used as paper for his birdcage, or as a barrier between her mahogany desk and the moist undercarriage of a coffee cup.
It did not go well. I probably did two hours of work, total—though I did clean my desk and arrange some corkboard squares above it. And delete and restore a particularly amusing but irrelevant paragraph seven times.
I am sick to death of Miss Rothschild hanging about and making me feel dreadful about my overuse of adjectives, blowing smoke rings in my face when I am trying to concentrate, and telling me that what I lack in natural talent, I more than make up for in lack of skill. Although having a constant companion while I write has given me an idea for a reality series: Writing With the Stars.
Why should dancers and ice skaters have all the fun?
Wouldn’t it be diverting to watch a J-list celebrity, such as the artsy, non-Paul-Reiser-father from My Two Dads, sit at my desk with me and rewrite the same sentence for 20 or 30 minutes? Then we could have a snack, and proceed directly to reading submission guidelines and weeping softly into a teacup.
Who wouldn’t want to see Mindy Cohn and the-girl-from-Out of This World-who-could-stop-time-and-whose-dad-was-a-crystal compete in challenges such as “Freelance Assignment Completed With Least Time Before Deadline” “Ability to Correctly Use Semi-Colon Whilst Intoxicated” and “Procrastination—Making Lists, Cleaning Your Office, and Painting Your Nails So That They Look Better Typing.”
Now I am behind on my blogging, and I apologize. I have an entry in my head I want to write about the Nearly situation, and I would like to get around to finishing my “About” page. I have work to do on my blogroll. I have email I have been meaning to answer since early December. Most of all, though, I want to get caught up on what is developing with all of you, and that is what I am going to do—as soon as I finish typing this sentence.
11 Comments
Oh, I have a celebrity to add to the list: Webster! Whatever happened to Webster? I bet he knows how to use air quotes.
Heh heh. I vote for the guy who used to host Double Dare on Nickelodeon.
It sounds like you have the same issues that I have when I need to write seriously (like for school or work) — I look for all diversions, and my desk has to be immaculate and artfully arranged before I can even begin. It’s maddening but I guess it gets the creative juices flowing.
I used to love Out of This World! I had a secret girl crush on Evie, and who wouldn’t enjoy the ability to stop time every now and then?
If it was me, I’d be slumped over my desk, drooling into the fake wood-grain, and mumbling incoherently.
Oh wait, I already am. Never mind.
My Two Dads! I think the non-Paul Reiser dad was Greg Evigan of BJ and the bear fame, but I could be wrong.
I always wanted to try a flex schedule, but let’s be honest, I would probably still spend two of my four work days screwing around on the internet.
I’m sorry, but that Miss Rothschild seriously needs to get laid.
I’d either arrange a rendezvous for her and her red pen, or just kick her to the curb.
I love your writing, and I’ve never noticed any superfluous adjectives in it.
Take that, Miss R., you old bat!
This is excellent. And it would be especially funny and painful to do a split screen with the writer pounding out his or her opus & then waiting nervously next to a shot of an agent / editor reaction to said work.
Dear Alexa, I’m so sorry you’re so blocked-up right now — I’ve been like that a lot lately, and it’s deeply frustrating. For what it’s worth, I think your writing is wonderful. Very well paced, very good comedic timing. So shut up, Miss Rothschild.
When I started freelancing, it took me ages to get a proper working rhythm going. I’m confident you’ll get there too, very very soon.
Nice that you’ve been able to work out a flex schedule. When I’m working on something I always find that getting started is the hardest part. Once I’m in it, things seems so much less daunting! Hopefully your daunt will go away soon.
Oh I’m world class at procrastinating. World class. I challenge you to a duel any time. And blogging is the be all and end all of procrastination.
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[...] Those of you who were reading four years ago may remember my first idea for a reality show. Long before “Sexy Pioneer Times” and “Red Hott” (sexy communist collective, remember? From each according to his abilities…to each according to his needs…), there was “Writing with the Stars.” [...]