Flotsam

As I do not have time (nor the attention span—see previous entry) at the moment to sit down and write you a proper post, I shall write one in pieces throughout the day. It will be like reality TV! A real-time, blog-verite sort of thing.

9:15 a.m.
So, at 12:30, five of the Nearly-In-Laws (Nearly MIL, NFIL, NSIL, NSIL’s Husband, and Nearly Grandmother-In-Law) are descending upon our apartment. I have taken the day off in order to attempt (probably fruitlessly) to transform our abode from Hovel into Show Home. I am typing this with pruney fingers, fingers pruney from washing an obscene quantity of dishes. No news yet on the Alexa’s Future front. The NILs are coming because tonight is the Nearly Fiance’s thesis reading. Very big deal. Did I mention that the Nearly’s MFA is from the program I am trying to finagle my way into? I didn’t? The Dean Of The Program and the Nearly aren’t exactly…well, they aren’t going to be carving their entwined initials into any trees, if you know what I mean, so I did not mention the Nearly in my letter. Of course, it is entirely possible that TDOTP will be there tonight, at the reading, as it is the graduation reading for five of her students. Also in attendance will be the BA-Less MFA Candidate, whom I know quite well because she organized several readings that I appeared in, and whom I did mention in my letter.
If TDOTP is at the reading tonight, should I politely introduce myself? Will it make it harder or easier for her to shatter my dreams once she has met me in person?
I’ll be back later, after scrubbing the bathroom floor and rocking in a corner for a bit, mumbling quietly to myself.

10:50 a.m.
I just got my period. For the first time since December. Accompanied, naturally, by innard-twisting, clutch-blindly-at-the-counter-for-support menstrual cramps. If ever I complain to you that my life is dull, without challenge or intrigue, remind me of this day, won’t you?

4:45 p.m.–THE NEXT DAY
Oh well. So much for my Live! As-It-Happens! blog entry. Rest assured, though, this is the first chance I have had to sit at my computer since yesterday morning. Because I cannot leave a pointless thing undone, here is the chronology of events occurring yesterday, after I last wrote:
1. I curse the fates, take 5 Advil, and resume cleaning.
2. NILs call, say they will be late.
3. I decide to highlight my hair quickly before their arrival.
4. Surprise! The NILs are early!
5. I cower in bathroom washing highlighting cream out of hair (turned out nicely, actually) while Nearly gives NILs tour of apartment.
6. I emerge to greet the NILs, remarking that they made excellent time on the drive up.
7. Lunch at Tavern (delicious tuna melt), then NILs leave for hotel.
8. Drive to mall w/ Nearly to find him something to wear for reading.
9. Nearly buys shirt, I buy entirely new outfit.
10. We return home–one hour before scheduled dinner w/NILs and sundry friends/acquaintances.
11. I begin dressing in stunning new clothes.
12. Sudden sexual encounter!
13. Resume dressing—feel attractive for possibly first time in months.
14. Marvel at self in mirror until Nearly forcibly ejects me from apartment.
15. Dinner at Thai restaurant (delectable coconut soup).
16. Nearly is nervous, I give him an Ativan. I develop rash from sympathy nervousness.
17. Reading—Nearly is brilliant, universally adored. I love the Nearly. I am sick with pride.
18. Rest of work by other poets is unpleasant.
19. TDOTP is not in attendance at reading, but a college friend—whom I have not seen in years–is. I believe the experience was rather surreal for both of us.
20. Drinks with friends, NSIL, and NSIL’s husband. Very loud but sweet friend of Nearly’s accidentally spits beer in my face. I somehow invite him over for cocktails next week.
21. Return home in wee hours, after being informed that breakfast with NILs is at 8 a.m.
22. Attempt blog post, but am not successful. Manage to write only “Oh well. So much for my Live! As-It-Happens! blog entry.”