Mar
24

Come For The Mimosas, Stay For The Underchin.

So here I am, at my desk, sipping a Fresca and slapping discreetly at the underside of my chin. Why the chin-slapping, you ask? Because I have made a horrifying discovery.
The other night the Nearly and I were chasing one of our cats (Irma) around the apartment, as we do from time to time. As I careened past the large mirror in our entryway, I saw something that made me skid to a stop.
An Underchin*. On me.
Now, it is only visible when I tip my chin down, or pull my head back, or, you know, neglect to hold my head like that of a haughty ballerina. The Nearly insists that it is unnoticeable. Of course, this insistence promptly reduced me to tears as it implied that he knew what “it” was.
The correct answer to the question “Can you notice my Underchin?”, of course, is “No, my scallop of sweetness and delight, I do not know what you mean. You have no Underchin, and in fact are perfect from every angle, even the unflattering ones—or rather you would be, if you had any unflattering angles, which you don’t.”
So now I have created for myself a regimen of chin/neck exercises. Do you think blow jobs constitute a chin/neck exercise?

In other news, I am expecting a wee new member of the family. I know, I know, it’s all very sudden. But my mother is in Puerto Rico on business and they are practically GIVING them away down there. And by “them” I mean, of course, handbags.
Yes, my mother called me all in a lather between meetings to tell me that there is a Coach outlet RIGHT ACROSS FROM HER HOTEL. Much of the past 24 hours has been spent in frantic back and forth emails with subject lines like “Blue or black or PINK???” “Google ‘Hampton pebbled SATCHEL’” and “SOHO SATCHEL DOES NOT HAVE POCKETS!!!”
This is what I have decided upon. Do you like it?

And, lastly, Molly and I are organizing another Confabulous. There is also talk of a Chicago Confabulous—I am planning a Chicago trip sometime in…May-ish. I will be there with the Nearly and some family, but we have not set any dates yet, and I am not above insisting upon certain dates for my own selfish purposes, namely to meet more lovely Internets.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The next Confabulous, the one in the Twin Cities, is next month! Either Sunday, April 9th or Sunday, April 23rd, whichever you all prefer. I would be delighted to host on either day, and Molly will be in town regardless, so it seems a shame to waste the opportunity. We will have it earlier in the day to make attendance as convenient as possible.
Please say you’ll come!
If you don’t, of course, we will have it anyway, with more mimosas for me and Molly, but also more tears, because we will miss you terribly.
Here are some reasons you should attend:

1. Champagne
2. I promise to put someone else in charge of the oven.
3. General hilarity

And maybe gift baskets. But you’ll never know, unless you accept this invitation…

*I will NOT be using the term D—ble Chin. I feel faint even referring to said term obliquely.

By Alexa | Posted in Ceci N'est Pas Une Ecrivaine |