And I Don’t Eat Cats, Either. *UPDATED*
So, there I was, innocently reading my email, when I opened a Google News alert and read the following:
“Odd-Looking Pig Focus of Research Into Diabetes, Infertility, Heart Disease.
WEST LAFAYETTE, Ind., March 31 (AScribe Newswire) — Despite the exaggerated, wrinkly snout and long, coarse, spiky hair reminiscent of the 1980s television space alien ALF, some very special swine are helping researchers at Purdue and Indiana universities understand human infertility, diabetes and cardiovascular disease.
In addition to their odd appearance, these Ossabaw pigs are predisposed to metabolic syndrome. The disease includes a host of health problems, including obesity, insulin resistance leading to Type 2 (mellitus/adult-onset diabetes), hypertension, artery-clogging bad cholesterol and triglycerides, and abnormally high blood clotting. Many of these same features are characteristic of polycystic ovary syndrome, an illness that leads to infertility in 5 percent to 10 percent of reproductive-age women.”
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present you with the new face of PCOS:
The Nearly, as expected, finds this HILARIOUS. I think I might be a bit offended.
I would just like to state, for the record, that I LOOK NOTHING LIKE ALF. Really. Ask Molly. Molly? Do I look like ALF?
Incidentally, this brings up something I have been wondering about for a while. A few years ago, ALF had a brief resurgence in popularity. He was on commercials, featured in ad campaigns–there were news stories about his “comeback,” for heaven’s sake.
Now generally, when a has-been (sorry ALF) stages a comeback, it is due to his persistence and desperation dedication, and the persistence and desperation dedication of his management team.
I don’t want to disillusion anyone, but ALF is…well, he’s a puppet. I assume that when ALF “retired,” he “retired” to a cardboard box somewhere. Probably an archival-quality cardboard box, but a box nonetheless. So, my question is, who orchestrated this “comeback?” Does ALF have an agent? A manager? A burning desire to rise above B-List puppet stardom? It disturbs me.
But back to the Polycystic Pigs:
“The pigs’ estrus cycle will be monitored as one way to determine if the animals are experiencing PCOS, since one syndrome characteristic is very irregular cycle lengths. In addition, egg quality will be studied by using sperm from male Ossabaws for in vitro fertilization.
‘Two or three times a week, using ultrasound, we’ll look at the ovaries of reproductively mature pigs to check follicle growth and development and see if they become cystic,’ Krisher said.”
Those poor motherfuckers.
***
I am trying to be chipper for your sake, but truly, I feel awful. No—I feel AWFUL. Really. If I knew how to change font size, I would type it in 20-point letters: A to the W to the F-U-L.
When I upped my Metformin dose to 1000 mg, I felt better than I had on half that. Actually, I felt better than I had without the medicine at all. It was odd, but a delightful surprise. My side effects were negligible, my mood was better, and I was uncharacteristically energetic. I felt ready to proselytize. So, after a week on 1000 mg, I upped my dose to 1500—which, from everything I have read, is the lowest recommended dosage. This was last Friday night.
Saturday I felt headachey and disinclined to move, but nothing unmanageable. Sunday was a nightmare. I was tired, weepy, and migraine-y. Not a single food appealed to me—not even cheese—and merely watching an entire Gilmore Girls episode seemed unduly strenuous. I napped and cried and gobbled aspirin.
Two things exacerbated the situation:
1. I am prone to migraines at the end of my period.
2. The Nearly is out of town until Wednesday.
I know that number two does not seem like it should be an exacerbating factor, but for whatever reason, I started crying when he left and have felt fragile and whimper-ready ever since. Don’t judge me.
Today has been a little better, but not much. I have the same monstrous headache I have had for three days, and I feel exhausted and feverish and as if I am 5-10 seconds from uncontrollable sobs. I have started doing the thing I do best, which is to take a temporary feeling I have and extrapolate it outward, ruminating on the dire implications for my future. For example: I can never have children because I feel too sick and tired to do the dishes and a girl who is too sick to wash a plate certainly should not be raising the youth of America.
I believe this is what the Metformin package insert calls “Malaise.” I would classify it as somewhere between “Meh” and “WAAAAAAA!”
I am trying to decide whether to back off the 1500 mg, or push through it. On the one hand, if I return to 1000 mg and eventually get pregnant and miscarry (again), I will blame myself for not being on an effective dose. On the other hand, I am dying.
Any thoughts? Will it get better? Should I tough it out, having made it this far?
Or alternatively, perhaps you know someone who was insulin resistant and ovulated/carried to term on less than 1500 mg of Metformin?
I throw myself on your mercy. And then I am going home to throw myself into bed.
UPDATE: I stuck with the 1500 mg, thanks to your encouraging words. Feel a bit better. Though also a bit offended that Molly hasn’t yet piped up to assure my readers that I do not resemble ALF.
20 Comments
Don’t we all sometimes feel between Meh and Waaaa? God, I do and I’m not on metformin. I want to be a guy who grunts and adjusts his junk 24 hours a day. I don’t even think ALF has it that good.
If the image of DD wanting to be “a guy who grunts and adjusts his junk” doesn’t, for at least a split second, bring you closer to Meh than Waaa, I don’t know what will.
I’d say you should stick it out. Unless you want to wait until the Nearly is back for moral support, which would make sense to me, too. No dying, though, okay?
Sorry, I have no insights on Metformin (other than it seems to be devil juice).
I love the Alf connection. “Exaggerated, wrinkly snout” indeed. Those poor pigs.
I’d stick it out with the devil Met. I’m currently on 2,000 mg per day, and I think I actually *gasp* ovulated last month. As for the pig story, as if I didn’t already feel porcine enough….. :)
Oh, so that’s what soul numbing depression is called. ‘Malaise’. Now I feel better.
At least they’re studying PCOS? Does that help? Um, no. Maybe not.
The pig thing is too funny. I wonder how they get them to be still for the ultrasound.
I’m sorry that the added Met is making you feel so crappy. I think you should give it a few more days, at least until N comes home. Or mayb you need to be on doses that are multiples of 1000 for some bizarre reason?
I never saw the show, but that character TERRIFIES me. I need to see a picture of the actual pigs, I think, or I’m going to have nightmares. Problem is, all I get on the Google searches is that thing.
Almost everyone ends up feeling fine on metformin if you go slowly enough and tough it out. Good luck.
I’m so sorry to hear the metformin’s ugly side effects have reared their head again.
As for the effect of The Nearly being out of town - I get the same way when J is gone.
Oh so that *was* Alf that brushed past me when I went in for a scan last week. Poor swine - welcome to the world of wanding.
No assivce to share on the Metformin, but I hope you are feeling better soon.
I’m with DoctorMama–Alf always freaked me out. Him and that “Gardening by the Yard” guy on HDTV–I would madly scramble for the remote to TURN HIM OFF whenever he would come on. That reemergence a few years ago really freaked me out, I thought it was starting over.
I’m glad you’re sticking with the Metformin but man, I’m sorry it’s making you feel the way you do. I hope it’s not all Met so that eventually things settle out.
Go weird pigs!
Hang in there! It can make a world of difference.
Oh how I have missed you - finally just got caught up. Don’t have anything to add to the metformin discussion except stick with it - I’ve heard the first days are the worst days. Nice looking pussy (cat)! And finally, I hear you on the no desire for alcohol - it’s a strange feeling, no? Fortunately, my inner alcoholic is back, no doubt yours will be back soon too. God willing.
Oh, Alexa. You SO don’t resemble Alf that I felt it would be offensive to even consider ANSWERING that question.
She is indeed gorgeous and divine.
Dude, keep on keepin’ on. It’ll all be worth it in the long run, no? If not, don’t. Great advice I know…..
On the other hand, I LOVED Alf as only a 8 year old boy could love a bitchy-cat-eating-giant-puppet. Damn that was good television. And the teenage daughter was the girl from Father of the Bride! seriously….
Well, it’s about time Molly emerged from the shadows to verify that you are not remotely Alf-like. Besides, Alf liked to eat cats, not Pear Drops.
Malaise? Between ‘meh’ and ‘waaa’! Now I get it. :-)
Good for you for sticking it out with 1500 mg. I hope the side effects subside soon.
As if we would judge you for feeling weepy. The thought alone!
Has the animal rights group heard of these experiments yet? I can just hear them saying this is inhumane treatment. Well, we can prove them wrong on that point. :-S
I would have advised you to try and stick it out, despite the fact that I’m talking out of my ass since I know nothing of this metformin thing. But that’s just me. I’m glad things are looking up a bit.
I missed that metformin thing too but am sending the sympathy vibes. And it’s affecting your alcohol intake? *shudder* Breathe deeply!
I too was waiting with bated breath for Molly’s opinion. I was getting a little worried that the metformin was causing you to grow extra hair and get a wrinkly nose ;-)
I get the same way when Jeff leaves town around my period. I think it’s all the stress of trying and then being let down and left to wallow in my misery by myself. And mine isn’t even caused by crazy Fertility meds, but I can totally sympathize.
I hope you’re hanging in there with the drugs and everything else, and back to eating cheese with abandon.