August 2006

Time Flies When You’re Nearly Dead.

August 30, 2006

Well, I’m glad THAT’s over. As you may recall, I got sick early last week—fever, weakness, general ill feeling. I missed work that Tuesday, but by Friday I felt well enough that I managed to vigorously humiliate myself in front of one of my mother’s Naked Neighbors.* Clearly, my illness had passed. [Here is where [...]

16 comments Read more →

“This Shirt? On My Back? Here, Let Me Help You With the Buttons…”

August 23, 2006

I just gave fifteen of my last eighteen dollars in cash to some braless canvasser. Why do I do this? Why? Not that I don’t care about global warming, I do. Down with global warming! Rah! Rah! But I don’t have an extra fifteen dollars. Especially not to shell out to someone who begins her [...]

21 comments Read more →

Too Sick to Edit. Or Punctuate Properly. Or Think of a Title.

August 22, 2006

Am sick. So, so, sick. My eyes burn, but still I write to you, out of love. And also boredom. I am getting my period as well, which I hope explains the constant weeping. Otherwise I am losing my health and my mind at the same time, and that just doesn’t seem fair. Last night, [...]

13 comments Read more →

Count Specula.

August 19, 2006

Yesterday was my appointment with Dr. Doctor. Never one to miss an opportunity to heap insult where formerly there was only injury, I scheduled a Pap smear for the same day. Yes, that’s right: I spent my Friday with my legs spread for two different medical professionals. Not at the same time, of course—I’m not [...]

18 comments Read more →

“…And it Wouldn’t be a Party Without the Drunken Father of My Dearest Friend…”

August 15, 2006

Wow. Apparently nothing gets people talking like the subject of weddings. I have never before had so many comments, ever. Have they tried this strategy in the Middle East? The next time a passel of frowning and taciturn leaders of the Arab world are assembled, I think Kofi Annan should smile brightly around the table, [...]

21 comments Read more →

The Bride Has A Question.

August 10, 2006

As you all know, (Don’t you? Keep up!) I am getting married in May. About a week after I accepted the Actually’s proposal, I sat down with a piece of paper and made a list of things I must arrange for the wedding. It looked something like this: • Venue • Food/Cake • Flowers • [...]

52 comments Read more →

Mens Sana.

August 8, 2006

I woke up this morning feeling like myself. Perhaps still subtly unwell (and running a fever), but firmly myself, back in possession of both my reasoning faculties and my perspective. I was so relieved to find myself returned that I twirled around on the sidewalk outside my house. As I drove to work, the public [...]

15 comments Read more →

Next Time I Need A Change I’ll Get A Haircut. (With UPDATES)

August 6, 2006

My week got away from me. I had a few posts I wanted to write, one about kicking a puppy, another about elopement. More importantly, I wanted to thank all who commented on my last post. About that, I can’t seem to write anything that doesn’t boil down to a snorfled “I love you guys!” [...]

15 comments Read more →

“I’d Like 12 Place Settings Of The Bone China, And A Follistim Pen.”

August 2, 2006

There were so many possible reasons for me to sniffle, hurk, and finally sob in my car yesterday morning, on the way to work. It could have been from the heat—it had been over 100 degrees the day before, with humidity that inspired an argument between me and the Actually about whether the air felt [...]

24 comments Read more →