I must say, I am enjoying this “free time” business. I have managed to exercise, and to bake a batch of cookies, and I am planning to catch up on email this weekend and possibly clean the house. Sadly, this will be the first time I have thoroughly cleaned since we moved. In June. Perhaps […]
Yesterday morning did not go smoothly, and in an attempt to avoid being late to work—or, rather, any later than I already was—I decided to forgo a badly-needed shower in favor of a beauty trick I was always hearing about but had never tried: baby powder in the hair.
Allegedly, sprinkling baby powder in your unwashed […]
So, when we last saw our heroine, she was whining unbecomingly about not being pregnant. Nothing, she thought, typing her insipid blog entry, has the power to ruin a girl’s day like a negative pregnancy test.
How wrong she was (the narrator muses darkly).
I have a stash of tests, of various brands, in my bottom desk […]
As is so often the case during my fits of faux-gravidity, I found myself possessed by an urge to pee on something, anything, any stick at all with a picture of a baby on the box. And so I did.
To my utter shock, I found that if I pried open the case, removed the strip, […]
Do you know what two things do not go well together? Final papers and newly installed Dish TV with Tivo-esque. I have vast amounts of schoolwork to complete, but on Saturday two nice gentlemen with a ladder and several hundred feet of cable facilitated our transition from the one-channel-or-two-if-the-sky-is-cloudless HELL we have been living in […]
Last weekend the Actually and I took a much needed vacation. We didn’t go far—merely downtown, to the twenty-first floor of a fancy hotel. We were less than nine minutes from our front door, but what a difference nine minutes makes. After all, lying in our bed at home, we do not look straight ahead […]
Five years ago I had just moved back to Minnesota from New York. I was taking what was intended as a semester-long sabbatical from Sarah Mawr. It would turn out to be a five-year academic hiatus, during which I would start a magazine, be hospitalized for mental illness, quit smoking, have an ill-advised fling, publish […]
Last Friday morning I checked in at the hospital, took a seat in the radiology waiting room, and paged nervously through an issue of People while listening to the man across from me discuss his leg injury. He was explaining to a trapped-looking fellow patient that there had been “groin involvement.”
“My testicles,” he says loudly, […]
