I cannot tell a lie.
Yesterday morning did not go smoothly, and in an attempt to avoid being late to work—or, rather, any later than I already was—I decided to forgo a badly-needed shower in favor of a beauty trick I was always hearing about but had never tried: baby powder in the hair.
Allegedly, sprinkling baby powder in your unwashed hair and then brushing it out will absorb the oil and give your hair the illusion of fluffy next-to-godliness. And actually, it seemed to work quite well. My hair’s volume was restored, the grayness that is the sum of filth and blonde had vanished, and I smelled sweetly of baby. It wasn’t until I was at work that I realized that in certain lights, I looked a little like George Washington.
This incident seems like a sad little parable for my life somehow, but I’m not sure why.
Segue!
I love my Tivo-esque like a hooker loves her last vial of crack, I tell you. But it has made me a bit drunk with power. I now PAUSE AND REWIND LIVE TELEVISION at least five times an episode, just because I can. And I have fallen into a delicious habit of ending the night watching Tivo-esque in bed while drinking hot chocolate spiked with something alcoholic. I prop myself up on some pillows, fast forward through commercials, and sip my toddy. And when I am too sleepy to continue this strenuous undertaking, I call for the Actually to take my cup away and tuck me in. It is like being a child again, except with cable channels and whisky.
Segue!
Now that my semester is over, I am finally able to catch up on blogs, including my own. I visited my sitemeter this morning, and was reminded of how much I miss knowing that, for instance, I am the second result to come up when some poor unfortunate searches for “my boyfriend wants to give me a facial.” I’m going to go right out on a limb and assume her boyfriend is not training to be an esthetician.
Because of all the time I suddenly seem to have, wedding preparations have resumed. I am ordering invitations this weekend, and the Actually and I are in the process of registering–which is much more confusing than I had anticipated. For instance: when registering for our dishes, do we register for the discounted four-place-setting sets, or do we register for X individual place settings? And how many place settings do we need? There are only two of us, but we do tend to break things.
It is all very perplexing. Also, besides dishes and silverware and knives and a pretty Dutch oven, what should we be registering for? The Actually wants to register for one of those inexpensive wee stereos you plug your iPod into* (from Target), but I don’t know if that is proper registry material.
Is there anything you registered for that proved indispensable? Is there anything you thought would be essential but now never use?
And as long as I’m imposing upon you all for advice, the Actually’s birthday is on Tuesday, and I am having a dreadful time thinking of gift ideas. He is revoltingly gifted at gift giving, always striking the perfect balance of sentiment and usefulness, and conversely, everything I have ever given him has been a disaster. There was the watch I gave him that we never got to work, the cashmere hat that was too small, the piece of original artwork that he loved but has never gotten around to framing, the video game that he beat in one sitting, etc. etc. etc.
I wish I could buy him a new computer (Ha! Beat that, Actually!), but alas I don’t qualify for Mac’s stupid Mac financing for happy perfect credit people. I have already gotten him a couple of small things, but nothing that stands out, and there are already mysterious packages arriving at our house for my birthday, full of what I am sure are diabolically clever gifts the Actually has purchased for me.
I know what you’re thinking, but I can’t get him a pony because we have nowhere to put it. Any suggestions?
p.s. If anyone knows of a way to lose weight that doesn’t involve limiting my French fry intake or exercising for more that 15 half-hearted minutes a day, please email me post-haste.
p.p.s. Gaining height inches: is the only way to do this truly though “genetics” or “posture” or “yoga?” Isn’t there some sort of rack I could be stretched upon?
*My god, the prepositions in this paragraph!
21 Comments
For registering, take inventory of what you already have and want to replace. Really the sky is the limit. I’ve seen registries with board games and chocolate so I think it’s open game.
For some reason, everyone kept giving us towels. I think towels for a wedding gift are the universal code “we don’t know what to get you and we’re too stupid to find your registry”. Gah, I hated getting towels! I will never need to buy towels again. Is that a MN thing or is it universal?
Can’t help with gift giving ideas. I think men are the hardest to shop for. I usually end up giving my husband some computer part that he has to tell me what it is exactly so he always knows what he’s getting. He’s so darn picky.
I think you can register for the ipod thingy. Get stuff you want but also stuff you’d never get on your own, like the china and silver.
I’m working on a new diet I came up with myself. It’s called, “What would a thin person eat?” but if you try to make a lot of money off of that I will sue you, because it is how I plan to make my millions. Anyway I think the methodology is self-explanatory, but sadly, sometimes the answer to that question is “Who gives a fuck?”
My husband collects used books and therefore the only gift he wants is $$ to buy these books… when you have shared finances, that’s just weird. I mean, I’m the keeper of the budget, so theoretically I could just say, you have an extra $100 this month, but the fact is he goes over budget every month anyway, so… I got nothin’.
I would register for the IPOD stereo… why not? (Or get it for the Actually’s birthday!)
Take care and good luck with all the wedding stuff!
Actual-factual diet advice: I have invented a new system called the Jul Protocol, which mixes aspects of the magma-hot new Shangri-La Diet with “Warden Norton’s Grain ‘n Drain Train” diet from “The Shawshank Redemption”… it’s got trendiness AND penal severitude!
One (1) big mouthful straight canola oil after waking up (based on Shangri-La’s “flavorless calories help supress the appetite” thing).
Nothing (0) with flavor (food, beverage, toothpaste, Lip Smackers) for an hour after that.
One (1) Clif Bar for breakfast.
One (1) Clif Bar for lunch.
Whatever (*^&&*$^&*%) you want for dinner, as the oil/appetite-supressant thingie actually seems to work fairly well.
I’m not actually weighing myself, but I AM eating so little that I feel all freakin’ virtuous, and it isn’t a bother a-TOL!
Gift-giving is a painful topic for me. I go into spasms whenever I think about anything even related to Christmas. Like October. Because once you hit October it’s a greased sleigh ride to Dec 25. The boy buys me things that I use every day for years. I buy him things that I watch him unwrap and then never see again.
Beware: following thoughts are from someone who just ate six cookies. Water. Drink lots of water. Take walks. It’s not exercise, but it adds up. And choose your battles. Eat french fries, but maybe give up something else that you don’t care so much about. If you could eat soup just as easily as a roast beef sandwich, go for it. And order extra fries.
Hot chocolate with alcohol in front of the TV. I think my evening just got booked.
Hi. I’ve never commented, but I had to answer one of your questions. I (briefly) let my husband have the little scanner thingy when we registered and he put in a rotisserie chicken roaster (along with several things that were deleted posthaste online). My uncle got it for us (probably his idea of a joke) and I have used that thing more than anything else we got.
As for the bday present and a weight-loss plan, you’re on your own. I hate shopping for men, and I hate dieting. Yoga and pilates I like, and they seem to balance the consequences of hating dieting.
Registry stuff: We registered at Target and H wanted to register at EMS and REI, but those aren’t ‘us’ gifts. My sister didn’t feel that my registry was acceptable so she lied and broke in to my registry and put a ton o’crap on there that we hated. We got towels in 4 shades of pastels. We returned everything and got a really nice down comforter, and towels that we like, and inexpensive plates that come in a set. We use all those things every single day. Including the down comforter. Even in the summer.
Just register for stuff you like and there are no other rules. We got a griddle from Target that we love and use many weekends for pancakes.
I approached our registry as payback.
We’d been buying my husband’s family gifts every time one of them farted, or so it was starting to feel, and I was not shy at all about what went on our registry. So yes, put the Ipod stereo thingie on there, and the place settings, and new towels and and and. I think the only thing you should do with a registry etiquette-wise, is make sure there’s a good mix of cheap and expensive stuff, so that friends and family can find something no matter how solvent they may be.
As for the most useful thing we registered for, don’t laugh: The George Foreman Grill. It was also the one thing my husband was so excited about that he grabbed the zapper from me (you’re registering in a store, I hope? Because the fancy zapper is at least 75% of the fun). We use it ALL THE TIME, for grilling meat and fish, and you can make killer panini/grilled cheese-type creations.
The only thing I can say is do not register for the discontinued plates. I did that and it was a mistake, I wound up running to all the Target’s trying to finish my set. Like you I lived with my actually. So I registered for things that I wanted to replace. Then donated all my old items to the local charity. That was fun.
Four words for you: BED BATH & BEYOND. Their return policy is to give you cold hard cash money for whatever you return from your registry. We had family all over the country and BB&B was a little more convenient for all of them than was our Crate & Barrel registry, but we found that our small house couldn’t accommodate all the gifts we received. Tragic!
So we ended up having to take a lot of stuff back… we walked out of the store with over $700 in cash. It was actually really bizarre, but it helped us buy the few things that we really needed off other registries that no one had purchased. This, my dear Alexa, is how you get your iPod stereo and other things you may not feel comfortable registering for.
If the Actually is into music, get him a subscription to Rhapsody. (www.rhapsody.com)We got a free trial and were hooked after three hours. It is freaking awesome and if you buy more than 8 or 9 CDs a year, it totally pays for itself.
Um, why don’t you get him that wee stereo for the ipod, preposition lady?
It is the inevitable rule of the universe: whatever you think you must have for your registery now, you will kick yourself for later. (Hello, muffin pans? What the bloody hell was I thinking?)
You know what? Register for really expensive shit and then return it all and save the gift cards for formula and diapers, because they will put you in the poor house. Note my optimism in your reproductive future!
Re: place settings, I would recommend registering for at least 12. We only got 8, thinking when would we ever have more than 6 guests for a meal in our tiny apartment, but then lo and behold, we ended up hosting Christmas for 18 (!!!) one year. Not that 12 place settings would have been enough even then, but still. You never know. Plus with the breaking. We are down to 6 bowls now.
If the sets are relatively inexpensive, go for the sets, otherwise individual place settings are easier for people to buy–they can do 2 or 3 or whatever they can afford.
We had a decent-size collection of pots and pans between the two of us, but took the opportunity to register for the fancy-schmancy All-Clad pots and pans in various shapes and sizes. I was worried people wouldn’t get them because they’re pricey, but we got every single one–people love buying them because they are so shiny and pretty. And they will last forever. Even if you don’t cook much now, might be worth it for later.
(This is one case where individual was better than a set–my MIL asked why we didn’t register for the All-Clad 6-piece set, which was like $400, instead of 6 individual pieces for average $125 each–because it was cheaper overall. But who would ever buy us a $400 gift?)
I almost didn’t register for a food processor, but we now use it all the time. (But we cook a LOT.) Oh! And I want to marry the professional bar blender we got, also from our registry. Hello, BAR BLENDER.
All the formal table linens I registered for are still sitting in the box they came in. We didn’t even use them at the Christmas-for-18.
geez, who knew I had so much to say about registering?
Coming from ridiculously cheap families, we didn’t register for place settings or anything like that–we didn’t want to end up with 3 of something or only one lonely setting. Instead, we registered at Target, for a variety of low to mid priced items that we truly wanted and needed. The upside of this was that we actually got items on our registry and many people got more than one item, so we had lots of things to open. I know that had we gone all upscale, we would have ended up with a ton of dollar-store specials and wedding tchtokes.
As for actually’s b-day, recent gifts that my DH loved (some of which he picked out/hinted mightly for): Lego Mindstorms (lego robots), high tech radio controlled car (radio shack on clearance), a key/wallet locator (also radio shack), a Roomba (he loved it so much, he now programs them), a Scooba (roomba with a mop), a long handknitted “doctor who” scarf. Basically, I think what nerdy 12 year old would love. Works like a charm.
Registering: We had a relatively small wedding (75 people), and both of us have pretty small and not well-to-do families. We registered for place settings, got only 3, and ended up buying a whole set of 8 really nice settings for $25 at a garage sale a few weeks after the wedding. Stuff we loved getting: Calphalon pots/pans, Cuisinart food processor, glass mugs with the letter “s” engraved on them (so cool!), and a salad spinner.
For gifts for you man - Why don’t you frame that piece of artwork that you got for him a while back?
Practical and boring, but:
1. Flatware. Register for at least twice as much as you need. There are only two people in my house, and we go through lots and lots of forks and spoons, especially because it takes a lot to fill up a dishwasher. And then, if people come over, you need forks and knives and spoons. Really. Go nuts. And see if you can get soup spoons, because there’s nothing better than a soup spoon if you’ve gone to the trouble of making good soup.
2. A double griddle. We didn’t register for one but someone gave us one. Eight pancakes at a time. Panini. Quesadillas for two. French toast. A double griddle is your friend.
Just had to say that I recently gave a registered gift (s) to a couple, and this was it: coffee, wine, tea, ju ju bees (sp?) and mini m&ms. Not exactly traditional, but it was what they wanted, it made a great big goody bag, AND we got the thank you that said our gift was the best. But I bet she said that to everyone…thank you note whore…
After 13 years (!) we’re still using the fancy Calphalon pots, the cuisinart mini-prep (I have the big one also, but the tiny one is so handy!)and I’m about to go have to buy a new set of flatware because so many spoons and forks have migrated outside to dig worms, stir mud, etc.
I never use the fancy table linens because I have bo9ys and they have to be ironed and it’s too much of a bother.
If you want a fantastic vacuum, register for the Dyson!
The best advice on registering I got when it came time to do the one and only really fun part of being engaged was to register at Bed, Bath & Beyond instead of Target. The reason? They give you CASH for anything you return, and trust me, no matter how thoroughly you register, there will be much to return. Some people will look at your registry list and bemoan the fact that you did not register for a salad spinner and feel absolutely compelled to buy one for you.
As for assvice on what to register for, the two basic things that I found are a total waste but considered “traditional”: anything crystal - to include candlesticks, bowl, glasses, more bowls (we received FIVE despite not registering for ANY) - and China place settings. Really, who uses China for entertaining these days? Having heads of state over to dine? No? Skip the china and crystal.
Best stuff to register for: Expensive 400 thread count sheets (that you can return, get $80 for and head to Marshall’s and buy two sets of identical ones for the same price), nice towell sets, swanky coffee maker, bar glasses, and candles. You know those Yankee candles in the jar that cost like $18 but smell soooo good? We registered for 5 different ones and they were something we used more than anything else and they last quite a long time. Essentially, register for stuff you would never actually spend the money on yourself. This is your chance to pamper yourself! :)
Jeff and I registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, Crate and Barrel and Williams Sonoma, but for the most part, our guests got us whatever they felt like. It seemed like a lot of people decided, “Well, who wants to get boring stuff like silverware? Let’s get them some cloth napkins instead.” Unfortunately, we really needed the boring stuff like silverware (we were still using the bendy, cafeteria-style forks, knives and spoons I’d had since college.)