I am in the weeds. Far, far in the weeds. Is that a golf metaphor, or something to do with war? I don’t know, but I know I’m there, where it’s weedy.
Yesterday, I was skipping along, innocently thinking my innocent thoughts, when it occurred to me that my papers were due soon, for Professor Taskmaster. […]
Well, our internet has been sporadically out since last night, and I don’t know how long I have to post this. I will kill a kitten if I am eliminated from NaBloPoMo because of my hateful broadband company.
So, here is a rare glimpse of the Actually, suitably disguised with the comic book setting of Mac […]
While I was in the hospital, I had occupational therapy for an hour each day. Allegedly, occupational therapy is designed to assist people in developing “skills for the job of living.” For writers, I suppose this means accepting rejection and mixing drinks.
You might expect a term like “occupational therapy” to include things like cooking and […]
Several years ago, I cracked under the formidable weight of unfortunate circumstance and spent four days in the psychiatric ward of a local hospital. I had been having what felt like one neverending panic attack for weeks, and showed up at the emergency room with a backpack full of books and my knitting, ready to […]
It is remarkable to me that there were that many books that didn’t fit on our other three (large!) bookcases. At this rate of expansion, we will be living in an apartment with books carpeting the floors, a bed made of books, sofas and chairs made of books, and several stylish book-endtables within a few […]
Only six months after we moved in, we now have enough shelf space to finish unpacking our books. Is it wrong that I want to rub myself all over these shelves?
Here—look at them again:
Ohhhhhh.
Mmmmmm….
Yes! Yes! YES!
I went to bed at 7:30 last night. I think I may have been drugged. I hadn’t thought any of my relatives capable of slipping me a mickey, but I suppose you never can tell.
Today I spent eschewing bacon and weeping. The Actually was watching some sort of vegetarian propaganda film, and felt compelled to […]
“Oh my god,” I said an hour ago, in the car on the way home from Thansgiving dinner, “I still have to write a blog entry.”
Twenty minutes ago, the Actually entered my office to see me sitting with my head resting on my laptop, quietly digesting the bourbon-glazed turkey, the creamed corn, and that last […]
For days now, I have seen only one thing when I close my eyes: a cloud-wrapped mountain of mashed potatoes, whipped with a full pint of cream, sprinkled with sea salt, a lump of butter slipping from its peak.
Excuse me, I need a moment.
So. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I am weak with anticipation.
At the moment […]
A little compassion, please. This NaBloPoMo business is hard work, and haven’t you ever done something you regretted? Haven’t you ever remembered, after two delicious gin-based beverages, in the middle of a two-hour block of Law & Order, that you must post to your godforsaken website?
In college my friends and I briefly had a […]
Oh, bother. I forgot about NaBlowMe until just now, when I have already had two gin-and-ginger-ales, and now I am forced to break my no-blogging-whilst-intoxicated rule. But I have to post something, because I have it on good authority that if I miss a day Mrs. Kennedy will personally pluck every hair from my body.
I […]
Today, for no reason other than a vague desire for change, I rearranged the bedroom furniture. I moved our large bed, mattress, and armoire all on my own, bruising myself and nearly flattening a cat who tried to hide between the (moving) armoire and the wall. In the process I found seven empty water bottles, […]
Amanda asked which was my best and which was my worst job. This was a remarkably easy question to answer, possibly because I have not had all that many jobs, and possibly because time spent as a waitress invariably inspires strong feelings. For me the feelings are both strong and contradictory–waitressing jobs were both the […]
I will start answering your questions tomorrow, and until then, here is some more navel gazing.
Age 13:
On the first day of Junior High School you wear a thinly ribbed purple sweater and a pair of Guess jeans. You have braces, and your blonde hair has dried with an odd swoop, making you look vaguely Dutch. […]
I have been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of a way to eke a post out of what is in front of me, that being a glass of wine, a bag of Spicy Thai Kettle Chips, and two stacks of overdue library books. It can’t be done, I tell you. The revolver […]
That last post went over like a lead balloon filled with wet cement attached to two or three anchors. What can I say—school started a week ago and I am nearly dead with busyness. I said I would post every day in November, but I didn’t say it would be pretty. But no more memes, […]
Ah, memes. The last refuge of the overextendend NaBloPoMo participant! I stole this one from Pru, who lifted it from Major Bedhead.
Here’s how it works:
Open your iTunes/etc. library.
Press shuffle.
Press play.
For each question, type the song that plays. One song per question–new question, new song.
No Cheating!
If My Life Were A Soundtrack…
Opening Credits
Somebody’s Watching You - Sly […]
Today in the midst of planning I came across a list of flowers that are NOT recommended for weddings. They are not recommended because of their unsavory traditional meanings, and here is the list:
Christmas Rose: Scandal
Foxglove: Insincerity
Larkspur: Infidelity
Lavender: Distrust
Marigold: Grief
Mulberry: I shall not survive you
Raspberry: Remorse
Red Carnation: Alas for my poor heart
Rhododendron: Danger
Striped Carnation: Refusal
Yellow […]
The first fifteen Things About Me can be found here.
16. The first chapter book I read was about a girl and her pet rabbit, Bun-Bun. In the only scene I remember, the girl visits her grandmother’s house, where they are having RABBIT for dinner. Drama ensues.
17. Most of my time between the day I received that book […]
You will have to comment softly today, as I am a bit hungover. My gin-headache was sorely exacerbated by what I saw walking into work this morning, namely a fifty-year-old woman in a MAUVE PLAID GAUCHO SUIT.
A pinkish, plaid suit. With gauchos instead of pants.
I considered just turning straight around and calling it a day, […]
I just got back from seeing a nutritionist who specializes in PCOS and insulin resistance. Y’all. You will never believe what she told me.
I need to eat more.
I went in prepared to defend my Breakfast of Champion*: egg, sausage, lightly buttered english muffin, cheese. I was prepared for the nutritionist to frown and tell me […]
Believe it or not, I have a few big, weighty posts to write. Important posts. Thoughtful posts.
This is not one of them.
No, this is a post about a dress–my wedding dress, which I bought Monday night for an amount of money that I am trying to avoid thinking about, because thinking about it will cause […]
Tonight I will be eating my mother’s donkey-shaped, blue-frosted cookies and singing the same song I sing every election day:
Don’t mess with Lady Kier–get thee to a polling place!
This weekend I went to Body Worlds with my Nearly Mother-in-Law. My NMIL is a nurse, and has been itching to see the exhibit–peering at people’s bodies is her stock and trade, you see. The Actually is a squeamish little baby, so he and his father went to the movies while his mother and I […]
I think I found my wedding dress today.
It was an accident. I was showing my Nearly Mother-in-Law around my neighborhood, and we went into the tiny bridal shop across from my house. I had never been inside, despite the fact that I could throw a chicken leg out my dining room window and leave a […]
That title is the subject line of an email I received, a piece of spam advertising Viagra soft-chews. The message itself begins:
“You tried everything to fight away the Erectile Dysfunction: the best porno sites, the most exotic movies, hot playboys, sex on the phone and even the most expensive prostitutes.”
Sex on the phone AND the […]
I just returned from work and haven’t even removed my coat, and yet I am sitting at my desk eating leftover birthday cake out of the box. With a spoon, because there are no clean forks. There may or may not be whipped cream on my woolly lapel. I fairly ooze class and sophistication, I […]
So, yes. Today is the start of NaBloplobomolo. Naplomobo. Namolopobo.
Well, here:
This means I will be posting every day from now until the end of the month. What will I be posting, you ask? Ha! Wouldn’t you like to know! {You and me both.}
My guess is that it will be a delightful combination of whining and […]
