Flora.
Today in the midst of planning I came across a list of flowers that are NOT recommended for weddings. They are not recommended because of their unsavory traditional meanings, and here is the list:
Christmas Rose: Scandal
Foxglove: Insincerity
Larkspur: Infidelity
Lavender: Distrust
Marigold: Grief
Mulberry: I shall not survive you
Raspberry: Remorse
Red Carnation: Alas for my poor heart
Rhododendron: Danger
Striped Carnation: Refusal
Yellow Carnation: Disdain
Yellow Chrysanthemum: Slighted Love
Yellow Lily: Falsehood
Yellow Rose: Jealousy
“I Shall Not Survive You?” Why even have a flower that means “I Shall Not Survive You?” Who thought of that? I found this list alarming, and, come to think of it, sorely in need of updating. After all, no one says “Alas” any more. Why not something more like this:
Lavender: Internet Porn Addiction
Marigold: I’m Not Over My Ex-Girlfriend
Mulberry: Syphilis
Striped Carnation: Frustrated Celibacy
Yellow Lily: I’m Gay
I’m sure we could think of more. Wouldn’t it be nice if potential suitors showed up for first dates with flowers that told you something more than “I stopped at a floral shop because I’m hoping to get laid?”
13 Comments
My SIL had a potential suitor show up with a single red rose once and that was the last date they ever had. I think he was also the guy with a beenie baby in his cup holder. So actually I think his flower did say something -
Single Red Rose: out of touch romantic with a cheesy pitch
Gosh, I don’t know, I kind of like “Danger” as a theme for a wedding.
Yeah, “Scandal” might be an interesting wedding theme as well :)
Larkspur: Hey honey, why haven’t you introduced me to your best man before?
I had yellow roses in my bouquet for the simple reason that they looked nice with the daisies that were the main flower. Perhaps I was jealous of J–he might have looked better in his tux than I did in my dress!
I once had a date with a guy who showed up with a cactus on our first date. I’m not even joking. At least he warned me he was a prick ahead of time… so I do see your point.
That is fucking HILARIOUS!
Rhododendron: I am jobless; please support me.
Larkspur (infidelity): My wife just doesn’t understand me.
Yellow Chrysanthemum (slighted love): It’s not me, it’s you.
Raspberry (remorse): I knew we should have used a condom.
Foxglove (insincerity): No, of course that doesn’t make you look fat.
*can’t stop laughing*
Nice Alexa. This list would’ve saved me some time before! I’ve always kicked myself thinking that there was no away to truly show my feelings of “I shall not survive you” in foliage. You’re even better than wikipedia, dude.
I think Tulips would have to mean something related to hooking too, though I haven’t put that all together yet.
fvck. that explains my marriage. we were jinxed from the start.
This is awesome.
Daisies: I’m going to talk about myself all night until your eyes glaze over then expect you to split the check.
Calendula: I’m an overly spitty kisser.
Gardenia: I’m not over my ex. Don’t waste your time.
Orange Blossom: I still live at home and my parents’ garage is decorated with Pamela Anderson posters.
these are all great! The Orange Blossom one cracks me up!
The Victorians clearly didn’t have enough to do and were far cattier than a dozen interns at Vogue to have made up this whole floral language thing. They just spent all day arranging flowers in order to tell some bright young thing around the corner the Victorian equivelant of “Bitch, my man ain’t yo baby’s daddy!”