Until Wednesday, I thought the phrase “my heart is in my throat” was metaphorical. But I spent the hours leading up to my consult with my heart pulsing wetly behind my tonsils, making it difficult to draw the deep, cleansing breath I was sure would finally make my hands stop shaking.
At the clinic, I sat […]
Things I have learned over the past eight days:
1. Deciding not to be depressed during the holidays is not the same as not being depressed during the holidays.
2. The best way to make the Actually happy is to let him unwrap a package containing a painting of his favorite cat vacationing in Paris.
3. It is not, however, the […]
A frequent concern of brides as they plan their nuptials seems to be the involvement—or lack thereof—of the groom. Lackluster enthusiasm on the part of one’s paramour for the finer details of wedding planning is seen as a bad thing, a sign that said paramour is not properly invested in preparations for Your Special Day. […]
I don’t know what is the matter with me, but I am having a horrible time writing anything. Perhaps all the NaBloPoMo toiling short-circuited a vital piece of my brain? I suppose it could just be my deep-seated laziness…but no. Surely it is some sort of organic cerebral malfunction.
I am not generally a Christmas-y […]
Over the last few days I have had the following conversation about thirty times:
Me: I think I’m manic.
The Actually: You’re not manic.
Me: Are you sure? Because I have a million ideas racing through my head, and last night I couldn’t get to sleep until eleven.
The Actually: Eleven, huh?
Me: I didn’t say it was a full-blown […]
This is getting ridiculous. I have been trying to write the same post for four days. I have written four rambling, nonsensical drafts. They range from the emotional to the highly technical, from confident to defensive. The one thing they all share is their length: too long. So goddamn long, and boring, and awful. So […]
Last night I convinced the Actually that babies are born without ears.
We were sitting on the couch watching Law & Order (our default position), the Actually cradling Irma in his arms. She can be very needy.
“Aww,” I said, “she’s just like a baby, only with bigger ears!” (And a tail, but never mind that now).
And […]
I finished. I would say the writing was like pulling teeth, but that makes it sound misleadingly simple. Pulling teeth doesn’t seem so very difficult: I believe you merely tie one end of a string to the tooth, and the other end to a doorknob. Or pliers—pliers would work, and the nice thing about pulling […]
