A frequent concern of brides as they plan their nuptials seems to be the involvement—or lack thereof—of the groom. Lackluster enthusiasm on the part of one’s paramour for the finer details of wedding planning is seen as a bad thing, a sign that said paramour is not properly invested in preparations for Your Special Day.
Be careful what you wish for, is all I am saying.
The Actually and I had long intended to have custom invitations designed for us by a letterpress studio. We wanted something we could frame, and that could be a keepsake for family members.
So, there we were, discussing possible design elements:
“How about a bird?” I say, doodling on a piece of paper.
“A bird would be nice,” replies the Actually.
There is silence for a few moments, and then the Actually lights up.
“Hey! You know what we should have? Besides the bird, I mean.”
“What?”
“A bear and a robot!”
Now, never let it be said that I cleave too closely to tradition, that I am unwilling to try new things. I am as modern as the next girl, provided the next girl isn’t piloting a hovercraft. But a bear and a robot? Really?
“Really!” enthuses the Actually.
“But…why?” I ask, “Am I the bear, or the robot?”
“You’re the bird!”
“Oh. And you are…”
“I don’t know—the robot? Or maybe the bear…”
Nothing says love and commitment like a bear and a robot. Perhaps the bear symbolizes our past, and the robot our future; the bear our primal, animal love, and the robot our respect for one another’s intellect.
“Actually,” says the Actually, “Maybe I’m the bear and the robot.”
“You know what?” I reply, “It doesn’t matter, because we are not having a bear and a robot on our wedding invitations.”
And then there is the issue of attire. Mine is already decided, and I have been asking the Actually–with increasing concern–what he plans to wear on the day we are legally wed.
“I know what I want to wear,” is his response, “but I don’t know if they make it.”
Ah. I feel much better, now, hearing that.
“Not a tuxedo?” I ask timidly, “or a suit of some kind?”
“I’m going to wear a suit, but not a suit suit,” he explains helpfully.
He goes on to say that he got an idea from The Science of Sleep, but isn’t able to describe the outfit for me.
Hearing that your fiance’s inspiration for his wedding look comes from a surreal French film is less reassuring than you might expect. But as long as he’s not in a bear-suit or a robot costume, I’ll be happy.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
This cracks me up. My friends and I experienced the opposite problem as regards our menfolks’ attire when we planned our nuptials. We all told them, hey, wear what you want, a suit is plenty formal enough — thinking they would kiss our feet in gratitude for their escape from the monkey suit. And they all looked at us like we had suggested that they show up in a loincloth or something. Boys are weird.
I can relate to this. My fiance doesn’t like the idea of having to wear a ring (“Ew, I have to wear *jewelry*?”), so I assured him that he can design whatever kind of ring he wants. His response: “So it can have a dragon on it?”
What is wrong with the bear? The robot I kink of get because all I can picture is Rosie from the Jetsen’s, but the bear is awesome!
When we were shopping for a wedding dress for our friend a few weeks ago we were discussing our drunken college plan for a wedding where all the men wear blaze orange, women carry guns instead of flowers and the bride is in camo. You really had to be there and incredibly drunk but we thought it was pant peeing funny at the time. Anyway, while recalling this memory at Macy’s the bride shop assistant, looking absolutely horrified, looked at the bride to be and said; ” I don’t think Vera makes anything in camo.”
I just sat and read your entire blog in two nights, as I am newly graduated and have nothing better to do.
I found it searching for something about Metformin, the specifics I cannot remember.
Also 27 (well, not til Jan), also two m/c’s.
Your writing is so clever and funny, so many times I had to muffle my laughter with my hand, or risk waking my sleeping husband.
This is the book you “haven’t” been writing.
Maybe he could….DRAW it for you? Just to give you a general idea? I mean, if this is the kind of suit that might have nipple tassles or built-in macrame on it, you’d kind of want a heads-up on that. Right?
I agree, he should draw the suit for you. Because eliminating a bear/robot suit from the mix still leaves alot of scary things. Like a spangled velour leisure suit.
This is why when Sarge told me he was in no way, shape or form helping with the wedding planning because he lived in Japan and didn’t care, my only emotion was relief. He was happy, I was happy and no one ended up as a robot. Would the Actually take it hard if you booted him from the planning?
May I suggest the suit from the Pink Floyd Tour where the man is wearing the jacket covered in light bulbs? With a little updating, he could program the lights to coincide with the vows.
I was very upset when Mr.DD’s involvement was lackluster at best. Looking back, I’m so glad he let me make all the decisions.
What difference will it make? No one will even notice him with you wearing that dress!!!
See now, I was pissed because NO ONE did anything original for my wedding. I told the entire wedding party, “Wear what you want! A chicken suit! Golf pants! Have fun with it!”
And the guys all got together on their own and picked out an exact tuxedo configuration from the same rental place. The girls chose similar dresses in my wedding colors. (Right after they chose my wedding colors.) Only the ushers impressed me by wearing purple zoot suits and speaking like mobsters the entire time.
Some people.
Whoa. At some point, feel free to go all bridezilla. I tried to let Penis Man have some ‘control’ (read: taste lots of cakes, force him to read readings)over all the wedding stuff, but it is totally okay to drag him into Men’s Wearhouse or wherever and let him pick something out of an approved book! He can’t be a dragon or a bear or a robot next to that dress!
hahahaha
great post.
I love the bear & robot idea! People would be talking about those invitations for years and years.
oh my. will you get to see his wedding outfit before the event? or will it be a suprise?
I like Amy’s idea. It’s sort of like the way you let a small child choose what to wear to a party. You put together a few outfits and then say, “Okay, you get to pick. Do you want to wear this one? This one? Or this one?” They feel in control, and you avoid the tantrum over refusing to allow the princess dress/cowboy hat combo.
Well, at least he’s not pushing for a wizard and a dragon on the invitations and asking to carry a sword at the wedding. Or maybe we don’t want to give him any ideas.
I tried to let my husband pick out what he wanted to wear for our wedding, but he got frusterated so I just picked the tuxedo I liked. It worked out well for both of us. Sounds like the Actually has some interesting ideas, to say the least.
Oh my God. If Hal and The Actually were in the same room together, it would actually self-combust because of the extremely high levels of weird nerdiness. Which is, in case you didn’t know, highly flammable.
Robots. The bane of my existence.
Is it possible my husband and The Actually are related?
My beloved wanted to design our holiday cards this year.
His *brilliant* idea was a…wait for it…ROBOT.
A robot controlling a giant Boston Terrier.
A robot controlling a giant Boston Terrier that was destroying a city.
I know.
“Here’s a robot and an oversized dog killing thousands of innocent bystanders. Happy holidays everyone!”
Oy.
Please, please ask the Actually to draw a picture of the non-suit suit. Then post it. The world is waiting.
My fiance didn’t have anything to do with the wedding plans because that’s the way we both wanted it- the only time he got involved he told people the wrong date and time for the wedding, so we decided it would be best if he just showed up when and where I told him, wearing what I told him…
That makes me sound like a bitchy control freak, doesn’t it? Well, that’s probably about right.
I laughed so hard when I read “A bear and a robot!” It just sounds like such a little kid answer.
You and the Actually are so damn funny. You could be your own sitcom. And much better than what’s out there now!
Found this post on Google…my site is called ‘Groomsday’, weeeeeee, figured I’d post.
Megan, I don’t think you are a bitchy control freak…you are every man’s dream! To not have to help plan a wedding?? Sounds perfect to me! I wasn’t so fortunate…I actually had to think. Was a great time, once the actual wedding arrived. Planning a wedding just ain’t fun! Dancing is, however.