I am a ray of sunshine.*UPDATED*
Thursday the Actually and I have an appointment with a psychologist at our fertility clinic. This appointment is required before we can proceed with IVF. The initial 60 minute session will cost $160, and should the psychologist feel further sessions are necessary, she can insist upon up to two more. Alternatively, she may decide to require us to complete poorly written psychological tests for another $150.
Is it just me, or do you find this offensive?
I have nothing against fertility clinics retaining psychologists; in fact, I think it is a fine idea. IVF is stressful, and having a psychologist available at the clinic may make couples more likely to seek counseling if they need it. I might not even object to a mandatory meeting with said counselor, for the purpose of discussing coping skills and stress-reduction techniques, or just to let the couple know what services are available. Unfortunately, the content of my clinic’s psychological consult has little to do with helping couples manage the stress of treatment. From what I have heard from my own therapist and other patients of Really-expensive Medicine Center, the staff psychologist is “obsessed” (their words) with “family of orig!n” issues. In other words, whether or not your father yelled at you, your uncle drank too much, your second cousin once removed liked to slice herself with boxcutters. You know, all of the issues most pertinent to my decision to seek medical treatment for a medical condition.
I know it is in my best interest to remain calm and not call the woman a nosy cunt, and so that is going to be my goal. I aim high, you see.
Also on Thursday is the Actually’s updated semen analysis. His results last time were very good, but in the past month or so he has had a testicular issue that has necessitated multiple visits to an urologist. I haven’t written much about it and don’t intend to, as it isn’t really my business to post about other people’s genitals on the Internet. Not everyone has the shameless lack of boundaries I have, you know. Suffice it to say that I am very, very nervous about the outcome of this test.
While we are on the topic of things that irk or frighten me, the other day I bought one of those wee vanilla ice cream cups only to see printed on the top “WARNING: CONTAINS MILK PRODUCTS.” I was, frankly, insulted. Have you met anyone stupid enough to benefit from this warning? Because if such people exist, I feel that we should not be preventing them from being winnowed out by putting warnings on ice cream. Let natural selection do its work. Perhaps if we get rid of these people we can also get rid of those who necessitate the “NOT FOR INTERNAL USE” warnings on pregnancy tests.
And speaking of pregnancy tests, in case my tone hasn’t tipped you off, I am not pregnant. Not at all. I even went out and bought some more expensive test sticks, in case the only thing separating me from a positive result was $10. Ok, $20. The tests all agree, my temperature is sliding downward, and my mythical “symptoms” disappeared as soon as I saw the first negative. Except for my sore left breast, which I actually BRUISED by poking it so often. I would post a picture, but I need to retain a little mystique, right?
UPDATE: So, this morning I took my temperature and it had jumped almost a degree to an all time high of 99.2. Naturally, I then proceeded to take two more pregnancy tests, which were negative. I am 13 days past ovulation, and suspiciously free of spotting. This can not possibly be good. I don’t know what to do–wait and see what happens tomorrow? Go in for a beta? Drink myself into happy oblivion?
13 Comments
1. totally agree with you on the fertility clinic shrink thing. I think it’s great for them to make it available if you want it. But I don’t agree with requiring it. Our clinic, thankfully, does not make you do this, but I’ve heard of plenty that do. Lame. Good luck, try not to be too mean to her. :-)
2. Best wishes for the SA. I can understand you being vague about the issue he’s having. But I hope that it all works out ok.
3. Yes! what’s up with those warnings? The federal government has created all these laws to protect us from ourselves I guess. Either that or companies are so afraid of getting sued that they add the warnings themselves. It’s lame. And yes - if you can’t figure out that a pregnancy test is not for internal use, then probably you shouldn’t be reproducing.
sorry your not pregnant. I too have pushed on a boob so much (to see if it hurt) that I actually made it hurt. this stuff makes us crazy!
and when is that wedding?
The ice cream contains MILK PRODUCTS?
What in the hell? I’m lactose intolerant - are they trying to kill me?
On the bright side, in my experience even the cheapie pregnancy tests tell you if you ARE pregnant, but I know that doesn’t stop anyone from doublechecking the CVS brand positive with the more expensive EPT. It’s part of the path you travel.
AG http://www.tinykingdom.typepad.com
If it helps, I made it through the appointment without calling “that woman” a cunt, but I certainly did so once I cleared the door. I was fortunate no one was in the elevator or they would have heard all about that nasty hoe. Basically (as you know since I ranted about her to you already) she is there to speak at you and not listen. Since I was a counselor for a few years and have undergone many a trainings on attending skills I can adequately assess that she has none.
Sorry you are not pg. I was hoping this egg would pull through.
Also, just to let you know, eggs contain egg. So, if you don’t want egg product, don’t eat egg. And if you do accidentally do eat an egg, I know a lawyer that can help you sue the egg industry.
OK - I just reread my post and don’t confuse the female follicle egg with the chicken egg. Although chicken eggs may me more easily fertilized than my human eggs.
Sarge and I were discussing the warning label found on the box to our iron the other day: “Do not iron clothes while wearing them.” Really? You think?
Yes, the mandatory psychological exam IS insulting. And infuriating. And if you can actually refrain from calling her names then I applaud you. I couldn’t.
Good luck to the Actually. I hope he feels better soon and that all his swimmers are in order.
PICTURE! PICTURE! PICTURE!
OK, that was just wishful thinking.
I don’t know what to tell you to do! This is one of those times I wish you could get a beta the way you get pregnancy tests. Either way, I am pulling for you!
I, too, am sorry you’re not pregnant.
They SHOULD come up with a pg test where you prick your finger just like when u have diabetes, I was thinking that this weekend as I peed on my fifth BFN yielding stick.
As for labels, the sunshade I bought for my windhshield says “Warning: DO NOT USE IN WINDOW WHILE DRIVING”
Duh.
Or how about the jars of peanut butter–or, god help me, bags of mixed nuts–that say, “WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS OR NUT PRODUCTS”? Come on, people.
1. Pisses me rightthefuck off. I want to see psychologists in bars counseling drunkards before they go off to one night stands. Asses.
2. Yes, these assholes exist - because of all the litigation in the last twenty years - ridiculous warnings have to be put on bicycle lights “turn on at night” - this is why we are run by what we are.
3. Wait and see and drink - the big bottle of wine will cost less than a beta. Put on your nicest pair of panties and a white (Good God woman, it’s January!) pair of pants and then take a two hour drive to a very important meeting. Bitch’ll show up.
I’m in a great mood, can you tell?
99.2, huh? Maybe you’re getting the flu?
Aren’t I a ray of sunshine?
Whatever happens, you’ll let us know, right? RIGHT?!
Good luck to you both with this!
I used to do the SAME thing to my boobs before I found out I was pregnant. I never knew whether they hurt from the baby or the contant self-inflicted poking to make sure that they still hurt. (Hmmm. This may be entirely too forward for a first comment…if so, hi, and pretend I wrote something about redundant warnings on food labels instead.)