Que Sera
Well, I am still pregnant. No spotting, and tests remain positive. Not terribly dark, but positive all the same. I am feeling surprisingly calm, and actually had a lovely weekend with the lovely Schnozz. Really, it was the best time a girl could have while waiting to see if she will miscarry, and I will tell you all about it when my faculties return—at the moment, complete sentences are somewhat exhausting.
In the meantime, a few things I learned during her visit:
1. Caramel rolls and bacon make the best breakfast ever.
2. Rory and Dean stayed together for FAR TOO LONG.
3. I am not the only person who fondly remembers the commercials for Windsong perfume.
4. When landing a plane, it is important to remember to ARM THE FLAPS.
Tomorrow, finally, is my follow-up beta. There will have been 114 hours between blood draws, and in order to be doubling within 48 hours tomorrow’s beta would have to be 82. Which never fails to make me laugh, because 82? At 4w5d, or 19dpo, 82 seems preposterously low. But that is what I am hoping for, fervently.
I am not expecting this to work out, but for now I am trying a new tactic–I don’t know that I would call it optimism, but it is something like not-getting-ahead-of-myself-ism. Today I am pregnant, and while I may very well not be tomorrow, I know from unfortunate experience that assuming the worst will not make it hurt less. So I decided on Saturday not to assume anything, and it is working out nicely. I can’t know anything until Tuesday, so until then I am thinking only about the present. I can’t imagine getting anything but bad news tomorrow, so I am choosing to imagine nothing at all. You would be surprised how effective this is.
I think the Actually is having a difficult time. He is very sad, and I wish there were something I could do. He is taking tomorrow off to wait with me by the phone and plead with our embryo to step up the HCG production. I have been doing my best to bribe it into staying. I hope it likes macaroni and cheese and progesterone suppositories.
29 Comments
I suppose that the following and a quarter won’t even get you a phone call, but damn, if it makes any difference at all, I wish like hell I could send my karma points right up your HCG count. If anyone is listening, I forfeit the aforementioned points for an 82+ tomorrow.
I still know nothing about betas, thanks in part to my possibly non-beta when I was first pregnant with P. Anyway, I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, and wishing you the luck of a thousand progesterone ass candies.
I am so fervently hoping that Murphy’s Law works for you: Pretty wedding dress+cannot possibly gain any weight anywhere=good beta.
Crossing all crossable parts and sending my best to you and the Actually for a good outcome.
I’m thinking about you and I hope for the best.
I’d add some serious chocolate to that bribe, you know, in case it’s a girl.
Rooting for you!
I’m thinking about you and Actually, too. I really hope it all works out for you, and I’m sending you love.
I’m glad you were able to get your mind off of it, even if for the weekend (and dude, I get the Divine Ms. S. this weekend. I can’t wait. I would have liked even more to have been there for your weekend with her, and I would have made you mac and cheese)
It’s always on your mind, the Windsong, that is.
And yes. Today you are pregnant. Holy shit. You’ve already beat the odds. I choose to look at this as a good sign and of course am sending every bit of positive energy I have for good test results tomorrow.
I need a lesson in your not getting ahead of myself tactic. I am always so far ahead that I forget where I curently need to be.
I will be sitting by the computer tomorrow waiting for the results. Let me know if you need anything.
FWIW, when my beta was 353 the test line was still nowhere near as dark as the control line. No spotting and positive tests are good! I think your attitude is exactly right - worrying isn’t going to change anything. It is what it is. And I’m still hoping that we get to find out what it is around October sometime. 82+++ here we come!
If this works out, I am so taking all the credit. MY COMPANY! IT’S THERAPEUTIC!
Just think if I could really establish that reputation. I’d be wined and dined all over the country. :)
You know I’m rooting for you. And trying not to let my inner cheerleader out.
Even when you are down, you still make me smile.
Many many many many many positive thoughts headed your way. My therapist would be all over your current tactic of focusing only on the present. Keep that up.
With hope, and big internet love.
I’m with Eliza’sMom on the Murphy’s Law business. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you couldn’t fit in that lovely dress?
Thinking of you with fingies crossed!
you can have my karma points too. today i took care of my sick brother and gave my little sister a tea party and i’m going to do everything nice i can think of and handing over the benefits to you. however things turn out.
Alexa: How pleased I was to read that you are indeed still pregnant! Keep up that hopeful attitude and know that many people are sending good wishes for some awesomely high numbers tomorrow!
ugh, dean is so unappealing. always was. but her chemistry with logan sucks, too.
Such great! news. The still pregnant, and the relaxing visit, complete with caramel rolls and bacon, too. I think there just might be something to that Schnozz is to therapeutic idea. She was hanging out in my kitchen when I found out I didn’t get a much coveted job last Friday. And while I am not IN ANY WAY comparing that to waiting for tests and betas, I surprisingly didn’t lose it. Which was nice, because I probably would have scared her.
Thinking of you. All parts crossed. Sending good vibes.
I totally understand the “Hope for the best, expect the worst,” attitude. Take care of yourself, put your arms around The Actually and know that we are here for you no matter the outcome.
Dude, it really was WAY TOO LONG. I really hated Dean by the end of it. Rory, too, a little. Actually, I think the series is going downhill and at this point, I’d just like to see it end.
I’m hoping your beta number blows you away (in a good way.) I understand the importance of being real but still…I’m hoping for you. FWIW, *I’d* stay for macaroni and cheese.
My thoughts are with you; here’s hoping those beta numbers are great.
Alexa - I still had no double lines on a wee test at at 13dpo, and beta was only 78 at 16dpo.
You never know.
Lots of trans-stlantic hugs. Thinking about you!
Thinking of you today.
I will be checking this page non-stop today.
I’m hoping you and the Actually get some good news.
Hoping really, really hard for you, Alexa. Just keep on not-assuming-the-worst!
Thinking of you today and hoping for the best.
Also: Poor whiny Dean.
Also: “Her Windsong stays on my mind…” oh, I can hear it now…
Fingers crossed for you!
Good luck. I am hoping that the Murphy’s Law is working for you. Now that you spent all that money on a nice dress…
Also, please let MsPrufrock know that not all suppositories go in the back door.
And I have more progesterone supps in the fridge if you want them. Let me know. I keep buying them thinking that next time will be the charm and it hasn’t been, so they will expire or go to a nice home.
just sitting here waiting with you. And hoping, of course, that goes without saying.