Part of the reason I decided to do a weekly wedding post is so that I would stop feeling guilty for writing about things like what kind of earrings will look best with my dress and whether or not to have a vegetarian option at dinner. For some reason I get embarrassed talking about the wedding—-as someone who was previously not interested in even having a wedding, it is a bit disconcerting to find myself suddenly obsessed with registry items and flower arrangements. But I am. God help me, I am.
Maybe it is because immersing myself in the wedding is safe—after all, the worst case scenarios are all pretty tame. I still end up married if the flowers aren’t delivered or the cake explodes, whereas other areas in my life (school, work, infertility) have much higher stakes. There is something delightful about putting my energy towards something purely happy and fun: A big party! With everyone celebrating me and the Actually! I suppose it is no wonder I would rather think about place cards than, say, the genetic testing I am having in a week. Of course it is possible that I am just the sort of shallow person who is content to spend two hours contemplating what size pearls might be best suited to her, but either way, a weekly feature gives me license to post long, tortured musings about things that I can hear my grandmother calling frivolous all the way from her grave. I consider you all warned: Wednesdays are all wedding talk-—and just to get things rolling, lets discuss strapless bras.
My dress came in last week, and my best friend/maid of honor accompanied me to the store to see it. First of all, let me just say that trying on wedding dresses is very different from putting on your very own heavy fancy wedding dress that belongs to you. Once I had it on, I stared at myself in the mirror, feeling slightly queasy. Dessa stared at my reflection. Then we stared at each other. I am the first of my friends to be married.
“This is your wedding dress,” Dessa said, “Your real, actual wedding dress that you will wear on your wedding day.” We stared at each other again for a moment, our minds officially blown.
She went on, about it being the DRESS I WOULD WEAR ON THE DAY I WAS MARRIED, until I suggested she maybe stop it, because she was freaking me out.
It feels a lot less like playing dress-up once you’ve paid for the dress and had it delivered to the shop and seen the thick, protective garment bag with your name and wedding date on the side. Suddenly you wonder: what if this isn’t the right dress? And won’t I look silly in a beaded bridal gown, like a kid in her mother’s clothes? And then you try it on, and realize that now that it has arrived, fittings will start, and weren’t you meaning to lose twenty pounds by then?
But slowly these feelings passed, and Dessa and I spent a highly enjoyable, if surreal, hour trying various veil-necklace-earring combinations and wearing down the battery on my digital camera. It was determined that my first fitting will be February 26th.
“Make sure that you bring your shoes and foundation garments,” said the clerk.
I tittered nervously.
“I guess that means I should decide on shoes and foundation garments,” I said, causing her to give me a horrified look. I wish people would stop doing that.
The problem is that my dress is both strapless and has a very low back. I tried on a sort of strapless corset-y thing that had a low back at the shop, but it wasn’t low enough. So I will have to go corset-y bra shopping, and I don’t know whether this is the sort of shopping that can be done at a regular store, like Nordstrom, or whether there is some special scary-backless-strapless-undergarment emporium. Do you know? I had originally planned to wear a boa constrictor-y slimming thing as well, but I will already be wearing a heavy dress, and will be nervous and probably ill-feeling and I can’t help but think I would end up wriggling out of it during the ceremony in a fit of pique. Or, alternatively, it will be like the time in high school I tried on a rubber dress and couldn’t get out of it. Nothing says “wedding night romance” like calling tearfully to your new husband from the bathroom that you will need him to cut you out of your girdle. So all I will be wearing is the corset-y bra (well, and underwear) assuming I can find one before the 26th. Somehow. Somewhere.
The other thing I will need to buy is a pair of shoes, but I have no idea what color of shoe I might want. You have seen the dress, so feel free to chime in with your opinions. I don’t know whether I want to wear an ivory shoe to match, or whether to wear, for instance, a blue shoe. Well, two blue shoes, actually. But could I even find shoes in a blue like our wedding colors? Should I do something completely unrelated, like a nice oyster satin? What about our other wedding color, the dark brown? How high of a heel? I saw a lovely pair the other day, but they were nearly a flat. Maybe I should just go barefoot.
I can’t believe how long this post has gotten, and I haven’t even written about my newly hired judge or the lovely, lovely bridesmaid dress(es). Or the mysterious affair of the overpaid musician. Or the fact that this weekend we are going to a Crate&Barrel registry event where there will be Free! Mimosas and pastries, an event I have been dreaming about for the last few nights, waking up with my stomach growling and reaching for a cruller.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
You looked gorgeous in that dress! Don’t you dare lose a pound and don’t squish into any undergarment more uncomfortable than control top pantyhose, when it’s totally not necessary! You’re not serious about brown or blue shoes, are you?
I will defend the idea of blue shoes. In fact they were the color of your blog’s background. They were strappy enough not to be noticeably blue when my toes would peek out, but blue enough to meet the “something blue”.
Your first goal is to find a comfy pair. You can always dye them.
Regarding your “foundation”, you could always go with pasties.
Regarding nontraditional shoes, I say you go with whatever color you please. I think this is the raddest thing I have ever seen:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/maggiemason/51671189/
And I certainly wouldn’t have thought of it. So rock on with your bad blue-shoed self.
Regarding the bra, my only suggestion is to *not* order it online. I’ve tried those things on, and if the size is wrong, it can make a non-bulging tummy that has some fat bulge in gross ways.
I know that Victoria’s Secret and most department stores sell that kind of thing.
Two things:
1) wear the lowest heel that you can get away with — after a long date and late-night party, you’ll end up barefoot anyway. My SIL actually wore little white satin house slippers with her gown.
2) I’ve never seen a backless corset-y bra, but I have worn one of the backless strapless bras that had the sticky tabs on the side. Despite my original fears (36D bridesmaid in a backless, strapless bra!), I made it through the wedding and reception with no problem. I did take an extra set of sticky tabs and applied them half-way through the night, but it only took about 5 minutes in the women’s restroom and I was back to the party. It was well worth the $25 at Dillard’s.
Sharah—a backless strapless bra that STICKS ON? I have never heard of such a thing! I had planned on the corset-y bra only because I figured even backless strapless bras had to have a back strap somewhere, and the only ones I have seen are corset-y things that have a low strap in the back. I am off to Google backless strapless sticky bra.
I don’t know how much support you need from your bra. I also wore a strapless gown for my wedding, but as I wasn’t very largely endowed, I opted to have cups sewn into the gown to provide just a little support and I didn’t need to worry about straps or anything like that. Just a thought as I’ve found the special types to be VERY uncomfortable!
I agree with wearing the lowest heel you can get away with. It will be a long day and you won’t sit down much. I also say don’t blow the budget on Jimmy Choo’s…you will probably never wear them again.
As for the bra…I have not seen the dress. But, if you can get away with not wearing one…then don’t. Some bridal shops provide little insert cup things that take the place of a bra and can be sewn into the dress.
Have fun with this! There is no shame in being excited about your wedding day!
See if there is a lingerie shop near to you that has a wide selection. Not Victoria’s Secret, but someplace that has little old ladies with tape measures.
Nordstrom’s is also pretty good; just make and appointment with a fit specialist.
I second not ordering anything online without trying it on first. I ended up with a bra/corset-y thing I liked but when I went to check out, I doscovered that Neiman Marcus only takes cash, their charge card, and Am. Exp. Right… So I ordered from figleaves.com which has a HUGE selection of nearly every underthing you can imagine.
Foundation garments (shiver). I have to find something like that for a backless strapless bridesmaid’s dress for May. So if you figure out the sticky tab thing, please do let us know!
If you can find exactly the right blue shoes, go for it. But if it’s not done just right, it can be weird. I wouldn’t do brown though. Low is good. I wore silk sandals in a sort of champagne color with about a one-inch blocky heel. And even those came off about half-way through the reception. Nice thing about big-skirted dresses is that you don’t notice the shoes much anyway.
Blue shoes! Blue shoes! Love it!
I’m also not well endowed and wore a strapless wedding dress with nothing whatsover, not even cups. But the material on the top of the dress was heavey, so it provided plenty of support. I was more comfortable than I could have imagined.
For shoes, I second the lower the heels the better. I had mine dyed the same ivory as my dress – and later dyed them black so I could wear them again. I think a pale blue would be pretty …
Personally – I like the idea of blue or brown shoes, do something that will be fun for you. However,i do second (or third) the idea of going as low of a heel as you can possibly/comfortabbly go with ..its a lot of standing/walking/dancing around – and by hte end of the night, you will be shoeless (unless you are a better person then me)
I ended up with a backless/corset-y type thing from….Fredericks of Hollywood. I used a sticky bra ten years ago for prom and oh my goodness; it nearly ripped my nipples off (hopefully sticky bra technology has improved since 1996!). Anyway, once I got over the sheer embarrassment of setting foot in Fredericks, I found a “foundational garment” that totally fit the bill.
As for shoes, I wanted to do blue converse low tops, but was finally persuaded to do a nice satin heel. I would’ve been infinitely more comfy in the tennis shoes. My feet *hurt* by the end of the night. Just my two cents. :)
i like the idea of colored shoes.
I agree with everyone else…make sure they’re comfortable.
Because new heels are so slippery and b/c you probably do not want to fall at your wedding…you’ll want to put on the new shoes and wear them out to a sidewalk…and act like you are putting out a cigarette…that sounds funny…but it roughs up the bottom of the shoe to keep it from being so slick.
Also, its a good idea to wear them around your house a few times before the big day. new shoes suck the first time you wear them.
Alexa -
Delurking (love your writing) to share that here in beantown, you want Lady Grace. There are several around town, and it is THE place for esoteric foundation garments. Brookline, Malden, Revere and Danvers.
And speaking as someone who’s blue was her toenails (it was summer and I wore strappy sandals), I vote fun blue shoes. Try DSW, but you can always do dyeables if you can’t get the right color.
Happy planning!
I don’t know if anyone else has mentioned it, but the BEST solution to the bra thing is to have the cups sewn into the dress.
Undergarments for the perfect dress are impossible….I found a corset-y type one that worked great for the fittings, but the front was kinda…not padded, but thicker than necessary, and once I sat down for parts of the ceremony, you could then see the horizontal lines created in the bodice part…made me look slightly pudgy even though I’m skinny…so I would suggest having your dress fitted so that you just don’t need the bra! One less thing to worry about on the big day! Good luck (shoes don’t matter as much as we’d like to think…my cousin wore blue-striped converse chucks under her lacy, spaghetti strapped gorgeous gown….be comfy and enjoy yourself!)!
Dude, I just love the word Girdle. And Cruller. Such a wordsmith, alexa. You’re like that longfellow dude.
Sounds like you are having some fun! Enjoy! As for the shoes… just make sure they are comfy!
Take care
I heart my sticky bra– the NuBra. I have tiny titties. If yours are big, survey some NuBra wearers with large racks.
(Delurking)
If you want blue shoes go with blue shoes! I wore blue Doc Martins at my wedding (totally hidden beneath my dress and required ’cause of my gi-normous feet and prickly pear-ridden wedding locale). I thought I’d get away with them as a secret but all the guests kept coming up and saying “I heard you are wearing blue boots! Can I SEE?” And they all loved it (even my finicky conservative old Aunties! In fact the most prim and proper of the bunch commented that she wish she’d done the same at her wedding!) Wear something you love and feel comfortable in (after all almost anything goes with white/ivory). Try Zappos (www.zappos.com) they allow/encourage you to order and return as many shoes as you like. Shipping is free both ways and you can even search by size/color/style/heel height/whatever.
As for foundation garments: I vote for the sewn-in cups. They are infinitely more comfortable and really cut down on the amount of time you’ll worry if your bra is hanging out. Sewn in cups also do away with having to strap yourself into some torturous undergarment that makes you feel like an over-ripe sausage (or maybe I’m the only one who ends up feeling like I’m stuffed into some tiny supermodels’ ill-fitting bondage gear when I try to find bras that work with my formal wear?)
Either way you’ll look gorgeous… and at the end of the day you and the Actually will be MARRIED!
Regarding shoes, from a multi-bridesmaid and recent bride: If you have a long, full skirt, it seriously doesn’t matter. Where the MOST comfortable shoes you can find. Slippers might be an option. The flats would be good. I guarantee with all the standing/dancing, etc. that you’ll either A) end up kicking off your heels before it’s over and thus have a dirty/torn hem before the end of the day or B) seriously regret having bought those 2″ heels that were just so pretty and matched your dress so nicely. Thoughts of cutting off your legs at the ankles will certainly cross your mind.
I got married last May and I wore just white low-heel sandals that I bought from payless. No one could really see my feet anyway. I also had similar issues with the dress/girdle/bra thing. Since I had a corset back dress already, I eventually opted for no bra and I was so glad I did. My dress was so tight and stiff, those suckers weren’t going anywhere!