Confidential to Mashed Potato: If Loving You is Wrong, I Don’t Want to be Right.
I have become a bit of a Weight Watchers zealot, I am embarrassed to say. You are lucky, in that you don’t know me in real life, and thus don’t have to listen as I natter on about nutritional information. I am the girl hanging over the goldfish bowl telling the fish how many points they are (one each, unless you are on the Core plan, in which case you can have as many goldfish as you need to feel satisfied). It’s not pretty. But I do feel so much healthier, and I can’t help but be pleased with myself. I have also discovered some new foods—the latest of these is peas. Have you all had peas? You can find them frozen, in the pizza aisle. What you do is put some in a bowl, with a little water, and microwave them for about a minute. Then you grind sea salt and pepper over them and eat them up. Sometimes I add a teaspoon of olive oil, if I’m feeling adventurous. The point is, they are DELICIOUS. I think that’s why they’re called “Nature’s Candy.”
Of course my zealotry took a hit this morning, when I weighed myself for the week. The first week, I lost 2.8 pounds. The second week, 1.4. But this morning, the third week, I was up over half a pound. Why? Wherefore? I did everything right this week, and I even started exercising a bit more. And yet, rather than losing the pound-and-a-half I thought I would, I gained .6. It was sorely tempting, after that defeat, to march directly to the kitchen for my beloved Samoas, but I resisted. I will persevere, even in the face of rising scale numbers! Though the cookies beckon, my resolve is steely, steely like my thighs will be someday, if only I can ignore the CEASELESS BECKONING of the cookies, with their chocolaty trumpets of temptation!
So—yes, the diet is going fine, thanks for asking. It is probably normal to have the occasional dream wherein I am wrapped in bacon and sizzling companionably on the griddle next to a flapjack. I think that is one of those dreams that everyone has, am I wrong?
As for the wedding, I know I owe you updates, and updates you shall have, but not until next Wednesday. I have been avoiding writing a wedding post because at this point the progress is mostly of the boring administrative variety, with a touch of hysteria for good measure. But I am not sure if a to-do list punctuated with garbled moans is going to be particularly interesting for you to read.
Speaking of the wedding, last weekend the Actually had a spate of nervousness about the death knell finality of marriage that manifested in him remarking that he is suddenly noticing all these women everywhere and saying to himself “I’ll never be with her…or her…or her.”
“But that’s probably normal, right?” he asked. I assured him that it was, and then I died a little inside.
But other than that, we are both excited—more so than you would think two people who weren’t that riled up about the concept of marriage in the first place would be. Every night or so one of us turns to the other and says “We’re getting MARRIED.” And then there is much giggling. We are like schoolgirls. Schoolgirls who are getting married.
Also, we are moving. Again. Five apartments in five years, baby. Well, now SIX apartments in five years. I think this time I am going to bolt all our furniture to the floor so that we can never, ever leave. And YOU try finding a 2 or 3 bedroom under 1100 a month that meets all our vague criteria (“clean” “safe” “nice”—which seems to have something to do with not having carpet) and will accept three cats. There seem to be a lot of lovely one bedrooms, however. Maybe I will run away with Lennie and rent one of those.
18 Comments
There is NOTHING more normal than that! If he weren’t feeling that way, The Actually would be inhuman. Or suffering from some kind of gonad disorder.
You do not focus on the “oh my god I will never be able to, as the kids say, ‘hit that juicy booty’ AGAAAAAIN!” You focus on the pact you are making with your best friend to be one anothers’ #1 buddy for all time. Because that’s the crux of it… if the hitting it/not hitting it were, infidelity would be the death knell of every marriage (and it sure as shit AIN’T, as all of the people confessing their lurid tales to my divorcing ass could attest).
you are brilliant and hilarious. much much love.
Throw. Away. The samoas.
And you’re a woman, apparently, and the word is that women have things happening to their weight from time to time that are not pegged to the whole Points thing. So one week doth not a gain make — you’ll probably lose 2 next weigh in.
(^ lost 70 lbs on WW. Also got married 9 years ago yesterday; it works out — work being the operative word)
Oh my lord, I cannot say enough good things about peas as of late. It’s all I want to eat. Peas for every damn meal. It’s actually pretty scary, no?
Go easy on the peas. They are starchy vegetables. I think there is a limit to them in WW - they aren’t a zero point veggie, I don’t think. (You made them sound so good I think I’ll try some tonight!)
I totally understand the WW thing — I’ve become a “Points Nazi”. I count them all the time, and when I look at food, I think of them not as “good” or “tasty” but as 3 points or 4 points, etc. I don’t want to waste them, and I don’t want to use them all (which I’ve found is a mistake). Don’t worry about those few ounces you’ve gained. Next week will be another week. Besides, this whole weightloss thing isn’t a race.
If you like those green peas, try steaming fresh green beans then tossing them in some lemon olive oil. Now that’s tasty!
And toss those Samoas! If you’re going to burn up some points, make it on something good! Like cheesecake! Get some Skinny Cow ice cream — that really does the trick for me!
I even love the instant mashed potatoes, and I always put butter on them in the bowl so i can get little pieces of it while i eat them. I probably shouldn’t have said that.
Do throw away the samoas. and the tagalongs.
Oh The Actually is SO NORMAL. I did that nearly every day throughout our entire engagement. Seriously. It was awful, and I was quite depressed about it, frankly. But it was SO NORMAL, and it all turned out wonderfully, and I no longer think about that at all, honestly.
Separately, I am not right in the head about Weight Watchers either. I’m INSANE. Point counting and screeching about fiber and whatnot at every turn. It is almost disorder-like, the level of zealotry I take it to. I save all my Flex Points and then splurge on the weekends, which I’m finding is not a great method, as my weigh in day is on Tuesday. Invariably, I’ve gained weight on that Tuesday, only to have it fall away by Wednesday.
I did WW, and I was not a nazi… but I did lose 30# (I’m not going to tell you that I then gained back 20 of that post marriage…). But it’s ok. Be a nazi. It’s good for you. As for The Actually and his ‘I’ll never be with that woman…’ - was he ever going to be with that woman? No? Then hush. But it’s ok, it’s normal. And the giggling? We did that for ages, and every once in awhile, Superhusband and I will look at each other and say ‘we’re MARRIED!’ and grin. It’s the good stuff, honey.
I used to eat peas still frozen as a toddler. Called them ‘popsicle peas.’ I’d crawl across the table to get at them. My parents were evil, saved the real sugar for much later. No wonder I’m addicted to chocolate! Continued good luck to you!
Peas are called Nature’s Candy? Seriously? I thought that was raisins.
I have had similar thoughts lately as The Actually, but more along the lines of “flirting will never really mean anything again.” I don’t really care about the being with someone else, but I do love flirting. *sigh*
hi there.
I goggled weight watchers and found your blog a few days ago. I enjoy reading it so far. I too have PCOS. I have not gained any weight yet from it. I have battled for the past 4 years with making the wrong decisions with food. theplanetofhemmy.blogspot.com
Have you found a place? Cause if our old place has an apartment for rent, it is right around that price range and lovely and a primo location. The Actually should know where it is on Grand. If you want more info, just private email me!
I got WW books today and plan to start on Monday. It’s time to kick my fat ass into gear!
I’m on WW Core and the gaining weeks are hard. Count count count! It is annoying but habit-forming.
i’ve been doing this whole low carb thing, forty-five grams per meal and fifteen twice a day for snacks. i have dreams about being baked into crusty french bread and swimming in pasta in alfredo sauce almost every night.
healthy sucks.
Plenty of perfectly normal things can tear through the heart of your soon-to-be wife like a fucking tornado.
Send me your samoas.
Having just moved for the fifth time in six years, I feel your pain. But at least it teaches you to purge and travel light and treasure the things you keep.
Also, you do know that peas, while delicious are sort of a carb, right? That’s probably why you love them so much. Have you tried Brussels sprouts? You can find them in the pizza and burrito aisle also and if you prepare them the same as the peas, you will not be dissappointed.