Flotsam

–Did one of you subscribe me to Popular Mechanics? The new issue of said publication turned up on my doorstep the other day–with my name and address on the subscription label. As someone who continues to refer to a socket ratchet(?) as a “stick-cup,” I can assure you that I did not subscribe to said magazine. The Actually finds this hilarious, and has accused me of being a secret engineer. I find it sinister–is someone trying to send me an (admittedly cryptic) message? Is this an odd and not particularly well-thought out instance of identity theft? After college, several of my former roommates subscribed me to the International Male catalog–is this perhaps a similar, though less amusing, mail-order prank?
I still have a fortune cookie fortune I got years ago that reads “The dim haze of mystery will add enchantment to your life.” Maybe this is what it was talking about.

–I can’t remember whether I have discussed this before, but the Actually is now a vegetarian. This began several months ago, and now he spends his time reading Peter Singer and thinking fondly of his feathered and furry friends. One of the results of this transformation is that he will be having a special vegetarian entree at the wedding. He was presented with a list of options, several of them involving such tantalizing words as “pasta” “saffron” and “cream.”
He chose the vegetable calzone. Because nothing says “let us celebrate our new life together” like pizza dough stuffed with vegetables and cheese, resting in a pool of marinara. What could be a more fitting accompaniment to champagne and fine linens than a foodstuff named after a pant leg? Anyway, another of the side effects of his vegetarianism is the addition of new animals to his List of Pets I Will Have Someday. I blame myself for the existence of this list, as I probably started the whole thing with my wistful pining after a pet goat to be named Schneehopli, who would have soft white ears and eat tin cans. But since becoming entranced with animal rights, the Actually has added a pig and two cows to the list.
Yesterday I opened my computer after he had gone to work to find the following phrase in the Google search box: “pet crow.”
Oh Actually. I love you so.

–After months of the kind of scheduling snafus and laboratory delays that cause my eyes to begin edging out of their sockets, the results of mine and the Actually’s karyotypes are in: we are both (genetically) normal. This means that Project Progeny is cleared to resume. I start letrozole a week after the wedding, and trigger and IUI will be mid June. I see Dr. Doctor on May 13th, and will post more about the protocol then, after I know whether she will let me dictate it myself. It is always possible that she will want to have some input on dosage and timing, what with all her “medical training” and given the fact that I am “not a doctor.”
As you probably remember, before January’s pseudo-pregnancy the plan was IVF. But now, given the fact that I have ovulated four times in the last 30 months and gotten pregnant two of those times (one time we didn’t even try, as it was a monitored rest cycle), it seems worthwhile to give IUI a chance. Also, if I am being honest, I am having less and less faith in my body’s ability to sustain a pregnancy, and the prospect of jumping through the myriad physical and financial hoops of IVF only to be faced with another miscarriage terrifies me: “I spent 2 months and 12,000 on an IVF cycle and all I got was this lousy fetal shroud!” No thank you.

–I am getting married in thirty-two days. 3-2. Four weeks from Saturday. I’ve had menstrual cycles longer than that. All of them, actually. Four weeks isn’t even a month! How did this happen? I still haven’t decided whether to have the beef or chicken. I suppose I could always try the calzone–the Actually says it’s excellent.

–I let Wedding Wednesday lapse for a while, largely because most of the things I wanted to write about involved my mother, my mother-in-law, or my mother. Not dreadful things, mind you, just amusing anecdotes. But what if they stumbled upon my website while Googling “ungrateful daughter/in law?” Upsetting an aunt or two I can handle, but mothers are just too volatile. I’m no daredevil, after all. But I have some non-family related wedding things to post, including both invitation pictures and immodest questions about Personal Grooming. So Wedding Wednesday is back, starting tomorrow. Probably you are panting with anticipation.