Wedding Wednesday: Wax On?
So, how many of you wax your Area? For a very long time, I was under the impression that only strippers and socialites did this, but recently it has come to my attention that this is not the case. My current approach to the Area is less “deforestation” and more “border control.” My lack of more vigorous razor-based denuding efforts is not due to philosophical objection, but rather my unsuccessful previous attempts at thorough shaving. These inevitably ended in spectacularly itchy regrowth and painful sex-with-a-brillo-pad relations with the Actually. And then there is my persistent fear of inadvertent clitorectomy.
Waxing has always intrigued me, but formerly seemed both extravagant and frightening. Obviously the presumable physical pain looms large in my mind. But even more daunting is the emotional pain–the embarrassment that must come from spreading your legs for someone who lacks a medical degree and won’t even send you flowers the next day. I tell myself that doctors are inured to the sight of vaginas, even incapable of viewing them with anything other than clinical dispassion (Note to any doctors reading: PLEASE DO NOT disabuse me of this pleasant notion), but someone who went to beauty school is bound to notice aesthetics. The only way to make it work, I assume, is to visit a new salon each time, so that you need never see the unfortunate waxer again. But there simply are not that many waxing establishments in the Twin Cities, and I imagine this would become impractical eventually. I know some people have a pet waxer, one they visit again and again, and this baffles me–how do you face someone after she has wrenched strips of hardened paraffin from your most delicate tissues?
My upcoming nuptials, with their attendant preening and primping, seem the perfect opportunity to bite the bullet (do they give you a bullet to bite, or should I bring my own?) and have myself forcibly depilated by a professional. But I need to know what to expect. So tell me. Inquiring minds, and all that.
As promised, below is our invitation, designed and printed by the lovely Krista from Papered Together. I love letterpress, and the invitations turned out better even than I had hoped. It is hard to get a good look at it here, but if you click the photo it will take you to Flickr, where you can click “all sizes” to see a bigger version:
Tomorrow night we are going to get our license. Our marriage license. I am perversely afraid they will refuse to grant me one. As far as I know, only a criminal record makes it difficult to obtain a license, but I am terrified that we will get up to the counter at the courthouse and a large, sour-looking woman (wearing a policeman’s hat in this fantasy, for some reason) will type my name into a computer and find that I have a criminal record, accumulated without my realizing it, presumably during my sleep. Obviously this is the most mature and realistic concern to have about the process of legally binding oneself to another person.
Speaking of which, a few hours ago when I reminded the Actually that tomorrow is license night, his response was “So we’ll actually be married tomorrow!”
I fear his grasp of this entire process continues to be somewhat tenuous.
P.S. Few people commented on my last post (which has me convinced that everyone thinks a letrozole IUI cannot possibly work but is simply too polite to tell me to my website) but the Actually insists I commend Pru for her wise insights in the matter of the pet crow. He would also like you to know that he intends to have TWO pigs, not one. We spent some time last night discussing names, and while we agree on Saltine for a lady pig (it sounds very fancy, “Saltine,” don’t you think?) he has flatly refused to consider my suggestion of Hammy Davis Jr. for a male. Apparently it’s “disrespectful.” I suppose that means Francis Bacon is out, as well.
34 Comments
First and foremost: your invitation is just unbelievably lovely. Every detail is just right. Including the fuzzed out website.
Secondly: as a J.Sister’s Brazilian survivor I will say that the pain supercedes the embarrassment. You won’t give a f*ck who is doing it once they start, you’ll just be praying that they hurry up, get it over with, and leave you at least a little bit of epidural layer.
One thing I recommend is to check the website of the place you’re going to to figure out what exactly you want done — my first time, I had to ask the 19-year-old behind the counter what the hell the difference between a full Playboy and a partial Playboy was, and she looked at me, like, how have I made it through life without this knowledge? Very hairily, that’s how. Also, I believe I blushed as she described the options, further undermining my street cred.
I can only afford to do it prior to swimsuit-wearing vacations (a few days ahead so any redness has disappeared), and I do front and back — the most painful is the first time, but after that it’s not too bad. The growing out itch factor is much better than with shaving, I think.
Also, it’s definitely weird to have someone hanging out in both areas, but luckily, the key to avoiding pain is SPEED. So they try to get in and out of there as quickly as possible.
Your invitations are gorgeous!
You’re SO in luck! Amalah at Alphamom has an excellent answer to the waxing (vexing?) question, why, today’s Advice Smackdown column! I have never waxed (expensive? too much of a bother?), but now at least I know what to expect should I ever decide to go that route: http://www.alphamom.com/site/smackdown/2007/04/25/bikini_waxing_101.html
Delurking here….I LOVE your site, and have spent several hours reading archives instead of doing daunting homework. Thank you, ma’am. I would gladly purchase any book you publish!
I have never waxed, but my question has always been - what about the in between waxing times? Where you are growing it out to get to waxing length? What then? So awkward…
You know, I’ve never waxed the full area. Too frightened. However, for a very long time I did wax the borders, as well as my legs (all of them)and my armpits and my small little treasure trail. Truthfully, if it wasn’t so expensive, I’d still be doing it. It doesn’t hurt that much. I had a favorite waxer in Nebraska when I lived there, named Sarah. She was awesome. I never felt wierd about having her see my Lady Parts. But then again, I modeled nude for a few years so that might not be worth anything. Point being, I think you should go for it.
And the only way you and the Actually won’t get a lisence is if they find out you’re related in some way. So if you’re sure on that point then screw the felonies and tie the knot!
xo
take.
it.
all.
off.
i’m serious. ask around and find someone’s favourite esthetician and go there. my friends and i call it “the waxing of which we dare not speak.” you’ll love it. the actually will love it. hell, it makes even walking down the street a new, pleasant experience!
Hey, are those crows on the invitation?
Oooo…and I got a shout out from The Actually. I’m going to go gloat now.
Hey Alexa,
I have PCOS (and advanced maternal age; I was almost 39 when I got pregnant) and I now have a 3 month old thanks to letrazole and an HCG trigger shot without IUI on the first try. I had tried to get pg for 2.5 years. I had several cycles of Clomid and all I ended up with was two chemical pregnancies because I didn’t have enough progesterone to sustain per my RE. Letrazole didn’t make me feel totally crappy like Clomid and I didn’t have the hellish migraines. I hope it works for you. Good luck with it. E-mail me with any questions.
Congratulations on your wedding. The invitations are beautiful.
Melissa
Your invitations are gorgeous.
I have a brazilian once a month. The first time is by far the worst. I recommend popping a few motrin before you go in. As long as you go in pretty regularly, it really isn’t too terrible. You should also try to find a place that uses the wax that hardens on its own, and doesn’t require strips. I don’t know what it’s called, but I work with an ex-esthetician and she says that the strips are more painful.
Jen is definitely right. You should research the place that you are going beforehand. At my salon, a brazilian leaves a landing strip behind and a full bikini takes it all off. You want to make sure that you know what you are getting before you get there.
If you do it, you should definitely do it 2 or 3 days before your wedding. That way the redness will go away in time.
Good luck!
http://captainhambone.typepad.com/not_that_you_asked/2005/10/waxing_poetic.html
My first time was not so good.
My second? Quick and fabulous. Also expensive, but that’s Elizabeth Arden for you. I only wax for upcoming beach-related vacations like Jen does, but it is SO WORTH IT.
I love your invitations. When will mine be arriving?
I’m telling you, and I’ll tell every other woman on earth until my pubes are gray: the Veet Razorless shave kit. I love it with an intensity I usually reserve for dark-chocolate covered ginger Altoids.
Simply put on the foamy goop, leave for 6 minutes, and then use the rubbery scraper to remove the hair. I’m telling you, that’s all there is to it. No cuts, no bumps, no pain. I would seriously marry mine if that were an option. Available at any Walgreens near the lotions/depilatory creams.
And I *adore* your invitations. So sweet and springy. Holy shit, you’re getting married A MONTH FROM TODAY!
Love the inviatations - they’re just perfect.
I did the basic areas of waxing for my own wedding almost 2 years ago. I wouldn’t touch a brazilian, but i was willing to get the worldly parts professionally touched up and trim the rest. Worked out well and by the time I put my clothes back on, I felt fine.
My sister wanted a pig for a pet. My mom said okay as long as we named him Macon Bacon. And I think Sir Francis Bacon is a very respectful name for a pig.
The invitations are beautiful.
Waxing is so very, very worth it. It grows back more slowly each time, and thinner. Hurts less each time.
I do regular maintenance waxing myself (read: the border areas). When summer starts, or before a big vacation, I go to a salon nearby where I have a regular waxer. She’s seen it all (she does men’s waxing, need I say more?) so I just don’t care that she is getting an eyeful of me. She’s fast too.
If you’re getting it all off, I’d go *at least* three days before the wedding/honeymoon. Like Amalah says in the link referenced above, you’ll be red and sore and maybe bruised. I was a tiny bit bruised (I am Irish pale) and v. red for two days. Also, baths or soaking in hot water for a day or so is out to avoid infection.
OMG - are you in luck. I just got a brazillian last week for THE FIRST TIME. I also live in the twin cities and can give you a few recommendations, tips, etc. Bring on the questions - just shoot me an email. I’ve gotten waxed at two places (west suburbs), however my sister has gone to some in uptown and downtown - so I have oodles of info.
Love the invites and must say, I don’t really even miss the robots!
As far as waxing…GAWD. Isn’t one of the best reasons to get married so that you can avoid all that painful grooming of the nether regions?
(My poor husband, what a raw deal he got!)
Just wanted you to know that a women on my TTC board just had a baby w/ IUI, so it COULD happen.
Have you done letrozole before? I strongly urge the use of it a cycle before committing to an IUI. We did letrozole and I ovulated on d24 (which isn’t a great improvement over my non-letrozole self of d29-32), but my doctor convinced me that it was good enough to try the IUI second time around. Took letrozole d3-7. After having my two follicles stall in the growth process, I started Clomid on d22. Finally ovulated + IUI on d29 (I think). Needless to say, it did nothing for me ovulatarily (I can make up words if I want to, so there) or pregnancy-wise except cost me another $1000 for extra monitoring ultrasounds during the cycle. When we eventually start TTC again, we’ll go straight to injectibles.
Never been waxed–terrified but strangely intrigued. Will be interested to hear if you submit to it, and what your thoughts are. J would love it if I could get over my fear of the pain (this from someone who had a natural childbirth).
I’m sorry, Alexa, but the combination of the words “pubic” and “waxing” make me pass out. So, em, no, I can’t really help you with insights… but I hope you get the results you want as painlessly as possible! (Note: you got me thinking about this with “clitoridectomy” — again with the passing out — but do make sure that you consider your particular anatomy before deciding to take it all off. I once had a surgical shave down there and oooooooh was it ever excruciating afterwards to have no protective covering over a very sensitive, newly exposed part. If your anatomy is similar, it might be wise to leave a strip down the middle…)
One month! Wow is time ever passing quickly! Your invitations, BTW, are lovely.
Alexa!
Your invitations are beautiful and your cake is gorgeous. I got all teary when I saw them! I cant believe this is happening and I am so happy for you.
Abby and I had dinner tonight and talked about you and how much we love reading your blog.
As for waxing i go every 5 weeks to a spa called haven in soho and get a brazilian wax from a woman named Stalina who works insanely quickly and almost painlessly and tells me tales of her vacation with her husband “back to Ukraine”.
Best of all,this one time i saw Elizabeth-Showgirls-Saved by the Bell-Berkley leaving. She may have been only getting a facial but i like to think if its good enough for her nether regions its pretty much good enough for me.
but if i miss an appointment and come there with too much Stalina clucks her tongue and complains the whole time and just seems ridiculously disappointed. And when I tell you shes seen about 10 times more of me than my gynecologist, im not exaggerating (legs. behind. head. ) I hope I havent horrified anyone who is reading this…
I reccomend it though.
I knew it! I knew I was like, the only one not getting brazilians.
It’s like when I was 12 and still hadn’t shaved my legs and my best friend told me that I was such a loser because EVERYONE shaved. Now I have to go and show my ass to some lady with hot wax.
I’m nervous.
If I had a pig, I would name it Hoofy O’Lardo.
I would also like to input my shock to read so much about the Vagina today. Just saying.
Eh, okay I’ll delurk too. The femara with iui is a pretty good route to go. Every cycle I’ve had on femara where I was monitored I have had at least two good follies. It really does have very little side effects except the occasional headache and huge zit.
No comments on the waxing, I pluck or shave….yes pluck.
When I applied for our marriage license, one of the questions was, “Are you related to the groom?” It was a fair enough question in the town I grew up in, I suppose, but to expect someone to actually admit this while applying for a marriage licence is a little silly, no?
…damn good advice you’ve got so far. None from me, though. I shave cuz I can’t stand the idea of growing it all back only to get it ripped off by a stranger in a strip mall! Good luck and let us know if you brave the wax!
My first border waxing wasn’t too painful, just rather embarrassing. The next day I was sure I had flat, itchless hives. And then the next next day I realized it was tiny, complete, pinpoint bruising all along my nethters. I should have known; it was at a cut-rate salon and the technician went by the name of “Lia Serene.” She’s here on the west coast, though, so you are safe from her, unless she’s fled the area, chased off by a gang of crotch-bruised women.
the brazilian wax is by far the most painful thing I have ever experienced. it always brings tears to my eyes yet I continue to get it done. a couple percocet and a beer afterwards seem to help.
fyi - I nominated you for the “thinking blogger award.”
ooops. I had the wrong year. it’s 2007.
and I dig your wedding invite. I am a graphic artist and a huge fan of the letterpress.
Waxing ain’t so bad and the results are totally worth it. I am way too chicken to go full Brazilian though, esp after the gal who does my waxing told me it would involve me on all fours and would include the request for me to kindly spread my cheeks for her. Um, I don’t even do that for my hubbie and he asks really nicely. I’m certainly not going to pay someone for that! I just do the borders and use my dh’s beard trimmer to keep the rest trimmed and neat.
Oh, and I now have 3.5 yr old twins courtesy of my first injectibles/IUI cycle. Never tried Letrozole though so can’t comment on that. I really think what did the trick was the monitoring. At the very least it made me feel alot better knowing what was actually going on in there! BTW we had indiagnozed infertility and I had one mc before my successful twin pg. Good luck on the cycle (and the wedding).
ooooh. ouch. no. never waxed. ouch.
” My current approach to the Area is less “deforestation” and more “border control.”
This has got to be one of the best lines ever.
(p.s. wish I could comment on the injectibles, etc…but good luck, lady. and CONGRATS ON THE NUPS)
I’ve never been brave enough to consider waxing my lady bits, partly beacuse the last time I had my eyebrows done the wax was too hot and when she pulled it off she RIPPED OFF ALL THE SKIN ON MY EYELIDS along with the stray hairs under my brows. Seriously. I had to wear Nicole Richie-esque sunglasses for a week. I haven’t tempted fate since- now I do threading instead.
I’m not sure what the etiquette is on posting a link to someone else’s blog in the comments, but this is the funniest and most informative post on waxing that I have read yet:
http://yetanotherbloomingblog.blogspot.com/2006/10/forestry-information-post.html
Brilliant.
Good luck!
Just wax it! Your man will likely bestow more kisses on a smooth surface. If he doesn’t, threaten to go all ‘native prairie grass’ down there. That should clear up any problems.
Of course, remember to request the same smooth bits from the spouse-to-be.
I want to admit to being a waxer. Seriously, I really do. The truth is, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually been waxed, and the honest reason is because I’m just too damn lazy to book an appointment and wax. I’m a border control chick myself.
If you want to wax, go for it. I’d avoid anything remotely in the “reaching crotch sensitivity” area though, because sitting down when the undergrowth starts coming back is like riding a Brillo pad.
I’m just saying.
I can’t believe it’s almost here.
And waxing? I see some suggestions about taking an Advil before hand or a Percocet after, but why has nobody recommended chugging a fifth of whisky before going in? HELLO?