Wedding Wednesday: What is the sound of one bride snapping?
Well, thanks to all of your advice and encouragement, I made an appointment to be waxed from stem to stern about a week before the wedding. I will, of course, tell you all about it, provided I am not at the hospital having my labia surgically reattached.
Saturday morning I had an acupuncture appointment, and if I had the money, I would have that woman stick needles in me every day. I was so relaxed afterward I wasn’t sure I should be driving. My head was oddly quiet, and a bizarre feeling came over me…a sort of calmness, I think, though to be perfectly honest “calm” is not a state with which I am very familiar. I imagine it was a little taste of what life must be like for people without The Crazy. Of course, the calm only lasted until that evening, when my father called to hint darkly about suicide and ask me to be executor of his will. But I have acupuncture weekly from now on, so at least I will recapture the feeling soon. It is terribly expensive, however. I am tempted to stick myself with a few straight pins to see if that has a similar effect.
If you have not planned a wedding before, you would be surprised at the level of neurosis it inspires in the people around you. I remain fairly blasé about many of the details, but not so other family members. Below is a partial list of items that have spawned debate and/or controversy in the past few weeks:
–Tartness of piccata vs. Heaviness of cream sauce
–Beef prepared medium rare
–The Actually’s wedding shoes (new brown Chuck Taylors to go with dark brown tux/suit)
–Price of hotel affiliated with venue
–Potato soufflé vs. Garlic mashed potatoes (I stood my ground on this one—elegance be damned, I haven’t had mashed potatoes in months, and I plan to roll happily about in a pile of them at the reception).
–Invitees not being allowed to bring guests
–Choice of pink champagne for cocktail hour (I was pleased about this debate, because it meant I got to spend a pleasant afternoon sampling four varieties of pink bubbly—the overwhelming winner was also the cheapest, incidentally).
–Rehearsal dinner invitations
–Shoes for groomsmaid (I picked out the dress, but was unaware that I was expected to micromanage the rest of her attire. I told her any shoes would be fine, and this was apparently an unsatisfactory response. So I amended it to “Something that goes with the dress”).
Currently I am trying to come up with a “shot list” for the photographer. “Lots of nice photos that make me look thin” is insufficient guidance, I have been told. And if you think this issue is not rife with familial-political landmines, oh ho ho!
I don’t feel the need for lots of posed pictures—a few, sure, but primarily I would like candid shots. I certainly do not feel the need to have every possible permutation of family immortalized on film, especially as photos will be taken during the all-too-brief cocktail hour after the ceremony and I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss out on raspberry-brie puffs and pink champagne just so Great Aunt So-and-So can have her picture taken with me, the Actually, and all the cousins with names beginning with letters A through K.
This is an unpopular view.
Between now and the wedding, I have only seven days without appointments of some kind. Not one of those days falls on a weekend, which means I have no long stretches of time to work with—the longest unscheduled period I have between now and the 26th is four hours. The wedding itself is in just over three weeks. People keep remarking upon how calm I seem, but I think that is only because the whistle I emit is pitched too high for human ears.
18 Comments
The best advice I ever got was to do as many posed pictures BEFORE the ceremony as you can. We did everything except the shots that had both me and Manly together (he didn’t see me until the ceremony). We were able to get to the reception faster and enjoy a lot more of it — although I still missed the appetizers.
What Sharah said. Do what you can about posed pictures BEFORE the big event. And also, have the caterer/event coordinator/cool cousin-you-trust put aside a sampling of the food, because no matter what you do, you likely won’t get much of it otherwise.
Hey Alexa, I love love love your blog. You make me laugh! And you make me a little jealous. I kind of feel like planning my wedding again. Is that sick?
I had so many of those same seemingly ridiculous topics come up as controversies during the planning of my wedding too. I definitely agree with Sharah about taking pictures before the ceremony. We bucked tradition and took all the pictures beforehand and I’m so glad we did.
Anyway, I noticed we’re cyclesistas this month, so I wanted to stop by and send you good vibes, for your IUI and your wedding, but mostly for your de-hairing. Ouch!
Erin
I definitely agree with the others on the pics. We did that and were so glad we did. Hang in there.
Had to add one more thing after reading 50 Things of Which You are Fond. I am always so happy when I hear about smart people being fans of the Gilmore Girls. I don’t know if it’s the name, or the strummy la-la’s but people find it very easy to think that fans of the show must be dopes. Of course I think they’re dopes for not watching…
it seems that, in order to enjoy your OWN wedding, a day you have painstackingly planned for months and paid for! you have to buck ‘tradition’… which involves pissing off a lot of old people… I say go for it… piss off as many people as need be in order to eat your yummy appetizers and drink your pink champagne. And your hubby-to-be should be able to wear any damn shoes he likes… thats the great part about being a grownup… choosing your own footwear.
Dude, Alexa,
Just make sure to tell the band/DJ to play some LLCOOLJ at the recep, yo.
Also, I too keep track of a “shot list”, yet I’m guessing mine is slightly different.
Pink champagne is the only thing I truly demanded for the wedding. Everything else I had ideas about, but would not have been upset if they hadn’t worked out, but the pink champagne, it was a must. The version we served was called “Sex” and it’s from a Michigan winery called L.Mawby. It’s delicious. Which did you go with? I’m always excited to try new pink champagnes.
The best assvice I got for my weddding day was to make sure they wrapped a to-go meal for us to take with us when we left the event b/c you’ll still be hungry. And to walk around to all the tables and thank everyone for coming while they were eating– you get more coverage of saying thanks and the conversations are short b/c the guests are all still eating. Works great, but it requires you to eat quickly while they are all going through the lines- and everyone will come up to you while you are eating (thus the to-go food for after the event). Good luck with your cycle. I think you are brave to do a wedding and a cycle all in the same month.
i am an assistant wedding photographer on the weekends. of course you can do lots before the wedding. we make a habit of only scheduling about 15 minutes for family shots after the conclusion of the ceremony. if your photographer has an assistant, introduce him or her to someone in the party of family who knows the relatives that must be photographed and can help yell, drag, lasso, whatever it takes to get people IN and OUT. the photographer’s LEAST favorite time is this particular thing, so they are as interested as you in getting it over with as quickly as possible.
GREAT advice, Assistant Wedding Photographer! Also, interesting to know that the photographer hates the posed after-ceremony shots as much as we (the brides) do!
Alexa, do all that stuff; the stuff people up there are saying, with the pre-ceremony posed shots and whatnot. Then you’ll already have your list of the posed shots that were unable to be taken pre-ceremony (should be only the ones with you AND the Actually at the same time) and it ought to only be like 10-15 shots and you’ll be done! Gloriously done.
And then the candid shots can commence, and those are always SOOOOO much better anyway :) But you already know that.
Also, yay for pink champagne. And when I spell champagne, I always remember that Christopher Walken Saturday Night Live skit where he’s a creepy, French molester guy, offering CHAAM-PAAG-NAY to his guests. Does anyone else remember that one?
Wahoo, pink champagne! And waxing! Can you get pink champagne before the waxing? Or both pink champagne and acupuncture? Maybe those would help.
The best advice I got was from my mom, who said to make sure you sit down and EAT at your reception. You can eat quickly and then go visit everyone, but be sure to eat.
Yeah, I just got married last year. I think I was the calmest freaked out person you have ever seen. I did not go for the whole deadline approach and caused several near heart attacks in the family when they would ask if I had the music coordinated to my floral arrangements. When everyone flew in they were even more freaked out. I kept maintaining that we were having a very organic wedding and things fell into place as they should have.
Granted I freaked out alone in my car in front of Michaels (how come the rest of the world knows that music they want played during the prelude, march, recession, announcment etc.?) It was kind of fun to watch their faces go red and say “honey, are you sure that you have thought this through carefully?” It went really well though, both families thought it was really great. Never underestimate the power of forcing random people to do things on your wedding “because I am the bride and that makes me the scariest thing in this room, thank you honey!”
Have a great time, and good call on the potatos.
I looooved acupuncture. I was going for fertility stuff. But “calm” is the perfect word to describe it - that’s how I always felt after. I’d still go if it wasn’t so expensive - just can’t really justify the cost now.
Some wedding photo assvice?
If your professional photographer is staying through at least part of the reception, give him a list of people you want in candids (great aunt Meryl for example - that way she’s assured to get a picture, but you don’t have to waste the time). Also, if you’re having anyone special to you perform pre- or during ceremony, you might want to ask him to do a few pics of that. Mine forgot to get my soloists, my violinists, etc. which sucked, since they were friends of mine, and I missed their performances being the bride and all.
Another candid shot I wished had been taken was one with me and my best friend - all I have is the formal shot and i would love to have had one w/ us hugging or something.
You’ve heard it all before, but enjoy it! It only happens once!
He’s wearing Chucks to the wedding. I mean, that’s really all that matters, because you’re obviously marrying the coolest guy ever.
Congratulations, Alexa. Don’t sweat this stuff. Weddings are super cool, but when it comes right down to it, it’s only the beginning - it’s everything afterward that matters. Which, of course you know…it’s just easy to let the details of planning get on your nerves. Good luck with it all! :)
He’s wearing Chuckas? TOTALLY MARRIAGEABLE. Good call, girlfriend.
Re: Your “Wondering” sidebar.
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