(Mostly) Wedding Wednesday: Lasts
Monday was my last dress fitting. My seamstress was rather tetchy about the weight I have lost and I have been sternly reminded that I am not allowed to lose any more. This means I am on “maintenance” until after the wedding, which means more points, which means CHEESE. Oh, cheese, how I have missed you! How I have longed for your creamy embrace!
I must say, however, that I was quite annoyed with my seamstress for being so stroppy about the fact that she will have to take in the hip seams one measly inch. What part of the job description for “seamstress” did she not understand? It’s not as if she is a slave, after all—she is being paid (handsomely!) for each alteration she makes. And surely I am not the first bride to have lost a bit of weight before her wedding.
And yet she scowled and huffed and pinned and I bit my tongue to keep from telling her to bend over (her sewing machine) and take it (in).
The wedding is two weeks from this Saturday, and I hope you all find this as alarming as I do. Most things are taken care of—last night I walked the diplomatic gauntlet of assigning guests to tables, and emerged battered but triumphant. The menu is completed, the rings purchased, and the reservations confirmed. Of course we have yet to finish WRITING THE CEREMONY, but hey! Don’t sweat the small stuff, I always say!
(I have never said that. I sweat the small stuff like it’s my job. Which come to think of it, it is).
Sunday I started a package of birth control pills to suppress my unruly polycystic ovaries in preparation for next month’s IUI. I will take the last dose the day of my wedding, which makes the three rows of tiny yellow pills a rather chilling visual reminder of just how much time I have left until the big day. When I broke open the pack I could not help but feel a tiny thrill: “This is my last package of birth control pills,” I thought dramatically to myself. Then I realized it is only my last pack if this cycle works. I may very well need to be suppressed again before another IUI, and I will certainly be using said pills for suppression if I have to move to IVF later in the summer. It was a nice thought while it lasted, though.
Last night we signed a lease for a new apartment, and put down a monstrous deposit that we cannot really afford, what with the wedding and all. The apartment actually made a tear form in my eye, it was so beautiful and perfect in every way. It even has a dishwasher, the unicorn of appliances, a device I had heard of but never seen.
We will start moving July 1st. So, to recap my schedule for the summer:
May 26th: Wedding
June 14-ish: IUI
July 1: Move
Mid July: Take up residence in Debtor’s Prison
I am not sure how the new apartment relates to the ostensible theme of “lasts,” except that I have probably eaten my last dinner out, bought my last new book, and purchased my last bag of groceries that contains anything but Ramen noodles and sharply discounted legumes. I have been sitting at my desk shuffling through my vendor invoices for the wedding and thinking of money-making schemes. Here is what I have come up with so far:
–Sell furniture
–Sell books
–Sell cat (Irma?)
–Sell body (Am thinner now, so would possibly fetch higher price? Well, higher price for sex, lower price for cannibalism. Though selling self for cannibalism would make entire enterprise moot, obviously)
Any other ideas?
And finally, the best news I have had maybe ever:
Schnozz is flying in to watch the last ever episode of Gilmore Girls with me next Tuesday. This will be a bittersweet visit, as while I am delighted to be spending an evening with a dear friend, I imagine there will be much crying and rending of garments and holding one another while the credits roll FOR THE LAST TIME. Probably cocktails will help. And I am thinking I might put up some streamers, or something, to make it feel festive, and to make the Actually fear for my mental state. Apparently he thinks there is something “weird” about having a friend fly into town for one night to watch a television show. But I told him that if he mocks me, there will be no pet crow (this was Schnozz’s suggestion, and it has been quite effective).
P.S. I just spell-checked this entry and it keeps trying to change “IUI” to “Inuit.” Because the phrase “next month’s Inuit” makes SO much more sense. Spellcheck also wonders if by “Schnozz” I mean “Schnozzle.” Which…I don’t even know where to begin.
16 Comments
That sounds like such a great way to watch the last episode! Love the streamers idea. Not lovin’ so much the last episode idea…
two weeks! wow!
You’ve got a busy couple months planned - but hopefully it’s the start of a whole series of new beginnings for you: new marriage, new home, new baby!
You will be poor - but happily married. I think it’s good to spend the first years of marriage poor - then years from now you can look back fondly on how you shared ramen and huddled together to keep warm. ;-)
Wait…Gilmore Girls is ending?! Like, forever? How did I not know of this? I just sort of expected it to keep going on until Rory’s wedding, at least. Ack!
Ahem, but that has nothing to do with you and your wedding which is practically tomorrow! Ack, again! Heavy stuff, Alexa. But I think you will be deliriously happy in your new dishwasher-ed apartment with your new pet crow. It’s not the last of anything, it’s the first of a lifetime of joint insanity! Trust me, joint insanity is way more fun than single insanity. Pumps it up a notch.
And, hey, good luck with the Inuits.
Wowowowow! Majorly exciting stuff going on over there!! Debtors Prison it may soon be, but in the meantime between the moments of wedding stress, sounds like you’ll be having a blast! I wonder, should there be a celebratory Special-Made Cocktail for the GG Finale? I mean it IS a dear occasion, in one all of us may partake. What say you? I think it must be pink of some sort…Or at least in a pretty glass.
I have no advice, all of my moneymaking schemes involve poorly designed inventions of my own creation. Clearly that has gotten me nowhere.
I can’t believe you only have two weeks left. Please have a slice of cheese for me. I suppose for us Weight Watchers folks that’s akin to pouring one out for one’s dead homies.
Only 2 weeks left! So exciting!
It sounds like you and your friend are going to have a lot of fun.
Everything is happening at once, but it’s all so exciting! I can’t wait to hear how everything goes.
Also, the Gilmore Girls party - I can totally picture it: You and Schnozz will be sitting around crying into a huge block of cheese because you’re both sickos. Schnozz will tell you there’s something wrong with me because I don’t like cheese, but let me tell you something about Schnozz. She’s…smelly. Yeah, that’s right - SMELLY!
Schnozzle! Haaaa!
Now I expect streamers. The bar, it has been raised.
Wow, Alexa, what heady stuff all at once. I’m starting to sweat just thinking about it. I hope you are able to keep some semblance of a grip in the next few weeks…
Just read your last post too — and laughed my head off. Habermas????
Hey, my sister is visiting from SWEDEN for the final episode of GG, so tell the Actually there is nothing wrong with that at all. And we always have margaritas on Gilmore nights, so drink up!
Seriously…the GG ending hit me like a slap in the face. I felt like the episodes were getting better since the suckage that was Amy shermapialifdjaskl;fsd leaving.
I will be drinking and crying next Tuesday too.
Nothing at all wrong with flying in to watch a TV show, especially the series finale. Sometimes my long-distance boyfriend and I schedule our visits around new Galactica episodes :D
Last package of BCPs! Let’s hope so.
Good to hear the preparations are going well. You won’t be featuring in bridezilla’s then?
i do not miss planning my wedding. at all. we had so many mishaps (air condtioning not working in GA in August!/frozen bridal bouquet/crazy aunt eating wedding cake before we *cut* it…..). All this despite my planning. If I could do it again I’d let go and let things just happen. Because they’re going to…and take it from me…a less than perfectly planned wedding makes for good stories and laughs later.
Be sure to get food for after the ceremony (we had ours put in the limo)….b/c you won’t have time to eat during the reception.
i too hope this is your last pack of b/c’s.
You’re missing a few big life changes in the next few months. Couldn’t you start a new job just to make things even more interesting?
Two weeks? Holy crap!
OMG YOU”RE GETTING MARRIED IN TWO WEEKS!!!!!
Ahem. Sorry, just had to get that out. :)
Are you going on a honeymoon? (Apologies if you already said so in a post I missed somewhere along the way what with gestating and lactating and all..)
And I’m so sad about the end of GG. Tears for sure. Although for sheer tear-jerkingness, I don’t know if anything can beat Lorelai singing “I Will Always Love You” to Luke. SOB!