I Think I Will Try “Fertile Fantasy!”
Ow. Ow. Ow. Today is my fifth day of Lupron and my last day of birth control. It also seems to be the first day of my period. A period I am expected to endure WITHOUT IBUPROFEN. Ibuprofen and its ilk are not allowed during IVF because—well, I don’t remember why, but they’re not, and so I will just have to deal with the sensation of my uterus being torn asunder by a pack of hungry wolverines by doing some deep breathing, or putting a knife under my bed to cut the pain, or maybe gnawing on a wet rag. I haven’t made it through a period without ibuprofen since…actually, I have never, ever made it through a period without ibuprofen, and I am not entirely convinced that I will make it through this one. I know that Tampax commercials would have me believe that I should be out playing beach volleyball or base jumping or at the very least making funny faces in a photo booth with my two best (and ethnically diverse) friends, but during my period the only funny face I can muster is a grimace of pain, and even walking to the printer and back is feeling a little Bataan Death March-ish, so I think beach volleyball is out.
The injections have been going well, and I haven’t noticed much in the way of Lupron side effects besides extreme fatigue and a complete inability to retain information. I used to hear stories about women who forgot to take an injection and screwed up their cycles and wonder how they could forget something so basic, and now I know: Lupron, that’s how. I take my nightly pills and immediately can’t remember taking them. The other night we went out for korma and I asked my mother whether I had ordered my Salty Lassi yet, and she goggled at me—apparently I had done so not ten minutes before. (Incidentally, am I the only person who is unable to hear “Salty Lassi” without imagining it in a Scottish accent? “Aye, yer a Salty Lassi!” No? Just me?)
Tonight my mother and I are having our last hurrah girl’s night out. Manicures, pedicures, and dinner in the bar at my favorite restaurant, where I will be consuming an excess of lamb burgers and french fries with curry bearnaise. This will be only my second pedicure ever, the first having been the day before my wedding, so I am quite excited. It will be nice to have soft, shiny-toed feet in the stirrups in the coming weeks, and even nicer to have a break from the constant foot mockery I must endure from Scott—it is alleged that my feet look like I “grew up on the side of a mountain.” He’s a charmer, that husband of mine. I rarely buy nail polish myself—I think I have two bottles, in two scarcely different shades of translucent pink—but I love looking at the names, which are seldom more than tenuously related to the color in question. Shimmery raisin? “Panting Harlot!” Uninspiring beige? “Barely Legal!” Bright coral? “Saucily Uninhibited Princess of Katmandu!”
I know there was something else I wanted to write about, but I have no idea now what it was. I hope the memory loss really is the result of Lupron, or else I’m losing my damn mind.
20 Comments
I’m hearing “Salty Lassi” in more of a pirate voice, for some reason. “Arrrrr! Yer a salty Lassi, aren’tcha? Git over here an’ swab me decks, me lovely!” Or something like that.
An excess of lamb burgers sounds lovely, by the way.
My RE allowed ibuprofen up until the time of egg retrieval but strangely did not allow nail polish for retrieval or transfer. Perhaps the polish fumes are too overpowering for delicate zygotes?
Mmmmm, pedicures. There’s a cure in there for good reason.
now i must go out and try salty lassi’s and lamb burgers
Please, please go with “panting harlot” for your pre-stirrup pedicure.
Well, if not ibuprofen, how about vicoden? alcohol? No? Damn. I hope that this visit by the bitch is short, at least!
Wow. No ibuprofen even now? Your RE is hardcore. But maybe it is for the good. And I agree with the above posters recommendation of Panting Harlot for your pedicure. Nothing much beats a panting harlot except and wanton slut.
I too heard Salty Lassi in a pirate’s voice. With the pirate slamming the food down on the table and then performing all sorts of base acts because your toes are painted with Panting Harlot…
Tylenol? It sucks and it’s barely worth it, but I think it’s allowed.
Hi there! I wanted to wish you BEST OF LUCK cyclesista! :) I didn’t know we weren’t allowed to take Ibuprofen- I’m glad to have read that on your blog. I hope the cramps aren’t too bad :( I should be getting mine at the end of this week I believe.
A period without ibuprofen? That’s just insane. I can’t see what difference it would make during the period, since follicles won’t be growing during that time anyway, particularly the first two worst days. I’d just forget that advice, seriously.
Thanks for your comment on my blog…hey we are cycle buddies. I’ll be keeping track on how you are getting on.
Hope the pedicure went well, oh and when you feel bold with the toe nail varnish get Chanel’s Rouge Noir…its fabulous!!
I’m so glad I found another with similar Lupron side effects. Never, ever, have I felt more incapable of simple thought than when I was midway through my last IVF protcol, pumped full of Lupron.
The horror.
Love your blog.
I have only been checking in periodically so sorry for not commenting more - long, long story….
I too was forgetful on Lupron. I drove the wrong way down our street (a one way) and did not realize it until I got to the corner and was pissed that people were honking at me. Glad to hear you have not had headaches - that was my other problem…
Hang in there and perhaps I will run into you on Thursday? Sorry I have been such a stranger - again a LONG story…
I too hadn’t heard about ibuprofen, wow. Guess I should start researching the have and have nots now. Good luck!
Wow! I am not the only person to have no memory while taking Lupron - and I have a job that relies on memory. (sigh) Clomid does me in to. I don’t care what they say, these are mind-altering drugs!
Pax,
MLO
Ibuprofin has been shown to cause problems with implantation so start learning to love acetaminophin. :) Good luck with the new cycle!
Um, why no ibuprofen for your period? After retrieval is the only thing I’ve ever heard. Did you try motrin for the pain? Huh, 11 injectible cycles and God only knows how many infertiles I know and I’ve never heard this one. MUST KNOW! Not that y’know, I have problems with having to know everything!
Oooh, see if they have “I’m not really a waitress” red by O.P.I. It always makes me giggle.
I’d check with your RE again about the ibuprofen. I’ve taken it many time during cycles, and was even prescribed the good stuff with codeine once.
Hi, I saw the comments by Mel and thought I would come by. I would ask your doc about Valerian Root which works really well and is an herb you can get at most co-ops or Whole Foods. Also you could try Arnica Montana which is a homeopathic pain reliever. It might be worth asking about, especially the Valerian. I suffered severe cramps most my life and find it works better than Ibuprofen and even better than tylonol-3. Also the best remedy is an orgasm, in case you didn’t know, since it causes the uterus to contract and then, the key thing, to relax, When I am having awful cramps it is not what I am in the mood for but if they are bad it helps a ton.
Good luck.
Bleu
Hi, Found you through Mel’s blog - this post was hysterical. I remember the first time that nurse told me “no ibuprofen”. I sat there with my jaw on the floor blinking at her in disbelief…it was as if she told me they would be doing the retrieval with no anesthesia…They are all masochists. Good luck with your cycle.