Stimulation, Ho!
Apparently you were all VERY intimidating, because as of this morning my lining was thin and and my ovaries dispirited and cyst-free. Well done, everyone! Three (very soft, due to my persistent headache) cheers for Lupron! Long live the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis*!
Though I had no cysts, I did get the standard “Are those entirely-too-many follicles in your ovaries or are you just happy to see me?” eyebrow raise, which always annoys me a bit because don’t they have other patients with PCOS? Surely it is not necessary to cluck over my follicle-studded ovaries every time I have an ultrasound—what do they think the “P” in PCOS stands for, anyway? At least they were able to locate my left ovary this time, though it had sneakily migrated below my uterus. The ultrasound was followed by a supremely embarrassing moment when the nurse removed the probe and the condom that had previously been sheathing it remained…engaged.
“Oh dear!” she said, pulling it from my apparently vice-like vagina. No, I wasn’t nervous at all, why do you ask?
I have been instructed to start stims Sunday morning, at which time I will be taking 75iu of Bravelle and 75iu of Menopur. I will go in for an E2 check next Wednesday, and then ultrasound and E2 two days later. Those of you for whom the last two sentences were but a rhythmic nonsensical babble will be heartened to know that tomorrow I will draw up the second installment of Your IVF Primer (Stimulation: or, Who Left These Grapefruit in My Pelvis?), so that you can continue to be bored to tears with the rest of my readers. I am always thinking of you, you see.
Tonight I am going to celebrate by making carbonara and watching the Top Chef I missed last night (Spell check would like to know if by “carbonara” I mean “coronary.” Uncannily prescient, that spell check). Carbonara generally involves the use of my trusty Bacon Shears (read: pair of scissors from IKEA), but tonight I will be eschewing the Shears in favor of my new knife. I had considered myself rather bad with knives, and was further convinced that knives weren’t much use for cutting difficult things like meat, anyway, but as it happens I just had a terribly dull and ineffective blade. (I don’t know why I was so surprised by this, as my knife, like my Bacon Shears, hailed from IKEA). My brother, who is just finishing culinary school (and has curiously turned down my offer of an internship position as my personal chef) gave me a new knife last week as a belated wedding present, and imagine my delight to find that it cuts things without any hacking or sawing at all! So formidable is my new knife that when cutting an orange I need only bring the blade close enough to glare forbiddingly at the peel, which obligingly splits apart, cleaving the fruit into a series of even slices. True story.
*I used to refer to this as the Axis of Evil, but perhaps I was hasty in my judgment
12 Comments
Ha ha ha ha - oh dear. Ha ha ha - so glad the ovaries are behaving *, but um, ha ha ha. Goddamn, I’m very close to saying something incredibly naughty.
btw - top chef made me cry today - I think that’s just me though - hormones and all. And um, rather predictable (but always delectable!). I was shocked (amazed, stunned?) to discover this week that Padma was married to Salman Rushdie. Rather like Angelina and Billy Bob, yet not so - um - dirty.
Lupron and sharpe knives …… Glad your ovaries are all in check - good luck on the stims
This was one of the funniest things I’ve read in quite some time. Start to finish.
And as for your “apparently vice-like vagina”, my husband (always quite the wordsmith) refers to such things as vacuuginas :)
Great news you have been cleared for take off!! They had trouble finding my ovaries too…I feel like saying, hey you do this every day you should be able to find them if they’re up under my chin!! Good luck for stims.
Not that I’m missing the point of this post, but I love new, sharp knives. I had one right after we got married. My advice to you is this: don’t let your husband near it when he attempts to “sharpen” it. This really means make it even more dull.
Ooo! What kind of knife? I’m always in the market for sharp knives.
That sounded creepy.
Best of luck as you head for the magical land of OVARIAN STIMULATION!
hmm, 150 units is quite a lot of stimms if they are worried about you overstimming given number of antral follicles. I hope they are going to scan you early to make sure you’re not overdoing it…
Isn’t your husband a bit frightened, hormonal stimulants and a sharp knife in the house?
Oh Alexa, you make me laugh.
I have probably left 19,000 comments here that say the exact same thing, but it is oh so true. Keeping my fingers crossed for you in the upcoming days.
Awesome. I have so been there with the dull knife. It’s amazing what a little sharpening can do! Re Top Chef, were they REALLY surprised that they didn’t get to go party? I mean come on.
Good luck with your stims! Funny that Thalia said you were on a high dose, because I’d been thinking it was kind of low - as a high FSHer, I’m on the max dose, 600ius/day. Egads.
I totally admire your ability to see (and write) the humor in all of this. Having a sense of humor will help so much throughout the process.
I just wanted to wish you luck
x
I am just starting my first IVF cycle (started pill on 8/4,had baseline sono/started lupron today)and am happy to see that I have found someone who will be going through the same thing. In addition, I am grateful for the humor that you find in this crazy thing called infertility.Lord knows laughing makes it easier than crying. Good luck with everything. Can’t wait to read more!