Aug
31
And Then There Were None.
Of the fifteen embryos still developing after our day three transfer, ZERO were suitable for freezing on day five. They are all gone.
I am trying, very hard, to tell myself that this doesn’t mean the two we transfered are already dead or on their way there. It isn’t working.
We can’t afford another fresh cycle. I feel sick, and not in a “hopeful pregnancy symptom” kind of way. Details when I stop crying, or after my in-laws (arriving tomorrow) leave, whichever comes last.
48 Comments
OMG, Alexa. I can see why you would be concerned but you are right not to assume that the same thing has happened to your transferred two. A petri dish is just not as welcoming as your warm, padded womb. So buck up! and take care of yourself. It’s not just the embies that deserve it, but you too.
My good wishes are with you.
Oh my goodness, Alexa; I was certainly not expecting that news! Neither were you, obviously. What a heartache for you and the Actually. I’m so sorry. Here’s hoping that two is all it will take and that they are happily dividing away in your uterus.
Oh man, I am so sorry. Try not to worry about the two you’ve already got inside. The lab definitely picked the best to transfer and they’re thriving right now! Plus from what I understand the criteria for freezing is super strict. This will happen!
Unfortunate timing on the visit from the in-laws, whether you like them or not. Try to have an ok weekend.
What a bad time for the inlaws to be visiting. I’m sorry on so many accounts. I’m sure they picked the best of the bunch to transfer and like the other commenter, you are much nicer place to settle in and grow than a lab. I hope the two of them snuggled up for a looonnnnggg ride.
That fucking sucks, Alexa. I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how sad you must be feeling, and worried about what’s going on inside you. However, as the other commenters have mentioned, you are WAY better than a petri dish, so I think chances are good for those little guys inside you. Lots of chocolate!!
oh Hugs Alexa!
I’m so sorry Alexa. We didn’t have as many as you did to start out with, I think we had about 11-12 embryos. We transfered two on day 3 and on day 5 none were suitable for freezing. I was crushed. Like you, I was convinced that it was an indication that the two they transferred wouldn’t make it. I also knew that our chances of another fresh cycle any time in the foreseeable future were not good. But in the end, one of those embryos did make it. I had a long talk with my RE about why there were none to freeze and he said that different clinics have different policies about freezing. My clinic (and I think you said yours was the same way) only freezes very high grade embryos. He said it was actually very rare for any of his patients to have frozen embryos after a fresh cycle. Kind of sucks for those of us who need a “bargain” frozen cycle as back up, but probably does make sense from their point of view, huh?
Anyway, I know those “and now that embryo is my one-year-old daughter” stories can sometimes be annoying to hear when you’re feeling the way you do right now, so I hope I’m not overstepping here.
Try to hang in there, Alexa. It all just sucks, but try not to start mourning the cycle just yet!
my thoughts are with you…..sending good vibes your way
oh no alexa. i’m sorry. sending forth all my good vibes for the two inside you.
Oh.
Crap.
You poor thing, how absolutely stressful.
To echo a number of the other responses: your clinic has a really high standard for freezing embryos - don’t despair about your 2 super troopers! Think positive thoughts and hang in there!
Tell those 2 little guys how much they should appreciate the IM shots you’re enduring daily for their sake! Hopefully, they will be able to thank you shortly.
oh my god. i know it’s so very hard, though i don’t claim to know how you are feeling, and just wish you hope and peace.
Shit. And an in-law visit on top of it all. Lots of good vibes being sent your way, with a shot of badass for the embryos inside. Hang in there.
I agree that a petri dish is no comparison to your warm, inviting womb, my love. Sending you comforting thoughts, and I’m sorry for this (hopefully fleeting) setback.
xoxo
Yikes! And of course it makes sense that the two inside have had such different lives at this point than the ones in the lab. Best good wishes to you, and them…
Plus, I just want to say that I am so happy that I found your blog at this time in my own life, (i.e. ER next weekend.) Thanks for sharing, it really has been meaningful for me.
Oh, heavens… terrible news. Poor thing *hugs*
Like Bittermama said, I hope I’m not being annoying with my story, but here goes. We had 12 eggs at retrieval, 8 fertilized with ICSI and 6 made it to day 5 for my transfer. They put two in, and said the other 4 looked “GREAT” … a week later I got my letter saying that none were able to be frozen. I was devastated thinking that if they weren’t good enough to freeze, they weren’t good enough to become babies. I now have 5 month old twins. Hang in there! Sending lots of hugs your way!
I am really at a loss of words. I am so sorry about the 15. And I am holding hope for the two inside of you. And everything else I’ve tried to say, I’ve ended up erasing. Because there are just no good words when you hear news like that.
My first thought when I read your post was that they transferred the best ones. I am sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. I am thinking of you and looking forward to an update.
What? I’m…I’m speechless, Alexa, by this news.
I would seriously be keeping the thought from Bitter Mama close to me until you get a chance to talk personally with your RE. God, that sucks.
I am really sorry. But they obviously gave you the best ones so you should definitely not assume they are not doing well. I absolutely believe that.
Oh, Alexa, I’m so sorry! But hopefully the reason the others didn’t make it to being frozen is because they won’t be needed - the two inside are all you will need. Sending positive thoughts your way.
I am sorry. It is an awful thing to hear. It doesn’t mean that the two that were transferred are doomed. They may be doing just fine in the comfort of your uterus.
Because the 2ww doesn’t already suck? I’m with the others - you transferred the best two, your ute is much cozier than a lab, yadda yadda. But still, this all just sucks. Thinking of you and sending hugs and chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
So sorry about the rest of your embies, but you got the good ones with you. Take care and I am hoping for you.
Dear Alexa, I’m so very sorry, and can only imagine how this must feel. I know this won’t help much, but going to blast outside the womb is very, very difficult for embryos, even very hardy ones. Hoping with all my might that your nurturing presence makes all the difference.
What everyone else said. It’s very hard for embryos to survive outside your body after day 3 (and before, really) so this is not an indication of what’s happened to the ones inside you. Hang in there.
Alexa, I’m so sorry your cycle has panned out like this.
I hate to be another person with an anecdote, and please email me back and virtual slap me if this makes you feel worse instead of better, but I had no embryos left either.
And I only had ONE left to transfer on day 4. A measly little 8-cell who had only divided two cells in two days and should have been 50 cells by the day we transfered him. I cried throughout the transfer and for several days after with the hopelessness of it.
But now he is six months old and napping on my bed.
I have nothing new to add, except to say my old clinic didn’t even grade embryos for this very reason - some make it that look iffy and some that look beautiful don’t. They had a very strict policy on freezing them as well.
Thinking of you hon, especially with visitors in your home.
Just found your blog and so sorry to hear the news. I know how frustrating that is. Everyone said it all already. so yeah… what they said.
Hoping you won’t be needing frosties anyway…
oh no. i’m so sorry. i’m holding a lot of hope for the ones inside you. to add my voice to the choir, that’s the best place for them to be.
What everyone else said because it was well said :( still hoping for you because i know you’re not up to it! XXX
I wish I knew what to write that wouldn’t sound cliche or patronizing… I have not yet travelled this road though, so I have no words to offer. Know that I’m sending all my most positive and encouraging thoughts your way though. *hugs*
Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.
I have no idea what else to say, except that I’m sending good thoughts (and hope you make it through the in-laws…what a “perfect” time to visit.)
Oh man. That’s got to be so hard (understatement). I am so sorry… It’s not over yet. I am still sending my positive thoughts your way…
Ah, hell. I’m so sorry to hear that. Your uterus is definitely a much better place for those embryos to be developing, and hopefully that’s exactly what they’re doing in there. But I can completely understand why you’re so very, very upset.
And in-laws on top of that…urgh. I hope the visit is a very, very short one.
A very quick inspirational story for you. A cycle friend of mine at my clinic had 16 fertilized eggs retrieved. They put back in 4 (1 morula, 4 early blasts) on day 5. The following 11 stopped dividing and could not be frozen. She was very upset, understandably so. She got her beta today: its positive. The uterus is so much better than a petri dish Alexa. So just remember that and please do not lose hope. Hugs to you :)
I’m so so sorry - complete stranger but long time fan here rooting for you. Sending you lots of good chocolately cheesy thoughts.
Wow, I know that must have been incredibly difficult news to hear. I know this is a tough time, but make sure to take care of yourself.
Bloody hell…I’m sorry.
Listen to all these clever women though - the womb is a far better place for an embryo than a petri dish.
I’m sorry too that the in-laws are visiting at the most inoportune time. May their visit be brief.
Thinking of you, with my head, heart, and wonky uterus.
Good luck!
Sending positive thoughts your way.
Hany in there, you have two wonderful embryos that you are providing a great homey environment to. Think positivly, good luck to you!
Dear god. Why wouldn’t they freeze them? Without PGD how the blazing hell do they know for certain that they aren’t just perfectly fine???? I’ve heard time and time again that some of the best looking embryos have been biopsied only to find aneupolodies and that many a grade 3 embryo has gone on to be a baby.
Okay, now I’m pissed. Can I break your RE’s knees? Please?
I have everything crossed for you: even my eyes.
Oh I am sorry, but as it’s been said before it means nothing about the 2 inside you. You wouldn’t want them to give up on you so don’t give up on them. Try to be happy about your 2 little one’s on board.
Thinking of you and hoping all is well!
those two embies are in the perfect environment. it’s exactly where they want to be. please don’t give up hope.
I’m thinking of you (plus 2)
I’m so sorry.
Oh, Alexa. I have nothing new to add to the many smart comments above except that I’m sorry. And I hope the in-laws are as unannoying as it is possible for in-laws to be.