Excuse the lack of a clever reveal, but all cleverness has left me at the moment:
The test this morning was positive.
Faintly, faintly positive, so faint I wondered whether it was wishful seeing of some kind, but I have never been able to imagine a second line onto a pregnancy test before (and not for lack of trying, I assure you) and it seems unlikely I would develop such a talent now.
Yesterday’s test was baldly negative, and I spent the better part of the day tearfully researching jobs that might offer me better infertility coverage and applying for IVF financing (denied!) and noticing that my breasts weren’t sore anymore and that I didn’t feel pregnant at all. WOE, SOB, etc.
Last night I took yet another test, and could have sworn I saw something. A shadow of a line, maybe. Scott could not see this “line,” and I think began to worry for my mental health when I bounded out of the bathroom carrying a urine-drenched pregnancy test and insisting upon the existence of a line-ish formation that was not visible to him at all. He became suddenly solicitous and ran out to buy me macaroni and cheese, no-doubt hoping the cheesy embrace of a noodle would return me to my senses, as it has so many times before. I checked on the test every few minutes throughout the evening, and I would say that 7 times out of 10 I saw something there. Maybe.
This morning, though, I can see it clearly. Well, not clearly, but without tilting it at a precise 39 degree angle under an interrogation-grade bulb. I am trying not to worry about whether tomorrow’s test will be darker, or the beta results, or how I am going to wait for an ultrasound, or the fact that this is my fourth pr…gestation and I am suspiciously lacking the five-year-old, two-year-old, and live-38-week-old-fetus that should be the fruit of the first three pregn…gestations.
I am trying not to worry about those things, because today the test was positive, and I am happy, happier than a scallop wrapped in bacon, and (for now) I am, well, you know. It starts with a “P.”
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Oh my god! WOO HOO! I know this will sound bizarre since you don’t know me and I don’t know you, but I have been checking compulsively all day today to see if you had posted with any news. I just knew it would work! As a chick in a similar situation as you (2 prev losses, PCOS, currently 8wks PG) I can tell you that the anxiety doesn’t go away. But each week that passes, it gets a little less. I am so happy for you!
Holy frick, that is AWESOME! I once said about a pregnancy test that I now know what an imaginary line looks like. I’m so glad your imaginary line is looking less imaginary.
Yeah!!!! It might just be that the Lupron shots are making me emotional, but I really think I am on the verge of crying with happiness for you!
congratulations. this is wonderful news!!
Okay, I can certainly be a little dense but shouldn’t it be faint at 8DP3DT? (well, unless you’re hoping one split into identicals and you’re expecting triplets?)
So far, so good and I’ll keep my fingers crossed.
DinoD
Wa-hooo! I’ve been anxiously checking this blog every day to hear the news. This is great news!
I would worry if the stick shows up plaid though. :-)
Oh my God!! I am actually crying for you right now. I remember seeing a faint, faint line after three damn years of peeing on a stick… My husband couldn’t see it all either. Was sure I had finally gone delusional from the madness of infertility!
Seriously, I will send positive thoughts out into the universe for you and your family. :)
Giving you a “Woohoo!” over from my counter, and keeping my fingers crossed for you (well, and for me).
Oh Alexa. I’m so happy for you.
Holy Crap! I’m so excited. My heart started racing when I read this post. Continueing to send lots and lots of positive thoughts your way.
High five for that! YAY!
weeeeee!!! wonderful news. i just have this feeling that this is all going to turn out perfectly for you.
Love it! coming back tomorrow for the results of the next test :)
YAY!!! Terrific news! Congratulations! I can’t wait to hear more :)
Horray!!! Congratulations!
stickstickstickstickstickstickstickstick little embryos!
Terrific news!!
Yaaaaaaay! Wooooohooooo!
Let’s hear it for the little embies that could!
Ooh, I had to reply. I gave a little audible gasp of delight at that first little bit of the post. I guess that was my signal for coming out of the woodwork.
Oh, yay!
Way up there? I meant corner, not counter. I am exhausted and also a dork, which means I can’t type what I mean to type.
OH AWESOME!!!can’t wait for tomorrow
An audible *GASP* actually left my lips upon reading the second sentence. It was then that I realized I ought to come out of my own woodwork, considering I’ve been saying little prayers for you lately. I certainly won’t stop now! :o)
Lurker-I-be-no-more. Best of luck to you, Alexa!!
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love hearing “second line” stories from IVF ladies. Good luck!!!
Oh my god – I am so psyched for you! I was considering a mac and cheese welcome for my recently transferred embryos (2.5 hrs now) and now I think it is most definitely in order!
Wow, congrats!
Well, of course you’re “gestating”. You had that special glow days and days ago. Now it leaves the great P and I to follow suit and leave the caste of infertility behind forever.
mmm, macaroni and cheese sounds really good right now.
just kidding! i’m happy for you and crossing all my fingers and toes.
That is wonderful news I am sending good wishes your way.
I remember peeing on an untold number of sticks when I became pregnant with my daughter after two early losses. It was a good thing I discovered the dollar store tests. It is much nicer spending a buck than five.
I am looking forward to another update!!!!
A scallop wrapped in bacon is pretty happy–I’ll bet you’re as happy as at least a DOZEN scallops wrapped in bacon! I am so fervently hoping that this continues to get better and better.
POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE!! I’m feeling positive about this one. Great news
YAY!
It’s a start, a wonderful start!
Keeping fingers crossed for nice fat, clearly visible dark lines in the days to come!
Congratulations! That is very exciting! Good luck!
AAAAAAAA! So excited for you! And as everyone said when I got my very faint second line, a line is a line. Though I assume you will be peeing on sticks daily, if not hourly, and comparing the lines and wishing you had a spectrometer to compare exact gradations of darkness. Ahem. Not that I was crazy like that or anything.
I am so happy for you! I hope that line gets even darker tomorrow!
Congratulations!
YAY!
Woohoo!!!
yea yea yea! that’s great news. i’m so happy for you.
okay, now i have to go read the rest of your post. :)
WAHOOOOOO!!
Keeping everything crossed for you that the line just keeps on getting darker.
I can’t wait for Pee Stick v2.0 tomorrow!!
Here’s hoping! Fingers crossed.
Yippeeeee! You’re gestating!!!!
Wheeeee! Fingers crossed for you!
Yeehaw! Congratulations! :)
Happier than a scallop wrapped in bacon??!! Well, I’ll be! Oh and I knew it – haha – I knew it, I knew it (sing songy voice) – and well, I’m not going to say what else I know ’cause the bad luck demons follow me around, so i probably shouldn’t even be here, but it’s cool baby, that’s all I’ll say (wink, wink). Yee haw!
Great, Alexa!! xx
Great news!! I actually cheered out loud for you in the middle of work!
Congratulations!!!
I’m happy for you!
unfortunately, i don’t have any similar experiences to share, i just love the way you write and am really overjoyed to hear the news. this is my third check today to see if anything has happened, and well, i’m glad it has.
Fingers crossed to the breaking point. So excited for you!
Oh, joy!
YAY! Congrats! So happy for you!
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