Little House on the (Sexy) Prairie.
I am losing it, a little. Hence my silence—there are only so many ways to write the fact that I don’t feel pregnant, am terrified that there is nothing alive inside me, and do not see how I am going to make it to my ultrasound intact. I suppose I could bore you even more by telling you about my dream last night, which took place in pioneer times. Sexy pioneer times. In it I had a failed romance with a fellow pioneer, but after his hot-air balloon accident (don’t ask), I nursed him back to health, and…bow chicka bow bow. “Sexy Pioneer Times” would be an excellent name for a reality show, don’t you think? A sort of cross between Manor House and Paradise Hotel?
Other than being tired, I don’t have any symptoms, and I am on progesterone, which always makes me tired. I continue to have a lot of cramping. The OHSS stabilized a few days ago and is now much better, which should make me happy but instead fills me with dread. I made an appointment with my OBGYN for next Thursday, and I am planning to throw myself on his mercy and beg and plead for an ultrasound. I doubt I will get one, but I am trying to believe that I might, because even the six days until that appointment seem interminable.
I am trying to fill my time, and here is what I have so far:
-Dinner tonight with my brother @ delicious Thai place
-Meerkat Manor!
-Accupuncture and therapy tomorrow (Accupunture will be great; therapy…I think I am beyond help at the moment.)
-Sometime Saturday Scott and I can watch my current favorite show, Burn Notice, a new episode of which is waiting for me on our Tivoesque (And if you aren’t watching this show, you should be. I wish I were a spy. Probably the whole “risk-averse” thing would get in the way, though.)
-Scrabble with Schnozz on Sunday (My goal: make a rollergirl cry)
-New season of America’s Next Top Model starts on Wednesday
So, that’s about seven hours taken care of. Anyone who lives in my area and has some free time: Hey! I’m available! I’ll buy you a drink if you will keep my mind occupied for 60 seconds! (NOT KIDDING!)
Maybe I could bake something? Or take up snorkeling? I suppose I could work some overtime next week. I am completely out of money, so perhaps I will play the recorder on street corners for spare change. I’d have to whittle myself a recorder first, and that would probably eat up a few hours. Then I could use the money to shop or go out for lunch, two things guaranteed to make me feel better, and two things I absolutely cannot afford to do at the moment.
I keep writing posts to distract myself, which works well sometimes, but I don’t publish them because each is more annoying than the last, and no one wants to hear a very lucky person’s verbal hand-wringing every day, and the ones that aren’t hand-wringing seem like tempting fate: posts on Scott’s reaction, or our surprising thoughts on twins. And of course this post, about sexy pioneer times and The Crazy and how terrified I am of accidentally alienating everybody by writing the wrong thing is perhaps the most annoying of all.
141 hours and 44 minutes until possible pity OB ultrasound
315 hours and 44 minutes until currently scheduled ultrasound
35 Comments
I would absolutely LOVE the shoe Sexy Pioneer Times. And your dream should be the pilot.
I’m very new at it, but am already very understanding of your lucky person’s hand-wringing. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You worked very hard to get knocked up, so it’s ok to be concerned about the status at all times (except during ANTM!)
This is awful, this wait, isn’t it? I hope your OB takes pity on you…
I for one am glad your OHSS seems to be in check now. Before you complain that it was your only symptom of pregnancy and you want it back, may I gently point out that sexy dreams are a symptom too? And a darn sight more pleasant?
Don’t know if this will help you feel better, but, my first sign of pregnancy has always been extremely vivid, neurotic dreaming. My second symptom is apparently stupidity because I spend the next 8 months standing in front of the open fridge door looking for my car keys and wondering why my bra is in the crisper. So, whoo-hoo, pregnancy! Congratulations.
yup, I’m with kath. Sexy dreams are most definitely a symptom. It’s a bummer not having clear symptoms, I kept wishing for them but given how awful the vomiting seems to be, I think in the end I was lucky.
personally I am a big fan of early ultrasounds. The knowing is better than the not knowing, at least for me. So I wouldn’t beg so much as demand one. And studies on recurrent miscarriage have demonstrated that tlc approach (lots of scans, regular doctor chats) reduces the rate of miscarriage. So a scan is really a medical necessity.
Hmmm …
Tears might help in the plea for an ultrasound from your OB. And, maybe a line about your mental stability … Scott can hold the ultrasound machine hostage.
I actually think that sexy dreams are a symptom of pregnancy. So, you’ve got one symptom. But, nice touch by adding the “Old West” setting.
Also, no worries about lack of symptoms. I didn’t have any until at least 8 weeks. Sometimes they just take a while to kick in.
I don’t live close to you (I’m on the east coast) but with that Red Sox hat, I figure you’re OK. :)
Anyway, if you have a Facebook page (I know, I know), you can play online scrabble with any number of other folks. It comes with a dictionary! I am completely addicted.
sexy dreams and cramps are symptoms! demand (kindly of course) that the dr give you a u/s. good freakin grief, you’re upset and are nervous as anyone would be in your shoes. i mean, i’d be nice about it…but he works for you and you are in need of an u/s.
Since you want to be distracted, my comments won’t be about your pregnancy . . .
Let’s talk about the cheapest and easiest form of entertainment - TV. I think the odds are pretty good that Flower will either give birth or get pregnant tonight on Meerkat Manor. It is pathetic that I am jealous of a meerkat?
I can also fill up another 6 hours of your weekend with my TV selections. First, The National Geographic Channel will premiere “Inside the Living Body” on Sunday. It will show you a women’s body from follicles to baby - I find that stuff way cool (but then again, I actually enjoy my follistim shots). Also, the Emmys and Pre-Show seem to account for endless hours of celebrity bashing (free and therapeutic).
Enjoy!
Television never worked for me because of my tv’s close proximity to my computer. Time on the computer was spent googling things like “incidences of hermaphrodite babies after IUI” or “spontaneous dwarfism.” I was a ridiculous mess from the moment I saw the double lines on the first of TWELVE pregnancy tests.
I don’t have any real diversions to offer because I know nothing will tear your mind away from what is occupying 99.999% of it. Just eat cheese and chocolate and try to take an occasional walk.
And I’m a complete stranger but I live out near St. Cloud and if you get desperate enough we could always meet in a mall and sit on a bench and make fun of people. That can take up a good few hours.
In the meantime, hang in there.
Yee-haw little cowgirl! Sex dreams are a first trimester symptom fer sure.
By the second trimester, you won’t want to think about sex at all, so enjoy it while you can.
I wish you so much luck Alexa
i’m kind of into burn notice, but i’ve got like 7 waiting for me on the DVR and catching up is overwhelming!
Make a rollergirl cry, eh? YOU JUST BRING IT, HOOKER. (I hope we’re at that stage of friendship, where I can call you hooker and there are no hard feelings. Hooker.)
I was telling Mr. S yesterday how lucky I am that I live nowhere near you, because you would wipe the floor with me in a real game of Scrabble. No guessing? Lots of math? God, Scrabble totally sucked in the pioneer times. Yes, even the SEXY pioneer times.
You should totally take up macrame in your spare time. Or spinning. Or both! Make your own yarn! (No offense to anyone who macrames…I myself knit with is similar in the same way that apple tress are related to redwoods.)
Good luck with that pity u/s. I hope it pans out for you; this wait is cruel!
There is no telling how many times I convinced myself that I was no longer pregnant. I know just how you feel.
I bought a fetal doppler from e-Bay when I could pick up the heartbeat at home. It made me feel much better and re-assured me so many times.
I am thinking of you and looking forward to good news from the ultrasound.
Waiting stinks! Hang in there
I wish you nothing but good news at your scan.
This is why Tom Petty is the infertile mascot. Sucks don’t it?
Will an OB u/s machine be as good as your RE’s? How far will you be then? Just don’t want you to get disappointed if you can’t see anything and of course, God forbid I actually remember - can’t remember anything about my own cycle, or life or um, name.
Your acupuncturist couldn’t tell? I’m hoping mine can Monday. 6DPO. Yeah. I’m not expecting much, am I?
So. Take an on elaborate crafting project. (Even better if you’re not crafty.)
Reread the Potters from the start.
Nap relentlessly.
Read Blogs. But not baby-related. The craft ones. Really. I’m constantly amazed at the amazing things these gals make. wee wonderfuls has a blog roll that keeps me busy for HOURS.
Anyway. So delighted you got your positive. And amen on the sexy dreams. I had those too with #1.
Hang in there.
I’m with you on the going crazy thing. And the RN’s professional advice, “Calm Down”. Sure! That just works like magic! Ha!
I’m sure you’ll be able to demand the u/s! Just stand your ground and they’ll cave! Who can deny a neurotic pregnant woman? Hahahaha! We could rule the world!
If you ever want to fret together, you can just drop me a line.
Oh…and Burn Notice…yeah baby! LOVE that show! We DVR it. I’ve got an episode just waiting on me, too!
Congratulations, Good Luck and can’t wait to hear how things go!
Sexy dreams = pregnancy.
It’s the only good thing about the first trimester.
Happy =>
Symptoms are optional. I didn’t feel a thing that early.
Good luck finding something good to occupy your mind until the appointment!
I’ve been out of town all week and the first thing I did upon returning was check your site. Seriously… I should be putting the kids to bed, but no.
Congratulations on those totally fab betas! And I’m so terribly sorry for the OHSS. Ouch.
Ok, back to my responsibilities now!
I echo all the other posters about sexy time dreaming in the first semester. Although yours is the first Pioneer Times themed sexy dream I think I’ve ever heard of. That’s quite a distinction.
I would beg and plead for that u/s. No harm in that.
Hoping all the best for you.
I am SUPER excited about ANTM starting on Wednesday. My husband calls me a dork because of it, but I love that show an unreasonable amount. It is a good distraction, for sure.
Hi, I am a first time reader. First of all I want to say congratulations on your BFP, that is so exciting. I also recently got a BFP (8w2d today, my first 2 weeks I did not feel anything even though I was (still am) on progesterone. I wrote many posts that sounds just like yours, so I understand the frustrations of lack of symptoms… but I also want to give some assurance that you can be pregnant with no symptoms. At 6w3ds I saw the heartbeat!!!!! and soon after that the symptoms set in, and now I have been terribly sick for 2 weeks!!!! so wait my friend and they will get to you. I hope that your doc can request an scan to pt your mind at peace. Wishing you the best and congratulations again
Good luck.
I am sure that you are still pregnant. Don’t you just wish that you had a window into your uterus? Good luck with the waiting, waiting sucks.
I would seriously be Sexy Pioneer Times’s #1 fan. In fact, I would totally audition to be a cast member.
You and I would look too hot in bonnets.
Oh man. If I lived there we would be going out for macaroni and cheese every night until this appointment!
Here is a distraction for you in lieu of that:
http://www.addictinggames.com/theimpossiblequiz.html
P.S. still my favorite blog. none of this worrying about appropriate posting!
I totally understand the sexy pioneer dream. Pa Ingalls (the televised, Michael Landon version) was my first crush. I could gloss over the inappropriate age difference in my (sexy prairie) fantasies when I was 12; now, not so much. I think Sexy Pioneer is definitely untapped potential in the soft porn industry.
Another week and a day left until your ultrasound? I was thinking about you today, wondering if it was tomorrow (b/c I remembered that it was on a Thursday). I just couldn’t believe when I read the post again and realized it’s NEXT WEEK. Geez, this whole time-slows-to-a-crawl-between-appts thing really sucks.
Sexy pioneer times?!?! How can I have one of those dreams?!?!?!?! Chaps and bonnets and hoopskirts, oh my!
And you just be you. We’ll continue loving you and rooting for you.
I am secretly, okay, not so secretly, happy that you’re complaining of not having symptoms. With every IVF that I’ve done, I’ve driven myself batty with every twinge and cramp, thinking, “Oh, I wonder if that was implantation!? Hmm, am I spotting?” I think that we read about the few women that have glaring symptoms and, after time, we start to think that what these women are experiencing is “normal” (what IS that anyways?). My mom told me that she didn’t have a single symptom save for the absence of menses…and not even morning sickness till the 3rd trimester, if you can believe that. So I have to keep remembering that I’ll probably be like her, and like you, and have very few symptoms…and that will be normal for us.
I am so happy that you got your BFP on your first try!!! Tonight I’m baking coconut-almond muffins in your honor. :-)
Alexa, I hope you are doing okay. It has been a few days since your last post, and I just want you to know I am thinking of you and rooting for you.
If everything is okay, but you are still driving yourself crazy with the waiting, I suggest a nice dose of LOL cats - it always takes my mind off of stuff AND makes me crack up.
Take care!