Flotsam

1. There seems to be an overwhelming curiosity amongst my readers about my mother’s reaction to Cuddles’ reappearance. When I returned Cuddles to his cage, I did not say anything, hoping his presence would go unnoticed, which it did, for a while. And then I recall a tense moment, my mother displaying some amount of suspicion, something along the lines of:
“Wait a minute…didn’t Cuddles die?”
I cannot remember exactly what was said after that, but I suppose I lied and relied upon my mother’s distractibility, and astoundingly, it worked. My mother was recently divorced, working more than full time and caring for two small children, one of whom (*ahem hem*) was something of a handful. I would later count upon this distractibility—though I was frequently grounded, I could usually be certain that said grounding would be forgotten if I merely kept my mouth shut and pretended it had never occurred. Whether my mother was truly too frazzled to recall such things or rather saving her energies for more important issues, I do not know. Perhaps she decided early on to pick her battles, and that the faked death of a rodent was ultimately of little importance.
2. Question: Where do you put a laptop when you no longer have a lap?
3. As I mentioned, I am switching to a peri. Or trying to. At the moment what I am doing is making phone calls, sitting on hold, and having records forwarded to and fro. I am getting the referral from my RE, and what with all the phone tag and dueling voice mails, it is like old times.
I am switching because last week I discovered that my OB delivers at a hospital with only a Level II NICU. The hospital website is rather misleading, and claims “access to a Level IV NICU,” while failing to mention that the hospital branch with the Level IV facility is all the way across town. It is certainly possible that I will go to term and have no complications, but it is not probable, and if my children need a specialized facility, I would prefer they have it ready at hand. Also, I was willing to put up with the 20+ mile drive to my OB’s hospital when I thought it was a Level IV facility, but I am not comfortable planning to deliver at a hospital with a Level II NICU when a highly recommended peri practice located in a hospital with a fancy Level III NICU that was profiled in The New York Times is located walking distance from my apartment. The final straw was when, after my day of worrying about my cervix, a triplet mom friend of mine gushed over said peri practice and told me that when she called with concerns during her pregnancy, the nurses were prone to saying “”It sounds like normal pregnancy pains, but would it make you feel better to come in and take a peek at the babies?”
I like the idea of being able to get to my doctor in ten minutes instead of the 45 it takes to get to my OB during traffic. But yes, I do feel guilty: I adore Dr. Schrodinger, and he is the only doctor who agreed to do anything to treat my recurrent miscarriages. I have no idea whether the Prednisone is what helped this pregnancy stick around past the first trimester, but I will always be grateful to him for taking me seriously. I haven’t told him yet that I am leaving, and am seriously dreading my 16 week appointment, where that conversation will take place.
4. Behold the power of mint-chocolate-chip ice cream: I think I have gained at least a pound this week. The nausea seems to be lifting, and I cannot tell you how glad I am to see it go. Unless it means something dreadful has happened. [Confidential to babies: Anytime you want to start kicking, go right ahead! Really sock it to me!]
5. I had some spotting today, my first in a very long time. However, the spotting appeared after an hour-long battle with my…lower system, and then vanished entirely. I have no idea whether this truly counts as spotting. Before pregnancy, my bowels ran like Swiss trains, and now, thanks to my friend Zofran, I am in uncharted territory. I have heard all kinds of horror stories about third trimester symptoms I will not name, but I always assumed I would avoid such unpleasantness. Now I am not feeling so cocky. Now I am scared, and hoping to god my future does not include any unsavory salve and/or medicated pads.
6. Do you know what has MORE calories than Carnation Instant Breakfast and yet is far, far tastier? Hot chocolate. It even has protein, making it excellent for building fetal sinew.
7. I hear that because of the writers’ strike, there is going to be an increased demand for reality programming. I am thinking that I ought to put together a pilot for Sexy Pioneer Times. The credits will have someone churning butter suggestively. “Suggestively” is redundant, of course. Have you ever seen someone churn butter?
8. Scott says HORSE is not a sport. I maintain that it is a legitimate subset of Basketball. Opinions?