No-Fly.
I talked to my mother this morning and she is doing as well as can be expected. She had her surgeries—which ended up involving bone harvested from her pelvis, nine pins, and five plates—and will be in the hospital for two weeks before being transferred to a rehab facility where she will spend another few weeks. After that she will have outpatient physical therapy, but should recover fully, though it is possible she will limp, in which case she thinks she might get herself a fancy cane: “It can be my signature,” she says. She is finally able to use a wheelchair, and so the dreaded bedpans are no more, a fact which seems to have done wonders for her morale. She will most likely come home for a visit in February or March. My uncle is flying to Switzerland sometime in the next week and will stay with her through Christmas, and my brother will be spending Christmas and January with her as well. I will not be flying over, because I will be 20 weeks by then and the combination of a multiple pregnancy and my own paranoia seem destined to make any such trip stressful and ill-advised. Don’t think I’m not making myself feel like a Bad Daughter for deciding to stay home, however.
I worry that my decision will be (wrongly! incorrectly! erroneously!) attributed to my well-known aversion to travel. I am actually looking forward to visiting my mother in Switzerland next year, and believe me, if I weren’t pregnant I would have been over there like a shot after the accident. But if I did start having pre-term labor while visiting, I would never stop wondering whether I could have prevented it by staying home and not subjecting my irritable uterus to an eight-hour plane ride. My mother’s medical care has been truly excellent, but communication has been an issue, and while I have no doubt that an emergency situation would be handled smoothly, I am less confident about a scenario in which I need to call a medical professional for advice and/or a cervical check because I am not sure whether what I am experiencing is normal.
Like right now, when I am having wonky sensations in my uterus that could be Braxton-Hicks contractions (feels clenchy), but then again maybe not, as these clenchy-things are not quite painless, and my abdomen is still soft to the touch. Combine that with the pressure I am feeling in my undercarriage, and plop me down in a foreign country faced with the prospect of calling a nurse and speaking German at her, and I would be losing my mind, instead of calmly consulting Google and planning to call after House if things do not improve with rest and hydration.
So…thoughts? Opinions? Alexa: selfish neurotic or sensible pregnant-lady?
28 Comments
duh. sensible pregnant lady. obviously.
I know it must be so hard, but I totally think you are making the right decision. Your mom is in great hands and so are you.
Delurking to say definitely a sensible pregnant lady course of action.
Absolutely, positively sensible pregnant-lady.
sensible! you are right that should something go wrong abroad you would always wonder whether it was the travel that did it. good for you for not putting yourself in that situation. I’m sure your mother understands.
Absolutely sensible. 100%. I wish you didn’t have to make a decision like this, though.
my vote sensible pregnant lady! for sure
totally in agreement. Very sensible. Especially given that you’re feeling funny things.
VERY sensible pregnant lady….you made the right decision! You never want to have to say “what if?”.
I vote for sensible - you need to take care of those babies! Your mom will have family with her soon, and you’ll see her as soon as it’s safe for everyone involved, yes? :)
Completely sensible.
SMART! Don’t for a second think otherwise. If (God forbid) something were to happen while there, you’d never forgive yourself. Your #1 priority right now is protecting those babies.
Hope your mom recovers well and quickly!
If your mom’s life depended on your flying to Switzerland, that would be different. But you’d be going simply to offer your support. Your babies lives could (possibly) depend on your NOT flying to Switzerland. So I think you’re totally using your head.
Hello, sensible pregnant lady. I’m delurking to comment on various and sundry posts. By way of introduction, I’m the mom of the finest baby in the land (trust me), hoping to get a positive pregnancy test in the next couple days to get Beelzebub started (everyone tells me a perfect baby is always followed by you know who), and a person who knows the value of a current pocket part, so you know my free advice is worth something (about what you paid for it). As a mom who had unexplained placenta poop-out that caused an early delivery and a month of Claire the Magnificent being stuck in the hospital without me, I feel very confident in voting for the sensible, less stressful course of action. As someone else who also wakes all night before a trip, and after one, I feel even more confident in guessing you’ll have obsessive worrying covered without amping it up with international travel. I actually asked the doc who delivered my baby, two days post c-section, if the “bubbles” I was feeling might be an overlooked twin and could she be sure she got everyone out. Yeah. Like it couldn’t just be muscles recovering after the surgical equivalent of being gutted. Questions about sensations are best posed in English, and that Swiss form of German is harder than garden variety. Stay home and be frantic in your native language. The one bit of worrying that saved my baby’s metaphorical bacon was that I asked for that non-necessary non-stress test, which resulted in a fast track to the early but successful delivery of the supreme baby being. In short, what-ifs can kick your ass, and its OK to trust your mommy instincts. Stay home and send a lot of fun packages to occupy your Mom when she is on the mend but not yet mobile.
Did you notice you called yourself a pregnant lady? And that you thought of Science Babies first and only then lapsed into self-doubt and guilt? See, it is real, you are real, really pregnant, and a mom already. You are real like the Velveteen Rabbit.
Now, I will tell you what I tell my sister when guilt gets her coming and going (guilt is her default emotion). I absolve you. Did that help? It always helps my sister some.
Did I mention that I love you?
I wish you and your dear readers ice cream and baby kisses. Be of good cheer!
most definitely sensible pregnant lady. no doubt about it, miss.
Sensible, of course. But the fact that it’s even a dilemma is touching. I am loving the science babies, but also loving your relationship with your mom. Keep on writing this beautiful stuff!
Thoroughly sensible.
Sensible. Very very sensible.
Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery for your Mum.
Sensible pregnant lady — without a doubt. I’m sure your mum thinks so too. Glad to hear she is in good hands and on her way to recovery.
Is sensible neurotic not an option? Cause you are welcome in my world!
I’m all over Ginger’s response. She said it all, with aplomb. Did I even spell that correctly? I will only reiterate: your very first concern, from the moment those babies were implanted, till the day you leave this earth, IS the babies. It comes with the territory, job description, and all that. As a mother, it is not an option, but an obligation, a precious one at that. It is a great time to learn to toss the guilt, and wrap yourself in, “but the babies need…”, or “it wouldn’t be good for the babies”. At least till they’re 72. It’s freeing really. Who can argue with that? Do what you want and need, and FEEL NO GUILT. Even if it is your mom, as she is indeed, well cared for, and it is the time for other family members to step in, just as you’ve said they are. Well done, mom. Well done.
I think your mom will understand completely. As she should - those babies are your priority and if your doc is talking about taking you off work duty at 24 weeks (am I remembering this correctly?) I’d say it makes perfect sense to skip the transcontinental flight at 20 weeks. And besides, while th healthcare may be good, if you DID in fact go into labor or start having more contractions or whatever, you really don’t want to deal with the language barrier with your medical providers.
Braxton Hicks aren’t ALWAYS painless (they can be sort of an “uncomfortable” feeling, but they usually involve the tensing of the stomach/uterus, so if it’s still soft, it’s probably not BH.) Don’t let the books convince you that you won’t feel BH at all, etc. You can and will, at least occasionally and it’s perfectly normal. However, if you’re feeling a lot of “crampy” feelings, I’d mention it to the doc.
Sensible. If you went, you’d be worried, your mom would be worried, you’d feel bad about worrying your mom, she’d feel bad about you feeling bad, and you’d still end up worried.
Staying at home all you’ve got is the feeling bad, which you should nix ASAP.
Either way, staying home is the clear winner. Science Babies everywhere are thanking you :)
Sensible pregnant lady.
I seem to recall that crampy feeling from my twin pregnancy and I do believe that I was told that it was my muscles or uterus (or some such thing) stretching. But worth asking about because one twin pregnancy 6 years ago does not an expert make.
You’re sensible. My take on pregnancy is not to do anything you can blame yourself later for.
I think it is wise. I’m 25 weeks along with my first and am not planning any plane travel after this point. Sounds like you are keeping up communication with your Mom anyway, which is the important thing.
Sensible. Definitely.
I vote sensible. No need to add stress!