I am too tired and giddy to write much, but let me tell you just a little about my day:
This morning I spiked a fever and started contracting every 2-4 minutes. It was determined that I had an infection, and would have to deliver. I was given a very kind sponge bath. The doctor, who […]
Last night was awful, and I would probably write a detailed post about it were my eyelids not being fried by The Mag (all of the capillaries on my very white, clear-lashed eyelids have broken and my eyeballs are boiling. I have never looked more beautiful). The nurse who started my IV yesterday morning warned […]
Ames’ water broke an hour ago. I will not be leaving the hospital until I deliver both babies. I am having contractions. I am losing my mind.
Apparently Simone never took Logic for Neonates, because despite my last post I woke this morning to a small gush of fluid and brown discharge, and I am typing this from a hospital bed under the influence of Magnesium Sulfate.
“The Mag,” they call it. I could call it other things, but I will refrain, because […]
When I was a young girl of six, seven seemed to me to be a terribly sophisticated age. Nearing my birthday I had frequent visions of myself at seven, visions in which I was seen from the back wearing a very tight pair of Jordache jeans in a dark wash. My blond hair fell to […]
I have started writing updates several times in the last few days, but I can’t seem to sustain a mood long enough to complete one. By the time I finish typing an entry it is no longer an accurate reflection of my mental state. I may start a relatively positive post about Simone’s continued nurse-baiting, […]
Well, my posts are going to have to be much shorter until I either get a secretary or figure out how to type comfortably while lying down. My bedrest got stricter after today’s four hour sojourn to labor and delivery, and it is beginning to look suspiciously like I will be remaining here, on my […]
It is always something, but rarely the something you expect. Don’t you find that to be true? I expected another first trimester miscarriage, and when that didn’t happen, I shifted my morbid focus to preterm labor. I read studies and memorized statistics. Now I keep thinking I prepared for the wrong thing. I didn’t prepare […]
No heartbeat on Baby A.
I can’t think of anything else to say, except maybe a hearty Fuck You to the receptionist who, when making our follow-up appointment for next week, after looking DIRECTLY AT MY CHART and then my swollen, tearstained face, said “Twins, right?”
Monday night I attempted to attend a class for expectant parents of multiples. Unfortunately, halfway through the evening I had to excuse myself to projectile vomit in a hospital bathroom stall. Almost 22 weeks and still not done puking, Zofran or no.
Truthfully I was almost relieved at the excuse to beat our hasty exit, as […]
Yesterday was a much better day. I was anxious in the morning, but by afternoon felt like my old self, with the addition of the blush of euphoria that comes after emergence from a Dark Time. If pressed to find upsides to dealing with anxiety or depression, certainly one of them would be the fact […]
I have been avoiding you. Several times in the past week I have thought of posting something glib and amusing, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so—I do try to be honest here, and honestly? I am not doing well.
Lately I have taken to writing this entry in my head as I go about […]
