Thursday I signed onto my checking account and found my money missing. “J’accuse!” shrilled the minus sign before my balance, and I scrolled through my transactions in a panic. How had this happened? The $200 in overdraft fees lovingly applied by my bank hadn’t helped, but it appeared the real culprit was a mysterious transfer to an unfamiliar account. The account number was followed by the initials CA—California? Was someone in California stealing my money? Squirreling away my hard-earned nickels to spend on organic produce and Mystic Tan sessions?
The next hour was a busy one, what with all the tears, confused phone calls, and flushes of shame and futility. I could chronicle every excruciating second, but why keep you in suspense? Somebody was siphoning money from my account into their own: Me.
To explain, I must take you BACK IN TIME, all the way to LAST WEEK. If I cast my mind back to this forgotten era, I can remember that my bank was located in the same building as my office, some 25 minutes from my apartment. Having just officially(!) resigned(!) from my job, I decided to open a new checking account ( “CA”) at a bank closer to home. I transferred money from my old account to open the new one, and then…I promptly forgot about it.
Did I redirect my automatic withdrawals to the new account? No, of course not! Did I retain any memory of opening the account at all? Well, sort of, in that I kept checking the mail for my new debit card, but I failed to recall both 1) that actual money had been required to set up the account, and 2) the provenance of said funds.
I have never screwed myself more efficiently. Following years of subtler, more complicated self-sabotage, the directness ought to be refreshing. At least that’s what I told myself as I kissed my money goodbye.
Happily, the next day was much better:
After more than two months of lolling about in her own filth, Simone had her first bath.
She loved it. I loved it. One of her favorite nurses held her upright while I washed her slippery little limbs (Simone’s limbs), and at one point I started to giggle—I think it was while utilizing what appeared to be a hospital-issue Barbie comb.
“This is the most fun I have had…Well, ever.”
After the bath, I dried Simone with a warmed blanket and dressed her in one of those snap-laden garments all the babies are wearing. Where did all this snapping take place, you ask?
Oh, just in her CRIB.
Yes! A crib! All open to the air, and whatnot, so that I can rush over and touch her whenever I feel the need. Don’t mind me—it’s just your mother, rubbing your fat little belly.
Excuse the tardiness of my epiphany, but OH MY GOD. I have a baby.
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Sooo happy for you and especially for Simone! Yay for cleansing the filth! Yay for cribs! Yay for not being naked! Yay for open air! Yay for Simone!!!
Oh, and boo for overdraft fees. Boo.
I am so so so happy for you and Scott that Simone is doing so well. Yippeeeeeeee!
Watching your video made me so happy. I love the little squeaks that new babies make! Baths and cribs! Pretty soon the doctors will be telling you to bring in a carseat!
Yaaaaay!!
So glad for you that your Small Person is doing so well. So, so adorable. Go Simone!
And not only a baby, but a beautiful baby, who understands that she should face the camera for Mommy. Clearly she is very intelligent, too. Nice job, Mom and Dad!
A good bank will wave overdraft fees at least once a year for good customers- particularly if you tell them what is going on. You do have to ask the right person nicely, though.
Simone is just beaustiful and delightful. I loved the video.
YAY!! I’m so happy for you!
Simone ROCKS! And so do you! I love the little pork chop belly she has so wonderfully developed! I’m sure there is no better feeling in the world! Congrats!
The bank thing…well, who hasn’t screwed up a checking account on occasion? It’s hell being human, eh?
Tears! Tears of happiness for you guys :D. Look at how well she’s coming along! And, if I’m not mistaken(I’m not, I know I’m not), I do believe that I saw that baby rooting around a bit in that video. Another fabulous sign! She seems to be coming along great, Alexa.
As for the Mommy Brain.. it only gets worse. And each additional child you add, makes it even more pitiful. I’m on baby #5(final rugrat which is good for my brain cells) and I, literally, will be walking into the kitchen, will get in there, and will then turn circles about 5 times and then stop because I have No clue why I’m there.
So yeah, I fully believe that having kids makes you “dumber”. Hell, why do you think that I have 5? lol j/k.
1. OH MAH GAWD but Simone looks just so cute!!
2. I found a $400 payment on my credit card. I’m thinking “who in god’s name would make a payment on MY credit card?” Duh. Me. Transferred it from my MOM to reimburse myself for her new glasses. Took me 30 minutes to sort that out. I did feel a bit shee-ee-ee-pish.
3. Simone, sigh, is just marvelous.
Oooohhh! Beautiful baby!!
She is just so beautiful, I bet she makes it easy to forget things like banking!
Ooohhhhh, SO cute! Glad to hear she is doing so well!
What a gorgeous, sweet, amazing little girl–and you! You’re finally getting to do all those wonderful fun things of motherhood (and the not-so-fun complete lapses in memory, which are all too common in those first months….okay, fine, years. Need I remind you of mailing my cell phone to Texas, or driving off with the library books on the roof of my car? Feel better?).
I am so happy for you. Simone looks great. Who cares about where your money is? :-)
Awesome. Bath time is still one of my favorite things with my son and he is 14 months old. So much fun. I’m sorry about your checking account. I did the same thing when I was in college. I had opened up a new checking account with a bank in my college town and I still had my back at home bank too. I deposited money in the back at home bank and wrote checks from the new bank. I found myself 6 hours from home on New Year’s day with $198.00 in my account. Fun times. Thank God for credit cards. I also now have a credit card with my bank that rolls any over draft amounts onto the card so you have no overdraft fees. That has saved me on more than one occasion.
She is SUCH a baby. and an extremely cute one at that.
Another fellow MRSA colonist here (although, I’ve been beyond the colony to full-blown MRSA Metropolis…more than once!) Simone is a BEAUTIFUL baby…you’re on the way to taking things for granted, in the best possible way. Congrats!
YaY! The open air bed is a HUGE milestone in NICU land! Our girl went home about 2 weeks after getting in the big girl bed (when she finally reached 4 lbs). Is she doing oral feedings at all? Are you able to try nursing yet? THAT makes you feel pretty validated…holding the feeding tube just isn’t the same!
She is stunning, and I also see chubby cheeks, and yes, she is 100% baby, and 100% yours. That realization will be even weirder when you walk out of the hospital with her at long last! So thrilled for the three of you :-)
Wow! The progress that Simone has made over the last couple of months is simply amazing. Looking at her, it is impossible to believe she is the same tiny baby who arrived so frighteningly early.
Long-time reader, First-time commenter.
(Jeezus. I can’t believe I just said that.)
Just wanted to say, “Congrats!” Open air crib? Bath? HUGE STEPS. Way to go to all of you.
Oh she’s so precious! I love the way she’s got one hand in her mouth while she’s waving the other one around. She’s so young and she’s already multitasking! You must be proud. Don’t feel bad about the bank thing. When our son was first born my husband and I were so stunned and delirious that we frequently forgot to do simple things like close and lock the back door (him) and remember that a pajama top, while cozy, really shouldn’t be worn to the office (me).
it’s time for celebration and tears of joy when seeing simone, looking bright-eyed and engaged while receiving her first bath.
and sorry about banking fiasco but it’s just money, cut yourself loads of slack; it’s amazing you’ve manged to get dressed in the morning. you have S in a big girl crib – riches glore.
Awwwwwh, I am just melting….
I don’t usually comment but I love your blog and wanted to say I’m SOO happy for you guys. She’s beautiful!
Aw. I realized when I saw you place your hand on her tummy in the video just how small she is. It’s amazing that you don’t melt into a puddle every time you see her.
Are you sitting down? Because it only gets better, and better. You DO have a baby, and YOU are a MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So friggin’ tearfully, joyfully happy for you day. Oh, sorry about the self-screwage, but I imagine that will only get worse. Welcome to “mommy brain” syndrome….
Bravo, Simone! You are looking GREAT!!! Going home soon I imagine. Home? HOME!!! To some fancy new digs I hear.
Bravo!
Squeee!! It’s amazing how far that little girl has come. She looks so gosh darn baby-like; no wonder you had an epiphany.
Don’t worry about the bank thing; I’m not dealing with a baby in the NICU but I still do stuff like that. However, it’s all worth it for smiles and waving hands and baths!
Wah! She’s so adorable and perfect and squishy! I am so pleased!
I love your blog and an amazed at how wonderfully written it is (not that other blogs, like mine, suck but really, your writing is above the norm). And I had to post today for the first time b/c it’s so wonderful–that first bath! The open air!
And I think the bank thing is a rite of passage of motherhood. For the first time ever in my life, I paid bills late when I had my daughter. I had no memory of NOT paying them online (around $100 of late fees) and I was so ashamed–until I found out that another new mother had done the same! It’s part of being a blissed out/stressed out new mom. Harder to relish but still, a rite of passage.
she is so beautiful! and even MORE beautiful in her open air (!) crib!
YEA SIMONE!
Omigod. That amount of cute should be illegal.
I’m so excited about Simone’s progress!
Oh, that kind of forgetfulness is even worse when it costs money.
As for Simone, she’s looking so well and so pretty! Many congrats and prayers on getting to bring her home soon!
She is absolutely beautiful!!
Yay for the bath and the open air crib!!! I just tear up watching video of her!
I am crying and giggling at the same time. The bank stuff, well, that is just so familiar to me, that sort of indignation followed by acknowledgment of detail oblivion. And Simone? A bath? A crib? It’s just so wonderful!
Forgive my silence – I’ve been reading but not commenting, kinda hanging around waiting and hpoing it would all smooth out. I’m simply delighted that Simone is now living life with the lid off.
Re. your comment about the late epiphany, I stop myself short on many an occasion and say ‘Jeepers, I have children’ and they now have a combined age of fifteen. It never goes away, especially if their arrival has been long in the brewing. And that’s a wonderful thing.
Much love
PS You can blame your utter loss of memory on parenthood. A small price to pay…
OH MY!! The cutiest baby in the snappiest clothes! Congrats on getting your own open air pad Simone! Now you can have the swingingest parties.
As for the bank account thing…I recently did something similar with a bank account I hadn’t used in months and then dumped a bunch a money into and then pulled the money back out without actually checking the balance first (I was thinking of my regular account and that there was more money there). Anyway, my bank charged me a ton of overage fees, but as it had never happened before, they REFUNDED ALL the fees when I called and asked. So maybe all you have to do is explain it to the bank and ask politely and your fees will be refunded. Couldn’t hurt to ask. Good luck!
Well, Hello there cutie! Aren’t you alert!
Smooches to all (even if you don’t know me from Adam).
What a great moment – the first bath! I teared up reading this. Simone has come a long way!!! Congrats!
OMG! She coo’d! AWWW!
And mine is 18, and I’m still occasionally surprised that she’s mine.
she is just beautiful. you all are crossing so many milestones….it’s wonderful to watch.
My girl is two plus and I’m still all like “Oh my god, I have a baby!!!”
I can’t get over Simone’s great big intense eyes. She looks like she doesn’t miss a thing. So happy that she’s out of the salad crisper and into a real crib so much more to see!
she is positively perfect and beautiful! I love how her whole belly fits in the palm of your hand.
Having not left a comment for quite some time, here I am again. Just had to say how weepy yummy lovely it was so see your hand rubbing her tum. Second thing – though it was moons ago that I fed my babies, I’d swear Simone’s attempts to eat her bedding are in fact attempts to track down a tasty milk source. Is feeding her next in line, I wonder?
Third thing – when was she due? We can’t miss the big day, and I’d love to know where she is in relation to that moment. And how much Ms Healthy weighs these days.
Stunning.
Positively stunning. She is gorgeous. Fat and alert; beautiful.
Beautiful.
WOW! Tears of joy here!
This is the best news.
Thank you for sharing.
She is beyond beautiful!! Happy to hear that she (and you too) loved her 1st bath!
Very excited for you and your husband and Simone.
She’s just beautiful!
She looks so awesome. Could not be happier for you.
Any chance you can use the premie card to get them to forgive the fees? That outta be good for *something*.
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