I spent a lot of time mentally preparing myself for the rigors of having a new baby at home. By watching other bloggers navigate the rocky terrain of motherhood, I gleaned a few salient points: there would be little sleep, and copious excretions. There would be no time for showers, or writing, or meals that require preparation, and probably I needn’t bother wearing a shirt. In the days before Simone came home, I steeled myself for how overwhelming it would be, and resolved not to expect too much of myself. I stockpiled antidepressants and episodes of Absolutely Fabulous, just in case.
And some of my expectations were fulfilled. There has been little sleep. There has been spit up, and bright yellow excrement that must be scoured from the umpteen mineshaft-deep crevices between rolls of baby thigh (um, DESIGN FLAW). I have not showered since Tuesday, nor managed to return a single email, and yesterday all I consumed before five o’ clock was a snack-size bag of kettle chips and four cups of tea.
What I had not expected, what took me entirely by surprise, was how much I love this, peculiarly hued feces and all. I expected to be happy, of course, but I am so much happier than I hoped I might be.
The first two nights, Simone was perfectly content to sleep while someone was holding her, but put the child in her crib and she made her displeasure known. Our solution was for someone to remain awake at all times. Scott took most of the night shift, and I relieved him at 4:30 the next morning. In theory, this should have resulted in us each getting at least a solid five-hour block of sleep, but somehow it didn’t work out that way. As a result, most of our conversations went something like this:
ALEXA: Hey, can you hand me the…thing? The…you know, the thing in front of you, on the table?
SCOTT: …
ALEXA: (rubs face, exhausted) The eating thing, you know.
SCOTT: (stares blankly at table, where BOTTLE stands)
At 4:30, Scott would bring the baby to me and I would nurse her lying down until she fell asleep. I wanted, badly, to just leave her there, but we had been enjoined against such practices, and so I would transfer her to her crib next to our bed, at which point she would wake up all frisky-like, until I turned the apnea monitor back on (for her reflux) and lay down, at which point her mood would take a turn for the worse. Loudly.
Part of the problem was that Simone had become drunk with power. Now that she was home, she expected 24-hour mammary access. Off to take a nap? Not so fast, Milk Lady! Scott tried to give her a bottle and she pulled away, waggling her tongue at me suggestively. Bottle, schmottle! Come to me, nice Milk Lady! Come to me or I WILL RAIN HELL UPON YOU AND YOUR KIN.
And then yesterday we had our first weight check and visit from a home health nurse, who I am pretty sure was a gypsy. I am sure because she took a swaddling blanket and used it to tranquilize our baby, and it seems like a gypsy-ish skill, probably useful to keep babies quiet while you are replacing them with changelings. We had tried several traditional swaddles and the Miracle Blanket, with limited success, but this? As soon as Simone was swaddled in this manner she went silent, and now we can set her anywhere: in her crib, in her bouncy chair, as a doorstop while we carry in the groceries, and she remains calm. And I know what you’re thinking, but the blanket the gypsy used was one of our own, so I am certain it hadn’t been rubbed in Ketamine.
Anyway, I am typing this with Simone in her sling and she is starting to rub her face in my cleavage (which is a little degrading, baby—MILK LADY IS NOT A PIECE OF MEAT) so I had better go before the yowling starts.
Until next time, here are some pictures:
Simone’s room (no art on the walls yet, but otherwise finished):
What grateful exhaustion looks like:
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My goodness, that bottle is almost bigger than your baby! Hard to believe all that milk would fit inside her.
It’ll get easier. It has to, otherwise no one would ever have more than 1, and our species would have died out in just a few quick generations.
Home is so much more now, isn’t it? congratulations.
Oh, I’m so thrilled for you, all three. You look exhausted and ecstatic. And how great that she’s acting just like any other baby, being her little tyrant self.
My child slept on someone’s chest the first week he was home. There were lots of warning, but damnit, we were too tired to care. I’m not sure anyone would have gotten any sleep at all if we hadn’t done that.
We had a nurse in the hospital who could swaddle babies like that–we could not reproduce the magic without her.
Congratulations!
Everyone should have a picture of themselves asleep on Daddy’s chest…you know, as a baby. Unbelievably sweet.
Gosh, let me add, so I don’t sound like a horrible mother–we weren’t on an apnea monitor! No apnea for us! Yikes, I almost sounded really bad there.
I am so HAPPY to read this!!!
Congratulations, Milk Lady. ;) ♥
I am so, so thrilled for you and Scott. My husband and I have been following you all for a while now, since we brought our own NICU baby home right before Simone’s journey began. Lots of cheers up in here for you.
And, yeah, they tell you not to let the baby sleep on your chest but you do what you need to do to get the sweet, precious sleep. Many a night in the first two weeks were spent on the couch, with pillows on the floor JUST IN CASE.
Oh heavens. She is precious. So happy for your puked upon, pawd at, sleep deprived infusion of joy. :) Welcome home sweet Simone!
Congratulations. She is such a doll. Hope you eventually get some rest, Milk Lady.
Wahoo, welcome home Simone! Everyone looks great, and her room is adorable.
I say poo poo to all of that advice — hold your baby whenever you want. In about a decade, you will repel her with the ferocity of how moose urine scares away groundhogs (or something of the sort). So enjoy all of the snuggling, loving, cuddling and smooshing you can pack in. We held our daughter waaaaaay too much (including all naps for nearly 2 years — can you fathom it?) and while it clearly destroyed the productivity levels we were used to enjoying, I still wouldn’t have given it up.
I promise that, no matter what you do or how to manage to get her to sleep, Simone won’t go off to 1st grade needing to be cradled in your arms for every snooze session. After what you endured to create her, grow her, nurture her and bring her home, you deserve to spend 24×7 drunk on her. Accomplish that however you see fit.
So so so so so cute.So adorable cute and precious. Welcome home.
Welcome home Miss Simone! What a great post for someone so sleep deprived you always manage to make me giggle. Thank you.
yea, congrats!!! she is so cute! good luck!
there really are not words. you are beautiful. your baby girl is beautiful. your family is beautiful. her room is beautiful. your writing and your willingness to share all of this with us is beautiful.
so much love. so very happy.
I have to say – that is the most perfect specimen of baby I may have ever seen. She’s perfect. And I speak as a mother to a very pretty baby girl. But Simone? Dang. That’s some perfection right there.
Good job, Mama. (oh, and Daddy too, but I don’t know him)
So wonderful that Simone is HOME.
J
Oh, the beauty!
Congrats.
Welcome Home, to all of you.
I don’t know how to really say this; it feels a bit off, but your story is the happy ending my husband and I are putting our faith in. We’re having a lot of difficulty conceiving. We know we’re in this for the long haul. I read every post you write. You give me such hope. Thank you thank you thank you. For every month it hasn’t happened. For every doctor’s visit that ends in tears. For every time we crack down the middle, I really and truly think of you and believe we’ll also get our happy ending.
Welcome to the club Mommy -and Daddy! At this age you do whatever you have to in order to get some sleep (for all three of you), so if it works, go for it! Sounds to me as though things are going well really and they’ll keep getting better as you all adjust to the changes in your lives.
Simone is simply adorable. Re design faults, at least she doesn’t pee in your face and all around the immediate vicinity whenever her diaper is removed, for weeks I seriously contemplated the use of an umbrella at change time with my boys. I certainly learned not to keep clean clothes or bedding within reach of said stream!
Delurking to pass on a really handy hint that I only read somewhere shortly after I had my second child (God, I wished I had known first time round!) is that by the time a baby gets to yawning they are probably overtired and thus difficult to settle; watch for them fiddling with their ears and start to settle them at that point. Sure enough, when I watched my baby he’d start tugging his ear, and if I put him down then he’d usually settle with little, if any, fuss.
I’m delighted to read that you are all home safe and well :D
What a beautiful post to read. She is such a peach! We slept with our babies on our chests- they love it when they are that little don’t they- and then put in them in their cot when they were newborns. If Simone has a breathing thing then I’d be careful too. After maybe two months we took the babies into bed with us and we have slept happily ever after.
Make sure you eat Mummy Alexa for your milk supply.
Great job all of you.
Ack! Little curled up baby! Ack! It is very possible that I will now die from a cute explosion.
I have no way of saying anything helpful without sounding obnoxious and like I know everything. Which I do of course.
Happy homecoming Simone!
I love that shot with scott where she’s got her leg curled up. Pob used to do that.
Sounds like you are all doing brilliantly!
Hi. I’m Flicka’s sister-in-law, Beth, and I just wanted to say how excited I am for you three. I have been reading your blog and praying for you for months now, and I am just thrilled that Simone is home with you and doing so well.
I have absolutely fallen in love with your sweet little girl and can’t wait to see what great things come next for you all. You are continually in my prayers.
Home, at last! so happy for you three. I can see Simone’s point, sleeping on a perfectly warm gently breathing human mattress is so preferable to a crib. She knows!
Oh man, I laughed so hard at the “Come to me, nice Milk Lady! Come to me or I WILL RAIN HELL UPON YOU AND YOUR KIN.” bit because MAN, I remember those days. Sort of fondly now, but I swear I went weeks with my baby attached to a soggy sad nipple.
I want to be back there again.
This was a wonderful post to read. Welcome home, Simone!
Laughed my ass off at your post! Loved the door stop part! It is so fabulous to see Simone in her home environment with her Mommy and Daddy!!!
You have a beautiful family, Alexa, congratulations!
I remember being on a natural high for the first 2 weeks. Go with what helps you survive. I am glad that you got there.
How very very lovely to see the three of you at home, albeit bleary! Deeply glad that you are now where you belong.
I’d forgotten the vocabulary amnesia. I never knew the human body could feel so ludicrously TIRED! Despite being male, low-birthweight and premature (highest cot-death risk group going!) ours often ended up happily sprawled over several acres of the middle of our bed, whilst hubby and I clung to our respective edges like benighted mountaineers who have found a tiny ledge. Baby generally celebrated his lordship and dominion by regularly sending out flailing arms to thwack resoundingly onto a parental nose.
The next few weeks will be interesting for you all! I wish Flotsam family all the joy in the world. Happy Homecoming.
My goodness! How do you manage to be exhausted *with humor*?
In those days I was just a sort of stumbling, slurring lump.
I agree, do what feels best. I am so glad she is home, and she looks so comfortable there. Congratulations!
Little Simone is just so cute, I love the pics of the two of you with her. And I’m so glad that despite the tired and the shit you’re loving it. It will just get better and better from here on out, and I can’t wait to read all about it!
She sounds like a normal, well-adjusted newborn! So glad you’re in a state of happy, despite the exhaustion.
Ohhhh this post brought happy tears to my eyes!!!
Grateful exhaustion….I love that!!
Every day I check this blog…okay who am i kidding…multiple times a day I check this blog to see if you have had even a moment to post….and today….JACKPOT!!!! Thank you Simone for allowing mom to post!!!
Wishing you all the best and look forward to the next post with great anticipation!!
I’m glad Simone is home and you are enjoying being a mother in the comfort of your own home! I remember the days of feeling like nothing but a milk source, but I miss them already! Make sure you eat and drink plenty. I know it is really hard to do, but your breastmilk supply can really be affected by lack of calories.
Oh – and the Miracle Blanket only worked for us when our daughter got a little larger than newborn size, so don’t give up on them just yet. Too bad the gypsy can’t stay with you full time…
Beautiful, beautiful girl! God bless to all of you. This is just the beginning of many joyful days ahead (and really, you all will sleep again).
I took to referring to myself as The Boob during this time.
I am so overjoyed to see your little Home coming Queen -Simone is so cute and adorable.
Welcome home Simone and god bless you all.
So happy to hear she is home and that you are all doing well. I fondly remember the tiny four pound being snuggled sleepylike on my chest. Those are sweet sweet memories.
I also remember being surprised at how wonderful it all is. Enjoy it and her and don’t worry about having no art on the walls. You’ll get there, we all did.
So happy to hear that all is going well and that the gypsy lady helped your sleeping issues!
so happy for you!!
Congratulations on the homecoming!
Aila slept on me for the first four months – as long as she sleeps (and you guys get a wink or two in or those conversations will worsen). Do you know about the Happiest Baby on the Block book? SAVED MY LIFE.
Welcome home Simone!
LET HER SLEEP WITH YOU. Srsly. That is the best advice I can give you. You can’t “spoil” them until they are older, 6 months at least. You will all sleep better … remember, she’s used to be warm and snuggly under the warming lights and tucked tightly in. She wants to smell you, to know she’s safe.
My son never used to let us put him down, either. We had a LOT of sleep struggles, even after we moved him into his crib at 5 months. He didn’t sleep through the night until he was 17 months old, so your sleep deprivation is VERY FAMILIAR.
I had to delurk to say: OH. MY. GOD. Please don’t tell my children, but Simone might be the cutest thing I ever saw!
Oh and I didn’t truly enjoy her sleeping on me all the time (every single nap and sometimes at night) until I realized that I could sleep AND read during these down times. Well, hello!
Oh and yes – I believe I told someone I was a lacto-vending machine. And annoyingly, I must say that it’s over too soon.
It’s wonderful to hear that you’re sleep deprived, on the way to unwanted anorexia(there are days I don’t eat until 7 at night and sometimes contemplate digging in the couch for any spare cookie crumbs or smashed grapes that are rotting under our butts while I feed the little one and yell after the rugrats that can walk), and seem to have a nice case of “Mommy Brain” forming…… Your baby is home!
Many congrats to you, mother dear. Best of luck with the breastfeeding, swaddling, bath times, and um.. yeah, if you get a minute… sleep.
(That sleep thing is overrated anyway. I don’t think I slept more than 3-4 hours at a time any given night for over 4 years. Between my ‘pregnancy insomnia’ and caring for 3 newborns now just since July of ’04- 2 of which decided that sleep was for the birds and they’d rather sleep with mom than in their crib….the sleeplessness really hasn’t affected me much.
Hi. Wait. Where am I?)
I’m thrilled for you. Enjoy it, Milk Lady. What they say is true…they grow far too fast. Hold her as much as you want.
p.s. We weren’t given an apnea monitor this last time around. Hell, after having one with both of our oldest, when #3 came along(my only full term baby, by one day thankyouverymuch) we were terrified to take him home without one. When my youngest came home from the NICU in Dec, I was shocked to hear the nurses and ped’s talk about how they don’t send the babies home on them too much anymore(from that hospital, anyway) and I was a wreck for weeks, constantly checking on my little one, consumed by fear because that little box wasn’t here to help me out and make me feel “safer”.
She’s fine, by the way lol and I was over-reacting and over-paranoid. As usual.
(this was really long.. sorry! Bad habit.)
I’m so happy for you! Did you and your hubby have the bizarre feeling of waiting for the adults to arrive so someone who knew what they were doing could take care of the baby? My DH and I felt that way for a couple of months. We also kept a log noting when the baby ate, how much was consumed and when he pooped or peed. We kept up with the log for maybe three months until we realized how ridiculous it was. In those days we were eager for anything that gave us a sense of control, even if it was a false sense.
You guys will be fine.
Despite what your “gypsy” has said – I agree with moo above….let Simone sleep with you two. You WILL NOT roll over on her. Somehow there is an instinct knowing she is there. Now that you have the motherly instinct Alexa, you will sleep lighter until your kids are out of the home and grown up. You’ll get your rest, just sleep lighter due to motherhood.
Moo is right….Simone needs to feel you, smell you, feel safe. She was afterall, in your belly, in 98.6 degree water, hearing your heartbeat and your breathing, and Scott and your voices. She instinctively knows her parents and where she needs to “go” to feel safe. Now that is true trust! Try it for a night – let her stay there safely and happily asleep with her mommy and daddy so close by…….ahhhhhh such a safe place!
Keeping good thoughts and prayers coming your way. Congratulations! :o)
I’m so glad Simone is home! And she is DARLING! I have some ass-vice…if it’s permissible with her apnea concerns just let her sleep with you. If you can’t do that, sleep on the couch OR a recliner with her on your chest. Dr. Sears’ book…er, the one on sleep advocates this and it’s very interesting stuff. I’d have loved to have babies that would pop off to sleep in their cribs, but no luck. In an effort to regain some sleep and sanity, I eventually caved and just let the kids sleep with me until they got older. I figured that I don’t see other mammals and primates sleeping without their young, so why should I? Maybe my baby needed me to just be close. I could do that.
Although you might try putting a water bottle in her crib to warm it first, take the bottle out and then put her down. Or nurse her until she’s absolutely rummy and milk is dribbling out of her mouth, put her on her tummy first, stand there and pat her butt, then when she’s good and conked out, tuck her arms to her body and s-l-o-w-l-y roll her over. Oh – and always put her down feet first, wait, then lower the rest of her body down slowly.
Swaddling is an art…have you tried swaddling her with her legs bent up a bit? My 11 mo still sleeps like a little bunched up bug. You’re also aiming for constant, consistent pressure all over the body – not just the arms. OK, enough with the ass-vice.
Congratulations Milk Lady and Scott!
YAY! Oh, I am SO thrilled for you!!! Happy baby days!
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