I spent a lot of time mentally preparing myself for the rigors of having a new baby at home. By watching other bloggers navigate the rocky terrain of motherhood, I gleaned a few salient points: there would be little sleep, and copious excretions. There would be no time for showers, or writing, or meals that require preparation, and probably I needn’t bother wearing a shirt. In the days before Simone came home, I steeled myself for how overwhelming it would be, and resolved not to expect too much of myself. I stockpiled antidepressants and episodes of Absolutely Fabulous, just in case.
And some of my expectations were fulfilled. There has been little sleep. There has been spit up, and bright yellow excrement that must be scoured from the umpteen mineshaft-deep crevices between rolls of baby thigh (um, DESIGN FLAW). I have not showered since Tuesday, nor managed to return a single email, and yesterday all I consumed before five o’ clock was a snack-size bag of kettle chips and four cups of tea.
What I had not expected, what took me entirely by surprise, was how much I love this, peculiarly hued feces and all. I expected to be happy, of course, but I am so much happier than I hoped I might be.
The first two nights, Simone was perfectly content to sleep while someone was holding her, but put the child in her crib and she made her displeasure known. Our solution was for someone to remain awake at all times. Scott took most of the night shift, and I relieved him at 4:30 the next morning. In theory, this should have resulted in us each getting at least a solid five-hour block of sleep, but somehow it didn’t work out that way. As a result, most of our conversations went something like this:
ALEXA: Hey, can you hand me the…thing? The…you know, the thing in front of you, on the table?
SCOTT: …
ALEXA: (rubs face, exhausted) The eating thing, you know.
SCOTT: (stares blankly at table, where BOTTLE stands)
At 4:30, Scott would bring the baby to me and I would nurse her lying down until she fell asleep. I wanted, badly, to just leave her there, but we had been enjoined against such practices, and so I would transfer her to her crib next to our bed, at which point she would wake up all frisky-like, until I turned the apnea monitor back on (for her reflux) and lay down, at which point her mood would take a turn for the worse. Loudly.
Part of the problem was that Simone had become drunk with power. Now that she was home, she expected 24-hour mammary access. Off to take a nap? Not so fast, Milk Lady! Scott tried to give her a bottle and she pulled away, waggling her tongue at me suggestively. Bottle, schmottle! Come to me, nice Milk Lady! Come to me or I WILL RAIN HELL UPON YOU AND YOUR KIN.
And then yesterday we had our first weight check and visit from a home health nurse, who I am pretty sure was a gypsy. I am sure because she took a swaddling blanket and used it to tranquilize our baby, and it seems like a gypsy-ish skill, probably useful to keep babies quiet while you are replacing them with changelings. We had tried several traditional swaddles and the Miracle Blanket, with limited success, but this? As soon as Simone was swaddled in this manner she went silent, and now we can set her anywhere: in her crib, in her bouncy chair, as a doorstop while we carry in the groceries, and she remains calm. And I know what you’re thinking, but the blanket the gypsy used was one of our own, so I am certain it hadn’t been rubbed in Ketamine.
Anyway, I am typing this with Simone in her sling and she is starting to rub her face in my cleavage (which is a little degrading, baby—MILK LADY IS NOT A PIECE OF MEAT) so I had better go before the yowling starts.
Until next time, here are some pictures:
Simone’s room (no art on the walls yet, but otherwise finished):
What grateful exhaustion looks like:
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 108 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
Next Comments →
Oh, she is flaying me with cuteness. And she sounds remarkably like my own son, Alex, who despite my massive love for him, I often compared to the kid from the Exorcist. Only balder.
All kidding aside, I pumped my fists into the air when I read this news. Happily. Go you!
I’ve been waiting for this very post! Thank you! And what a beauty she is. Love those pink Ikea dressers, too. Glad they came out with that color. ;-)
As for spoiling your child — children don’t spoil – fruit spoil. You won’t spoil her by letting her sleep with you or Scott while you catch a few winks.
Congratulations to both of you!
BTW – I’d like to have Scott post his perspective on this experience. Maybe something like “A day in the life of Scott”.
Congratulations! She’s home! You’re a family! And whatever you do, it will be just fine.
This is absoulty AMAZING! I’ve been waiting “patiently” for the last 5 days for this post. I am glad everything is going good. The best days are yet to come!
Awwwwww… many, many many congratulations.
What a beautiful family! Enjoy! I still battle my 3 month old to take afternoon naps out of my arms. I imagine by the time I get that down, he will be teething or something equally challenging. You are doing beautifully.
Remember to fight to get that shower, a little bit of sleep and something to eat (bite sized treats are great for breastfeeding). I considered myself quite the new mom warrior at first, and ended up pass out tired, scary dirty and ravenously hungry on a few too many occasions. I’m back on the prenatals now, too. Breastfeeding takes a lot out of you! I was skipping them at first and started seeing stars from low iron.
I’m so happy for you. I’ve been following your story since you found out you were pregnant with twins. And you have sure seen your fair share of heartache. It takes a lot of courage to bring all of us online with you on this journey. Thank you for that. I enjoy the twitters, too. You have a great sense of humor. Enjoy your weekend with your family!
Congratulations! I’ve been looking forward to reading about the homecoming and ensuing bleary stupor — but how come you can do it with such compelling wit? No fair! My bundle is seven weeks already and still most of my sentences lack verbs…
Hooray and enjoy the baby-love-fest!
Congrats! She looks terrific! Sounds like she is going to be a all breast baby! (my DS refused the bottle as soon as he came home from the NICU too). But who can blame her from wanting your nice snuggly warmth constantly?
I’m so happy for all of you!!!! I have an 18 year-old who will be attending his last prom.
You WILL sleep again. You WILL resume showering on a daily basis. You WILL have time to make and actually eat again.
Simone will only be a newborn once. Enjoy these times, because you will miss them when they are gone, and she’s all up in your face asking for her own damned car.
Oh, and for the assvise, write down or type something special you did for that day, even if it is only one sentence. It only takes a second but all that stuff you say you will remember forever–ummmm not so much.
I know you’ve written a lot more scary and gut-wrenching stuff than this over the last few, but this . . . this is making me weepy. I’m just over the moon. welcome home, Simone, welcome home.
Yay! Welcome home Flotsam family!
Grateful exhaustion looks fabulous on you. I am so happy to see Simone home where she belongs!
I don’t have children (yet – I hope to before I am too far into this whole “advanced maternal age” business), but I imagine that having your baby at home now must be a bit like Christmas morning every day – so excited to see her that you don’t mind getting up! YAY!
Congratulations!! I have only followed your blog a short time but wanted to say how thrilling it is to see you are home with your adorable little girl. I laughed out loud at the “doorstop” comment…you have a wonderful sense of humour, which I’m sure must be part of the key to getting through this with such grace. Lovely to know you are enjoying every moment now that Simone is home.
She is just adorable!! Congratulations on her homecoming! I hope everyone starts getting lots of sleep and just love every moment!
Oh yes, the wonderful surprise of the happiness beyond all expectations!
And I agree with comment 11: ” After what you endured to create her, grow her, nurture her and bring her home, you deserve to spend 24×7 drunk on her. Accomplish that however you see fit.” Exactly.
Welcome home, Simone! And keep cracking the whip, baby tyrant.
Welcome Home Simone! The pictures are adorable! What a wonderful time for your family.
Oh my GOD. LOVE this post. You made my day. And is there anything sexier than a man with a baby sleeping on his chest? I think not. Welcome home, Simone!
What a beautiful baby you have, Alexa dear. And let me add to the chorus of those so happy you have her home at last!
I remember those early fog days…the bed, when I actually got a chance to lie in it, was like the most wonderful paradise. Showering is logically the least important of things for you to do (sleep and eat of course far more crucial) but do try to squeeze it in–it does wonders for making you feel semi-human again, even if you’re just putting on the same grubby yoga pants (or, perish the thought, gauchos) you’ve been wearing all week.
Congradulations!!!! She is beautiful and the two of you are so blessed!!! Continuing to keep ya’ll in my prayers!
Congrats on having Simone home.
Those are the most beautiful photos I ever saw. And I’ve yet to have a mom tell me they didn’t sneak in a few winks by having baby in bed (if the apnea isn’t the reason). Nor have I ever met a mom who wishes she had held her child less often. So do what you want — she yours, forever and always. “not a piece of meat” – love it.
Welcome home, Simone. Enjoy this time with her, nice Milk Lady!
What a beautiful, beautiful family– home at last! YAYYYYY!
When my nephew finally came home after his harrowing NICU stay (PPHN), my Momma wouldn’t put him down. She’d hold him on her chest like a crunched-up little pretzel-boy for five hours at a stretch. He was in a medically-induced coma for two and a half weeks after birth, and we couldn’t touch him or talk to him at all, and she was going to get every denied second back!
Love and happiness to you all.
Welcome home, sweet Simone!
Alexa – all I can say is that somehow you’ll adjust to the sleeplessness. I was never a napper myself, but about two weeks after my daughter came home I conked out one afternoon, during which time a grackle somehow flew into our house. (We suspect my mother had left the door open when she snuck outside to smoke, but she to this day swears the bird must have come down the chimney.) My husband and my mother tried to chase the bird out of the house, but it only flew into all the windows, bloodying the paint around the skylight. It finally got tangled up in the wooden slats of the blinds long enough for my husband to run outside and take the screens off, dash back in and open the window, and then shoo the poor thing outside.
They were running around banging, the bird was skawking, doors were slamming – and I was finally deeply alseep for the first time in twenty days, and all I know is that when I finally walked out into the living room I wondered why my mom was up on a ladder, washing the ceiling around the skylight. I still remember the bliss of that nap – fabulous.
Best, wonderful wishes to you all!
Wonderfulness.
;)
OK, so many answers, none of which I have read, so this will probably be dupe advice:
1) Get the Happiest Baby DVD (quicker than the book) and learn the witchcraft of the 4 step swaddle/shush/jiggle/swing. It seriously is like magic. I resisted trying it for far too long, and then my midwife MADE me watch it.
2) There is no intrinsically right or wrong thing to do when it comes to choosing to hold or not hold a baby when they’re sleeping. It’s a parenting choice. And neither will guarrantee a certain type of sleeper later in life. We held Josh constantly. He has always slept well, and independently full time from about a year on. (He co-slept from 2am to morning when he still woke for that feed.)
For your own sanity though, it is important to, as much as possible, sleep when baby sleeps. No-one should be staying awake.
All the best.
a
Hi Alexa!
I too have been waiting (not so patiently) to read an update about Simone’s homecoming!! I’m so happy for you all!!
Now my turn to offer some assvice… to limit Simone’s demand for 24×7 access to the Milk Lady (I cried I laughed so hard when I read about “raining hell upon you and your kin”), try googling the Haberman Feeder. I think Medela sells a version, but they don’t call it the Haberman Feeder on their website. I haven’t used it, but just read about it in “The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer”. It’s supposed to be da bomb for breastfeeding mothers who are having trouble getting their little ones to also take a bottle. The nipple in this bottle is supposed to mimic breastfeeding much more so than other traditional bottles. Not sure if it really works, but I think I’m going to give it a try when my baby arrives.
Sending much love to you all!!
She slays me with cuteness! Seriously, that is one freaking _adorable_ child.
How DO you manage so dang funny on so little sleep? The jealousy, it hurts.
Oh, and I _love_ your Ikea chair/ottoman. That shade of blue is my favorite thing ever – in fact, just the other day I dragged the husband unit over to the Ikea chair section to pet the pretty blue chair and attempt to convince him that it was perfect for our dinky apartment.
Take care of yourself – make sure Milk Lady gets a nice hot bath once a week or so (whether she needs it or no!)
Oh yay!! What more is there to say?
Congratulations on the happy homecoming!! I held my daughter and slept sitting up for six weeks or else she’d choke and stop breathing if sleeping flat. It was so draining then, but it ends before you know it. I feel like I should have earned a badge for my motherhood sash.
congratulations! so excited for your family and for simone for having done so amazingly well! as for the gypsy: i used to be a gypsy myself. did those nurses let you graduate from the nicu without teaching you the gypsy swaddle??!!! are you wrapping her TIGHT? its all about the blanket being snug snug snug. start with triangle pointing down towards her butt. wrap one side across her body and tuck that corner of blanket under a body part. now bring bottom of triangle up (with legs straight or bent) and rest it on belly. then fold remaining piece over super super snugly and wrap it around her and underneath….. the quicker you do this the better. if you cant get it, no biggie. this kid has got it made with you two as parentS!!!!!
Yippee! Congrats, congrats, congrats. I felt the same way–I had no idea motherhood was so much fun! Enjoy every exhausted second.
I’m all weepy and laughing and loving this post. Welcome Home Simone!!
i know this is crass, but HOLY CRAP that’s cute.
i remember those days. man, i am NEVER doing that again (yes i am).
What a milestone! Congratulations Flotsam Family!
Finally!
Who ever thought you could find exhaustion to be beautiful?
oh, joy, joy, happy, joy… love the twitter updates too. hilarious. and consensus in – cutest. baby. ever… good going, milk lady and support team… and yes, please keep eating, alexa… get some shakes or protein bars – something quick and easy. you need your calories and energy!
OVERLY HAPPY FOR SIMONE’S HOMECOMING!
Such an adorable baby. So wonderful that she’s home now!
Tears in my eyes. Congratulations.
OMG she’s huuuuuuge!!! I’m so happy to see her doing so well! And you… I had feared that with Simone home, we’d never hear from you again.
The lack of shower thing: I always figured it was so the baby could learn my smell. And, you know, the next door neighbors.
Love! the yellow table. I’m a clean-lines modern furniture kinda person and that curly-legged table goes so well with the clean lines of the rest of the room.
My daughter is fourteen months now and I still can’t remember… you know, those things. Words. All the time!
Sign for milk in sign language: opening and closing your fist like pulling on an udder. One of the first signs babies master when learning baby sign language.
Oh the indignity!
…and Ab Fab even! Ah, kindred spirit! I’ve been following your blog for only a few months now and have developed an obsession with you and your sweet daughter of groupie-like proportions… I compulsively check your blog several times a day for the latest update… and finally! The news we’ve all been waiting to hear! Your baby girl Simone is home! I couldn’t be more thrilled for you and your family. I wanted to take a moment to thank you for sharing yourself though this public medium. So many have said it before, but you are truly a gifted writer with a deliciously twisted sense of humor. You could write the phone book and I would read every line… at least twice! Please do let me know if you are taking applications for any additional best friends… Resume and letters of recommendation will be provided upon request. And to sweeten the deal, as much Bolly as you can drink…
Welcome home! Good job Simone! It’s so amazing to see you all together at home!
I am sure your love of *this* is dwarfed only by Simone’s love of it.
Congrats!
Posts #91 and 92: My given first name is Marta! I have not heard that name in ages. I am nicknamed Marti.
Hope all continues to go well with the Flotsam family! I look almost every day to catch a glimpse of your beautiful work-of-art, Simone.
Good luck, everyone!!!
Wow – just wow. Welcome home to Miss Simone! You all make one beautiful family…
This post brought a huge smile to my face. I am SO glad she is finally home with her mama and dada!
Hi, I am de-lurking for the first time–I am SOOO happy for you, I can’t believe I could feel so happy for someone I haven’t met–I’ve been reading for a couple months. We have a little boy after our own struggle with infertility and super-high-risk pg…
My son would only sleep in my arms for the first 3-4 months and it remains the most cherished time in my life–and he is now a delightful 2 yr old now–but there is something magical about the newborn stage–I call it “the naked mole-rat charm”–but enjoy it–you will never be as close to anyone again–and I say this even though i am blissfully married and my son is a joy–
the 3-4 months of the newborn were the hardest and most magical time–no sleep, as my son nursed EVERY 2 HOURS FOR 10 MONTHS, so i was just a bit weird (not to scare you)–but the closeness is like nothing else I’ve ever known.
so, it’s rough, but magical, and it just makes me so happy that you will have this time.
i just felt compelled to comment.
Oh, yeah, wearing the baby is the charm. I used the New Native Carrier. Other people I know swear by the kangaroo karrier (sic). check out http://www.thebabywearer.com/ tons of info.
Renee
← Previous Comments
Next Comments →