I know that most babies, unless they are holding down demanding factory jobs, do not have predictable schedules. I have no desire to impose order where it is unwarranted, but it does seem that both Simone and I could benefit from a bit more rhythm to our days. I am told that infants crave predictability, and at the very least I would like to maintain a bedtime routine—a bath, a book, a snuggle in our chair. Routines like these were what I daydreamed about while failing to get pregnant, and now that I have my very own daughter, I often find myself too disorganized to pull such a thing together.
Until recently, Simone was going to bed around 10:00 in the evening, and the rest of our day was entirely amorphous. At first it didn’t seem to matter, as “day” and “night” were interchangeable continuous rounds of sleeping and eating. But now Simone is awake more during the day, and it occurs to me that I do not know what a Typical Day in the Life of a Baby looks like. The importance of time management has an immediacy to me now that has always before been lacking: Simone is grinning gummily and gazing at mirrors and making shrieky little sounds, and the time I spend scrambling to catch the tail of my fast-receding day is time I don’t spend with her. At the moment she is at a stage so delightful I would happily freeze time in order to live any one of these days over and over again ad infinitum. Still, laundry needs to be done and sentences need to be written, and I’m damned if I can figure a way to ensure that Simone is getting the time with Milk Lady she—and hell, MILK LADY—deserve(s), while still accomplishing the occasional non-baby-related task.
For two days I kept track of my time in a notebook. This first schedule is from my most productive day ever, a day on which I crossed off all but one of the items on my to-do list:
4:00 a.m. Baby wakes, nurse baby
5:00 a.m. Back to sleep
7:30 a.m. Baby wakes, feed baby, change baby, play with baby on floor
9:00 a.m. Pump, put baby in chair
9:20 a.m. Swaddle baby, put in swing, make breakfast
9:45 a.m. Work
11:00 a.m. Baby awake, change baby, give baby medicine, feed baby
11:45 a.m. Baby in sling, back to work
1:00 p.m. Put baby in swing, pump
1:15 p.m. Baby crying—change baby, make bottles, feed baby
2:15 p.m. Put baby in chair, go to bathroom, make lunch, eat lunch
3:00 p.m. Exercise
4:00 p.m. …
I don’t know what happened at 4:00 p.m., because the evening got away from me after that, and you will notice that “shower” was never recorded, alas. But this was a remarkably productive day in the arena of work, though I ended it feeling as if I had barely seen my daughter except to attend to her orifices.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have my entry for the day after:
5:00 a.m. Baby crying. Feed baby, hold baby
…and that’s it. That’s all I wrote, and that was my day. Hold baby, insert milk as needed. Not only does “shower” not appear, neither does “work.”
So tell me—how do you do it? I mean specifically HOW? If you stay home with your spawn, what is your schedule? Do babies prefer to play before eating or after? Ought they to have a regular nap? (Simone is two months adjusted, five months actual, if that helps). Those of you who work from home part time: have you found a routine that avoids guilt and anxiety over neglecting work and guilt and sadness over neglecting baby, or is that the sort of thing I can hope to discover just as soon as I mount my unicorn and gallop along an unfurling road paved with money and chocolate eclairs?
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I have no baby and therefore no idea, but I couldn’t resist being the first to comment and tell you how much I love, love, love your blog!
Your “best day” is pretty good for a 2 month old baby. The “ideal” schedule is something like baby eats … is awake … sleeps … round and round in what I think is better termed a “routine” rather than a schedule (meaning everything happens in roughly the same order but time intervals can vary depending on when the baby wakes … sleeps … teething … colds… you name it).
A 2 month old baby can really only be awake for an hour (or less) before needing to sleep again … a 5 month old maybe 2 hours … so you will probably be somewhere in between. If you are itching for a schedule, I personally liked the Baby Whisperer which I found a nice combination of gentle and scheduled (but I know Moxie doesn’t like it so your mileage may vary).
As for working? You mean without some sort of childcare? I know there are those can can do it but in my experience, yes, I think you need to call your unicorn to get that one taken care of.
How lovely that we get to hear about this!!!
Two months is still pretty young for a predictable schedule. I don’t think my kid fell into a regular pattern until ca. four or five months.
I think you’re doing incredibly well. I can’t get ANY work done at home, and the kid is eight months old. Nor can I exercise.
The only thing I did impose early on, and with deathlike consistency, was a bedtime routine. Nurse, bath, song, bed at 7 PM every damned night, even if he didn’t feel like going to sleep then. I think (I think?) it has paid off. He goes to sleep well now. (We won’t discuss the rest of the night, however.)
Oh I’m coming back for helpful advice .. I am desparately needing good constructive advice. We have been recording our daily routine for 5 weeks now – it will look the same for a few days here and there .. then In comes the monkey wrench
The Baby Whisperer totally gave me false confidence. I thought it’d be all easy peasy after reading that. Bah!
My advice after having two babies is this: Don’t expect much to regulate schedule wise until at least 6 months. I basically did Feed, sleep, play, feed, sleep, play. There was a little Me time in there during the “sleep” but it was generally short lived.
I don’t know how the hell work at home moms do any of it. At least not until babysitters are hired.
My girls are 4 1/2 months, 2 1/2 months corrected. We follow the Babywise routine of feed, wake, sleep. They eat about every 3 hours at this point. The biggest thing that really helped settle us into a routine was picking a start time to each day. They get up at 8am, and everything follows after that. Their last bottle is somewhere between 8:30 and 9:30pm at night, and they no longer wake at 3am for a feeding.
I agree that they usually aren’t awake for more than 1 1/2 hours before needing to sleep again. Once they start fussing or yawning they get swaddled and put in their cribs for a nap. Their morning naps are always the longest, so that’s when I try to get as much work as possible done.
Well, as a mom of 2 with a very full-time job, I’m really not sure if it’s possible to work to your fullest ability and also feel you’re paying enough attention to your family. I usually feel like I’m doing about a 75% job on both. I guess together, that means I’m giving 150%, but as my students would point out, 75% is a C.
I think as Simone gets older, it will be easier to have a schedule; she’s still quite young. My daughter attends daycare and is so used to napping at the same time every afternoon that if we’re late with her lunch, she falls asleep mid-chew.
The only real advice I can give you is not to feel guilty. Come up with an amount of time you think is reasonable for work: say, 3 hours a day. You’ll soon be able to fit that in while Simone naps. But be sure to use that time for work: no cleaning, etc… When your 3 hours are up, it’s Simone time — no more work. At least for me, having those hard divides is the only thing that allows me to do even a pretty-good job in both halves of my life.
It’s wonderful to have such a full life — enjoy it all.
I didn’t see a clear schedule until my son was older. Writing it down is good, though. It will help you see patterns that your mommy-fogged brain might otherwise miss.
Oh someone has LIED to you if they told you there would be time to work! There is no such thing — you barely have time for laundry and grocery shopping, maybe an email or two. I tried to work while on maternity leave. Ha! Parents who work at home have babysitters. There’s also no such thing as “balance,” just in case someone told you that too…
In terms of schedule, it’s baby-dependent in my (limited) experience after two babies. My son needed a very strict schedule, craved it, in order to exist peacefully. My daughter is so flexible and falls asleep without much effort, so we’ve never instituted a clear schedule. We do anticipate her tired periods and plan accordingly, but that’s about it.
So if Simone seems to be sleeping when she’s tired, eating when she’s hungry, then you’re doing just fine without a schedule. If you’re having trouble getting her down for naps, try the schedule. It was all that got me through my son’s first year!
“A routine that avoids guilt”???
Is there such a thing? I thought guilt was part of the routine…and my oldest is eleven.
With my third, who is 2 1/2, now, we played before eating. She became narcaleptic the moment my nipple was exposed and we had a terrible time developing a routine what with her nodding off after a couple of swigs of breast milk. Playing before eating ensured that she was wide awake and HUNGRY when it was lunch time.
PS-I do hope you were allotted the time to “use the facilities” more than just the one time in 2 days. However lax your schedule, you may want to pencil in a minute here and there for the bathroom.
Firstly, I LOVE your writing (If I sound like such a gushing fan, it’s because I am one) I swear by “The Contented Little Baby Book” by Gina Ford and used it with my own offspring. I am not saying follow it to the letter, but just use the parts that work for you.
She says that kids fall into a deepest sleep in the middle of the day which is when their longest daytime nap should be. Three kids later and with Miss 3 napping still in the middle of the day, I can’t disagree with her!
Bedtime wind-down should start at 6 in the evening but sounds like Miss Simone may fight you on that one!
Good luck and you are doing a wonderful job. I refresh each day to see if you have a new post up.
As a writer, (and I’ve began publishing non-fic when my oldest son was 2… my second novel just came out end of May)… I can honestly tell you:
1) you’re doing great
2) it’s really hard to work those first few months with any sort of regularity, unless you’re out of the house and bringing the kid to day care (which brings its own set of guilt+exhaustion)
3) it’s okay to ditch the guilt.
It’s super ultra *clear* that you love Simone. You have a brilliant blog here, and she’s going to read all of this later and know you love her.
Work will make you balanced. It’ll make you happy, and therefore, when you are with her, you’ll be able to enjoy it more, knowing you’re also accomplishing your own goals. Maybe in bite-sized chunks for now, but still, you’ll be making forward progress. Plus, you’ll be an example to her.
My sons are now 25 and 21. I wrote during naps, squeezed time in during baseball practices and wrestling practices and about thousand other things. I went back to school, started publishing, (actually, the publishing came first, now that I think of it) and helped my husband grow our small business, and I look back on all of that and I think, wow, that was insane. It felt insane at the time… but you do what you need to do, you work, you follow your dreams, because the kids will see *that* – and dreams (and eating) are important.
(We just made sure to listen to them. Pretty much the only rule of parenting that applies across the board to all kids: listen to ‘em. They’ll get used to telling you stuff, and the habit will hold.)
You’re doing that. You’re a great mom. You’ll get there.
I havn’t read anyone else’s post, so sorry if this is a repeat (I know, stupid way to start a comment, but I’m being honest.)
At two months old, most people are still getting used to the idea that their baby exists at all. At about 4 months, most babies settle into a routine that includes 2-3 naps with longer chunks of sleep at night. I agree with the bedtime routine but keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be a hard and fast, minute by second schedule that you do faithfully every single day. A general routine is all they need (eg, song, bath, 5 minutes of laying her on your chest while you rub her back, and a gentle tuck in after her final feeding for the evening). One thing I really recommend would be to start with the tooth brushing sooner than later. Take it from a mom of 4 little ones: it’s easier to introduce a twice daily toothbrush to a little person who’s eager to gum everything into a thin smear than a toddler with 8 sharp fangs and the dulcet tones of a banshee.
ugh. I’ve been… I’ve heard of this thing called “grammar”… geez.
I took a look around but I don’t think anyone has mentioned it before, so this is my advice: askmoxie.com. Go now. RUN! She is that brilliant. Good luck!
You are doing a wonderful job! Our first few months at home involved a lot more crying and a lot less playing, and still they have grown and are happy. They have the most beautiful smiles and I feel so loved when they direct them at me. Sometimes when they are playing or making funny noises I just sit and watch/listen, marvelling at the miracle babies they are.
I, too, dreamed of the books and the cuddles and the laughter and playing for those long years of ttc. Some day, we will get there. For now, we are just content with getting to know and being close to each other. And waking up each morning to the sound of two babies chatting away in the nursery, realising it wasn’t all just a dream and at the same time being glad we’re still standing.
Our kids are 7 months now (5 months corrected) and any kind of daily routine only started to appear about 2 weeks ago. Before that, it was pretty much eating, sleeping and if one of them happened to be asleep while the other was awake I’d be able to squeeze in some playing. When they were both awake I was usually feeding one and trying to entertain the other with my foot, not really succeeding in either, resulting in having to feed again sooner than “scheduled”. Me-time was almost non-existent for the first couple of months, since there never seemed to be more than a couple of minutes when both would be asleep.
It will get better though. That’s what I’ve been telling myself for a while, and now it has. Overnight, without me ever trying to fit them into any kind of schedule, they both simultaneously decided they were ready for 2 naps a day. AT THE SAME TIME. Suddenly I find myself walking around the house trying to think of something useful to do. Mostly I end up falling asleep on the couch…
I too am a work-at-home mum (or try to be, anyway). So far, I’ve managed to draw TWO portraits. TWO. IN 7 MONTHS. And the plan was to fit in some painting and woodwork too, but before I even get out the paintbrushes or scrollsaw, it’s back to the changing table and the big pile of feeding pillows. Seems I will have to stick to just paper and pencils for now.
Forget the guilt, just enjoy the moment. Simone is not going to remember how many minutes you’ve played with her or how many pages you’ve written. All she’ll remember is the love you have for her, the safety of your arms holding her. You’re doing a great job!
Ps. what a wonderful sight, that cute little “free” face.
I listen with pinned-back ears and a rising sense of inadequacy when I hear other mothers at our playgroups discuss their routine. Child and I have never seemed to acquire one of those. We get up, we eat, we play. Sometimes he sleeps; sometimes he doesn’t and gets miserable. We haven’t evolved all that much from the early days when a shower required a babysitter – and he’s a year old in a fortnight.
The odd 20 minutes when he will now play happily alone are devoted to internet and housework. Just now, I have yanked the washing out of the machine, shovelled a new load hastily inside, and galloped through to check my email. As I type this, child is beginning to roar again, and I must go.
If I see the horsey with a spikey nose, I’ll send it round to your place. I keep falling off.
The simple answer to that is – I don’t work. And when I need to work I hire a sitter or notify my hsuband of the hours in which he will need to be on call as The Chief Carer.
My son has a fairly predictable day that hinges around set meal times and a schedule of naps (he needs to have a nap roughly every two hours for the good of us all) and the evening routine is set – bath by 7:30, last feed by 8, by quarter to 9 he is in bed and asleep and if all is well he sleeps straight through and troubles us not until sometime between 7 and 8 in the morning.
If we are to have an activity I’ll plan the day around that to make sure that his eating/sleeping needs can be accomodated. I find things sooooooo much easier now that the kid is eating solid foods and no longer breastfeeding because feeding adheres much more easily to a schedule and it’s much easier to combine stuff (kid is napping now, I’ve got boiled water for formula cooling in the bottle and lunch in the oven), and if we want to go out somewhere I can just grab two spoons/two jars and know that we are good for six hours.
I often combine a lot of our activities. I’ll have one bowl of baby cereal/fruit and a bowl of my own cereal and I’ll be feeding the kid with one hand and myself with the other. Frequently he and I will have our shower/bath together. I’ll get in the water with him we’ll frolic then he’ll get handed off to his daddy for dressing/feeding while I add some anguents and more warm water to my bath and read a magazine.
The kid is in bed by nine and after that it is parent time which may be used to fall asleep on the couch or indulge in various rewarding activites depending on how knackered we are.
For months and months and months I could get NOTHING done. NOTHING. He just wanted to be carried and if awake was miserable when put down but now he is in a golden stage where he is largely happy to entertain himself so long as he can see me, prefers wriggling around on the floor to being carried, but hasn’t figured out how to crawl yet so can’t just zoom off somewhere. Therefore I lay a towel or a playmat near wherever I am supposed to be and he does his thing and I do mine. Also he notices the world and is entertained by it so a lot of the things (e.g. feeding of the cats) can be performed as tricks for his amusement.
He is six.5 months old now – he only really settled a month ago. Before then he was always in some kind of panic/angst/rage and clingy and whiny and I was exhausted both emotionally and physically. But now he’s learned the things his world contains and he feels safe. He knows he will get food, he knows he will have naps, he knows he will go to sleep after his bath. He realises that his needs will be responded to so he is more willing to be patient, to wait whereas beforehand he was always in Its NOW or NEVER mode.
But yes, do what work you must and enjoy the rest.
I think at 2 months our schedule was: baby eats, baby screams. Baby eats, baby screams. Baby eats, baby screams, baby smiles. Baby eats, falls asleep, wakes screaming.
She didn’t sleep and she didn’t settle.
All around in a big circle. It was BAD. She was a horrible baby (an okay toddler now though, aside from the never sleeping).
But I would say start a BBB routine. Bath, Boob, Bed (You can mix it up and add a book if you like). It doesn’t matter if she only sleeps for 5 minutes, or falls asleep on the boob, I found a BBB routine worked for us eventually.
This time in your baby’s life is so important and oh so very fleeting. She will be two years old before you know it. I say just neglect everything except showering so you feel alive and loving on your baby. The laundry, house cleaning and work can wait.
I had to go back to work when my son was 2 months a half (2 adjusted! he was soooo tiny!). The nanny was appalled he had no structure whatsoever. She quickly changed that: he needed to sleep every 2 hours. More often if he showed signs of being tired (tucking at his ears, rubbing his eyes). To me it was very counter intuitive to force him to go to bed but he would whimper for a few minutes and then fall asleep. This was a great lesson for me: babies NEED to be put to sleep. And I liked the Baby Whisperer book but I was not following it until the nanny came on board. My bedtime routine was to nurse in the dark and have him fall asleep on the boob. Things have not much improved since then, but on the other end, I put him to bed and he knows it is bedtime.
This is Flicka’s SIL. I have two boys (2 1/2 years and 1 years old). I scheduled both of them, pretty much from day one (after getting home from the hospital) and it is fabulous! I HIGHLY recommend scheduling and sticking to it. Kids definitely crave continuity and a schedule is the best way to give that to them at such a young age. Babywise is a good tool to help you get started. I have two and I get an hour to myself every morning and three hours every afternoon. Plenty of time for laundry, working, cooking, cleaning, video games, etc. And with a schedule, even if they don’t spend the whole naptime sleeping, eventually they learn that that’s where they’re going to be for that time and they play quietly and amuse themselves (for the most part – obviously there are exceptions to everything) until their naptime is over. And please email if you have any questions.
I’m also a work-from-home writer and I have two little girls (the oldest is three). It’s hard to balance my childrens’ needs, my work, and, oh yeah, my needs. I’m still nursing my 14 month old so I’ve been the “milk lady” for three years now.
What works best for me is a schedule… both my children thrived (and are thriving) on one. I have two amazing sleepers(my three year still takes 3 hour afternoon naps!) and now that I’m going through a divorce, my girls are adjusting beautifully at my parents’ house because their schedule is comforting.
It’s also how I know when to schedule conference calls, doctor’s appointments, errands, work, showers, etc. Of course, some flexibility is important (life has a way of getting in the way of naps and stuff) because you don’t want a screaming child who flips out when her schedule changes.
Schedules usually form on their own around four months of age — and they should be baby-led. You’re doing the right thing by keeping track of your daily routine. You’ll soon see a pattern form.
As far as fitting in showers, you might try doing it during her morning nap… or bring her into the bathroom with you. I used to put my babies in the boppy on the floor while I showered but as soon as they get mobile, you’ll have to think of something else. Also, you can fold laundry on the floor next her so you’re interacting but also not “holding” her… same goes for mnaking dinner. Have her in the swing in the kitchen and interect with her while you cook. I don’t believe you can spoil a baby or anything but it’s also not humanly possible to hold a baby all the time… this age is hard because babies like to be held and not much can hold their attention at this age. It will get easier as your schedule (and Simone) develops…
Also, she’s a bit too young for sleep-training and it appears as though you’ll never be a Cry-It-Out type (I was but it’s hard and not for everyone) but you want to make sure you sleep-train her by whatever method you’re comfortable with. Us work-from-home moms need children who sleep — at naps AND at bedtime. Too many women I know have their chidlren nap in their arms or sleep in their bed (or, worse, don’t sleep at all and are cranky all the time) — which is fine in the first few months but around four or five months, children should be sleeping in their own beds. I would never get anything done if my kids didn’t sleep!
I enjoy your writing and appreciate your honesty. Simone is one lucky little girl… here’s hoping you find a routine that works for you (it sounds like you’re well on your way!).
My routine is not favored among working-from-home Moms – but it is the only one that works for me. I have stopped trying to schedule. My son is 8 weeks old and I have just decided to let every day schedule itself because trying to make a schedule caused me severe anxiety. Unfortunately – that means I find myself working at 2am some days and sleeping at noon.
I also have a 2.5 year old – I keep HER on a schedule, for the record. I’m not THAT insane.
Give it some more time and you will work your way into a rhythm that works well for mommy and baby. As you hit that rhythm it will be easier to tweak it here and there so that it TRULY works for mommy baby and work. You can’t get there all at once but it will happen.
Enjoy every moment with your baby girl….i feel like mine was a baby just yesterday….now it’s driver’s ed and acne and hormones…ACKKKKKK!!
What??!! You have a chocolate unicorn?! :0)
Shower, schmower – I find baby wipes work okay for a while for personal hygiene “touch ups”.
I pretty much always said taking care of a baby was just feeding one end, wiping the other and loving everything else in between.
My daughter is 7 months old When she was one month old, I went back to work for 3 hours a day – taking her with me (I teach online classes for a college). It helped create a schedule because we had to get out of the house at the same time each day and we returned at about the same time. Since she is still primarily breastfed, I let her eat on demand. But, after she eats, we play. Then she normally eats again and goes to sleep. At 2 months, there were a few things I could count on – a nap after we got home together, bed time, and a rough wake up time – but the day was not too predictable otherwise. So, I would just say get as much done as you can. Take breaks when she wants to play. Work as much as you can while she is asleep.
I seem to remember that M didn’t start regulating her schedule until around 3 months, just in time for me to return to my full time job. The only thing that was regular was feeding, since I knew that even if she didn’t directly act like she was hungry, if I didn’t feed her every 2-3 hours, I would regret it. The first thing to regulate was consistant sleep from 10p-3a, with a bedtime around 7-8. Also, we got a good nap in the morning I could count on. Other than that, her schedule flexed a lot until around a year.
My son didn’t fall into a daytime “schedule” until somewhere around four to five months. Before that, it was eat, play, eat, sleep and we cycled through this about every two hours with the awake time getting longer and the sleep time getting shorter. As the sleep time got shorter, then I tried to consolidate his naps from five catnaps of 30-40 minutes to three longer naps. Ha. That took a while (as did the later transition to two naps).
I do remember starting with a bedtime schedule around two months. We didn’t implement a bedtime “routine” until he was about three months old but I do remember at the two months mark, we started working on a consistent bedtime. In the early weeks, bedtime happened anywhere from 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. Around two months, we were suddenly able to get him to bed around 7 to 8 p.m. and I think this helped the rest of the night and day flow a little better as nighttime wakeups got a little more consistent as did the morning wakeup time.
Good luck with whatever you do and know that most of us got nothing done those first few months. :)
At 2 months there was no schedule. There was vague routine but even that was thrown out most days. At five months is when we began to get into a predictable routine.
I work from home full time, but didn’t until they were about 18 months old. My husband started working full time from home when they were 3 months old. No, there is no avoiding the guilt. Some one always gets the short end of the stick, I just try to make it the kids the least amount of the time possible.
I don’t remember the first 5 months. I’ve repressed them THAT much, but I love Simone’s latest picture!
My guy is 5 months and we are just now beginning to have a routine. He’s my 4th so it’s sorta tough. basically he gets breakfast, lunch, and dinner when everyone else does, more or less, and a bath in the morning after his typical biggest blowout diaper, and I try to put him down to sleep approximately every two hours. That’s about it. Showering, haha. I do it at night when my husband is home. Work – oh boy. Wow. I don’t get enough sleep because without my babysitter (who has been on vacation for two weeks, selfish woman! : )I am lucky to have half an hour at the end of the day to do much of anything. I wish I had better news for you but maybe you could just slide over on the unicorn to make room for me and hand me a chocolate eclair off the road….
I did the Baby Whisperer thing with my last two. I don’t remember much with my oldest, and that’s probably a good thing.
The thing is to understand that a schedule can be flexible too. It doesn’t have to be completely rigid. Let Simone lead the way.
My two youngest were FANTASTIC babies, now they are crazy. Soooo….I’m just sayin’.
We did the Eat, Play, Sleep and then I had an hour or so to do a load of laundry or wash dishes, or go to the bathroom or a combination.
I had the same fantasy you did about rocking a happy sleeping baby. I had simply forgotten about how caring for baby is a bit harder than my fantasy….and it actually took me almost two freaking days for me to get myself and Nate ready enough to walk two doors down to the corner store to get the newspaper.
You’ll find your own way….and things will get done. Just enjoy her.
I see my favorite SIL in the whole wide world (I mean that sincerely) commented above and I want to add my accolades to what she said. Seriously, I know it’s not popular in some circles but Babywise really works. We’re using it with Sam and I get a shower every day, time to wash bottles and laundry and at least an hour to talk with Beth. And Sam is two and a half weeks old; still a pretty new guy with lots of needs. I took my cues from what Beth did with my nephews and IT WORKS.
I will add, as she did, that our routine is flexible. Some days Sam eats a half an hour early or late. But! We always, always, always have feeding, awake time and naptime in that order. If you reverse any of it, it doesn’t work. It takes a while to get the routine going but once you’ve got something that works for your schedule, it’s a miracle. You’ll wonder how you ever did it before.
Like Beth said, email either of us with questions. Good luck!
Hi Alexa. I was due the same time as you … a few days before Monkey was born, my husband got diagnosed with cancer. So it’s been a real riot down here.
Between chemo sessions, writing articles, cooking, cleaning, and general boring crap, I take care of a newborn. The more he sleeps, the more he wants to sleep. I am forever putting him to bed. I forget how often I’m supposed to bathe him. Life is messy and hard – but I keep writing. If I don’t I will go LOOPY.
I had to go private … email me if you want an invite to my blog.
Perhaps a baby steward?
I remember that feeling so well…heck, I still have that feeling on a daily basis…of having NO IDEA WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING. And so I read and read and read, and everybody has such vastly different opinions. (My son is 6 months/4 months corrected.) And I got completely stymied in that I felt like I just kept needing to read and research more and more because SOMEWHERE out there was the one resource that said it all. Nope. I just panicked myself into a frenzy of internet addiction and amazon.com purchases. (And even, multiple times, screeching out to the bookstore as soon as my husband got home because I read about this one book that would have ALL THE ANSWERS that I MUST HAVE BEFORE MORNING.)
That being said, we’ve been through multiple schedules with Graham, and even though some of them have failed, I do think he is happier when things happen at around the same time every day. I have convinced myself that he got used to order and predictability (at least in terms of time) in the NICU/SCN, and that’s why he likes it. Who knows. But these days, he’s up and nursing at 6, sometimes falls back to sleep, eats solids at 9, sleep at 10, breastfeeds at noon, sleep at 1, breastfeed at 3/4, and solids at 6. I am a medical student that is taking a year out, and am technically a research fellow for the year. So there is work that I have to do (and naptime just feels impossible – I read blogs or nap myself) that now is getting done after G goes to bed for the night. My husband comes home from work, feeds him the dinner at 6, they do bath, book, and quiet wind-down in his dark room. Then I feed him and put him down at 7. We wake him for a feed at 11 when we go to bed. It seems to be working. At least for now!
Someone give me another way to spell “eclair” darn it! Google Maps cannot find this road and my kid is already 3-1/2; I’m running out of time!
I loved the Baby Whisperer. I wish I had found it sooner for my first. I used it religiously for my second. It helps to keep track of what you are doing so that you can see how things are changing. I also loved her Pick up, Put down technique for getting the baby into nap rhythm.
I tried the no-schedule thing. I tried the schedule thing. I tried “reading her sleep messages,” I tried “baby needs to sleep every x hours. Do it!” I read every book, I threw Baby Whisperer across the room.
My baby never slept, and so I had very little of “me” in the “schedule.” I learned to shower with her in the room, and learned to just be with her awake self, if that’s what it was going to be. As a result, I do a lot of stuff, right in front of her, to this day (and she’s almost 4) — I just announce “Now it’s computer time!” or “Time to read by ourselves for a few minutes! (pick up newspaper).”
I feel mighty guilty about this for some reason, and yet my daughter plays fabulously by herself. Always a silver lining.
/no help whatsoever
I don’t think my son (now 8.5 months) had a routine until between 3 and 4 months, and I think it’s probably wishful thinking to expect a routine before that point. We did what you are doing, instituted a bedtime routine of bath, book, boob, bed, and that really helped set up his days as well. Once he was going down for the night (sort of) easily by five months, we moved on and started working on naps. At this point, he has a regular routine and sleeps and naps quite well.
I don’t like the rigidity of a schedule for a baby, I prefer a routine. At his current age, we still follow his cues, if he’s tired at 9 am rather than his usual 9:30 naptime, we put him down. I breastfeed him 5 to 6 times a day when he is hungry, at no specific times, and offer solids three times a day with a big meal in the evening before bed.
In his early days I read everything about sleep and scheduling and found most of it to be either common sense or slightly scary. So, I decided, screw it, and I went with his cues. That decision made us both so much happier. You don’t have to follow some sort of Scheduling System to get Simone on a routine (unless you want to of course!), you can always start by making small changes and building on what seems to work.
Oh, and I found months 4 to 6 to be the “easiest” in terms of getting work done. At that point, he was willing to play on his mat for chunks of time and I would sit with my laptop next to him and work while he played. I think it is important to set realistic work goals for yourself. You probably won’t be able to work more than a couple hours a day.
Go get yourself a copy of the Baby Whisperer book, it will become your baby bible!
I have 2 girls – one 2.5 years and one 5 months – and I work from home. I actually found the earlier months quite a bit easier when it came to baby care + nursing. I’ve mastered the art of nursing while typing away on my computer… so the wee one just falls asleep on my lap (on nursing pillow) and i type away.
Then, being that my oldest sleeps in the afternoon and the wee one is starting to sleep then im able to get quite a bit of work done. Usually from 1pm – 4pm ish… as they get older and the afternoon naps disappear I will definintely be getting a p/t babysitter and/or get the oldest into preschool.
So long as I have a few mornings or afternoons I find that im able to manage my workload.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, I am BEGGING you, PLEASE check out Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It is by Marc Weissbluth who is a respected pediatrician (MD, unlike some–ahem, “baby whisperer” nanny, ahem). I know you’re running around in circles and not even getting to shower, so the last thing you have time for is to sit down and read a long technical book. Believe me, I know–I was in the exact same place, but with a colicky baby (Dr. Weissbluth calls it “extreme fussy”) whom I couldn’t put down for more than 30 seconds without her screaming. But on the recommendation of FOUR friends, I read the book–at first, I just skimmed through it, reading the chapter summaries–and it literally changed my life, no exaggeration.
Please check it out and just skim through it. It is so completely UNLIKE any of the trendy, gimmicky baby stuff out there. It is practical instructions given by a man who has been caring for babies in his medical practice for, I don’t know, 30 years? And here I go exposing my intellectual snobbery, but guess what? As far as I know, this book has never been endorsed on Oprah or any other daytime TV, and that for me is a commendation. I know, Oprah devotees unite and quash the disbelievers. Ugh. But I like this book because it is NON-gimmick, NOT flashy, does not claim to have any great secrets or mysticism. It simply teaches new parents what an infant’s natural “routine” is, and how you can mold it into a routine that works for the whole family. See (I think this is the same for you), I had no idea when my little one was born, what a baby SHOULD do, or NORMALLY does, or what I should even be AIMING for with her. This book gives you those basic facts and tells you how to work with it. PLEASE give it a look!
By the way, I’m not here to claim that within days of reading the book my girl was sleeping through the night or anything. She has never been a good napper, and reading the book did not cause any miracles. But it did teach me what would work naturally with her infant schedule, and made me feel 100% more sane as I went about trying to establish it.
Also by the way, even though there was no overnight miracle, my girl DID start sleeping 12 hours through the night when she was 8 months old (I read the book when she was 4 months), and I credit the book completely–because I had worked for 4 months to get her into a good nap/sleep routine.
I know this is way too long already, but you did ask how others ACTUALLY do this stuff. And I’m going to repeat what others have said: I really believe that 2 months is too early to expect any kind of routine. That’s still the age where things change from day to day (and guess what–the book even says that! He’s not some psycho who claims you can get a three week old to sleep through the night–he’s the first to say you won’t have any established schedule until at least three months). Anyway, I know you’re asking this because YOU are ready for a schedule. After the blur of the first several weeks with a baby at home, you’re ready for things to fall into place a little bit, because YOU crave routine and a little normalcy. And that’s perfectly fine! That’s normal. Just tell yourself that you’ll need to expect to deal with the chaos for just a few more weeks, and after things will start to fall into place a little more—–um, that is, IF you LEARN how to start to make that happen–by getting some reliable information. My life stayed chaotic until 4 months, because that’s when I read the book, and I had not known how to take advantage of her maturing system at 3 months.
How I did things after we started getting into a routine was that baby’s naptime was my time for anything me-related. Showering, working, cleaning–those all happened during naps. It stayed that way until she was about 18 months old, which is when she started being really good at playing independantly for pockets of time, so I was able to start doing work and other me things even when she was awake. But until then, it was all about naptime and after her bedtime. This completely avoided the mom-guilt, because I never worried that I was neglecting her when she was awake.
And by the time she was five or six months old, because of what the book taught me, she was going to bed FOR THE NIGHT at 6:30 pm. Yes, she still woke up after four or five hours for another feeding, after which I would go to bed myself. But when the baby’s down from 6:30 on, you’ll be amazed at how much energy you have to do lots of work between then and when you go to bed. Those 4 or 5 hours in the evening were my best block of work time.
Now my baby is 2 1/2 and she’s pushed her bedtime back to about 8:30. So I don’t have the big evening blocks all to myself anymore. But like I said, she’s now old enough to play independently during the day, so I can get things done regardless of sleep.
I know this is long. But I hope maybe some of it helps. If we were best friends I would have left the book on your doorstep a few months ago, but I really hope you’ll try it out even though I can’t coerce you in person. :)
Kara
Sounds like your good day was a good one for a two month old. I just worked on what time they ate and then worked naps in around that. For me it also helped to wake them up the same time everyday and have the same bedtime routine everything else just fell into place. Mine routine is pretty flexible to go with the day we are having.
I work from home also and I have days that nothing gets done. I let him lay on the floor with toys to play on his own, or I try to work while he is napping then when he is awake I put him on a blanket and take him with me from room to room while I clean.
Try Solving your childs sleep problems by Richard Ferber it worked with my boys and there is advice in there from birth to teens.
You are doing a wonderful job just keep trying.
How do we do it? We have help–I have a nanny, and two older kids and a husband. I used to have more relatives around, and friends as well but they rotate in and out now.
It is not possible for you to do all of this by yourself. Tell Scott that it is non-negotiable that he let you get a shower in the morning before he leaves and you also need someone to help a bit, if not a relative or a friend then hire someone, a high school kid even, so that you can get some sleep and do some work.
No one on the planet does it alone, why should you be any different?
My son is two months adjusted, four months actual age. My older daughter, 3 yrs, seemed to take a while to settle into a very predictable schedule or routine. I think it is best to aim for a pattern of how things happen: eat, play, sleep or something like that.
My son sleeps well at night (knock on wood) but doesn’t sleep much during the day unless he is being held. This is not good for my productivity or for keeping my daughter out of trouble! So I don’t have any great advice because we are not there yet either.
I do think it might take a little longer before things settle in. Good luck!
Call me a bad mother but this is what I did:
Swing or bouncy chair in front of bright, active children’s TV (when too young to know what it was). Got work done.
Also, a schedule is good but don’t stress out over not having one. And don’t stress out over putting a little work (and you) over Simone once in a while. It’s LIFE. She will grow up to be a normal, well-adjusted person if you don’t spend every second tending to her needs. That doesn’t mean ignoring her cries, or letting her bum fester in a soiled diaper, but a whimper or cry doesn’t equal the need to drop everything. Dropping everything at a whimper or cry does equal training baby to know what works — if I cry, Mommy does whatever I want…hey, that works!
As for working, I would suggest scheduling your work in chunks. If Simone is good on her own for an hour at a time, figure out how you can maximize those hours (I call them “power hours”). And when Scott gets home, ask him to take over so you can get a couple of power hours in.
It’s a creative dance, but you’ll figure it all out and before long, you’ll be a natural.
You’re a good Mom — and she’s a good baby (I don’t believe in “bad” babies nor do I believe in “spoiled” babies — fruit spoils, babies don’t) — she’s just figuring out what works.
Alexa, thank you for your blog. I have found insights in your writing that have helped me immensely throughout my pregnancy. I am so happy for you and Scott; Simone is just lovely.
How do you all work from home? I am increadibly jealous, and I am thinking that the upcoming six-week maternity leave will not be long enough for me, but I am unable to leave my job due to health insurance and money. Reading these comments on creating a schedule for a newborn have made me think that I must find another way. I’m scared.
Good luck to all of you!
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