The Daily Baby.
I know that most babies, unless they are holding down demanding factory jobs, do not have predictable schedules. I have no desire to impose order where it is unwarranted, but it does seem that both Simone and I could benefit from a bit more rhythm to our days. I am told that infants crave predictability, and at the very least I would like to maintain a bedtime routine—a bath, a book, a snuggle in our chair. Routines like these were what I daydreamed about while failing to get pregnant, and now that I have my very own daughter, I often find myself too disorganized to pull such a thing together.
Until recently, Simone was going to bed around 10:00 in the evening, and the rest of our day was entirely amorphous. At first it didn’t seem to matter, as “day” and “night” were interchangeable continuous rounds of sleeping and eating. But now Simone is awake more during the day, and it occurs to me that I do not know what a Typical Day in the Life of a Baby looks like. The importance of time management has an immediacy to me now that has always before been lacking: Simone is grinning gummily and gazing at mirrors and making shrieky little sounds, and the time I spend scrambling to catch the tail of my fast-receding day is time I don’t spend with her. At the moment she is at a stage so delightful I would happily freeze time in order to live any one of these days over and over again ad infinitum. Still, laundry needs to be done and sentences need to be written, and I’m damned if I can figure a way to ensure that Simone is getting the time with Milk Lady she—and hell, MILK LADY—deserve(s), while still accomplishing the occasional non-baby-related task.
For two days I kept track of my time in a notebook. This first schedule is from my most productive day ever, a day on which I crossed off all but one of the items on my to-do list:
4:00 a.m. Baby wakes, nurse baby
5:00 a.m. Back to sleep
7:30 a.m. Baby wakes, feed baby, change baby, play with baby on floor
9:00 a.m. Pump, put baby in chair
9:20 a.m. Swaddle baby, put in swing, make breakfast
9:45 a.m. Work
11:00 a.m. Baby awake, change baby, give baby medicine, feed baby
11:45 a.m. Baby in sling, back to work
1:00 p.m. Put baby in swing, pump
1:15 p.m. Baby crying—change baby, make bottles, feed baby
2:15 p.m. Put baby in chair, go to bathroom, make lunch, eat lunch
3:00 p.m. Exercise
4:00 p.m. …
I don’t know what happened at 4:00 p.m., because the evening got away from me after that, and you will notice that “shower” was never recorded, alas. But this was a remarkably productive day in the arena of work, though I ended it feeling as if I had barely seen my daughter except to attend to her orifices.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have my entry for the day after:
5:00 a.m. Baby crying. Feed baby, hold baby
…and that’s it. That’s all I wrote, and that was my day. Hold baby, insert milk as needed. Not only does “shower” not appear, neither does “work.”
So tell me—how do you do it? I mean specifically HOW? If you stay home with your spawn, what is your schedule? Do babies prefer to play before eating or after? Ought they to have a regular nap? (Simone is two months adjusted, five months actual, if that helps). Those of you who work from home part time: have you found a routine that avoids guilt and anxiety over neglecting work and guilt and sadness over neglecting baby, or is that the sort of thing I can hope to discover just as soon as I mount my unicorn and gallop along an unfurling road paved with money and chocolate eclairs?
84 Comments
I have no baby and therefore no idea, but I couldn’t resist being the first to comment and tell you how much I love, love, love your blog!
Your “best day” is pretty good for a 2 month old baby. The “ideal” schedule is something like baby eats … is awake … sleeps … round and round in what I think is better termed a “routine” rather than a schedule (meaning everything happens in roughly the same order but time intervals can vary depending on when the baby wakes … sleeps … teething … colds… you name it).
A 2 month old baby can really only be awake for an hour (or less) before needing to sleep again … a 5 month old maybe 2 hours … so you will probably be somewhere in between. If you are itching for a schedule, I personally liked the Baby Whisperer which I found a nice combination of gentle and scheduled (but I know Moxie doesn’t like it so your mileage may vary).
As for working? You mean without some sort of childcare? I know there are those can can do it but in my experience, yes, I think you need to call your unicorn to get that one taken care of.
How lovely that we get to hear about this!!!
Two months is still pretty young for a predictable schedule. I don’t think my kid fell into a regular pattern until ca. four or five months.
I think you’re doing incredibly well. I can’t get ANY work done at home, and the kid is eight months old. Nor can I exercise.
The only thing I did impose early on, and with deathlike consistency, was a bedtime routine. Nurse, bath, song, bed at 7 PM every damned night, even if he didn’t feel like going to sleep then. I think (I think?) it has paid off. He goes to sleep well now. (We won’t discuss the rest of the night, however.)
Oh I’m coming back for helpful advice .. I am desparately needing good constructive advice. We have been recording our daily routine for 5 weeks now - it will look the same for a few days here and there .. then In comes the monkey wrench
The Baby Whisperer totally gave me false confidence. I thought it’d be all easy peasy after reading that. Bah!
My advice after having two babies is this: Don’t expect much to regulate schedule wise until at least 6 months. I basically did Feed, sleep, play, feed, sleep, play. There was a little Me time in there during the “sleep” but it was generally short lived.
I don’t know how the hell work at home moms do any of it. At least not until babysitters are hired.
My girls are 4 1/2 months, 2 1/2 months corrected. We follow the Babywise routine of feed, wake, sleep. They eat about every 3 hours at this point. The biggest thing that really helped settle us into a routine was picking a start time to each day. They get up at 8am, and everything follows after that. Their last bottle is somewhere between 8:30 and 9:30pm at night, and they no longer wake at 3am for a feeding.
I agree that they usually aren’t awake for more than 1 1/2 hours before needing to sleep again. Once they start fussing or yawning they get swaddled and put in their cribs for a nap. Their morning naps are always the longest, so that’s when I try to get as much work as possible done.
Well, as a mom of 2 with a very full-time job, I’m really not sure if it’s possible to work to your fullest ability and also feel you’re paying enough attention to your family. I usually feel like I’m doing about a 75% job on both. I guess together, that means I’m giving 150%, but as my students would point out, 75% is a C.
I think as Simone gets older, it will be easier to have a schedule; she’s still quite young. My daughter attends daycare and is so used to napping at the same time every afternoon that if we’re late with her lunch, she falls asleep mid-chew.
The only real advice I can give you is not to feel guilty. Come up with an amount of time you think is reasonable for work: say, 3 hours a day. You’ll soon be able to fit that in while Simone naps. But be sure to use that time for work: no cleaning, etc… When your 3 hours are up, it’s Simone time — no more work. At least for me, having those hard divides is the only thing that allows me to do even a pretty-good job in both halves of my life.
It’s wonderful to have such a full life — enjoy it all.
I didn’t see a clear schedule until my son was older. Writing it down is good, though. It will help you see patterns that your mommy-fogged brain might otherwise miss.
Oh someone has LIED to you if they told you there would be time to work! There is no such thing — you barely have time for laundry and grocery shopping, maybe an email or two. I tried to work while on maternity leave. Ha! Parents who work at home have babysitters. There’s also no such thing as “balance,” just in case someone told you that too…
In terms of schedule, it’s baby-dependent in my (limited) experience after two babies. My son needed a very strict schedule, craved it, in order to exist peacefully. My daughter is so flexible and falls asleep without much effort, so we’ve never instituted a clear schedule. We do anticipate her tired periods and plan accordingly, but that’s about it.
So if Simone seems to be sleeping when she’s tired, eating when she’s hungry, then you’re doing just fine without a schedule. If you’re having trouble getting her down for naps, try the schedule. It was all that got me through my son’s first year!
“A routine that avoids guilt”???
Is there such a thing? I thought guilt was part of the routine…and my oldest is eleven.
With my third, who is 2 1/2, now, we played before eating. She became narcaleptic the moment my nipple was exposed and we had a terrible time developing a routine what with her nodding off after a couple of swigs of breast milk. Playing before eating ensured that she was wide awake and HUNGRY when it was lunch time.
PS-I do hope you were allotted the time to “use the facilities” more than just the one time in 2 days. However lax your schedule, you may want to pencil in a minute here and there for the bathroom.
Firstly, I LOVE your writing (If I sound like such a gushing fan, it’s because I am one) I swear by “The Contented Little Baby Book” by Gina Ford and used it with my own offspring. I am not saying follow it to the letter, but just use the parts that work for you.
She says that kids fall into a deepest sleep in the middle of the day which is when their longest daytime nap should be. Three kids later and with Miss 3 napping still in the middle of the day, I can’t disagree with her!
Bedtime wind-down should start at 6 in the evening but sounds like Miss Simone may fight you on that one!
Good luck and you are doing a wonderful job. I refresh each day to see if you have a new post up.
As a writer, (and I’ve began publishing non-fic when my oldest son was 2… my second novel just came out end of May)… I can honestly tell you:
1) you’re doing great
2) it’s really hard to work those first few months with any sort of regularity, unless you’re out of the house and bringing the kid to day care (which brings its own set of guilt+exhaustion)
3) it’s okay to ditch the guilt.
It’s super ultra *clear* that you love Simone. You have a brilliant blog here, and she’s going to read all of this later and know you love her.
Work will make you balanced. It’ll make you happy, and therefore, when you are with her, you’ll be able to enjoy it more, knowing you’re also accomplishing your own goals. Maybe in bite-sized chunks for now, but still, you’ll be making forward progress. Plus, you’ll be an example to her.
My sons are now 25 and 21. I wrote during naps, squeezed time in during baseball practices and wrestling practices and about thousand other things. I went back to school, started publishing, (actually, the publishing came first, now that I think of it) and helped my husband grow our small business, and I look back on all of that and I think, wow, that was insane. It felt insane at the time… but you do what you need to do, you work, you follow your dreams, because the kids will see *that* - and dreams (and eating) are important.
(We just made sure to listen to them. Pretty much the only rule of parenting that applies across the board to all kids: listen to ‘em. They’ll get used to telling you stuff, and the habit will hold.)
You’re doing that. You’re a great mom. You’ll get there.
I havn’t read anyone else’s post, so sorry if this is a repeat (I know, stupid way to start a comment, but I’m being honest.)
At two months old, most people are still getting used to the idea that their baby exists at all. At about 4 months, most babies settle into a routine that includes 2-3 naps with longer chunks of sleep at night. I agree with the bedtime routine but keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be a hard and fast, minute by second schedule that you do faithfully every single day. A general routine is all they need (eg, song, bath, 5 minutes of laying her on your chest while you rub her back, and a gentle tuck in after her final feeding for the evening). One thing I really recommend would be to start with the tooth brushing sooner than later. Take it from a mom of 4 little ones: it’s easier to introduce a twice daily toothbrush to a little person who’s eager to gum everything into a thin smear than a toddler with 8 sharp fangs and the dulcet tones of a banshee.
ugh. I’ve been… I’ve heard of this thing called “grammar”… geez.
I took a look around but I don’t think anyone has mentioned it before, so this is my advice: askmoxie.com. Go now. RUN! She is that brilliant. Good luck!
You are doing a wonderful job! Our first few months at home involved a lot more crying and a lot less playing, and still they have grown and are happy. They have the most beautiful smiles and I feel so loved when they direct them at me. Sometimes when they are playing or making funny noises I just sit and watch/listen, marvelling at the miracle babies they are.
I, too, dreamed of the books and the cuddles and the laughter and playing for those long years of ttc. Some day, we will get there. For now, we are just content with getting to know and being close to each other. And waking up each morning to the sound of two babies chatting away in the nursery, realising it wasn’t all just a dream and at the same time being glad we’re still standing.
Our kids are 7 months now (5 months corrected) and any kind of daily routine only started to appear about 2 weeks ago. Before that, it was pretty much eating, sleeping and if one of them happened to be asleep while the other was awake I’d be able to squeeze in some playing. When they were both awake I was usually feeding one and trying to entertain the other with my foot, not really succeeding in either, resulting in having to feed again sooner than “scheduled”. Me-time was almost non-existent for the first couple of months, since there never seemed to be more than a couple of minutes when both would be asleep.
It will get better though. That’s what I’ve been telling myself for a while, and now it has. Overnight, without me ever trying to fit them into any kind of schedule, they both simultaneously decided they were ready for 2 naps a day. AT THE SAME TIME. Suddenly I find myself walking around the house trying to think of something useful to do. Mostly I end up falling asleep on the couch…
I too am a work-at-home mum (or try to be, anyway). So far, I’ve managed to draw TWO portraits. TWO. IN 7 MONTHS. And the plan was to fit in some painting and woodwork too, but before I even get out the paintbrushes or scrollsaw, it’s back to the changing table and the big pile of feeding pillows. Seems I will have to stick to just paper and pencils for now.
Forget the guilt, just enjoy the moment. Simone is not going to remember how many minutes you’ve played with her or how many pages you’ve written. All she’ll remember is the love you have for her, the safety of your arms holding her. You’re doing a great job!
Ps. what a wonderful sight, that cute little “free” face.
I listen with pinned-back ears and a rising sense of inadequacy when I hear other mothers at our playgroups discuss their routine. Child and I have never seemed to acquire one of those. We get up, we eat, we play. Sometimes he sleeps; sometimes he doesn’t and gets miserable. We haven’t evolved all that much from the early days when a shower required a babysitter - and he’s a year old in a fortnight.
The odd 20 minutes when he will now play happily alone are devoted to internet and housework. Just now, I have yanked the washing out of the machine, shovelled a new load hastily inside, and galloped through to check my email. As I type this, child is beginning to roar again, and I must go.
If I see the horsey with a spikey nose, I’ll send it round to your place. I keep falling off.
The simple answer to that is - I don’t work. And when I need to work I hire a sitter or notify my hsuband of the hours in which he will need to be on call as The Chief Carer.
My son has a fairly predictable day that hinges around set meal times and a schedule of naps (he needs to have a nap roughly every two hours for the good of us all) and the evening routine is set - bath by 7:30, last feed by 8, by quarter to 9 he is in bed and asleep and if all is well he sleeps straight through and troubles us not until sometime between 7 and 8 in the morning.
If we are to have an activity I’ll plan the day around that to make sure that his eating/sleeping needs can be accomodated. I find things sooooooo much easier now that the kid is eating solid foods and no longer breastfeeding because feeding adheres much more easily to a schedule and it’s much easier to combine stuff (kid is napping now, I’ve got boiled water for formula cooling in the bottle and lunch in the oven), and if we want to go out somewhere I can just grab two spoons/two jars and know that we are good for six hours.
I often combine a lot of our activities. I’ll have one bowl of baby cereal/fruit and a bowl of my own cereal and I’ll be feeding the kid with one hand and myself with the other. Frequently he and I will have our shower/bath together. I’ll get in the water with him we’ll frolic then he’ll get handed off to his daddy for dressing/feeding while I add some anguents and more warm water to my bath and read a magazine.
The kid is in bed by nine and after that it is parent time which may be used to fall asleep on the couch or indulge in various rewarding activites depending on how knackered we are.
For months and months and months I could get NOTHING done. NOTHING. He just wanted to be carried and if awake was miserable when put down but now he is in a golden stage where he is largely happy to entertain himself so long as he can see me, prefers wriggling around on the floor to being carried, but hasn’t figured out how to crawl yet so can’t just zoom off somewhere. Therefore I lay a towel or a playmat near wherever I am supposed to be and he does his thing and I do mine. Also he notices the world and is entertained by it so a lot of the things (e.g. feeding of the cats) can be performed as tricks for his amusement.
He is six.5 months old now - he only really settled a month ago. Before then he was always in some kind of panic/angst/rage and clingy and whiny and I was exhausted both emotionally and physically. But now he’s learned the things his world contains and he feels safe. He knows he will get food, he knows he will have naps, he knows he will go to sleep after his bath. He realises that his needs will be responded to so he is more willing to be patient, to wait whereas beforehand he was always in Its NOW or NEVER mode.
But yes, do what work you must and enjoy the rest.
I think at 2 months our schedule was: baby eats, baby screams. Baby eats, baby screams. Baby eats, baby screams, baby smiles. Baby eats, falls asleep, wakes screaming.
She didn’t sleep and she didn’t settle.
All around in a big circle. It was BAD. She was a horrible baby (an okay toddler now though, aside from the never sleeping).
But I would say start a BBB routine. Bath, Boob, Bed (You can mix it up and add a book if you like). It doesn’t matter if she only sleeps for 5 minutes, or falls asleep on the boob, I found a BBB routine worked for us eventually.
This time in your baby’s life is so important and oh so very fleeting. She will be two years old before you know it. I say just neglect everything except showering so you feel alive and loving on your baby. The laundry, house cleaning and work can wait.
I had to go back to work when my son was 2 months a half (2 adjusted! he was soooo tiny!). The nanny was appalled he had no structure whatsoever. She quickly changed that: he needed to sleep every 2 hours. More often if he showed signs of being tired (tucking at his ears, rubbing his eyes). To me it was very counter intuitive to force him to go to bed but he would whimper for a few minutes and then fall asleep. This was a great lesson for me: babies NEED to be put to sleep. And I liked the Baby Whisperer book but I was not following it until the nanny came on board. My bedtime routine was to nurse in the dark and have him fall asleep on the boob. Things have not much improved since then, but on the other end, I put him to bed and he knows it is bedtime.
This is Flicka’s SIL. I have two boys (2 1/2 years and 1 years old). I scheduled both of them, pretty much from day one (after getting home from the hospital) and it is fabulous! I HIGHLY recommend scheduling and sticking to it. Kids definitely crave continuity and a schedule is the best way to give that to them at such a young age. Babywise is a good tool to help you get started. I have two and I get an hour to myself every morning and three hours every afternoon. Plenty of time for laundry, working, cooking, cleaning, video games, etc. And with a schedule, even if they don’t spend the whole naptime sleeping, eventually they learn that that’s where they’re going to be for that time and they play quietly and amuse themselves (for the most part - obviously there are exceptions to everything) until their naptime is over. And please email if you have any questions.
I’m also a work-from-home writer and I have two little girls (the oldest is three). It’s hard to balance my childrens’ needs, my work, and, oh yeah, my needs. I’m still nursing my 14 month old so I’ve been the “milk lady” for three years now.
What works best for me is a schedule… both my children thrived (and are thriving) on one. I have two amazing sleepers(my three year still takes 3 hour afternoon naps!) and now that I’m going through a divorce, my girls are adjusting beautifully at my parents’ house because their schedule is comforting.
It’s also how I know when to schedule conference calls, doctor’s appointments, errands, work, showers, etc. Of course, some flexibility is important (life has a way of getting in the way of naps and stuff) because you don’t want a screaming child who flips out when her schedule changes.
Schedules usually form on their own around four months of age — and they should be baby-led. You’re doing the right thing by keeping track of your daily routine. You’ll soon see a pattern form.
As far as fitting in showers, you might try doing it during her morning nap… or bring her into the bathroom with you. I used to put my babies in the boppy on the floor while I showered but as soon as they get mobile, you’ll have to think of something else. Also, you can fold laundry on the floor next her so you’re interacting but also not “holding” her… same goes for mnaking dinner. Have her in the swing in the kitchen and interect with her while you cook. I don’t believe you can spoil a baby or anything but it’s also not humanly possible to hold a baby all the time… this age is hard because babies like to be held and not much can hold their attention at this age. It will get easier as your schedule (and Simone) develops…
Also, she’s a bit too young for sleep-training and it appears as though you’ll never be a Cry-It-Out type (I was but it’s hard and not for everyone) but you want to make sure you sleep-train her by whatever method you’re comfortable with. Us work-from-home moms need children who sleep — at naps AND at bedtime. Too many women I know have their chidlren nap in their arms or sleep in their bed (or, worse, don’t sleep at all and are cranky all the time) — which is fine in the first few months but around four or five months, children should be sleeping in their own beds. I would never get anything done if my kids didn’t sleep!
I enjoy your writing and appreciate your honesty. Simone is one lucky little girl… here’s hoping you find a routine that works for you (it sounds like you’re well on your way!).
My routine is not favored among working-from-home Moms - but it is the only one that works for me. I have stopped trying to schedule. My son is 8 weeks old and I have just decided to let every day schedule itself because trying to make a schedule caused me severe anxiety. Unfortunately - that means I find myself working at 2am some days and sleeping at noon.
I also have a 2.5 year old - I keep HER on a schedule, for the record. I’m not THAT insane.
Give it some more time and you will work your way into a rhythm that works well for mommy and baby. As you hit that rhythm it will be easier to tweak it here and there so that it TRULY works for mommy baby and work. You can’t get there all at once but it will happen.
Enjoy every moment with your baby girl….i feel like mine was a baby just yesterday….now it’s driver’s ed and acne and hormones…ACKKKKKK!!
What??!! You have a chocolate unicorn?! :0)
Shower, schmower - I find baby wipes work okay for a while for personal hygiene “touch ups”.
I pretty much always said taking care of a baby was just feeding one end, wiping the other and loving everything else in between.
My daughter is 7 months old When she was one month old, I went back to work for 3 hours a day - taking her with me (I teach online classes for a college). It helped create a schedule because we had to get out of the house at the same time each day and we returned at about the same time. Since she is still primarily breastfed, I let her eat on demand. But, after she eats, we play. Then she normally eats again and goes to sleep. At 2 months, there were a few things I could count on - a nap after we got home together, bed time, and a rough wake up time - but the day was not too predictable otherwise. So, I would just say get as much done as you can. Take breaks when she wants to play. Work as much as you can while she is asleep.
I seem to remember that M didn’t start regulating her schedule until around 3 months, just in time for me to return to my full time job. The only thing that was regular was feeding, since I knew that even if she didn’t directly act like she was hungry, if I didn’t feed her every 2-3 hours, I would regret it. The first thing to regulate was consistant sleep from 10p-3a, with a bedtime around 7-8. Also, we got a good nap in the morning I could count on. Other than that, her schedule flexed a lot until around a year.
My son didn’t fall into a daytime “schedule” until somewhere around four to five months. Before that, it was eat, play, eat, sleep and we cycled through this about every two hours with the awake time getting longer and the sleep time getting shorter. As the sleep time got shorter, then I tried to consolidate his naps from five catnaps of 30-40 minutes to three longer naps. Ha. That took a while (as did the later transition to two naps).
I do remember starting with a bedtime schedule around two months. We didn’t implement a bedtime “routine” until he was about three months old but I do remember at the two months mark, we started working on a consistent bedtime. In the early weeks, bedtime happened anywhere from 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. Around two months, we were suddenly able to get him to bed around 7 to 8 p.m. and I think this helped the rest of the night and day flow a little better as nighttime wakeups got a little more consistent as did the morning wakeup time.
Good luck with whatever you do and know that most of us got nothing done those first few months. :)
At 2 months there was no schedule. There was vague routine but even that was thrown out most days. At five months is when we began to get into a predictable routine.
I work from home full time, but didn’t until they were about 18 months old. My husband started working full time from home when they were 3 months old. No, there is no avoiding the guilt. Some one always gets the short end of the stick, I just try to make it the kids the least amount of the time possible.
I don’t remember the first 5 months. I’ve repressed them THAT much, but I love Simone’s latest picture!
My guy is 5 months and we are just now beginning to have a routine. He’s my 4th so it’s sorta tough. basically he gets breakfast, lunch, and dinner when everyone else does, more or less, and a bath in the morning after his typical biggest blowout diaper, and I try to put him down to sleep approximately every two hours. That’s about it. Showering, haha. I do it at night when my husband is home. Work - oh boy. Wow. I don’t get enough sleep because without my babysitter (who has been on vacation for two weeks, selfish woman! : )I am lucky to have half an hour at the end of the day to do much of anything. I wish I had better news for you but maybe you could just slide over on the unicorn to make room for me and hand me a chocolate eclair off the road….
I did the Baby Whisperer thing with my last two. I don’t remember much with my oldest, and that’s probably a good thing.
The thing is to understand that a schedule can be flexible too. It doesn’t have to be completely rigid. Let Simone lead the way.
My two youngest were FANTASTIC babies, now they are crazy. Soooo….I’m just sayin’.
We did the Eat, Play, Sleep and then I had an hour or so to do a load of laundry or wash dishes, or go to the bathroom or a combination.
I had the same fantasy you did about rocking a happy sleeping baby. I had simply forgotten about how caring for baby is a bit harder than my fantasy….and it actually took me almost two freaking days for me to get myself and Nate ready enough to walk two doors down to the corner store to get the newspaper.
You’ll find your own way….and things will get done. Just enjoy her.
I see my favorite SIL in the whole wide world (I mean that sincerely) commented above and I want to add my accolades to what she said. Seriously, I know it’s not popular in some circles but Babywise really works. We’re using it with Sam and I get a shower every day, time to wash bottles and laundry and at least an hour to talk with Beth. And Sam is two and a half weeks old; still a pretty new guy with lots of needs. I took my cues from what Beth did with my nephews and IT WORKS.
I will add, as she did, that our routine is flexible. Some days Sam eats a half an hour early or late. But! We always, always, always have feeding, awake time and naptime in that order. If you reverse any of it, it doesn’t work. It takes a while to get the routine going but once you’ve got something that works for your schedule, it’s a miracle. You’ll wonder how you ever did it before.
Like Beth said, email either of us with questions. Good luck!
Hi Alexa. I was due the same time as you … a few days before Monkey was born, my husband got diagnosed with cancer. So it’s been a real riot down here.
Between chemo sessions, writing articles, cooking, cleaning, and general boring crap, I take care of a newborn. The more he sleeps, the more he wants to sleep. I am forever putting him to bed. I forget how often I’m supposed to bathe him. Life is messy and hard - but I keep writing. If I don’t I will go LOOPY.
I had to go private … email me if you want an invite to my blog.
Perhaps a baby steward?
I remember that feeling so well…heck, I still have that feeling on a daily basis…of having NO IDEA WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING. And so I read and read and read, and everybody has such vastly different opinions. (My son is 6 months/4 months corrected.) And I got completely stymied in that I felt like I just kept needing to read and research more and more because SOMEWHERE out there was the one resource that said it all. Nope. I just panicked myself into a frenzy of internet addiction and amazon.com purchases. (And even, multiple times, screeching out to the bookstore as soon as my husband got home because I read about this one book that would have ALL THE ANSWERS that I MUST HAVE BEFORE MORNING.)
That being said, we’ve been through multiple schedules with Graham, and even though some of them have failed, I do think he is happier when things happen at around the same time every day. I have convinced myself that he got used to order and predictability (at least in terms of time) in the NICU/SCN, and that’s why he likes it. Who knows. But these days, he’s up and nursing at 6, sometimes falls back to sleep, eats solids at 9, sleep at 10, breastfeeds at noon, sleep at 1, breastfeed at 3/4, and solids at 6. I am a medical student that is taking a year out, and am technically a research fellow for the year. So there is work that I have to do (and naptime just feels impossible - I read blogs or nap myself) that now is getting done after G goes to bed for the night. My husband comes home from work, feeds him the dinner at 6, they do bath, book, and quiet wind-down in his dark room. Then I feed him and put him down at 7. We wake him for a feed at 11 when we go to bed. It seems to be working. At least for now!
Someone give me another way to spell “eclair” darn it! Google Maps cannot find this road and my kid is already 3-1/2; I’m running out of time!
I loved the Baby Whisperer. I wish I had found it sooner for my first. I used it religiously for my second. It helps to keep track of what you are doing so that you can see how things are changing. I also loved her Pick up, Put down technique for getting the baby into nap rhythm.
I tried the no-schedule thing. I tried the schedule thing. I tried “reading her sleep messages,” I tried “baby needs to sleep every x hours. Do it!” I read every book, I threw Baby Whisperer across the room.
My baby never slept, and so I had very little of “me” in the “schedule.” I learned to shower with her in the room, and learned to just be with her awake self, if that’s what it was going to be. As a result, I do a lot of stuff, right in front of her, to this day (and she’s almost 4) — I just announce “Now it’s computer time!” or “Time to read by ourselves for a few minutes! (pick up newspaper).”
I feel mighty guilty about this for some reason, and yet my daughter plays fabulously by herself. Always a silver lining.
/no help whatsoever
I don’t think my son (now 8.5 months) had a routine until between 3 and 4 months, and I think it’s probably wishful thinking to expect a routine before that point. We did what you are doing, instituted a bedtime routine of bath, book, boob, bed, and that really helped set up his days as well. Once he was going down for the night (sort of) easily by five months, we moved on and started working on naps. At this point, he has a regular routine and sleeps and naps quite well.
I don’t like the rigidity of a schedule for a baby, I prefer a routine. At his current age, we still follow his cues, if he’s tired at 9 am rather than his usual 9:30 naptime, we put him down. I breastfeed him 5 to 6 times a day when he is hungry, at no specific times, and offer solids three times a day with a big meal in the evening before bed.
In his early days I read everything about sleep and scheduling and found most of it to be either common sense or slightly scary. So, I decided, screw it, and I went with his cues. That decision made us both so much happier. You don’t have to follow some sort of Scheduling System to get Simone on a routine (unless you want to of course!), you can always start by making small changes and building on what seems to work.
Oh, and I found months 4 to 6 to be the “easiest” in terms of getting work done. At that point, he was willing to play on his mat for chunks of time and I would sit with my laptop next to him and work while he played. I think it is important to set realistic work goals for yourself. You probably won’t be able to work more than a couple hours a day.
Go get yourself a copy of the Baby Whisperer book, it will become your baby bible!
I have 2 girls - one 2.5 years and one 5 months - and I work from home. I actually found the earlier months quite a bit easier when it came to baby care + nursing. I’ve mastered the art of nursing while typing away on my computer… so the wee one just falls asleep on my lap (on nursing pillow) and i type away.
Then, being that my oldest sleeps in the afternoon and the wee one is starting to sleep then im able to get quite a bit of work done. Usually from 1pm - 4pm ish… as they get older and the afternoon naps disappear I will definintely be getting a p/t babysitter and/or get the oldest into preschool.
So long as I have a few mornings or afternoons I find that im able to manage my workload.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, I am BEGGING you, PLEASE check out Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It is by Marc Weissbluth who is a respected pediatrician (MD, unlike some–ahem, “baby whisperer” nanny, ahem). I know you’re running around in circles and not even getting to shower, so the last thing you have time for is to sit down and read a long technical book. Believe me, I know–I was in the exact same place, but with a colicky baby (Dr. Weissbluth calls it “extreme fussy”) whom I couldn’t put down for more than 30 seconds without her screaming. But on the recommendation of FOUR friends, I read the book–at first, I just skimmed through it, reading the chapter summaries–and it literally changed my life, no exaggeration.
Please check it out and just skim through it. It is so completely UNLIKE any of the trendy, gimmicky baby stuff out there. It is practical instructions given by a man who has been caring for babies in his medical practice for, I don’t know, 30 years? And here I go exposing my intellectual snobbery, but guess what? As far as I know, this book has never been endorsed on Oprah or any other daytime TV, and that for me is a commendation. I know, Oprah devotees unite and quash the disbelievers. Ugh. But I like this book because it is NON-gimmick, NOT flashy, does not claim to have any great secrets or mysticism. It simply teaches new parents what an infant’s natural “routine” is, and how you can mold it into a routine that works for the whole family. See (I think this is the same for you), I had no idea when my little one was born, what a baby SHOULD do, or NORMALLY does, or what I should even be AIMING for with her. This book gives you those basic facts and tells you how to work with it. PLEASE give it a look!
By the way, I’m not here to claim that within days of reading the book my girl was sleeping through the night or anything. She has never been a good napper, and reading the book did not cause any miracles. But it did teach me what would work naturally with her infant schedule, and made me feel 100% more sane as I went about trying to establish it.
Also by the way, even though there was no overnight miracle, my girl DID start sleeping 12 hours through the night when she was 8 months old (I read the book when she was 4 months), and I credit the book completely–because I had worked for 4 months to get her into a good nap/sleep routine.
I know this is way too long already, but you did ask how others ACTUALLY do this stuff. And I’m going to repeat what others have said: I really believe that 2 months is too early to expect any kind of routine. That’s still the age where things change from day to day (and guess what–the book even says that! He’s not some psycho who claims you can get a three week old to sleep through the night–he’s the first to say you won’t have any established schedule until at least three months). Anyway, I know you’re asking this because YOU are ready for a schedule. After the blur of the first several weeks with a baby at home, you’re ready for things to fall into place a little bit, because YOU crave routine and a little normalcy. And that’s perfectly fine! That’s normal. Just tell yourself that you’ll need to expect to deal with the chaos for just a few more weeks, and after things will start to fall into place a little more—–um, that is, IF you LEARN how to start to make that happen–by getting some reliable information. My life stayed chaotic until 4 months, because that’s when I read the book, and I had not known how to take advantage of her maturing system at 3 months.
How I did things after we started getting into a routine was that baby’s naptime was my time for anything me-related. Showering, working, cleaning–those all happened during naps. It stayed that way until she was about 18 months old, which is when she started being really good at playing independantly for pockets of time, so I was able to start doing work and other me things even when she was awake. But until then, it was all about naptime and after her bedtime. This completely avoided the mom-guilt, because I never worried that I was neglecting her when she was awake.
And by the time she was five or six months old, because of what the book taught me, she was going to bed FOR THE NIGHT at 6:30 pm. Yes, she still woke up after four or five hours for another feeding, after which I would go to bed myself. But when the baby’s down from 6:30 on, you’ll be amazed at how much energy you have to do lots of work between then and when you go to bed. Those 4 or 5 hours in the evening were my best block of work time.
Now my baby is 2 1/2 and she’s pushed her bedtime back to about 8:30. So I don’t have the big evening blocks all to myself anymore. But like I said, she’s now old enough to play independently during the day, so I can get things done regardless of sleep.
I know this is long. But I hope maybe some of it helps. If we were best friends I would have left the book on your doorstep a few months ago, but I really hope you’ll try it out even though I can’t coerce you in person. :)
Kara
Sounds like your good day was a good one for a two month old. I just worked on what time they ate and then worked naps in around that. For me it also helped to wake them up the same time everyday and have the same bedtime routine everything else just fell into place. Mine routine is pretty flexible to go with the day we are having.
I work from home also and I have days that nothing gets done. I let him lay on the floor with toys to play on his own, or I try to work while he is napping then when he is awake I put him on a blanket and take him with me from room to room while I clean.
Try Solving your childs sleep problems by Richard Ferber it worked with my boys and there is advice in there from birth to teens.
You are doing a wonderful job just keep trying.
How do we do it? We have help–I have a nanny, and two older kids and a husband. I used to have more relatives around, and friends as well but they rotate in and out now.
It is not possible for you to do all of this by yourself. Tell Scott that it is non-negotiable that he let you get a shower in the morning before he leaves and you also need someone to help a bit, if not a relative or a friend then hire someone, a high school kid even, so that you can get some sleep and do some work.
No one on the planet does it alone, why should you be any different?
My son is two months adjusted, four months actual age. My older daughter, 3 yrs, seemed to take a while to settle into a very predictable schedule or routine. I think it is best to aim for a pattern of how things happen: eat, play, sleep or something like that.
My son sleeps well at night (knock on wood) but doesn’t sleep much during the day unless he is being held. This is not good for my productivity or for keeping my daughter out of trouble! So I don’t have any great advice because we are not there yet either.
I do think it might take a little longer before things settle in. Good luck!
Call me a bad mother but this is what I did:
Swing or bouncy chair in front of bright, active children’s TV (when too young to know what it was). Got work done.
Also, a schedule is good but don’t stress out over not having one. And don’t stress out over putting a little work (and you) over Simone once in a while. It’s LIFE. She will grow up to be a normal, well-adjusted person if you don’t spend every second tending to her needs. That doesn’t mean ignoring her cries, or letting her bum fester in a soiled diaper, but a whimper or cry doesn’t equal the need to drop everything. Dropping everything at a whimper or cry does equal training baby to know what works — if I cry, Mommy does whatever I want…hey, that works!
As for working, I would suggest scheduling your work in chunks. If Simone is good on her own for an hour at a time, figure out how you can maximize those hours (I call them “power hours”). And when Scott gets home, ask him to take over so you can get a couple of power hours in.
It’s a creative dance, but you’ll figure it all out and before long, you’ll be a natural.
You’re a good Mom — and she’s a good baby (I don’t believe in “bad” babies nor do I believe in “spoiled” babies — fruit spoils, babies don’t) — she’s just figuring out what works.
Alexa, thank you for your blog. I have found insights in your writing that have helped me immensely throughout my pregnancy. I am so happy for you and Scott; Simone is just lovely.
How do you all work from home? I am increadibly jealous, and I am thinking that the upcoming six-week maternity leave will not be long enough for me, but I am unable to leave my job due to health insurance and money. Reading these comments on creating a schedule for a newborn have made me think that I must find another way. I’m scared.
Good luck to all of you!
I YEARNED for a schedule as soon as we got Asher home from the hospital. Unfortunately, he did not cooperate until he was about 7 months old. At 7 months, he developed a discernable nap schedule. Before that, I just tried to put him down for a nap every two hours or so, and from around 4 months to 7 months of age, he took three naps a day. THAT’S ALL I CAN REMEMBER.
Yeah, at 2 months we had nothing resembling a schedule yet. When she slept, I slept (and occasionally showered), and the days went by and NOTHING got done. I’m not saying you shouldn’t aspire to a schedule, but don’t beat yourself up if it isn’t real for another few months. And I echo whoever mentioned that you’ll get periods of mini-schedule. 5 or 6 days of dependable behavior and then - whoops here comes a growth spurt - and everything changes again. You’ll get there - promise.
Scheule? No schedule? Kind of a schedule? I’m not sure what will work for you. I will say, when I read that Simone (who is delicious, BTW. Seriously. I want to eat your baby…) is 2 months adjusted I remembered how I pretty much felt like I was under water in a zone where time did straaaange things four about the first four months of dd’s life. Like you I nursed and pumped. It was a full time job. I also seem to remember this feeling of panic that set in when the monkey was around 10 weeks old because it just seemed like the entire day - and most of the night- was devoted to feeding her, or tending to the regular deposits that she made in her diaper, you know, just to break up the feedings. Then I read somewhere that most babies go through a big growth spurt at around 8-10 weeks old, meaning that they ate like sharks all the time. It stopped. She began to do things other than eating, sleeping, pooping and I guess we established a sort of schedule together. Whatever you decide works for you I guess I’d say take a deep breath and give yourself another month or two, then look at how things are going.
Oh, the other thing? I figured out a way to jigger the nursing pillow- aided by a bunch of folded blankets, throw pillows and a rocking chair with arms that were just the right distance apart - to make a sort of nest that she snuggle in and nurse from while I used the computer. Could I replicate it now? Probably not. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and man, I was motivated! Mind you, I didn’t have a job that actually involved working on a computer, but being able to surf the internet while being shut up in the house with a newborn in our tiny, rural town saved my life!
Taking care of an infant is more or less a full time job. To do another job on top of it, you need childcare, silly. Advice you didn’t ask for: give yourself another month (or three or six) of maternity leave and then worry about hiring a sitter to come for a few hours a day so you can get work done…and maybe take a shower. Also, your very productive day demonstrates perfectly why “exercise” has not managed to make its way back into my daily routine since I became a mother. It’s time I could have spent working or baby-ing!
I do not have a baby, despite efforts, so I can not offer much adivce. But from what I have heard from other moms, you sound like you are doing the rotuine! LIstening to baby, keeping baby happy and yourself happy to! Good luck!
We have one son, about to turn 3 next week and we read and used Babywise with him to great success. He slept 7 hrs a night at 13 weeks and not long after that 12 hrs a night which was a welcome respite for sleep deprived parents. So we had a schedule but were not rigid with it-he ate every 3-4 hrs roughly (until he started sleeping through the night obv), we fed him when he got up and not as a way to get him to sleep and he always slept in his own bed. I do not think it is the answer for everyone but it worked great for us. There’s a lot more to it but like I said, he is about to be 3 and it’s all hazy now. I generally took a shower when he napped unless I was passed out as well and then when he was 6 months old I started night school but was home during the day. I read him my microbiology notes and he liked it, just hearing my voice and it allowed me to study. I did night school for that whole year and then he started Mother’s Day out three days a week so I could go during the day.
I have no advice to offer, but just wanted to say that Simone is cuter every time I check your blog! And I just love the new video clip of her. Go Simone!!!!!
If you find something that works, please let me know. My son is 7 weeks now and while he used to be predicatable because all he wanted was eat and sleep, he is becoming less so. I totally get the guilt you feel. I don’t feel like I’m very good at playing with him. I just keep talking to him.
I didn’t read all the comments (which I’m sure you understand why) but I bought the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It’s written by an MD of a sleep institute who has studies over 2,000 infants. The short of the book is, babies can’t handle more than 2 hours of wakefullness so they should go down for a nap then and as they get older the bedtime should get earlier and earlier. Also that daytime sleep doesn’t organize itself until 3 - 4 months old so you can’t really predict when that nice 2 hour nap will happen at first. Then, around 3 - 4 months, the morning nap will organize between 9 and 10 a.m. Of course I have no idea if this will actually happen but a friend of mine swears it does. Julia http://julia.typepad.com/ wrote a post several days ago that is similar.
Also, love your blog.
Ditto Ask Moxie.
My first impression is that your bedtime sounds late for a baby — IMO the more they sleep, the better they sleep, although that’s totally counterintuitive.
As far as the daytime routine — they establish it themselves, and one day you sort of realize you have one. A morning nap and an afternoon nap arranged with feedings is generally what it looks like.
I’m on baby number three and degree number three, and am still only able to pull off something that approximates a schedule. I guess this is because this is what works for our little assortment of temperaments. Eating and such happens at around the same time every day, except for the days it doesn’t for whatever reason. The same goes for work. Baby number one is almost twelve, and she spent a great deal of time strapped to my chest, or resting in my lap as I read to her from undergraduate psych texts. Baby number two is three and a half, and spent a good deal of his infancy wedged in my lap in a boppy as I nursed and wrote a master’s thesis and lectured him on the assumptions underlying various statistical models. Baby number three is four months old, and is at this moment wrapped against my body having a little nap as I neglect my dissertation. When not doing these school things we play and make messes and usually clean up the messes. Some days it seems like nothing is getting done other than orifice-tending (their’s, not mine) and baby-loving, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Not to sound like a needlepointed sentiment or anything, but baby days go by fast. Radically accept that there will always be an embarrassing heap of laundry somewhere in your house, and focus on yourself, your work, and your lovely little family. Be thrilled that you have anything even remotely schedule-ish at this age, and feel good about whatever it is that you manage to accomplish on any given day.
I’m all about the schedule. But I’m speaking as a mom who had full-term, healthy babies. Two books I devoured as a new mom were Babywise and How She Really Does It: Secrets of a Stay At Work Mom.
I loved Babywise for a couple reasons: it advocated a schedule: eat, play, sleep. I loved it because it inserted much-needed predictability to our day. And, I could finally figure out why my child was fussy/cranky/crying. If it was when she woke up, then it was probably because she was hungry. If it was after we’d played a bit, it was probably because she was tired. I also figured out a perfect time to run errands (right after eating) and a perfect time to get “my things” done (during a nap). The second thing that I really loved is it really helped my kids to be good nappers and great sleepers. My daughter is 3 now, and she still takes a really great afternoon nap (3+ hours) and sleeps 12 hours every night (7:30-7:30). My son is 16 mos and he takes two naps a day still (2 hrs in am, 3 hrs in afternoon) and sleeps 12 hours a night. We snuggle every night and have a bath, book, bed routine, but they put themselves to sleep. It is GREAT. Daughter was sleeping 10 hours a night at 6 weeks, and son was sleeping 10 hours a night at 8 weeks. Needless to say, it changed my life. I could get some sleep, I could get a shower consistently, I could get things (house and work things) done during the day. There were some things I didn’t particularly agree with in Babywise, but generally I figured if I combined the advice in the book with my own mommy-sense, then we’d get along fine. And we did, so that’s probably why it worked for me.
Good luck. Anything with a baby can be tricky. But remember, Simone is a remarkable child, even at this tender age, and you never know what she is capable of until you try it together! Hang in there…
OK, I read about half the comments and then glibly began typing — just so you know.
Now, wait — let me get this straight. You are staying home with a two month old and hoping to do work? Indeed, occasionally succeeding at doing work? Wow, on both counts.
I do work at the following times: when I am at my office (and my son is in daycare or with his grandmother); rarely, when my son is napping; or at night, after my son has gone to bed. The “when napping” bit only happens if things are truly desperate because usually I need that time either to shower, do laundry, or nap myself.
To provide a different context, at 2 months, using paid daycare, I went back to work 16 hours a week. At 3 months, I bumped it up to 24. At four, I went to 30 and have stayed there (he’s now 16 months).
My point here isn’t that you shouldn’t work (quite the contrary), but for me at least it would be wildly unrealistic to try to do much work at all without having someone else available to care for my son. It just wouldn’t happen.
Oh, and on the schedule thing? We’re pretty carefree about that. Also, I omitted bathing from our bedtime routine because I don’t want to be committed to doing that every night. Too much work! We often have a bath earlier in the day; at nighttime, it’s (a) “brush” teeth, (b) change diaper and clothes (and clean with wet washcloth, as needed), (c) bedtime story, and (d) to bed.
I don’t have my baby yet- so I have no valid advice… but I think you’re doing great!
:)
We had to have a schedule here. Our third daughter was born at 30 weeks and after a month in the NICU, I was completely floored. Here I was, presented with a baby who HAD to have a schedule, because that’s what she’d been used to from day 1, and here I was, completely NON-schedule oriented. It took until she was about 6 months old before I got her out of the NICU schedule and on to a more livable one. By that time, I was about 5 1/2 months pregnant with her brother (our 4th baby).
Our schedule went something like this:
4am: feed/change baby, get her back to sleep
7am: up for the day, feed/change/clothe baby, put her on the floor while I get some breakfast
730: baby in sling, start chores
9am: feed/change baby, lay down in swing
9:30-11:30: work
11:30: feed/change baby, baby in sling while I eat lunch
12:00: go for walk with baby in sling, or go run errands, or just play if the weather is yucky
1:00: feed/change baby, baby in swing for nap
1:30-4: work
4-6: play with baby, read books, lay on the floor and laugh at the ceiling, put her in the pack and play in the kitchen while I make dinner, whatever
6: Daddy home! Dinner with baby in sling
6:30-8:30: pass baby off to daddy while I finish chores/work
9:00: bath, read to baby, change/feed, swaddle, turn on CD player, leave room
11pm, 2am, 4(or 5)am: feed/change baby, rock back to sleep.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
For two months, it sounds like you’re accomplishing a LOT. She’s only 2 months. You’ll get there. I HAD to have a schedule, knowing that I was going to have two infants in my house. It sounds like you’re doing great.
Well, I don’t work from home and my daughter is now 4 years old, so my memories of that time are a little rusty…
But I think you are doing just fine! We really didn’t have a “schedule” until she was close to one. The only thing I wish I had tried to impose would have been a bedtime routine.
Love your blog!
OK, when my son was 2 months I thought we would never have a decent routine, some days would be great, and the next awful. I started watching a 5 month old at that time and she seemed so easy to care for compared to him.
About 4 months it became much easier to care for my son, and yes he needs a regular nap. Now they are 7 and 11 months, and the schedule is very predictable, except on Mondays. They seem to get messed up on the weekends.
Oh, honey. This stage is remarkably schedule-resistant. (I think it’s actually a stage of YOUR life with baby, not mattering whether Simone is really a two-monther or a five monther or whatever.) It’s hard, because there really is not a good predictable routine for most babies at this stage. We settled into a routine at 3 1/2 months (Bug was full-term) though everyone else I knew swore that 2 months was when it settled down. Wev.
And honestly, I was so enmeshed with my baby that I couldn’t help him get a routine on his own. He would look sleepy, I would try to put him down for a nap, he would fuss a tiny amount, and I would give up and try something else. We put him in day care at 14 weeks, and they told us that he immediately waltzed into a steady two nap routine. Four weeks into that game, he began going to bed at a predictable time. (I dropped in randomly at day care, and lo, they seemed to be telling the truth.)
So I’m not that much help. I agree with Katy, that writing down the schedule may aid the mommy-fog. But there are lots of opportunities for guilt trips, and whenever possible, you should decline them.
I’ve read most sleep books. Well that is until my husband took them away and refused to give them back. They caused way more stress than providing actual help! I know a lot of people have found the Baby Whisperer useful. For me, that one was the absolute worse (At least for baby sleep books - Don’t get me started on The Happiest Toddler on the Block - the only book I have ever returned to the store).
It sounds like you are doing a great job already. Simone is still just so young. I seem to remember being able to get more done when our babies turned about 4 months corrected. It was about that time that they finally started to fall into more regular napping times.
I have a two-year old and a five-month old and work part-time from home (15 hours a week). I started working from home when my older child was six weeks old. Back then, I would wait until she took her long afternoon nap and do some work, then work more at night after she went to sleep. Now that I have two kids, I get work done one day a week when my mom comes over and at night after about 9PM when they are both asleep. I am insanely lucky that both my kids started sleeping through the night at about 10 weeks.
Can’t help much with the daytime. It’s all a blur. But around 5 months, which was 3 months adjusted, I started a nightly bath. Every single night, no matter what. And that’s when she started sleeping through the night. She just turned 2 and that bedtime bath, followed by books on my lap, still knocks her out. Best routine ever.
Read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It really helped and it’s not too crazy to follow. If you can get her on a feeding and sleeping schedule you’re good-to-go, playtime will just fall into the mix. At first it’s a fight, but they give in eventually and things get better. When my babies were two months old I breastfed every two and a half hours during the day and once during the night. 6am, 8:30, 11:00, 1:30, 4:00, 7:30, 10:00, 4am (not exactly, but always around then). They took naps after the 8:30 am, and the 1:30pm feedings (we always struggled to keep them up for this feeding, sometimes it was earlier) and sometimes after the 4pm. They usually were asleep around 7:30pm, but would wake for the 10 pm. Try to stick to a schedule for a week or so before you mess it up with outings, but after that it’s okay. Good luck, I thought we would never get on a schedule, but after a lot of hard work and crying, they are like clockwork.
We don’t do much with scheduling, mostly because the girls are so very different and every time we say “Ah ha! I see a pattern!” Fitz-Hume has a growth spurt and wants to eat every two hours (and what am I going to say “No, you’ll eat every X hours! No growth for you!”??) or they get stomach flu or some other crap, and it all goes to hell.
I think it would bother me when it went to hell if I hadn’t realized that Schedule Hell is actually a lovely place, as long as you wear your sunscreen and bring your own canteen. Really.
They sleep beautifully, they eat whenever, some days they sleep most of the day, some days they stay up and play, and most of the time, they’re just nauseatingly happy about it.
Here’s the one tip I got from a public health nurse who’s been working with babies since receiving blankets were made from sabertooth tiger fur:
When babies wake up the first time in the morning, feed ‘em quietly and get them back down. This will probably be their best sleep of the day. Use it wisely. Either the whole house can go back to sleep, or you can knock out a half dozen chores while they nap.
Other than the morning thing, I’m not a huge fan of schedules for the very wee, because it seems like training housecats to jump through flaming hoops, or trying to. The results are impressive, but it seems like an awful lot of effort for the result. That being said, if scheduling works for you…well, run with it.
well my baby is nearing the 7 week mark…and I am finding NO consistant routine as of yet, but I know its coming….I look forward to when morning nap and afternoon nap are more defined…. my days are just so sparadic. My 3 year old has a good routine, but since Allie was born with GERD, everything I THOUGHT I knew about how to take care of a newborn flew out the window, I cant change a diaper after she eats or else REFLUX, I can’t lay her down after she eats REFLUX…….so I spend a Huge amount of time just feeding, holding, repeat (since because of the reflux I am feeding her smaller amounts more often)…..what I feel guilty about is the smaller amount of time I have with my 3 year old…. the other day he said “you dont have time to help me”…………broke my heart..
I second Jodi’s recommendations, posted July 15, 2008 at 7:11 am. I work from home, writing and graphic design, and have since before I had my three kiddos. And it’s been seven years now. It really CAN work (even without regular childcare). Took four weeks off when Madison was born, and I remember thinking in my first day back at my desk, with her snuggled between me and the keyboard in the Baby Bjorn, that maybe I had made a severe error in judging thinking that I could juggle it all.
But we got into a routine. Eat – Play together – Play independently (while I worked or did chores) – then Sleep (while I worked, slept, or did more chores). Thank you “Baby Whisperer” although I agree with whoever commented that the author makes things sound more angelic than they can actually be.
I gave birth to Michael, who has Down syndrome, two years after that so another unexpected, yet rewarding, chapter began. Took eight weeks off that time. Then two years later, along came Mason (planned even, crazy, I know). Took three months off that time.
The issue of guilt was mentioned in a number of posts. I feel a bit of guilt about neglecting certain things every day, but I don’t let it paralyze me. My husband’s teaching salary doesn’t support even the meager lifestyle that we enjoy (plus doctor bills), so work is something I have to juggle. And I can’t afford childcare. I would have to work more to pay for that, which defeats the purpose. I always try to look at the big picture of the week or the month. Sure there are days I feel like I’m neglecting my kids, other days it’s my clients, almost every day it’s my house. But when I look at the big picture over the long term, everything and everyone generally receives a nice level of care and tlc.
P.S. Do you really read all of these?
I have three kids, ages 6, 4, and 2, and I work from home 2 days a week with them. Monday Wednesday and Friday they go to daycare and I go to the office.
On my Tuesdays and Thursdays, the mornings are mommy-kid time. We do story hour or play time or just hang out. Then it’s lunch and nap time. As soon as I lay them down for nap, I go to work. Then, when they wake up, I get them snack and then they play while I work a little more. I try to get in 3 to 4 hours on those afternoons. Then, the computer is shut off and the kids help me with supper and laundry and other mundane tasks like that. I go back to work after they go to bed at 8:30.
Granted, they are a lot (LOT) older, and you are probably just now getting the point of being able to set a schedule like that.
My best advice and the only one you should really listen to, is don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel guilty about not spending enough time with her or not enough time at work or not enough time on the house. She can entertain herself a little, some work is better than none, and the house stuff will wait until Saturday.
Oh, and give yourself a day off. It’s hard to do when you work from home, but try your best!
Hi hi Flotsam family! I really like the suggestion on having a “wake up” time and “go to bed” time. That has worked well for me with my 4 month son, although the time is not strict. Wake up is somewhere between 7-8 am, bedtime between 8-9pm. Sometimes we have an off day (Remember your twitter 3 am is the new morning, yeah kind of like that). But I just deal with those days as they happen and try to get back to the regular schedule.
Now Daytime. I had an awful time working exclusively from home to be honest. It felt like being two places I didn’t want to be at the same time. I, like other commenters mentioned, used babysitters part time. There was too much pressure on me and I needed the help. Not to mention a shower and a bite to eat.
At 3 months, my son started a small family based daycare. His caregiver is this fabulous Nona (Italian grandma) who is great with infant scheduling. He cried some at first at being put down for naps, but he adjusted FAST within days actually. So as hard as those first few days were, it was very worth it for us both. He was overtired.
Now, my son takes a morning nap after his first feeding. (I think morning naps are the easiest to “enforce.” Most babies fall back to sleep pretty easily after a bottle and maybe a swaddle.) And he takes an afternoon nap 2-4 ish. That one is harder to enforce, but now he is used to it and needs it. On the days I work from home, I try to keep him on that schedule and it works pretty well.
Re: showers. I’ve become one of those fuddy duddies that showers at night. In fact, I’ve used the “I need to wash my hair” excuse to get out of a few engagements I wasn’t into. Well, my hair was dirty after all. I just put the baby in the bouncer while I do it. (Single mom here).
Re: guilt. Try and let go as painful as it is. You’re doing marvelous. Baby Simone has it great with you guys.
I’ve been following Simone’s triumphs for a while. Shove over, Mother Theresa — you, Alexa, should be on the fast track to sainthood. By your own accounting, you’re trying to balance five full-time jobs: nursing/pumping/supply-building, mothering, housekeeping, working and wife-ing, while maintaining at least a passing acquaintance with personal hygiene.
The only scheduling advice I have for you is to take a nap like a doctor’s prescription: 20 minutes (or however long until you wake in a puddle of your own drool) every afternoon, with or without baby, no excuses. It’s the only thing that kept me (relatively) sane during the Newborn Boot Camp phase.
I read the first 50 or so comments, and feel like posting my own…
I’m mom to three (7, 5, 9mths). I read books and frantically sought for the perfect schedule with my first. Of all the books I read, The Baby Whisperer was the best for me. As you can read, however, it’s not the best for everyone. I still try to use some of those ideas, like baby eats, then plays (this is especially helpful because two of my three have had reflux, and I HATE having them puke in bed), then sleep after play. The “you” time is supposed to be while the babe sleeps, but it is really hard when life seems to have its own plan for you. Yes, on your unicorn, down the money road (to which I need directions, please), you can work from home, shower, tend to baby and bake bread. Not in my world though… I have to do all work late at night, after all kids are in bed. Sometimes that doesn’t start until 10 or 11 (depending on how many cups of water I have to give the older ones). I am constantly tired. I think #13 said it best, it’s insanity, but at the end of the day, schedule or not, it’s worth every shred of sanity! It goes by really fast and poof, you long for the excuse to NOT do the laundry (that’s when I had another baby) haha!
I work from home full time and my youngest has been home with me since birth. I found out early on that he loved the sound of my voice, no matter what I was saying. Since a good portion of my job is reading (I’m an attorney focused on research and writing), I just read to him alot. He didn’t care that it was caselaw or transcripts. It was the best of both worlds since I was working and entertaining him at the same time. Now that he is almost 2 and his 5-yr-old brother is home for the summer, I have a 13-yr-old babysitter who comes to play with them 4 days a week for 5 hours for $5 an hour. I can’t even believe the rate myself.
Hi Alexa:
First off, you are doing so well.
I’ve followed your blog for the past two years and am thrilled that you are actually attempting to work on a full-length book. (You may remember me as the editor of the literary journal who tried to publish you a while back.
In any case, you asked for advice and here is my two cents. I worked full time in an office with my first daughter (now 13) and began freelancing when my younger daughter (nearly 11) was two.
I was the milk lady for three years with the younger, and became most proficient at typing with one hand while she nursed.
Depending on the type of feeder Simone becomes, you may find that she gets drowsy and naps for a while in your arms or sling.
(I can hear all the Babywise folks freaking out now).
What worked for me was to hold her while she slept, sometimes for more than an hour. I could feel when she was in the deepest part of slumber and would ocassionally transfer her to the bed at this to keep writing -with two hands.
I also worked after everyone had gone to bed. The hours between 11pm-1am were most productive for a few years. Now the routine has shifted so that working after 9pm is out of the question, because we are all up so early to get ready for school.
It always a challenge to work from home. Balance is a lofty ideal and guilt is an occupational hazard. Now that they are older, the girls need less physically from me, but require so much more mental energy to navigate the pitfalls of adolesence. But they are (mostly) kind, loving and generous souls so I know that some of what I try to teach them is sinking in.
Be as productive as Simone will allow and take comfort in the fact that you will figure out a routine that works for you in time. Oh and just when you get it figured out, it will change all over again.
Even though my kids are teens now (all the cliches are TRUE - turn around and you’re giving them the car keys so they can drive to their SAT prep classes), I clearly remember my husband insisting that I keep my firstborn on a strict schedule. At first I argued that schedules are for dullards, then I realized that, once Emily was several months old, we HAD inadvertently fallen into a schedule. And I thought it was just a rut! Turns out “schedule” is a proactive-sounding term for “rut”.
No need to stress, the rut, er, schedule, will happen all on its own.
I have twins and work from home. It is possible! But at two months my brain was just one big fog because of the breastfeeding.
At first I didn’t know about routine and it was all a bit chaotic but after a while we learned the sleep-change- feed-play routine. Initially my kids did this cycle in two hours and never in sync so that was very busy. After some time we managed to get them in sync: As soon as one started to show sleepy signs the other one would go down for a nap too. After a while they get hungry and sleepy at the same time, with cycles lasting two to three hours. So voila: routine became schedule.
In time the cycles become longer, three naps a day, two naps. My kids are two years old now and if I am 15 minutes late for their afternoon sleep they don’t fall asleep as easy as when I put them down at the right time. This is because of a hormone called melatonine. The body releases this at the same time every day and this hormone is what you need to fall asleep. If the baby doesn’t go to sleep when the hormone is available it ends up very tired but unable to sleep. That’s what happens when they are overtired.
There are a few important things to make the routine work:
- Put the babies in their bed as soon as they show sleepy signs, not in their chair.
- Put them in bed awake and don’t go in immediately when she cries because that wakes her up more than it puts her to sleep.
- Learn to distinguish sleepy cry from hungry cry.
- Don’t get her up if she cries, comfort her lying down in the bed.
I always wondered what my schedule was supposed to be like when my son was born. As a matter of fact, I have always thought this would make a great article in a parenting magazine. After reading many of the great comments here, I think many moms could be helped by all of the advice. The only thing I can tell you is I started reading to my son almost as soon as he got home. That little routine (and right now that can be at any time of the day that works for you) has always been our cornerstone and now is how we end the day.
One more thing … it goes by so fast. Don’t miss it by worrying too much about the “right” schedule.