Sandmandinista.
Simone is on strike. Unfortunately, she remains silent on the subject of demands, which is too bad because at this point, I am willing to give up anything, anything, if only she will reconsider her position on sleep. Which is that it is overrated. For both of us. I know one is not supposed to negotiate with terrorists, but the child has not taken a nap for weeks, excepting the occasional 25-minute snooze—which, in case you are reading this, young lady, DOES NOT COUNT. There have been two exceptions, but naps should be the rule, don’t you agree?
The strike extends to bedtime as well, a protracted battle extending from six to nine o’clock every evening, during which time Simone fights to keep her eyes open, finally swaddled in her swing with—hand to god—one eyelid cracked to watch us. When she can’t take it anymore and drops off, Scott and I transfer her to her crib in a complicated Black Ops procedure that ends with us tiptoeing frantically back to the living room and pumping our triumphant fists in the air.
If it weren’t for the swing, she’d never sleep at all, and today it ran out of batteries. I called Scott at work, and we had the following conversation:
PHONE: Brring! Brrring!
SCOTT: This is Sco—
ALEXA: THE BATTERIES DIED. IN THE SWING. DON’T YOU COME HOME WITHOUT MORE BATTERIES.
I have a copy of “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” (I am so tired I typed that as “Happy Speel Habits” THREE TIMES before getting it right—Exhibit A, People V. BAD BABY) but have not had time to read more than the first paragraphs. I feel certain that the solution lies somewhere between the covers of that book, but unless I am able to absorb the contents via osmosis, I have no hope of finding it. Of course I did get as far as the part where the author asserts that children with poor sleep habits are seven times more likely to grow up to knock off liquor stores in whatever time they don’t spend Not Calling and Never Writing their mothers. Thanks doctor! I feel better already.
It’s a good thing that babies are so fetching. In fact, I am willing to bet that this is how they evolved those winning smiles in the first place. Probably earlier models were pointy and unattractive, and when they stopped sleeping, their parents simply left them out on a hillside to be eaten by vultures. I imagine a meeting up on Mt. Olympus or someplace, all the gods offering suggestions:
“Try making the thighs fatter.”
“Have you considered a rounded cheek?”
“Maybe you could add a sort of powdery, milky smell to the head.”
Eventually something worked, and parents grudgingly kept their sleepless babies. And that is how the vulture became extinct. The End.
78 Comments
Simone is clearly the boss and getting cuter by the second (thanks for the new picture!) I’m sure she will tire soon….
PS I can NOT wait for you to finish your book in between her 25 minute naps. Your posts are fantastic!
That book was seriously my Bible as it was the only thing that worked for my daughter. She was exactly like Simone. The thing with the book was that it is sectioned off by age, so that you don’t have to read the whole thing (as if you had time!) She began sleeping better almost immediately, but I had to follow the book to a T. Now, at age 5 she is an awesome sleeper, she just needed to learn how.
It is so hard when this happens, so very very hard. I found with mine that one thing affecting it was over stimultion. When we began doing more and more during the day it was as if he could not calm down later and fought sleep tooth and nail. I began not doing so much and being less stimulating and it did help some. I hated when he would fight sleeping, it was maddening to watch and so hard.
Good luck mama.
I found that book to be a little hardcore.
Want to know what we did? Good, I’ll tell you.
After two kids, what worked for us was to do a modified cry-it-out. I tried the full on leaving the room and letting him scream with my first and it DID NOT FEEL RIGHT OR GOOD. To anyone.
Second kid, I decided I would put her to bed and let her cry, but I’d sit next to her with my hand on her tummy. It worked fairly well (though with kids it’s always two steps forward one step back) and I felt like a decent mom.
Seems like no one book works for most people. You kind of have to research (if you can stay awake long enough) a variety of approaches and decide what you think sounds good.
We’ve all been there! Good luck!
I wish I had some advice for you, but we just figured out the sleep thing last week and I think it’s more luck than anything. I hope that Simone gets with the program soon and gives you a break :)
Ooohhh . . . this post brings back fuzzy sleep-deprived memories of our older son’s first six or so months of life. He would not nap, no matter what we did, and he was so terribly overtired. I hate to say this, but we read nearly every sleep book available, and none helped us. The only thing that helped was time. Finally, he attached himself to a small stuffed bear, learned to put his thumb in his mouth, and began taking a 10 minute nap, once per day. It was heaven. Then it was twice per day. And it slowly improved so that by a year, he was taking an hour nap in the morning and another hour nap in the afternoon. Now at age three, he still sucks his thumb and holds his bear when he goes to sleep, and he is a great sleeper (2-3 hour nap in the afternoon, 10 hours uninterrupted at night). But that first year was very, very hard, especially because both my husband and I were trying to write our dissertations. But we all survived, and the dissertations somehow got done (eventually). Simone will learn to go to sleep on her own, you will write your book, and this will all seem like a blur. Good luck. I’ll be thinking sleepy thoughts for Simone.
One tip – there’s a “summary for exhausted parents” – or something like that – at the end of each chapter. Skip ahead and read the summaries. He spends a lot of time puffing himself up, and when you’re tired and desperate, you just don’t need it.
OMY, you are soooooo funny!!! Of course, it is not funny that Simone and you are not getting the rest you need, and I’m really sorry about that. Thankfully for us readers, being sleep deprived has not affected your great sense of humor! Hope things in the sleep department work out well for the two of you really soon.
Seriously, ridiculous thought it sounds, try putting her down even earlier. Babies who are sleepy will fight sleep even harder.
Then again, maybe she’s just stubborn and too interested in what’s going on to want to close her eyes.
All misspellings due to Simone’s cuteness will be forgiven. Just post a picture and no one will even remember that you spelled anything wrong.
That book is as hardcore as they get when it comes to CIO. If you want to try sleep training that is gentler, read Ferber. If you decide that you want to forgo letting Simone CIO to get to sleep, there is The Baby Whisper’s method which is much like All Adither described. A favorite in the AP community is Elizabeth Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution.
FWIW, we used Pantley’s methods to gently transition our son from napping in the swing to napping in his playpen and crib. We also used her methods to get him to fall asleep on his own. With that being said, we could not get him to sleep through the night using her methods. We ended up using The Baby Whisperer’s methods to accomplish that.
Good luck! Remember, it’s not like this forever. She will sleep eventually!
I totally hear you. My daughter didn’t start sleeping well until her first birthday. At one point, I think about month seven, I remember distinctly leaning against the closet door telling my husband, “I’m so tired I feel like I’m dying.” And I meant it. It is so hard to not get enough sleep.
Now she sleeps 12 hours straight with very few wake-ups. What did it was that we let her cry. It was excruciating but totally worth it. She’s happier, we’re happier and I’m not dead. Case closed.
You are so funny, I actually laughed out loud. My baby won’t let me sleep either and it’s not even born yet, sinusitis and a healthy amount of kicking me everytime I lay down or even make it seem like I might be trying to relax.
Wah wah wahhhhh (*charliebrowntrumpet*) advice blah whatever SHEESH. I just want to say I feel your pain and if it’s not okay to FOREVER put babies in swings then . . . well, fuck it, dissenters can come deal with the fallout. Also, I hear you on the evolutionary aspect of babies: “WTF, kid, it’s 3 AM . . . but you ARE awfully DELICIOUS, with your Pillsbury thigh-rolls and all…OMNOMNOM.”
Am I a dick if I can’t remember exactly how old Simone is (adjusted)? Well, I can’t.
Have you read about sleep regressions? Apparently sleep is supposed to go completely to fuck-all at five, eight, twelve, nineteen weeks and so on (adjusted). The best part is, it goes away, I swear.
Each time the girls went into a sleep regression, I’d call Sam and say “Gypsies! Send gypsies for the babies! Or dingoes! Or goblins! Something! OMG, the babies are deeeeeeeemons! Why won’t they sleeeeeeep?” because I am calm and composed in times of trouble. Oh yes. Yes, I am.
But anyway, it goes away and sleep comes back. Really.
Link with samples from the book, if in fact you want to take the advice of a woman who called her precious wonderful children ‘deeeeeeeemons’:
http://www.livingcontrolsystems.com/wonder_weeks/content_ww.html
It’s a phase, it’s a phase.
Hang in there.
I remember the land of 20 minutes naps.It sucked. But suddenly, one day, for no particular reason, they morphed into longer ones.
Keep offering sleep. She’ll take you up on it. F’reals.
It’s a phase, it will pass.
Repeat that as often as you need to to stay sane. I know sleepless. I GET sleepless. I want to come make you hot chocolate and rock Simone for an hour while you sleep, because god knows I wanted someone to do it for me.
Yeah, not a fan of HSHHC. I too thought it was seriously hard-core cry-it-out. I know there are people who never read past the 4 months chapter who are wondering WTF, but if your kid isn’t sleeping through at 4 months, according to the doctor, you are a bad parent and your child will be a menace to society later. The J-man was a serious snapper (as we called those 25 minute naps) and there really wasn’t much we could do about it. We liked Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution. I do remember those days though. They can make you cry from exhaustion.
Ah, the glory days. The thrill of victory when you’re able to extricate yourself from under her body without waking her and then the resulting silent dancing in the living room. The agony of defeat when you’re tiptoing away and the snuffles of her waking up make you realize you’re not done yet.
No recommendations as I’m sure everyone else has one, but lots of luck and be happy that you’re able to live this down with a sense of humor. Great post and great theory about vultures.
Ah…but vultures are not extinct so there is still work to be done! Back to Olympus.
I found that I had no time to read books (I should be using present tenses here as it goes on) and I still wake 3 times a night to sort my Little Miss out, but it is manageable, but to return to the heart of the matter, I would get my husband to read me the advice of Dr Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block) as it is very prescriptive (he advocates swings by the way) and also there is a tedious but somewhat effective and gentler than ‘cry it out’ method, but this is in the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Melinda Blau and Tracey Hogg. Basically I also found out that blowing on her face and shshing in rotation helped. Good luck!
I’m not a mom (yet) so I want to refrain from giving assvice, but… have you ever heard of a baby who NEVER learned to sleep through the night? I mean, we all know how to sleep, right? (My husband doesn’t, but that’s another story) I know you need a solution that will work for you ASAP, but whether what you do is “right” or “wrong”, swing or CIO or whatever, it is not going to ruin Simone’s ability to sleep in the long-term. Everybody learns how to sleep eventually.
Hope you get some sleep soon!
Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child saved our sanity! He doesn’t say to just let the baby cry – he actually recommends you spend 20 minutes soothing the baby before you put her down (rocking, nursing, etc) and then teach her to sleep in whatever way works best for you (whether you let her cry or not).
The main idea is a very early bedtime to solve sleep problems. Early, like 5-5:30. Then after she catches up (a few days), you can put her down a little later (try 20 min later each night) until you find the “sweet spot” where she sleeps 10-12 hours (somewhere between 6-8 pm).
Then you have to get the naps going, which is much trickier, but much easier to deal with after a good night’s sleep.
Good luck!
Deborah, comment #21 up there, is right. It’s like potty-training, mostly everyone does it eventually.
I’ve done a zillion different methods and none of them seemed better than the others. If they are sick, all that CIO is completely undone, and you have to do it again, and since I am a gutless wonder I could never do it twice. So I didn’t.
All I can say is this: they do eventually fall asleep and stay asleep if given the opportunity. Dark room, quiet, consistent schedules etc…it will happen.
I just woke and read your post (although I think you actually have to have been asleep to claim that you woke up). Four times! My 2-month-old woke up 4 times during the night.
And I found myself grinning like a sleep-deprived maniac between 1 and 2 while she cooed and smiled toothlessly in my lap.
You are hilarious.
Hi! I’ve been reading your blog for awhile and felt I could offer my 2 cents in your quest for sleep. My daughter is 2 months old and since she came home from the hospital we have been following the same routine at night. At 9pm, she gets a bath with the special lavender wash that helps baby sleep. After that she gets a massage with the sleep lotion and then we go upstairs and I swaddle her with the miracle blanket. By that point she is sleepy and then she nurses and goes to sleep. One night the miracle blanket was in the dryer and she screamed bloody murder until I got the blanket and swaddled her. Anyways that is how sleep works in my house…I hope some of this helps :)
CIO is a little hard on everyone. At 7 months, I too, thought I would perish if sleep did not come, right fucking then!…. the trusty husband MADE me let the little fellow CIO for two nights, he cried, I cried and the TH just kept telling me it would be alright….I finally slept, the child slept and save for a few nights since (he is 7 now), we all have pretty good sleep routines.
I did find that the more tired my child was, the worse it was to get him to sleep.
best of luck, and please keep the photos coming…..they are just precious.
I have the Health Sleep Habits book and don’t really find it to be that hardcore. He doesn’t really suggest cry it out until babies are at least 4 months old to ensure they have developed the self soothing ability. I think Simone is about 3 months adjusted right? So probably not time to let her scream and maybe you wouldn’t want to do that anyway. The short of the book is, prior to 4 months, parents can’t do much to influence baby’s sleeping other than giving them the opportunity to sleep.
So actually, what you are doing sounds about right with what the book suggests. He says to use swings but to turn them off once asleep to avoid interrupting the sleeping when they hit a light sleep phase. Anyway, my son (almost 3 months) and I went through a weird short napping phase just last week, along with some night time waking but then this week, he magically fell back into a good pattern. And I had to learn how to put him down best for him, which means a binki and some rocking until his eyes are lolling around. I don’t think you are doing anything right or wrong…there is no right or wrong and babies are just different. Simone will get the hang of it, eventually. Hang in there.
In my edition of the book, page 184 starts the “Summary and Action Plan for Exhausted Parents” about fussy babies. Page 134 starts the “Action Plan for Exhausted Parents” for sleep problems. And page 240 starts the “Action Plan for Exhausted Parents” for months 1-4. You should go by Simone’s adjusted age when referring to this book.
If you really, really don’t have time to read, start with the section on page 240, then 184, then 134.
I feel your pain now that we have entered the Land Of Colic with Sam. Good times! I always say that his cuteness ensures the propogation of his tiny species.
And as if he senses that Mommy is enjoying herself, he has just awoken from his 25-minute snooze and is crying. Again. Yay! Sister, I feel you.
No assvice on the how-tos, since the only thing that has worked for us is time. But I have been told that exceptionally intelligent children are the worst sleepers. So Simone is simply too brilliant to let a little thing like sleep interfere with her life.
Love your posts!! As for sleep nothing really worked for us until around 4/5 months. What worked for my first two “solve your child’s sleep problems” by Richard Ferber. Nothing is perfect. They are all pretty similar good luck.
By the way we were going to give ours to the monkeys, circus something like that :)
Hi, I’ve been reading your blog for a while but have never posted before due to extreme ambivalence about bugging strangers with my thoughts and opinions. But I had a similar “sleep is for the weak” baby who put us through the wringer for the first 11 months. The worst thing, my son HATED his swing. The only time he slept for more than 15 minutes in a row was when someone was holding him, touching him or he was next to us in bed. I spent 5 months sleeping on my side with my arm slung over the bassinet and my hand resting on his stomach because that was the only way he would sleep on his own. I thought I was doing something horribly wrong because all I heard about and read about on the internet and in magazines were babies sleeping in their crib for 12 hours at a time because they used this “Miraculous Sleep Method”. I felt like a total failure. But then I actually started asking my close friends, the ones who would actually tell me the truth, how their first year of sleeping with their newborns went and I found out the dirty truth. Hardly any newborn baby sleeps happily for long periods in their crib. One friend had to sleep with the baby on their chest in a recliner for weeks, one baby only slept in the bouncy seat on top of the dryer when it was running. And most moms, especially breast-feeding moms, admitted to letting the baby slepp in bed with them for a significant amount of time during that first year. I had been doing that because it was the only way I was getting any sleep but I had felt horribly guitly about it and had told no one because all the books say that it is BAD BAD BAD and your kid will NEVER learn to sleep on their own and will be sleeping with you until they’re eighteen and then you’ll have to move to college with them to make sure they can sleep at night. Then there’s the whole smothering issue. If you don’t weigh 400 poungs or take serious mood-altering drugs, it ain’t going to happen. Women have been sleeping with their infants from the dawn of time and still do in most cultures. Now, I’m not some attachment parenting disciple, I fully intended to give birth to a well sleep-trained baby who would drift off peacefully in his crib to the white noise sounds I downloaded from Itunes. But my son had other plans. I was a sleep-deprived parent who would do just about anything to get my son to sleep, excaept the cry it out method. I just could not do it. My son is the result of my third and last attempt at IVF and as one friend put it, “You tried too hard to have this baby to let him cry himself to sleep”. My thoughts exactly. So attachment parenting it was. My advice is, throw out the sleep books and do whatever feels right and lets everybody get some sleep. I let my son sleep near or next to us for the first 11 motnhs because that is what he needed. It meant I spent lot of time holding or wearing him during the day and a lot of time and effort during the night as well. My husband and I would do arm-over the bassinet baby holding shifts for half the night and then usually the baby would spend at least several hours in our bed as as well, usually between the 2:00 and 5:00 feedings. It wasn’t perfect but I did get enough sleep to be functional. When you’re in the middle of life with a newborn, you think that this is the way your life will be forever and ever but eventually the baby will grow up and before you know it, this will be a distant memory. At 11 months, my son pretty much let me know that he was ready for his own space. He would wake up in the middle of the night, squirming and wriggling like he was trying to get some room. One night at 2:30 in the morning, he had been up for an hour and nothing (rocking, feeding, cuddling, rubbing) was working. So I said to him “Look, if you don’t want to sleep, that’s fine, but your Mommy is old and feeble and needs her sleep.” With that, I plunked him down in his crib, sang a few songs to him, plopped a pacifier in his mouth and staggered back to bed. He started waling and I lay in bed completely rigid with stress becuase I KNEW this wasn’t going to work and I would have to go get him and I would NVER SLEEP AGAIN! I told my husband I would give him 5 minutes of crying (the most stringent “crying it out” method I could stomach) and then I would go get him and rock him some more. But to my joy and suprise, he stopped crying and fell fast asleep after 4 minutes. That was it and he has been sleeping in his crib ever since. At first he woke up every few hours and would cry for about a minute and then go back to sleep. I do use pacifiers. I keep about 6 in his crib and when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he sits up and finds one, stuffs it in his mouth and falls over right back into a sound sleep. Jack is 15 months old now and sleeps in his crib for two solid 1 1/2 hours naps and 10 hours at night with no problems at all. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this and I don’t think newborn babies are wired to sleep alone. They have spent all their time in utero being as physically as close to you as possible, literally surrounded by you. Plus, once they’re out, you are the only thing that keeps them alive and they know it. It’s reasonable to think then, that they would like you to be close by all the time. My advice, do whatever you have to do to get sleep for you and the baby and let go of the guilt about how you’re doing it “wrong”. Let Simone set the pace and she’ll evenutally grow out of the this phase and learn to sleep on her own. There is no perfect “sleep solution” and every baby is different. Have patience and in the meantime, sleep whatever and whichever way you can. And stock up on batteries!
Hang in there! You’re doing great!
Jane, a mom who has made it through to the other side.
Oh my goodness. Can I just say, every new picture you put up there melts my heart a little more? Can you actually see her getting cuter by the minute when you’re with her all day? Unbelievable.
Second, I’m certain you had dozens of commenters recommend it, but I’m so happy you’re going to read Healthy Sleep Habits. Am I remembering correctly that it has short summaries at the end of each chapter? I’m pretty sure that’s what I read when I was first doing a sleep-deprived search for answers. You’ll still get good information that way. And of course, you don’t need to be daunted by the size of the book. Notice it’s conveniently broken up by age? Just read that first section that goes up to 4 months, I think. It’ll help immensely! You can read the rest later when you have more time.
Third, Simone sounds like an exact copy of my Mia (now 2.5). Until she was 8 months old, her naps were never longer than 20 minutes. I have a sister in law who had a little girl a few months older than mine, and every time we would talk, she’d say, “Oh I figured I’d call since Abby is down for a nap. She’s been asleep for 2 hours and she’ll sleep for at least 1 more.” Gah. Talk about jealousy. Thing is, this sister in law is who recommended Healthy Sleep Habits to me. I came to understand that it wasn’t something I wasn’t doing right, it was just that all babies are different, and I had the sleepless variety.
So that’s all just to say, I completely empathize. 20 minute naps for 8 months=8 months of either taking a shower OR washing the dishes, and it wasn’t a pretty compromise either way. Because of course it wasn’t like she was the kind of baby who would sit happily in her bouncy seat when she was awake–had to be held every minute or there was SCREAMING.
It does get better. Now she’s a two year old who still screams when she doesn’t get her way, but at least that’s the exception now rather than the rule and she understands when she gets time out for it.
agreed. all of it, agreed.
Dude. YES. Alex never slept as a baby, and oh, do I mean it. And I mean it in a I almost killed myself with a coffee pot, this child doesn’t sleep, someone HELP me.
I wish you luck, my friend.
Happiest Baby on the Block worked for my daughter, and is working with my son currently. I know how it is with no time or energy to read when you’re running on 1 hours sleep, so I’ll condense.
Try the 5 “S”‘s when Simone won’t sleep but clearly needs to. Sometimes it takes a combo of these choices, sometimes just one will work, but generally speaking, in our house anyway, these options were a God-send.
1. Swinging – this could be in a swing, or you just “swinging” him/swaying with him. Sometimes more briskly swinging is the trick.
2. Swaddling – the tighter, the better. Hospital blanket, ready-made swaddle blanket, whatever. Try doing a full body swaddle, and if he REALLY fights it, then let his arms out. Sometimes swaddling and swinging work hand in hand.
3. Sucking – breast, pacifier, fingers, toys. It can be a HUGE comfort thing for babies. Sometimes when my son is overtired and he starts sucking on his pacifier, his eyes literally roll back in his head and you can see him fighting for consciousness.
4. Side – This often works in combo with swaddling. Swaddle nice and tight, then hold her so she is on her side, usually tuck her head in toward you so she can smell you. Sometimes this in combo with swinging them works for me.
5. Shushing – This is the best one. This is the one that worked just last week. Shush them at a volume comparable with their crying. My son was SO worked up, and I was getting frustrated, and then suddenly I remembered the shushing, so I took a deep breath and in my best really pissed off librarian voice I said SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And he stopped. He started to fidget a bit, so I continued. SHHHHHHH. SHHHHHHHH. SHHHHHHH. SHHHHHHH. SHHHHHH. And I started to sway with him/dance with him. And with the shhhhh’ing getting softer and softer he FINALLY fell asleep. It’s like a God send! And allegedly it mimics sounds heard in utero, but I can’t speak to the truth of that. LOL.
Good luck, this too shall pass!
PS – change those he’s in my post to she’s. I know damn well that Simone is a she, but my brain is running on little sleep as well – it’s called potty training for the night time hours. You can look forward to that later. :)
The first several chapters of “Healthy Sleep Habits” made me cry hysterically. Child won’t sleep, will become axe murderer; child will never take naps if not kept at home on a schedule all day so mommy must quit job and move family into a cardboard box in a culvert….Okay, that’s not exactly the book’s message, but it scared and shamed me anyway. I think too that the book was edited by a team of drunken monkeys; it’s way too complex for any reader who hasn’t slept in, say, six months. Ferber made a lot more sense to me (not that I had the guts to implement his strategies, either). Nonetheless the kid is now sleeping through the night. I think the passage of time sometimes does the trick. Simone will cut you some slack soon.
Try napping with her in your bed. You won’t get anything done, but she’ll probably sleep better, and lord knows, you’ll be more well rested. Does she fall asleep on the boob at all?
Oh my dear. I have no advice for you, but a lot of sympathy. I recall those days with utter terror, the likes of which I’ve never since endured. And I’m speaking as the mother of a teenager.
Sympathy, sympathy, sympathy. And don’t be too hard on yourself about getting any work done besides mothering while she figures this out. Seriously, mothering a no-nap child is the hardest kind of work there is (thank goodness the perks are excellent).
We tried Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Didn’t Work. Then we tried the No Cry Sleep Solution. Didn’t work. Now I am paging through Ferber’s How To Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, confident in the knowledge that this too will not work. My son naps in his swing, and he is about 3 ounces away from outgrowing it. Desperation…the worlds worst cologne. You are not alone, sister.
Wow, sorry you’re so sleepless over there! Everyone has their things that work for them, that they swear by. My twins were sleepy preemies for about the first 4 mo of their lives, and then it’s like one day they woke up and wanted to make up for all of the time they’d missed! They started waking many more times per night than they had been. I finally cracked when my one son, at about 6 mo old, had to undergo a sedated MRI. After a few days of sleepiness from the sedation, he suddenly became the most insanely alert baby I had ever seen, refusing to sleep during the night for over a week. I was like, “CIO now!” I read a few relevant pages of Healthy Sleep Habits and away we went. CIO sucked so bad – nights of hours of tortured screaming – but it eventually worked for us. Anyway, I hope she sleeps soon, regardless of what you do or don’t do to change the situation. Babies are big on phases, so hopefully this one will be complete by the time you read this comment- that’s often how it goes.
We used the 90 minute baby sleep program. The premise is ridiculously simple and based on a 90 minute natural rhythm (the basic rest and activity cycle) all humans are supposed to have. Basically you see what time it is when the baby wakes up, add 90 minutes, entertain/feed/do whatever with your baby for 90 minutes and then soothe them back to sleep after the time is up. I was skeptical but it works so well it is almost creepy. My baby would not even look very tired, but would go back to sleep after the 90 minutes were up with rocking or nursing for 5 to 10 minutes. It does not matter how long or short the nap is, always try to get them to go back to sleep after the 90 minutes are up. It may not work for every baby, but it worked for us, and at the very least gave me a framework to hang my hat on. Prior to using this method I had no idea when my baby wanted to sleep. Plus it was so painless it was worth a try (after all, I was already rocking/nursing/doing whatever to try to comfort him or get him to sleep) The link to the book is here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761143114/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
Good luck!
No advice here. Just wanted to say that I love the way you write. Don’t stop!
I know nothing of premies and adjusted ages…but I know with my son when he was 8-9 months old a routine became the only thing that mattered. No matter what he had to nap at this time and that time, and he had to be in bed by 9pm (yeah i know that seems like a late bedtime, but my hubby wants to spend time with our kids before they go to bed, so until they are of school age, they can stay up a bit later, and sleep in a bit later in the morning). There was hell to pay if I did not follow this routine (for us it was up at 7:30am, down by 9:30-10:30 up for play and “lunch” down at 12:30-3:30 nap from 5:30-6:30 and then back in bed by 9 (this was in the early days, as he got older we lost the evening nap first, then the morning nap and now my 3 yr old typically sleeps from 12:30-4:00 everyday).
Also wanted to say I was so glad to see a new blog entry! I was starting to get worried!
We shall see if my 2 1/2 month old follows her brothers example, but so far, she has been very different, we are also dealing with GERD and throws a wrench in the system.
i have read HSHHC-skip all but the chapters that explain the 5 s’s. the rest is just there to mmake it a book instead of a pamphlet.
i have no idea if it works, because i’m not due for 3 more weeks.
i hope something works!
We used the technique here: http://ww.drhull.com. It’s a sort of ten-day modified CIO plan: since you’re in the room with the baby, she may be mad at being in the crib, but not scared or abandoned. And with two kids now, of completely different temperaments, at two completely different ages, it’s worked like an effing charm. Like a miracle. I was skeptical both times, and both times after the ten days were up I was getting a full night’s sleep, and so was the baby. Miraculous, I say.
The other nice thing about this site is that you can email the pediatrician whose technique it is, and get personal help if it’s not working for you or if you have questions about details or naptimes or what have you.
I wish you all the best. I have been reading you for years now and I think Simone is an absolutely stunning joy.
I resisted CIO until I was insane from not sleeping for 15 MONTHS, seriously. He would be up 8-10 times a night and did not nap, ever. When I finally did it, he cried for about an hour, fell asleep and slept for 12 hours straight. Then he took a 3 hour nap The second nite he cried for 10 mins and slept all night again.
And that was the end of our sleep problems. Now we can have friends over, cook, blend margaritas (right in his room if we wanted to) and he sleeps and sleeps.
He was a 27 weeker, and I felt sooo guilty about the trauma of the NICU when he should have been comfy inside that I didn’t want him uncomfy at all once home. I never ever thought I would consider CIO, and at Simone’s age I never would have done it. But I have to tell you, the morning I woke up after sleeping all night, I wished I had done it sooner. Insane crazy mama is much worse for baby than some crying.
I hope she opens up to some negotiating soon. You have all my sympathy.
I love that book! Read the exhausted parents chapter, or better yet get your hubby to read it and give you the highlights.
Good luck!
Wait until she’s a teenager and she sleeps ALL THE TIME!
I think your problem is your environment is too stimulating. Simone is having too much fun to sleep. She doesn’t want to close her eyes for fear of missing something.
You need to be more boring, especially in the pre-bedtime evening hours. Dim the lights about 30 minutes before you start putting her to bed. Play muzak. Speak in a low, droning voice. (Think Ben Stein in “Ferris Bueler’s Day Off.”)
Most people mess up when Daddy comes home (or Mommy). The kid get all wound up and they want to play with the person they haven’t seen all day. You can nip that in the bud by making the homecoming boring. Instead of squealing, “Look! Daddy’s home!” Adopt a tone of extreme ennui. Above all, discourage any tickling and tossing in the air right before bedtime.
babies don’t have any sense. Of course they’re going to cry when the fun stops and they get plopped in the crib. Crying is actually good because it tires them out. They’re not going to hate you forever if they cry themselves to sleep once in awhile. In fact, chances are she won’t remember anything that happened to her until after she turns three. i was horrified to learn that my kids had no recollection of all the time-consuming “stimulating” activities I arranged for them. I might as well have left them in a box for the first three years for all the impression it made on them.
I’m not suggesting you keep Simone in a box but it is true that it’s not necessary to exhaust yourself entertaining her. At her age, everything is new and she’ll get as much fun out of looking at her foot as she would with the miniature kabuki theater you may have been thinking of constructing for her.
So relax. And invest in some good noise-blocking headphones.
Welcome to the 4-month sleep regression. You’ll get lots of advice here and lots of things to try, but I found you basically had to just wait it out. My guy went through this, we called it the amazing non-napping Nathan, and would go weeks without a nap longer than 20 minutes. It sucked, oh how it sucked. It does pass, but it’s truly awful when you’re in the middle of it.
Please don’t drive yourself crazy like I did reading all the books and convincing yourself that you are doing it all wrong and you have to teach her to sleep. She will sleep, it will change, you will get through this, but there’s not much you can do about it in the middle. For help and support, I highly recommend Ask Moxie (for some reason I can’t link here, but google will get you there). She has tons of helpful information, advice, and sympathy for the sleep regressions. Hang in there sweetie!
I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but my child never napped. I read all the books, tried everything, nothing. Only those 25 minute dealies. Hated nighttime sleep too. We got her to sleep through the night, which all doctors agreed was best for everyone involved, and she gave up “napping” pretty much entirely by age one. She was above in weight/height/development, and continues to be to this day. So I guess I too have the seven signs of a serial killer to look forward to. Sigh.
No help. Just abiding.
As you can probably tell by now, people either love HSHHC or they hate it. Currently, it seems to be working for us (my daughter is almost 3 months)in that she is starting (emphasis on starting) to develop better daytime napping habits. We do not do CIO, and CIO is NOT required in order to use HSHHC. The two things that I have found to make the most difference are (1) an early bedtime and (2) not letting baby stay up longer than 2 hours at a time and beginning to soothe/do naptime routine as soon as baby shows signs sleepiness. I am not kidding when I say that as soon as I see my daughter yawn, I drop what I am doing, swaddle her and start rocking her. I know this seems extreme, but I am hoping to relax this routine once she really establishes her nap schedule.
I’ve had two babies with acid reflux and both had trouble sleeping. My first fell asleep in the swing and we would transport him to bed very carefully. My second had really bad reflux and would not sleep in her crib. She slept in the swing all night long. I put a blow-up bed in her room and slept right there with her until her reflux got better and she started sleeping in her crib. That was around 12 months old. She is now 15 months old and sleeps through the night. For my son how I got him to nap during the day was drive him around in the car until he fell asleep and then transfer to his crib asleep. That worked really well. He’s almost 4 and takes great naps now. I wouldn’t worry too much about doing what’s right and just do what works for your baby. Every baby is different. :)
Could not have lived without our cradle swing. We actually got it rather late in the game (when our daughter was 6 months old), but it served us faithfully until she was, I think, 14 months old! It was the ONLY way we could get her to nap. Oh yeah, and she woke up at night until she started walking at 14 months. Time helped. Hang in there and buy lots of batteries.
Oh dear Flotsam, I do feel your pain. (Love your blog and Simone is sooo adorable!!) When my daughter was an infant and having sleep problems I interegated every parent I could looking for the magic formula that would help me. I found out this is a pretty political topic really. CIO robots vs the compassionate, granola baby- rockers. yikes.
I think the most important point is: what is Simone’s temperment? SOME BABIES CAN NOT HANDLE CIO. I was dead set against it and then in exhaustion I considered the Healthy Babies method but my little one is way too sensitive and a bit spirited so this method was a huge mistake for her personality type.
Babies were not meant to be left alone wailing in the dark for 5, 10, 15, 20 , 30 60! mins. Their heart rates increase and it is tremendous stress on their tiny bodies.
Cave men would never put Jr. in the back of the cave to scream for an hour- a tiger would come and eat the whole family. It is unnatural and geared for the benefit of the parent, not the baby.
Our daughter slept in her swing all through the night for many months! (Until she was too big for the swing). As crazy as it sounds, our Pediatrican had no problem with it. Others thought we were nutz, but we all got our sleep. Our daughter loves motion and it worked for our family. I was able to transition her into her crib w/out tears at about 12/15 months…late by my standards but at least I got her there w/ compassion.
Every family is different. Each child should be dealt with according to their own personality. It is sad when parents let their infants cry alone for an hour. This method is not painless & expect relapses. It is cruel for the babies who can not handle the obvious stress. Plus it is a huge plate of extra stress for mom & dad.
Please read The “The Healthiest Baby on The Block”, and the Elizebeth Pantley book, “The No Cry Sleep Solution”.
Also, “The Baby Whisperer” is EXCELLENT. While some of her methods are in opposition to the first 2 books I mentioned, she has extremley helpful advice on on determining your child’s temperment and getting your infant on a schedule (wish I had more closely followed her method she calls EASY).
They are all quick reads and you are a freakin’ Rhodes Scholar anyway, so order ‘em up from Amazon and have ‘em delivered by the weekend.
(Ferber is of course an excellent resource on understanding baby sleep cycles, sleepabnormalies, etc. but I don’t like his CIO method).
Best wishes and one more thing: get yourself a battery charger! We fell in love w/ ours :)and it helps w/ battery operated toys, too.
wish i could help you– i can offer some sympathy– my son jack has always been a terrible sleeper– and i always thought i was doing something wrong– but have decided after trying EVERYTHING except i suppose long extended CIO(cry it out) — we did CIO for 30 minutes at a time— the healthy sleep habits happy child book was good for reminding about the general amount of sleep they need– and i did like the idea of having set times for I called them attempted naps– or nap routines– and if they didn’t happen then we would try again the next day– i also like the baby whisperer too–
didn’t finish my thought –sorry– i decided that some babies are good sleepers and some not– but regardless it does help to have a general routine– that the baby whisperer or healthy sleep habits happy child– I hate the title– what a mouthful! — can help you with..
Get thee to AskMoxie (http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/)! Lots of info on sleep regressions and lots of empathy from a non-judgmental group.
I too had this problem with my little guy. That is until I met Mrs. Sardina. Mrs. Sardina is the baby’s daycare provider and is the baby’s “nap nazi.” While working from home, I always picked my baby up when he protested his naps, and tried another feeding/soothing session. Pretty soon in my care, he would only nap in my arms. It became too much after awhile. And, I was getting in trouble with work! At Mrs. Sardina’s, there was an adjustment period of 3-4 days before my child learned to nap. I know those days were probably spent wailing and that makes me feel awful. But the child naps now…even in my care. Sometimes, it still takes 1 or 2 tries for the afternoon nap, but it is working overall. He has learned to even like sleep and his bassinet. At night, we are still cosleeping, and that is getting ROUGH. Who knew five month old’s snore?? Anyway, I’m sending happy ZZZ’s vibes for you guys. Maybe I took the easy way out, but sometimes I swear Mrs. Sardina saved my job/sanity.
Many hugs your way…that’s a hard one to deal with. If the swing works, then by all means, use it! We were told right and left “DO NOT leave the baby to sleep in her car seat!”
Well, guess where I left the baby to sleep when she’d FINALLY fall asleep in the CAR SEAT. I know, I know, ignoring all of the warnings all of the NICU nurses threw in my face. But, um, sometimes you Have to go with whatever is working, or you’ll lose your ever-lovin’ mind.
I hope she starts sleeping better for you soon. I Know what that sleep deprivation feels like and I don’t envy you right now. You know. Just to make you feel a little worse, and all ;).
Deep breath… it will pass.. and hopefully soon.
You are the master of funny.
My son never napped unless held, and only slept through the night at six-years-old. Yeah. Six. Long story. Everything tried. (not that I got up with him through the latter years. He just pulled the bed rotation, and we threw up our hands and gave in.)
Now he’s a happy teen and sleeps like a champion. It’s waking him that’s the challenge. Full circle parenting.
Oh dear, I feel with you! When our little son was at that age I made all mistakes concerning sleeping that one could possibly make: too much stimulation over daytime, taking him up every time he cried, walking up and down our flat for hours, feeding him to often. I think you should always repeat the same rituals at the same time, not taking her up when she cries. Maybe try without swinging all the time, just lay her down and sit by her and touch her for a while, letting the door open.
At least we managed at the age of about 4 months that our son could fall asleep next room without closing the door, hearing life’s noises during sleeping. It worked very well afterwards and even nowadays (he is 20) he can sleep wherever he is when he’s tired.
Good luck, and take care that only one of you makes it through the night at a time so that you wont’t both get a nervous breakdown together!
Paula
Hey, if you haven’t already and you have time, check out askmoxie.org and read about sleep regressions. It may not change anything now but it helps to know it will pass and help you predict when the sucky times are coming.
Also, from my experience Healthy Sleep habits is great at making you feel like an inadequate parent with an insomniac alien child, so keep that in mind.
..forgot to tell, like Jane Viti did, that our son slept very close to me, next to our bed on the same level first in a crib, later in his little bed, so that I could reach out for him with my hand easily and could hear him breathe until he was about 12 months or so. Later he slept in his room, with open door next to ours, so that he would always feel safe. I think, this was right besides all the other mistakes we made.
P.
Oh wow, is that gold picture photo CUTE! What a little sleeping (er, sleepless?) beauty! :)
You are such a great writer… I love reading your blog posts. Hang in there with the sleep stuff… it WILL get better as she gets older…
CIO is incredibly cruel, especially for a very young infant. Ferber’s methods border on child abuse. If she wants to sleep in the swing, why can’t she sleep in the swing?
I’m no expert as my baby is only 3 weeks old, but a few things have worked for us when the little one is extremely fussy.
#1) Walks outside – instead of walking and swaying with the baby inside, my husband takes the baby and walks in front of our house. She stops crying almost as soon as his feet hit the sidewalk and she breathes fresh air.
#2) White noise from the dehumidifier in the basement – it might be the white noise or maybe it’s the calmer, darker basement, but it seems to work. We rock her in the desk chair until she goes out.
The only thing that has saved my sanity so far is hearing that I’m not alone and that it will pass. My cousin’s baby still sleeps in his swing all night even though he is almost a year old. Another friend’s baby had to be rocked to sleep in his carseat and then his parents placed the whole carseat in his crib for the night. Another friend had to put the bassinett in the bathroom with the shower running all night to get their baby to sleep. Bottom line there are very few perfect sleepers out there, so do whatever works for you and your baby!!
Thank god for you! My 3-month-old is on a sleep strike and you gave me my first laugh in a week where all I can seem to do is cry from exhaustion.
Hope the sleeping has improved.
I remember a conversation with my hubby, bring home a bassinet with vibrate or don’t come home! LOL!
Good luck
you are absolutley hilarious thks for the laugh
sorry can’t help with sleeping… i sit here typing this one handed as my 7 week 2008 model sleeps in my arms, the only place he finds worthy of sleeping, either that or he finds me incredibly boring:)
i don’t usually comment on anyones blog, BUT.
i have a four month old who never slept until a couple of weeks ago. nights, he did, for starters, but at 11 weeks he started waking like, 5 times a night, which i know is NORMAL, but at the same time rolled in with the NOT SLEEPING ALL DAY thing, was doing my head in. and i would SAy to people ‘oh he does not take naps’ and they would be all ‘oh you mean he will only nap for twenty minutes or something?’ and i would be all NO, I MEAN HE DOES NOT CLOSE HIS EYES ALL DAY. and then he would be this horrible screaming mess by 4pm.
i used to feed him to sleep – he wouldn’t do the pacifier thing and wouldn’t be rocked – so i would swaddle and feed him and it got to the point where i would need almost complete darkness and total silence (and i have five year old too, complete silence is just something that doesn’t exist here) and even then he would only go to sleep half the time. and half those times as soon as i moved or put him down he would wake up again. did i mention it was DOING MY HEAD IN?!
anyway someone gave me a book a couple of weeks ago that was pretty much like what amanda (up there) said, a 90 minute routine – now he gets up and i feed him and we hang out and then about an hour to an hour and a half later he gets whingy and i feed him ten more minutes and – sometimes he will drop off then, but if not, he gets re-swaddled and put back in bed. awake. and seriously, if you had told me three weeks ago that i would have a child that i could put in bed AWAKE and it would GO TO SLEEP, i would have laughed until i threw up. but DAMNED IF IT DOESN’T WORK.
not that it was easy, the first few days it took him an hour and a half (with us going in every few minutes) to scream at the top of his lungs until passing out. and occasionally he still does that if he’s overtired.. but most times, its not a drama any more. and he will sleep for an hour to ninety minutes at a time. and i swear to god, it still trips me out EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i think a big thing with us tho was a routine; with my first kid i just sort of winged it and he was cool with that but this one really likes to know what’s happening.. so we do the same things before bed every time, and he goes down at the same-ish time every day, and all that. and it totally weirds me out that he went from being this kid that was unhappy – but fairly bright and alert all day – to being a kid where you can totally TELL after an hour that he’s had enough and he wants more sleep.
nights are still horrific though, don’t even talk to me about nights. i am giving it til 6 months and then i am investing in some heavy duty earplugs and slooooowly knocking back the comfort feeds.
Brilliant. I love the part about Black Ops transfers. If I could have video footage of the years I’ve spent crawling out of baby’s room, below the crib’s line of sight, or ever so carefully shifting my weight so baby won’t notice…
The swing was the only thing that put me to sleep too when I was a little baby. Good news- I’ve never knocked off a liquor store! :)
Oh, haven’t we all been there- and it is no fun. I’m to lazy to read everyone else’s posts, but has anyone suggested a sleep routine yet? It worked wonders with my 10 month old when she was about 3 months. Starting an hour before bed, we turned down the lights and tried to keep things quiet. Then we went to her room and this was our routine: Ellie got a massage and pjs put on, we read a book, snuggled in the rocking chair, sang a lullaby, nursed and then to bed with a fan on for white noise. We kept the exact same routine until it seemed like it was working (can’t remember how long). I don’t think the routine matters so much as the consistency of it, but the idea being they associate certain things with wind down time and sleep. It worked for us. Hang in there!
That book is TERRIBLY writen — even no-sleep deprived it is convoluted and poorly laid out and in desperate need of a blue pencil.
All you need to know right now is the 2-hour rule. Put Simone down every 2 hours — from the last time she was put down. Get into a rhythm. Weissbluth would say she is over tired. Just read that stuff if you have time.
And that said, no matter what Weissbluth says about moving sleep, the swing its not the devil. At a certain age they want to move more and graduate.
Also, I see you have a lovely boucy chari — but does it VIBRATE? My twins vibrated though many a nap at this age…
My fourth baby spent time in the NICU right after she was born. She cried and I was not able to hold her and comfort her. Ouch. I made a silent promise that if she got better, I would always comfort her when she needed it.
So, when she cries, I go to her. Always. It feels right and it is what she needs. I have done this with all my children and had always sort of wondered if it was the right thing to do. This time around, I have no doubts. You will never regret responding to your crying baby and the sleep will get better… I promise.
You are doing a beautiful job.
Better than _Healthy Sleep Habits_ is _No-cry sleep solution_. It is somewhat less dense (has more pictures!) and, therefore, more amenable to sleep-deprived flipping through. To summarize its talking points:
-introduce a binky
-introduce a lovey (hold it between you two when you feed so there is that olfactory and tactile connection between it and you)
-get nightly bathtime, reading, singing, rocking, feeding (in whichever order works!) down to a set routine.
There is the big cry-it-out debate. I wavered (agonized really) over the two sides of that debate. 15 months into it, I can only say this: listen to the quality of cry. Pretty soon you’ll be able to tell if it’s a “man, this sucks, I’m sleepy but I can’t sleep! ok, let me cry a little and keep trying, okay here it comes…sleeeep” cry versus a “Come over here NOW, you have to help me sleep NOW, I’m not going to stop crying until you DOOO!!” cry. The two cries are just qualitatively different. For the first cry, I practice “cry it out”, like for a minute average. For the second cry, I go right in. Usually a rocking or a diaper change or letting her run around a bit or another book will do the trick.
You’re doing great! It will get better!