Friday morning I flew to North Dakota to spend the weekend carousing with family, so it was late afternoon before I saw Heather’s link to my most recent post. I was flattered, and a little flustered, as if I had opened the door in my housecoat to find Andre Leon Talley and a Vogue photographer, camera at the ready.
The comments here remained quite civil, save a few, my favorite being the one referring to me as a FACTORY OF DEATH. Factory of death! I sound so forbidding. I am thinking of adopting it as my middle name: Alexa “FACTORY OF DEATH” Stevenson. Children will avoid my house, the yard of which will become littered with unretrieved baseballs.
The comments over at Heather’s were markedly shriller. She is a strong woman, to withstand the baffling quantity of ire directed at her. I believe it would drive me to drink. Most confounding, to me, was the fact that so many people felt passionately enough about the issue to write long, vituperative comments, but not passionately enough to actually CLICK ON THE PROVIDED LINK and read the entirety of my post. For instance: apparently my guilt “shone through” in my writing. I tried to remember what I was supposed to feel guilty about, but confess I was flummoxed. And then—upon closer reading of the comments—I realized that I had, in fact, terminated my pregnancy!
IMAGINE MY SURPRISE.
{Fig. 1: Victim of late-term abortion}
For the record, however, if I had not managed to stay pregnant until 25 weeks and deliver Simone, if my infection had worsened pre-viability and I had made the decision to terminate my pregnancy, I would have felt fear and blackest, bottomless sorrow, but I would not have felt guilt for my decision. And this wouldn’t be for lack of understanding, the sort of thing that could be remedied by a few pithy facts about how far after conception the heart begins to beat, et cetera: as the parent of a 25-weeker who was less developed than expected for her gestation, I am more aware than many of the murky ethical waters of later-term abortion. Allow me to assure the government that women are perfectly capable of making decisions about their own health, complicated or not.
Another recurring theme of the comments seemed to be that I am simply naïve, and do not realize that while some women might treat these decisions with appropriate gravity, many are blithely sandwiching D&Xs between appointments to have tiny sunsets airbrushed onto their acrylic nails. These recreational baby-killers spoil it for the rest of us, you see, in the way that one paste-eating kindergartener nets a cessation of craft privileges for the entire class. Only in place of “craft privileges” put “potentially life-saving medical treatment.”
Now (bearing in mind that my legal education comes mostly courtesy of Sam Waterston), it is my understanding that this is entirely antithetical to the values upon which our legal system was founded. Our court system substantially favors the rights of the accused, under the assumption that it is better that ten guilty men go free than that one innocent man be unjustly punished. We do not get to apply laws unequally, and in general, our citizens are given the benefit of the doubt. In fact, I believe it is this principle that underscores much of our constitution.
We are given the benefit of the doubt that we are intelligent enough to form opinions on our own, with access to art, literature, and journalism regardless of how potentially inflammatory or threatening to the state. We are given the benefit of the doubt that we are informed enough to vote: ALL of us, not just the most educated, privileged, or agreeable. The belief in a right to privacy indicates a trust granted to citizens of our democracy that I believe was intended to be a step away from the paternalism of some other forms of government. Do people abuse their rights? I am certain that some do, but we protect these rights for everyone, even those with whom we vehemently disagree. If there does exist some mythical capricious aborter, it may be regrettable, but we do not legislate merely for her, we legislate for all of us.
While I am unequivocally opposed to McCain’s policies, my most strenuous objection is to his apparent thoughtlessness regarding them, and his obvious disdain for my judgment. If compassion were more for him than an expedient political buzzword, perhaps he would not be so quick to dismiss the notion that women and their doctors are as able as he to navigate the painful and complicated issues surrounding abortion.
-FIN-
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Thank you.
i love you. you are an incredibly brave woman.
That victim of late-term abortion is adorable. I appreciated your voice in all of this; I found you through Heather’s site, and was incensed! saddened. enraged! fearful… mainly from all the comments. The ignorance. The self-righteousness. And I’m not just talking about John McCain. Thanks for writing about that situation in a thoughtful manner.
Once again, very well said, and very much needed.
Of course, none of those people will bother to read this…
And if you get tired of “factory of death” as a middle name, you can always use “harbinger of death”.
And as always, Simone is beautiful:)
Gosh, Alexa, this is just beautifully written. If Scott hadn’t gotten there ahead of me, I think I’d be tempted to propose.
And I wish you could guest post this over on Dooce…
Politics schmolitics. Vote 1 Simone for Baby Of The Week!
oh yes! i don’t have a flickr password, so i can’t comment there, but the pic of Simone on her belly in the chair just slew me. the cheeks!!!! she is wonderful, beautiful, fascinating, etc.
Loving the comments through Twitter about being a “Factory of Death”.
LOL!
Brilliantly and eloquently said (both posts). Thank you.
Ps. Your baby is beautiful.
I have nothing intelligent to add to this conversation, sadly. I just wanted to say that one line made me smile, because my legal education has come from Sam Waterston, as well.
Beautiful.
For the record, to many I was, to some, a capricious aborter (uh, one, not thousands) in my much younger days, but I do not regret it, and have not regretted it, even when saddled with a form of infertility later in life. I think a part of me believes that my life was saved that day, in a few different ways.
My experience then, and my experience as a much-different pregnant woman now do little to dissuade me that no one can possibly imagine another’s circumstances, and no one, even the most superficially cavalier, is remotely casual about it.
That was beautifully put. And now I need to get me some acrylic nails so I can get one of them sunsets.
Seriously, though, that post, and the one before it, are powerful.
I’d love to say something profound and serious and use air quotes, but I believe I may have peed myself after the Sam Waterston reference (funny thing, *my* legal training came solely at the hands of Jill Hennessy. What are the odds?).
I saw some of those comments by people who clearly hadn’t read (Simone looks largely un-murdered I might add) and wondered how you et al were faring. Hang in. You’re all so big to take this on the chops for the sake and education of many.
I thought it was fantastic that she linked to you, but I had fear for you of what you’d get in return cuz people are nasty. I’m pleased to see you holding your head high through all the crud. Oh, and I’m glad to see pictures to point to all the freaks just what they’d be missing out on by NOT reading teh full context.
Wow! You are AWESOME!
I can’t understand the haters. Glad you are able to respond so eloquently!
Great post and I am glad Heather linked you. That is how I found your site and I quite enjoy reading it.
Thanks hon, on behalf of those of us who have gone through it. We need a little group defense sometimes from others. And lord…am finding this hilarious about their mistaken issue with Simone….I mean, umm, hello, eyesight? Looky at pictures?
Nevermind and ignore those silly people.
Thank you for so eloquently expressing the sentiments of so many, myself included. I’ve been a registered voter since 1996, and this is the first time I’ve been truly fearful of the outcome of an election. Bless us all if McCain should win.
Thanks for tackling this topic bravely and talking about how it fits into your history. People are wacky by the way.
BRAVO
I am a huge Dooce fan, and now a Flotsam fan thanks to that link. You are both insanely powerful women, and the negative comments on that entry made me simultaneously sick to my stomach and horrifically angry.
I can’t believe such people exist…I think it proves there is a lot more wrong with this country than “baby-killers”!
Much love to you and yours, keep goin’! <3
Hyperbole is pretty much the greatest thing ever. You know, except when it’s less “great,” and more “people being judgmental and opening their mouths when they should keep them shut.”
I just wanted to post, that I love your blog, and even though we differ on political views (though i am not a republican because of the issue of abortion) I applaud your passion and honesty. Simone is delightful and looking at her pictures, I can’t help but long for the day when I can go out and buy that DSLR camera that i have been drooling over and hopefully start getting shots like you do!
Thank you. I have nothing more to say, although I tried. Just… thank you.
AMEN AMEN AMEN. Thank you for posting this and your last post. I think the next time I get in a heated ‘discussion’ about this I am goign to just reference your site. Over and over in a loud voice to drown out they insulting junk that gets tossed my way.
Again I thank you for being so brave an honest. What a good role model you are for you little one.
I tried to read some of Heather’s comments, but then I found myself just getting too angry on your behalf, so I stopped. Seriously, how did people manage to be so judgemental and yet, not read your post?
Sheesh. I also don’tknow how Heather does it.
“many are blithely sandwiching D&Xs between appointments to have tiny sunsets airbrushed onto their acrylic nails.” That is CLASSIC. You rock, girlfriend (what’s airbrushed on your “Factory of Death” nails this week)?!
People are idiots. I think I’ve said that like 100 times today. It’s a stupid person day.
I’m not sure how to say what I believe politically regarding abortion. And having actually ended a pregancy (again, I was blessed that my 26 weeker-the-size-of-a-24-weeker survived) I still want to slug idiots who know not what they speak in the ovaries. Or testicles.
You knocked that one out of the park. And Simone never fails to be so adorable. I so need to get a better camera in hopes to get such good pictures as yours.
Once again, well said! And Simone is mighty cute too!
Simone is beautiful. You are brave. People are close minded. Three facts in life.
Don’t forget, Alexa. We’re not people, deserving to be treated like adults; we’re women. :) Too fickle and hysterical to be trusted with something important like medical decisions!
I’m a pro-lifer. But I am finding myself considering the different sides a lot more often when reading your blog, etc. I do believe that someone in your situation (or any of the myriad of other complications, etc.) has to make the best decision she can make. And whatever that decision is, she needs to be free to make it.
Thanks for sharing your story, your opinions and your beautiful daughter’s pictures. :)
I about blew my stack and responded to the commenter who suggested that it was your guilt talking. And then I realized that there if they weren’t going to bother clicking on the link that Dooce posted, they sure as hell weren’t going to listen to me telling them that they were smoking the bad crack.
And yeah. Victim of late term abortion, indeed.
That photo of your “late term abortion” is a lot different then what the anti-abortion people use to intimidate people at their little stands that they used to set up on campus at Eau Claire.
You did a wonderful job of putting what many of us are thinking into writing.
So sorry that there are still assh*les out there that don’t get it, this was YOUR freaking story. Apparently, you were not supposed to have a real live story and have to make the most difficult decisions. Didn’t you know that some people don’t want to know that there is a real need for these options to be available? (sarcasm there)
Keep up the good work and I am so jealous that Simone can roll over. Marjorie is a month older and is like a stranded turtle if you put her on her back. She just lays there and flaps her arms. I must get a video of that. ;)
Thanks again, for another great post. The funny thing for me was that hours before I popped over for my daily Dooce visit, I had emailed all the friends I could think of with links to your and Julie’s posts. Great minds think alike. ;) Seriously though, I was glad to see we’d had the same thought, because she definitely has more reach than my little emails!
Adorable photo by the way!
Amen!!!
And my husband came up with this same argument this morning over a very early newspaper discussion.
Nicely done…may call for a New Amsterdam.
Not a criticism…just a clarification.
“…[M]any are blithely sandwiching D&Xs between appointments to have tiny sunsets airbrushed onto their acrylic nails.” Abortion is perfectly legal, is not indicative of any “moral failure,” and is no one’s business. What you allow to happen within your own body is your business alone.
Your posts are thought-provoking and very, very brave. Thanks for exposing McCain’s malicious insanity.
Hold your head up high and don’t let those comments get to you. If people don’t take the time to read the link then they shouldn’t bother commenting.
Your late term abortion is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I love reading your blog and am a fellow Minnesotan.
how you can write a post on abortion and make me howl with laughter, I do not know. and yet you did. it might have been the baseball thing – you know, as the mother of four boys, i can tell you that a free source of baseballs is only a good thing : )
I am so sorry for all the nasty things people commented, but you seem to have handled it nicely. Thx for the pic of your adorable daughter. she looks singularly unconcerned : )
I’m a lurker! I had already sent your link to a friend to read — your post really hit the target and was a lot more eloquent then my rambling “stupid motherfucker, sad state of our country…blah, blah, blah.”
So when I saw later that dooce had linked to you I totally felt like part of the cool crowd!
So thanks for being absolutley right, absolutely awesome and very cool!
Not sure how to post a standing ovation!~!!
I discovered your site through Dooce and was blown away by the power of your post. Thank you for writing about such a personal subject. Something about McCain has bothered me for a while now and I had difficulty articulating it, but you have put words to my unease.
Thank you for taking the time to craft such an amazing response. Twice. As for those who say we shouldn’t just vote “single issue” on abortion…it’s NOT just about legal access to make decisions about abortion. It’s also about the crappy, condescending and controlling attitudes on this issue that I am VOTING AGAINST.
Thank you.
Also, if there is some “mythical capricious aborter” then it is a tragedy. But children ought not be a punishment for capricious behavior, or for anything else.
Thanks, as always, Alexa. I was going to write that as a former counselor and medical assistant at a large urban Planned Parenthood, not ONCE, not ONCE did I see a woman that was capricious, guilt-free, la-di-da. I am even thinking back to the women I saw more than once, and nope, there was never a moment of light-heartedness. However, I don’t even need to say that because you make the point so eloquently that even if there were these fare-thee-well murderesses, it *still wouldn’t change what is right*. I am reminded of General Powell’s point that while Obama is indeed, not a Muslim, it wouldn’t make a difference if he was.
I just went back and read through all of the comments in your last post. And, umm, what the hell is wrong with me? What did I *think* I’d find?
One of the hardest issues for me, about this election, is seeing how a huge part of our country thinks. I had no idea. I had no idea I’d be so disappointed in people, and so disgusted. It’s all typo-filled, blind, medically- and legally-ignorant hatred.
November 5 can’t come fast enough, so I can go back into denial. Hopefully.
“These recreational baby-killers spoil it for the rest of us, you see, in the way that one paste-eating kindergartener nets a cessation of craft privileges for the entire class.”
How you manage to maintain such razor-sharp wit in the face of such idiocy (and abuse), I will never know. Brava, bravissima.
Ya know, sometimes we sit around and have that “if you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be?” discussion and right now, I think it would be you. You are an incredible woman in many ways. I am stunned at your eloquence and completely in awe. I have never heard a discussion on late-term abortion put so succinctly.
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