Michelle said:
“I’ll take cute baby pictures and/or more verses to the Little ‘Lectric Eel song any time you need a quick post.”
It has been one of those weekends.
Lack of sleep? Check!
No appreciable dent in Mount Laundry? Check!
Failure to Use Time Wisely? Check!
Baby DROPPED ON HER HEAD by her father? Check!
So yes, a quick, no-thinking-required post idea is exactly what I need. I doubt anyone will find this picture as cute as I do, seeing as how it was taken through the wavy plexiglass of an isolette in low light with a terrible camera, but I found it when I was cleaning up files on my computer this weekend and it got me all verklempt. It’s from the end of March, when Simone was almost two months old. You can just see her little eye open—I remember when lifting her eyelids required a great deal of eyebrow waggling on her part.
And! Michelle has given me an idea. She wants more verses for Oh I Wish I Were a Little ‘Lectric Eel. (Well, who wouldn’t?) I could write them myself, OR, OR…I could induce others to write them for me.
And so is born THE ELVER AWARD, to be given to the commenter who comes up with the best supplementary verse for my semi-original song. An elver, as you probably know, is what a baby eel is called (and if that isn’t the cutest name for a baby animal you’ve ever heard, I’ll eat my hat).
Besides the great honor of being an ELVER AWARD recipient, the winner will get a box of Swiss chocolates, purchased by me and conveyed by my mother from the lovely town of Zug, Switzerland. And of course, your verse will be sung in TENS of nurseries across the world. Entries accepted until midnight on Friday.
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I love challenges like this!
Oh I wish I were a little alligator.
Yes I wish I were a little alligator.
I’d go chompy, chompy, chompy all through the swampy.
Oh I wish I were a little alligator.
Oh I wish I were a little royal penguin.
Yes I wish I were a little royal penguin.
I’d go waddle waddle waddle and I’d be a Linux model.
Oh I wish I were a little royal penguin
Oh I wish I was a little walrus pup.
Yes I wish a were a little walrus pup.
I’d go glubba-glubba-glub, til my mom shifted her chub.
Oh I wish I were a little walrus pup.
OR!
Oh I wish I were a little sitting duck.
Yes I wish I were a little sitting duck.
Oh some people say I suck, and my country I did (redacted)
Yes I wish I were a little sitting duck.
Too bad “redacted” doesn’t rhyme. Dang. Walrus pup it is.
Okay, Suess can bite me!
Oh I wish I were a little chipmunk.
Yes I wish I were a little chipmunk.
I’d go chewy chewy chewy through a tourist’s shoe-ey shoe-ey.
Oh I wish I were a little chipmunk.
Oh, I wish I were a little pink pig.
Yes I wish I were a little pink pig.
To bacon, I’d say “no sir” and then I’d go all kosher.
Oh, I wish I were a little pink pig.
Um, wait, I think I meant to say LAME duck. How sitting of me. Musta been some wishful thinking…
Oh I wish I were a little teeny baby
Yes I wish I were a little teeny baby
I’d go screaming, screaming, screaming, right when you were dreaming
Oh I wish I were a little teeny baby
And sweet baby Jesus, I typed was in the first line of my verse about the walrus. I HAVE AN MFA DAMMIT! But I also have THREE children who don’t sleep. I’ll just quit while I’m ahead of the typos…
Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo.
Yes I wish I were a little kangaroo.
I’d go hoppy, hoppy, hoppy ’til I joined you in your boppy.
Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo.
And that’s the best I could come up with!
Can I submit a verse from a previous comment?
Oh I wish I were tyrannosaurus rex
Yes I wish I were tyrannosaurus rex
I would open up my jaws and grab you with my claws
oh I wish I were tyrannosaurus rex.
Ok. MFA Mamma totally wins, but this is fun so I’ll keep submitting.
Oh I wish I were a ninja warrior
Yes I wish I were a ninja warrior
I would use karate chops and fight you with nunchucks
oh I wish I were a ninja warrior.
I don’t have a verse to the song, but I just wanted to say I loved your post. Lack of sleep, wasting time, and growing piles of laundry are all too familiar to me right now. What a precious picture, too!
Long time reader–I really enjoy this blog and following Simone’s progress, especially with my own wee one at about the same age. Thank you.
As for the song, I can offer:
Oh I wish I were a spiky pufferfish
Oh I wish I were a spiky pufferfish
The chef would slather me with hoisin
And you wouldn’t know I’m poison
Oh I wish I were a spiky pufferfish.
Oh I wish I were a little copperhead
Oh I wish I were a little copperhead
I’d go rattle rattle rattle
Just to warn you not to battle.
Oh I wish I were a little copperhead.
This has been an ongoing competition at our house since the original song received rave reviews. Somehow, we’ve come only to write verses about potentially deadly animal encounters. Perhaps this unspoken house rule reflects the death wish that both parents share in face of a five-month-old who only sleeps for 90 minutes at a time–all night long.
I have no witty verses, but I am EXTREMELY amused to learn that I am not the only person who uses the term “Mount Laundry.”
Oh I wish I were a little tapey worm
Oh I wish I were a little tapey worm
I would diney, diney, diney
All around your intestine-eys
Oh I wish I were a little tapey worm!
Oh I wish I were a moody little sloth
Oh I wish I were a moody little sloth
I’d be sleeping yet again
Endulging in my deadly sin
Oh I wish I were a moody little sloth
Oh I wish I were a little flying squirrel
Oh I wish I were a little flying squirrel
I’d go glidey glidey glidey
All day long until its nighty
Oh I wish I was a little flying sqirrel
Indulging, that is.
I LOVE this song! I’m (kind of) not ashamed to admit that I printed your verses (and now am going to print your commenters’) so that I could memorize them and sing them to my son.
Better yet, I don’t know the original song so I wind up making up a different tune each time.
The picture is really sweet. You’re both being very patient.
Oh I wish I were a little platypus
Yes I wish I were a little platypus
I’d go nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle, and zoologists would puzzle
Oh I wish I were a little platypus
Oh I wish I were a little bower bird
Yes I wish I were a little bower bird
I’d make a pile of all my blue things while my lady I was wooing
Oh I wish I were a little bower bird
Oh I wish I were a spiny echinoderm
Yes I wish I were a spiny echinoderm
I would float around the water till I was eaten by an otter
Oh I wish I were a spiny echinoderm
The one I knew growing up:
Oh, I wish I were a little mosquito,
Oh, I wish I were a little mosquito,
I’d go bitey, bitey, bitey under everybody’s nightie,
Oh, I wish I were a little mosquito.
Oh, I wish I were a little seagull
Oh, I wish I were a little seagull
I’d go screech, screech, screech and I sat on the beach
Oh, I wish I were a little spider monkey
love the photo!
Oh I wish I were a little Loch Ness monster
Yes I wish I were a little Loch Ness monster
I’d go tee-hee, tee-hee, tee-hee while everybody looked for me
Oh I wish I were a little Loch Ness monster
I’m also working on some verses about a little shaggy yeti and a little hairy sasquatch… :)
Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat
Yes I wish I were a little kitty cat
I’d ignore my loving fans, ’til I need them to open a can
Yes I wish I were a little kitty cat
Oh I wish I were a little ‘rangutan
Yes I wish I were a little ‘rangutan
I’d fling my corny poo while everyone screams “Ew!”
Yes I wish I were a little ‘rangutan
(Sorry. I couldn’t resist on that last one.)
I don’t have a verse, but I have to say that a baby burro could compete with “elver” – it’s a burrito. A BURRITO!
Oh I wish I were some freshly laundered clothes
Yes I wish I were some freshly laundered clothes
Soft I’d feel-y, feel-y, feel-y, but we all know I’m not real-y
Yes I wish I were some freshly laundered clothes
Oh I wish I were a recently mopped floor
Yes, I wish I were a recently mopped floor
I’d be gleam-y, gleam-y, gleam-y, but we all know I’m a dream-y
Yes, I wish I were a recently mopped floor
Oooh, I’ve got LOTS:
Oh I wish I were a little deadly bacterium
Yes I wish I were a little deadly bacterium
I’d go splittie splittie splittie and I’d colonise your city
Yes I wish I were a little deadly bacterium.
Oh I wish I were a little elephant
Yes I wish I were a little elephant
I’d have tusks all creamy yellow
and they’d festoon your piano (<- look: assonance)
Yes I wish I were a little elephant.
Oh I wish I were a little lolcat kitteh
Yes I wish I were a little cute lolcat
I’d go nomnom on a pie and be captioned kthxbai
Oh I wish I were a little lolcat kitteh.
While we’re on that theme, following one will be great for developing Simone’s advanced vocabulary:
Oh I wish I were a little angry lolrus
Yes I wish I were a little angry lolrus
I’d go fuckit fuckit fuckit
Why did they steals mah bukkit?
Oh I wish I were a little angry lolrus.
Oh I wish I were a little snarky blogger
Yes I wish I were a little snarky blogger
I’d go linky linky linky posting recipes for drinkies
Oh I wish I were a little snarky blogger.
I absolutely LOVE your blog, and the song! I sing it all the time to my little duaghter, Sophie… she giggle every time I sing the one about the Giant Squid (it is the winky winky winky sound she likes!)
Here is one I made up:
I wish I were a little Lion Cub
Oh I wish I were a little Lion Cub
I’d go growly, growly, growly,
(But it sounds a lot like “meow-y!”)
Oh I wish I were a little Lion Cub
I wish I were a little Kakapo
Oh I wish I were a little Kakapo
I’d go boom-y, boom-y, boom-y
to find myself a roomie
Oh I wish I were a little Kakapo
This is way cool!!! I love making up songs.
By the way, your daughter is gorgeous!
Oh and another one for the Kakapo:
I wish I were a little Kakapo
Yes I wish I were a little Kakapo
I’d go skraarky, skraarky, skraarky
so you could find me in the dark-y
Oh I wish I were a little Kakapo
(If you haven’t already guessed, I adore these endangered New Zealand parrot-birds.)
Oh I wish I were a little marmoset
Oh I wish I were a little marmoset
I’d be as nimble as a thimble
and I’d make your Tempest tremble
Oh I wish I were a little marmoset!
Oh I wish I were a little baby deverish
Yes I wish I were a little baby deverish
I’d go whirly whirly whirly with every boy and girly
Oh I wish I were a little baby deverish.
Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat
Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat
I wouldn’t say a word
and then I’d bring for you a bird
Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat!
Oh I wish I were an existentialist
Oh I wish I were an existentialist
I’d go sulking all around
and then I’d say something profound
Oh I wish I were an existentialist!
Oh I wish I were a little lump of dough
Oh I wish I were a little lump of dough
You could turn me into bread
or just pinch my cheeks instead
Oh I wish I were a little lump of dough!
Oh I wish I were a little Christmas tree
Oh I wish I were a little Christmas tree
You could hang on me a pickle
and with my needles I would tickle
Oh I wish I were a little Christmas tree!
oh my, I wish i were already in bed…
Oh I wish I were a toothy little beaver
Oh I wish I were a toothy little beaver
oh no I really have to go to bed. someone else can finish that one!
oh god i can’t stop.
I’d go chewing right through wood
and then I’d chew you if I could
Oh I wish I were a toothy little beaver.
ok i hope i’m not making these up in my sleep all night. if so, i’ll be back to blame you in the morning, alexa.
Oh I wish I were a little Bactrian,
Yes, I wish I were a little Bactrian,
You’d go bumpy, bumpy, bumpy
On my little camel humpy,
Oh I wish I were a little Bactrian!
This song was a great favorite of mine in Girl Scouts, and remains so to this day. I have a bunch of verses, not sure how many are original to the song or not. This is one of those songs that has as many iterations as there are guys and gals to sing it I suppose. :)
Oh, we also sang it around the campfire with gusto, some choreographed movements (shaking of your “heiney”, a nice march for the “tramp”, the snorkel) and also an energetic rejoinder at the end of each line, which I just HAD to type in! It’s like a naked song without them.
*ahem*
Oh I wish I were a big juicy orange, (juicy orange)
Oh I wish I were a big juicy orange, (juicy orange)
I’d go squirty squirty squirty over everybody’s shirty
Oh I wish I were a big juicy orange! (juicy orange!)
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap, (bar of soap)
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap, (bar of soap)
I’d go slidey slidey slidey over everybody’s heiney
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap! (bar of soap!)
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop, (bottle of pop)
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop, (bottle of pop)
I’d go down with a slurp and up with a burp
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop! (bottle of pop)
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito, (mosquito)
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito, (mosquito)
I’d go bitey bitey bitey under everybody’s nightie
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito! (mosquito)
[my personal FAVORITE:]
Oh I wish I was a fishie in the sea, (in the sea)
Oh I wish I were a fishie in the sea, (in the sea)
I’d go nudie nudie nudie without a bathing suity
Oh I wish I were a fishie in the sea! (in the sea!)
Oh I wish I were a little wad of gum, (wad of gum)
Oh I wish I were a little wad of gum, (wad of gum)
I’d go gooey gooey gooey under everybody’s shoe-y
Oh I wish I were a little wad of gum! (wad of gum!)
[another interesting verse:]
Oh I wish I were a Senior Girl Scout, (Girl Scout)
Oh I wish I were a Senior Girl Scout, (Girl Scout)
I’d go TRAMP TRAMP TRAMP into Boy Scout Camp
Oh I wish I were a Senior Girl Scout! (Girl Scout!)
Oh I wish I were a radio (radio)
Oh I wish I were a radio (radio)
I’d go off with a click-
That’s it, that’s the end of the song! We thought we were the cleverest girl scouts in the land.
I am cracking up to learn that there are in fact TWO other people in the world who occasionally make attempts to brave Mount Laundry. The mountain always wins.
I posted a verse on the last ‘Lectric Eel rendition, but here ’tis again:
Oh I wish I was a little elephant,
Yes I wish I was a little elephant,
I’d use my trunky-trunky-trunky just to pick you out a monkey,
Oh I wish I was a little elephant.
Or how about…
Oh I wish I was a spiky lil’ hedgehog,
Yes I wish I was a spiky lil’ hedgehog,
I’d go puffle, puffle, puffle, then I’d hide from all kerfuffle,
Oh I wish I was a spiky lil’ hedgehog.
Oh I wish I was a lil’ horseshoe crab,
Yes I wish I was a lil’ horseshoe crab,
I’d make everybody wary ’cause I’d look a little scary,
Oh I wish I was a lil’ horseshoe crab.
This one is a favorite in our house~
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy pony,
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy pony,
I’d go neigh-y, neigh-y, neigh-y, then they’d feed me some more hay-y,
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy pony.
Do you know this one?
Oh I wish I was a fishy in the brook..in a brook
Oh I wish I was a fishy in a brook..in a brook
Oh, wouldnt I look cutey, without my bathing suity,
Oh I wish I was a fishy in the brook, in the brook.
I love this song! I’ve been singing to my daughter for weeks.
Oh I wish I were a little bitty mouse,
Oh I wish I were a little bitty mouse,
I’d go scamper, scamper, scamper, till you jumped upon your hamper,
Oh I wish I were a little bitty mouse
Oh I wish I were a little stripey snake
Oh I wish I were a little stripey snake
I’d go slither, slither, slither till you were all in a dither
Oh I wish I were a little stripey snake.
No new verse – but just had to share that I was dropped on my head by my father when I was six months old. No major ill effects, save for a PhD thirty years later.
And my mother still teases my Dad about it becuase he fell asleep while holding me.
Oh Good God… These are GREAT so far. Good luck trying to choose one
I’ll stay with the maritime theme
Oh I wish I were a little sea horsey
Yes I wish I were a little sea horsey
I’d go canter, canter, canter, and make high falutin’ banter
Oh I wish I were a little sea horsey
Oh I can’t compete with this. You all are too funny!
But I do have some ideas for future posts if you run out of ideas. One of my favorite posts ever was in April after you gave Simone her first bath and had an epiphany (“I have a baby!”). How does Simone like her bath these days? Any pictures?
Also, wondering how you chose Simone’s (and Ames’) name.
Oh I wish I was a little baby girl
Oh I wish I was a little baby girl
I wouldn’t sleep through the night because I don’t really feel like it so I just wake up all the time screaming and then you have to rock me, but it still doesn’t work and things like white noise and loveys and eating solids don’t help at all…
Oh I wish I was a little baby girl
I swear, I started singing this to my daughter a few weeks ago.
Oh I wish I were a little scrappy pup
Yes I wish I were a little scrappy pup
I’d be so very tiny, but I’d still bite you in the hiney
Oh I wish I were a little scrappy pup
or for a little less rumpalicious effort:
Oh I wish I were a hippopotamus
Yes I wish I were a hippopotamus
I would wallow, wallow, wallow where the river’s nice and shallow
Oh I wish I were a hippopotamus
Oh I wish I were a little bumble bee.
Oh I wish I were a little bumble bee.
I’d go buzzy buzzy bizzy
Until everybody’s dizzy
Oh I wish I were a little bumble bee!
I have a suggestion for the next “headline” for baby of the week:
“heard all around the world”
it might be lame, but i’m just so happy the child anc hear.
Oh, I wish I were a fruit fly.
Yes, I wish I were a fruit fly.
I could never make you cry,
I would go ever so high
oh, I wish I were a fruit fly.
Oh, I wish I were a little weenie dog.
Yes, I wish I were a little weenie dog.
I’d go scooty, scooty, scooty as I dragged my little booty.
Oh, I wish I were a little weenie dog.
have fun reading all of these
oh i wish i was a little simone baby
yes i wish i were a little simone baby
my life would be the best, i’d never let my parents rest!
oh i wish i was a little simone baby!
This one came to me as I was singing “Oh, I Wish I Were a Little ‘Lectric Eel” to my newborn at 4 am last night.
Oh, I wish I were a little sleepy sloth,
Yes, I wish I were a little sleepy sloth.
I’d go snoozy, snoozy, snoozy; wakin’ up is such a doozy!
Oh, I wish I were a little sleepy sloth.
Oh I wish I were a little snapping turtle
Yes I wish I were a little snapping turtle
I’d go bite-y bite-y bite-y and I’d give you quite a fright-y
Oh I wish I were a little snapping turtle
Oh I wish I were a shiny scaly dragon
Yes I wish I were a shiny scaly dragon
If you filled me full of ire I’d singe you with my fire
Oh I wish I were a shiny scaly dragon
Oh I wish I were a little chimpanzee
Yes I wish I were a little chimpanzee
You and I would love to play and we’d share lots of DNA
Oh I wish I were a little chimpanzee
I am busy working on one over here, will let you know when done!
ok, these truly are my last ones and then there will be no more animals lurking, biting, rhyming.
Oh I wish I were a little crocodile
Oh I wish I were a little crocodile
I would lurk around a while
then I’d chomp you up in style
Oh I wish I were a little crocodile!
Oh I wish I were a little water snake
Oh I wish I were a little water snake
I would lay beneath the water
then I’d nip you in your trotter
Oh I wish I were a little water snake!
Oh I wish I were a little fluffy skunk
Oh I wish I were a little fluffy skunk
I’d have a stripe right down my back
all dressed up in white and black
Oh I wish I were a little fluffy skunk
Oh I wish I were a little ocean oyster
Oh I wish I were a little ocean oyster
I’d surprise you with my pearl
and then you’d treat me like a girl
Oh I wish I were a little ocean oyster!
Oh I wish I were a little sly raccoon
Oh I wish I were a little sly raccoon
you might think I’m kinda shifty
but I’m really pretty thrifty
Oh I wish I were a little sly raccoon!
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