Readers’ Choice #4: Elver!
Michelle said:
“I’ll take cute baby pictures and/or more verses to the Little ‘Lectric Eel song any time you need a quick post.”
It has been one of those weekends.
Lack of sleep? Check!
No appreciable dent in Mount Laundry? Check!
Failure to Use Time Wisely? Check!
Baby DROPPED ON HER HEAD by her father? Check!
So yes, a quick, no-thinking-required post idea is exactly what I need. I doubt anyone will find this picture as cute as I do, seeing as how it was taken through the wavy plexiglass of an isolette in low light with a terrible camera, but I found it when I was cleaning up files on my computer this weekend and it got me all verklempt. It’s from the end of March, when Simone was almost two months old. You can just see her little eye open—I remember when lifting her eyelids required a great deal of eyebrow waggling on her part.
And! Michelle has given me an idea. She wants more verses for Oh I Wish I Were a Little ‘Lectric Eel. (Well, who wouldn’t?) I could write them myself, OR, OR…I could induce others to write them for me.
And so is born THE ELVER AWARD, to be given to the commenter who comes up with the best supplementary verse for my semi-original song. An elver, as you probably know, is what a baby eel is called (and if that isn’t the cutest name for a baby animal you’ve ever heard, I’ll eat my hat).
Besides the great honor of being an ELVER AWARD recipient, the winner will get a box of Swiss chocolates, purchased by me and conveyed by my mother from the lovely town of Zug, Switzerland. And of course, your verse will be sung in TENS of nurseries across the world. Entries accepted until midnight on Friday.
99 Comments
I love challenges like this!
Oh I wish I were a little alligator.
Yes I wish I were a little alligator.
I’d go chompy, chompy, chompy all through the swampy.
Oh I wish I were a little alligator.
Oh I wish I were a little royal penguin.
Yes I wish I were a little royal penguin.
I’d go waddle waddle waddle and I’d be a Linux model.
Oh I wish I were a little royal penguin
Oh I wish I was a little walrus pup.
Yes I wish a were a little walrus pup.
I’d go glubba-glubba-glub, til my mom shifted her chub.
Oh I wish I were a little walrus pup.
OR!
Oh I wish I were a little sitting duck.
Yes I wish I were a little sitting duck.
Oh some people say I suck, and my country I did (redacted)
Yes I wish I were a little sitting duck.
Too bad “redacted” doesn’t rhyme. Dang. Walrus pup it is.
Okay, Suess can bite me!
Oh I wish I were a little chipmunk.
Yes I wish I were a little chipmunk.
I’d go chewy chewy chewy through a tourist’s shoe-ey shoe-ey.
Oh I wish I were a little chipmunk.
Oh, I wish I were a little pink pig.
Yes I wish I were a little pink pig.
To bacon, I’d say “no sir” and then I’d go all kosher.
Oh, I wish I were a little pink pig.
Um, wait, I think I meant to say LAME duck. How sitting of me. Musta been some wishful thinking…
Oh I wish I were a little teeny baby
Yes I wish I were a little teeny baby
I’d go screaming, screaming, screaming, right when you were dreaming
Oh I wish I were a little teeny baby
And sweet baby Jesus, I typed was in the first line of my verse about the walrus. I HAVE AN MFA DAMMIT! But I also have THREE children who don’t sleep. I’ll just quit while I’m ahead of the typos…
Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo.
Yes I wish I were a little kangaroo.
I’d go hoppy, hoppy, hoppy ’til I joined you in your boppy.
Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo.
And that’s the best I could come up with!
Can I submit a verse from a previous comment?
Oh I wish I were tyrannosaurus rex
Yes I wish I were tyrannosaurus rex
I would open up my jaws and grab you with my claws
oh I wish I were tyrannosaurus rex.
Ok. MFA Mamma totally wins, but this is fun so I’ll keep submitting.
Oh I wish I were a ninja warrior
Yes I wish I were a ninja warrior
I would use karate chops and fight you with nunchucks
oh I wish I were a ninja warrior.
I don’t have a verse to the song, but I just wanted to say I loved your post. Lack of sleep, wasting time, and growing piles of laundry are all too familiar to me right now. What a precious picture, too!
Long time reader–I really enjoy this blog and following Simone’s progress, especially with my own wee one at about the same age. Thank you.
As for the song, I can offer:
Oh I wish I were a spiky pufferfish
Oh I wish I were a spiky pufferfish
The chef would slather me with hoisin
And you wouldn’t know I’m poison
Oh I wish I were a spiky pufferfish.
Oh I wish I were a little copperhead
Oh I wish I were a little copperhead
I’d go rattle rattle rattle
Just to warn you not to battle.
Oh I wish I were a little copperhead.
This has been an ongoing competition at our house since the original song received rave reviews. Somehow, we’ve come only to write verses about potentially deadly animal encounters. Perhaps this unspoken house rule reflects the death wish that both parents share in face of a five-month-old who only sleeps for 90 minutes at a time–all night long.
I have no witty verses, but I am EXTREMELY amused to learn that I am not the only person who uses the term “Mount Laundry.”
Oh I wish I were a little tapey worm
Oh I wish I were a little tapey worm
I would diney, diney, diney
All around your intestine-eys
Oh I wish I were a little tapey worm!
Oh I wish I were a moody little sloth
Oh I wish I were a moody little sloth
I’d be sleeping yet again
Endulging in my deadly sin
Oh I wish I were a moody little sloth
Oh I wish I were a little flying squirrel
Oh I wish I were a little flying squirrel
I’d go glidey glidey glidey
All day long until its nighty
Oh I wish I was a little flying sqirrel
Indulging, that is.
I LOVE this song! I’m (kind of) not ashamed to admit that I printed your verses (and now am going to print your commenters’) so that I could memorize them and sing them to my son.
Better yet, I don’t know the original song so I wind up making up a different tune each time.
The picture is really sweet. You’re both being very patient.
Oh I wish I were a little platypus
Yes I wish I were a little platypus
I’d go nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle, and zoologists would puzzle
Oh I wish I were a little platypus
Oh I wish I were a little bower bird
Yes I wish I were a little bower bird
I’d make a pile of all my blue things while my lady I was wooing
Oh I wish I were a little bower bird
Oh I wish I were a spiny echinoderm
Yes I wish I were a spiny echinoderm
I would float around the water till I was eaten by an otter
Oh I wish I were a spiny echinoderm
The one I knew growing up:
Oh, I wish I were a little mosquito,
Oh, I wish I were a little mosquito,
I’d go bitey, bitey, bitey under everybody’s nightie,
Oh, I wish I were a little mosquito.
Oh, I wish I were a little seagull
Oh, I wish I were a little seagull
I’d go screech, screech, screech and I sat on the beach
Oh, I wish I were a little spider monkey
love the photo!
Oh I wish I were a little Loch Ness monster
Yes I wish I were a little Loch Ness monster
I’d go tee-hee, tee-hee, tee-hee while everybody looked for me
Oh I wish I were a little Loch Ness monster
I’m also working on some verses about a little shaggy yeti and a little hairy sasquatch… :)
Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat
Yes I wish I were a little kitty cat
I’d ignore my loving fans, ’til I need them to open a can
Yes I wish I were a little kitty cat
Oh I wish I were a little ‘rangutan
Yes I wish I were a little ‘rangutan
I’d fling my corny poo while everyone screams “Ew!”
Yes I wish I were a little ‘rangutan
(Sorry. I couldn’t resist on that last one.)
I don’t have a verse, but I have to say that a baby burro could compete with “elver” – it’s a burrito. A BURRITO!
Oh I wish I were some freshly laundered clothes
Yes I wish I were some freshly laundered clothes
Soft I’d feel-y, feel-y, feel-y, but we all know I’m not real-y
Yes I wish I were some freshly laundered clothes
Oh I wish I were a recently mopped floor
Yes, I wish I were a recently mopped floor
I’d be gleam-y, gleam-y, gleam-y, but we all know I’m a dream-y
Yes, I wish I were a recently mopped floor
Oooh, I’ve got LOTS:
Oh I wish I were a little deadly bacterium
Yes I wish I were a little deadly bacterium
I’d go splittie splittie splittie and I’d colonise your city
Yes I wish I were a little deadly bacterium.
Oh I wish I were a little elephant
Yes I wish I were a little elephant
I’d have tusks all creamy yellow
and they’d festoon your piano (<- look: assonance)
Yes I wish I were a little elephant.
Oh I wish I were a little lolcat kitteh
Yes I wish I were a little cute lolcat
I’d go nomnom on a pie and be captioned kthxbai
Oh I wish I were a little lolcat kitteh.
While we’re on that theme, following one will be great for developing Simone’s advanced vocabulary:
Oh I wish I were a little angry lolrus
Yes I wish I were a little angry lolrus
I’d go fuckit fuckit fuckit
Why did they steals mah bukkit?
Oh I wish I were a little angry lolrus.
Oh I wish I were a little snarky blogger
Yes I wish I were a little snarky blogger
I’d go linky linky linky posting recipes for drinkies
Oh I wish I were a little snarky blogger.
I absolutely LOVE your blog, and the song! I sing it all the time to my little duaghter, Sophie… she giggle every time I sing the one about the Giant Squid (it is the winky winky winky sound she likes!)
Here is one I made up:
I wish I were a little Lion Cub
Oh I wish I were a little Lion Cub
I’d go growly, growly, growly,
(But it sounds a lot like “meow-y!”)
Oh I wish I were a little Lion Cub
I wish I were a little Kakapo
Oh I wish I were a little Kakapo
I’d go boom-y, boom-y, boom-y
to find myself a roomie
Oh I wish I were a little Kakapo
This is way cool!!! I love making up songs.
By the way, your daughter is gorgeous!
Oh and another one for the Kakapo:
I wish I were a little Kakapo
Yes I wish I were a little Kakapo
I’d go skraarky, skraarky, skraarky
so you could find me in the dark-y
Oh I wish I were a little Kakapo
(If you haven’t already guessed, I adore these endangered New Zealand parrot-birds.)
Oh I wish I were a little marmoset
Oh I wish I were a little marmoset
I’d be as nimble as a thimble
and I’d make your Tempest tremble
Oh I wish I were a little marmoset!
Oh I wish I were a little baby deverish
Yes I wish I were a little baby deverish
I’d go whirly whirly whirly with every boy and girly
Oh I wish I were a little baby deverish.
Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat
Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat
I wouldn’t say a word
and then I’d bring for you a bird
Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat!
Oh I wish I were an existentialist
Oh I wish I were an existentialist
I’d go sulking all around
and then I’d say something profound
Oh I wish I were an existentialist!
Oh I wish I were a little lump of dough
Oh I wish I were a little lump of dough
You could turn me into bread
or just pinch my cheeks instead
Oh I wish I were a little lump of dough!
Oh I wish I were a little Christmas tree
Oh I wish I were a little Christmas tree
You could hang on me a pickle
and with my needles I would tickle
Oh I wish I were a little Christmas tree!
oh my, I wish i were already in bed…
Oh I wish I were a toothy little beaver
Oh I wish I were a toothy little beaver
oh no I really have to go to bed. someone else can finish that one!
oh god i can’t stop.
I’d go chewing right through wood
and then I’d chew you if I could
Oh I wish I were a toothy little beaver.
ok i hope i’m not making these up in my sleep all night. if so, i’ll be back to blame you in the morning, alexa.
Oh I wish I were a little Bactrian,
Yes, I wish I were a little Bactrian,
You’d go bumpy, bumpy, bumpy
On my little camel humpy,
Oh I wish I were a little Bactrian!
This song was a great favorite of mine in Girl Scouts, and remains so to this day. I have a bunch of verses, not sure how many are original to the song or not. This is one of those songs that has as many iterations as there are guys and gals to sing it I suppose. :)
Oh, we also sang it around the campfire with gusto, some choreographed movements (shaking of your “heiney”, a nice march for the “tramp”, the snorkel) and also an energetic rejoinder at the end of each line, which I just HAD to type in! It’s like a naked song without them.
*ahem*
Oh I wish I were a big juicy orange, (juicy orange)
Oh I wish I were a big juicy orange, (juicy orange)
I’d go squirty squirty squirty over everybody’s shirty
Oh I wish I were a big juicy orange! (juicy orange!)
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap, (bar of soap)
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap, (bar of soap)
I’d go slidey slidey slidey over everybody’s heiney
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap! (bar of soap!)
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop, (bottle of pop)
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop, (bottle of pop)
I’d go down with a slurp and up with a burp
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop! (bottle of pop)
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito, (mosquito)
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito, (mosquito)
I’d go bitey bitey bitey under everybody’s nightie
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito! (mosquito)
[my personal FAVORITE:]
Oh I wish I was a fishie in the sea, (in the sea)
Oh I wish I were a fishie in the sea, (in the sea)
I’d go nudie nudie nudie without a bathing suity
Oh I wish I were a fishie in the sea! (in the sea!)
Oh I wish I were a little wad of gum, (wad of gum)
Oh I wish I were a little wad of gum, (wad of gum)
I’d go gooey gooey gooey under everybody’s shoe-y
Oh I wish I were a little wad of gum! (wad of gum!)
[another interesting verse:]
Oh I wish I were a Senior Girl Scout, (Girl Scout)
Oh I wish I were a Senior Girl Scout, (Girl Scout)
I’d go TRAMP TRAMP TRAMP into Boy Scout Camp
Oh I wish I were a Senior Girl Scout! (Girl Scout!)
Oh I wish I were a radio (radio)
Oh I wish I were a radio (radio)
I’d go off with a click-
That’s it, that’s the end of the song! We thought we were the cleverest girl scouts in the land.
I am cracking up to learn that there are in fact TWO other people in the world who occasionally make attempts to brave Mount Laundry. The mountain always wins.
I posted a verse on the last ‘Lectric Eel rendition, but here ’tis again:
Oh I wish I was a little elephant,
Yes I wish I was a little elephant,
I’d use my trunky-trunky-trunky just to pick you out a monkey,
Oh I wish I was a little elephant.
Or how about…
Oh I wish I was a spiky lil’ hedgehog,
Yes I wish I was a spiky lil’ hedgehog,
I’d go puffle, puffle, puffle, then I’d hide from all kerfuffle,
Oh I wish I was a spiky lil’ hedgehog.
Oh I wish I was a lil’ horseshoe crab,
Yes I wish I was a lil’ horseshoe crab,
I’d make everybody wary ’cause I’d look a little scary,
Oh I wish I was a lil’ horseshoe crab.
This one is a favorite in our house~
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy pony,
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy pony,
I’d go neigh-y, neigh-y, neigh-y, then they’d feed me some more hay-y,
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy pony.
Do you know this one?
Oh I wish I was a fishy in the brook..in a brook
Oh I wish I was a fishy in a brook..in a brook
Oh, wouldnt I look cutey, without my bathing suity,
Oh I wish I was a fishy in the brook, in the brook.
I love this song! I’ve been singing to my daughter for weeks.
Oh I wish I were a little bitty mouse,
Oh I wish I were a little bitty mouse,
I’d go scamper, scamper, scamper, till you jumped upon your hamper,
Oh I wish I were a little bitty mouse
Oh I wish I were a little stripey snake
Oh I wish I were a little stripey snake
I’d go slither, slither, slither till you were all in a dither
Oh I wish I were a little stripey snake.
No new verse – but just had to share that I was dropped on my head by my father when I was six months old. No major ill effects, save for a PhD thirty years later.
And my mother still teases my Dad about it becuase he fell asleep while holding me.
Oh Good God… These are GREAT so far. Good luck trying to choose one
I’ll stay with the maritime theme
Oh I wish I were a little sea horsey
Yes I wish I were a little sea horsey
I’d go canter, canter, canter, and make high falutin’ banter
Oh I wish I were a little sea horsey
Oh I can’t compete with this. You all are too funny!
But I do have some ideas for future posts if you run out of ideas. One of my favorite posts ever was in April after you gave Simone her first bath and had an epiphany (“I have a baby!”). How does Simone like her bath these days? Any pictures?
Also, wondering how you chose Simone’s (and Ames’) name.
Oh I wish I was a little baby girl
Oh I wish I was a little baby girl
I wouldn’t sleep through the night because I don’t really feel like it so I just wake up all the time screaming and then you have to rock me, but it still doesn’t work and things like white noise and loveys and eating solids don’t help at all…
Oh I wish I was a little baby girl
I swear, I started singing this to my daughter a few weeks ago.
Oh I wish I were a little scrappy pup
Yes I wish I were a little scrappy pup
I’d be so very tiny, but I’d still bite you in the hiney
Oh I wish I were a little scrappy pup
or for a little less rumpalicious effort:
Oh I wish I were a hippopotamus
Yes I wish I were a hippopotamus
I would wallow, wallow, wallow where the river’s nice and shallow
Oh I wish I were a hippopotamus
Oh I wish I were a little bumble bee.
Oh I wish I were a little bumble bee.
I’d go buzzy buzzy bizzy
Until everybody’s dizzy
Oh I wish I were a little bumble bee!
I have a suggestion for the next “headline” for baby of the week:
“heard all around the world”
it might be lame, but i’m just so happy the child anc hear.
Oh, I wish I were a fruit fly.
Yes, I wish I were a fruit fly.
I could never make you cry,
I would go ever so high
oh, I wish I were a fruit fly.
Oh, I wish I were a little weenie dog.
Yes, I wish I were a little weenie dog.
I’d go scooty, scooty, scooty as I dragged my little booty.
Oh, I wish I were a little weenie dog.
have fun reading all of these
oh i wish i was a little simone baby
yes i wish i were a little simone baby
my life would be the best, i’d never let my parents rest!
oh i wish i was a little simone baby!
This one came to me as I was singing “Oh, I Wish I Were a Little ‘Lectric Eel” to my newborn at 4 am last night.
Oh, I wish I were a little sleepy sloth,
Yes, I wish I were a little sleepy sloth.
I’d go snoozy, snoozy, snoozy; wakin’ up is such a doozy!
Oh, I wish I were a little sleepy sloth.
Oh I wish I were a little snapping turtle
Yes I wish I were a little snapping turtle
I’d go bite-y bite-y bite-y and I’d give you quite a fright-y
Oh I wish I were a little snapping turtle
Oh I wish I were a shiny scaly dragon
Yes I wish I were a shiny scaly dragon
If you filled me full of ire I’d singe you with my fire
Oh I wish I were a shiny scaly dragon
Oh I wish I were a little chimpanzee
Yes I wish I were a little chimpanzee
You and I would love to play and we’d share lots of DNA
Oh I wish I were a little chimpanzee
I am busy working on one over here, will let you know when done!
ok, these truly are my last ones and then there will be no more animals lurking, biting, rhyming.
Oh I wish I were a little crocodile
Oh I wish I were a little crocodile
I would lurk around a while
then I’d chomp you up in style
Oh I wish I were a little crocodile!
Oh I wish I were a little water snake
Oh I wish I were a little water snake
I would lay beneath the water
then I’d nip you in your trotter
Oh I wish I were a little water snake!
Oh I wish I were a little fluffy skunk
Oh I wish I were a little fluffy skunk
I’d have a stripe right down my back
all dressed up in white and black
Oh I wish I were a little fluffy skunk
Oh I wish I were a little ocean oyster
Oh I wish I were a little ocean oyster
I’d surprise you with my pearl
and then you’d treat me like a girl
Oh I wish I were a little ocean oyster!
Oh I wish I were a little sly raccoon
Oh I wish I were a little sly raccoon
you might think I’m kinda shifty
but I’m really pretty thrifty
Oh I wish I were a little sly raccoon!
This one is based on the sounds coming from the monitor right now
Oh my daughter is a little howler monkey
Oh my daughter is a little howler monkey
She goes squee, squee, squee as she swings through the trees
Oh my daughter is a little howler monkey
my husband and I have been singing the song to Alice (3 months old) since you published it! All we’ve come up with (quite uncreative, but given my husband can’t find a beat to save himself and I’m tone deaf it’s not bad):
Oh, I wish I were a little puppy dog
Yes, I with I were a little puppy dog
I’d go barky, barky, barky when you take me to the parky,
Oh, I wish I were a little puppy dog.
Okay, I just have to say that a baby platypus is called a puggle. Now THAT’S cute.
I vote for the royal penguin being the Linux model, personally! Great post – great idea and trust me – many verses have been made up around this house since the original post, as well.
Oh I wish I were very silly baby
Yes, I wish I were a very silly baby
I’d drive my parents crazy, crazy and then I’d smile like a daisy
Oh I wish I were a very silly baby.
I wish I were a very floppy dog
Yes I wish I were a very floppy dog
I would lie around the house and then I’d bark and grouse
Oh I wish I were a very floppy dog.
Oh I wish I were a cute and funny baby
Yes I wish I were a cute and funny baby
I would fuss and fuss and fuss and my my parents want to cuss
Yes i wish I were a cute and funny baby.
That’s all I got for now.
Oh I wish I were a baby momma
I could do away with all the drama
I would rock you and I would sing
I would watch you sleep in your swing
I would be thankful for you and for everything!
Oh I wish I were a kitty cat,
to be brushed and petted imagine that
I would meow and I would purr
you could collect mountains of my fur!
yet another entry from me. I can’t stop making these up! Somebody help me!
Oh I wish I were a Spanish galleon
Yes I wish I were a Spanish galleon
My cannons roar and thunder as the colonies I plunder
Oh I wish I were a Spanish galleon
Oh I wish I were a little raindrop
Yes I wish I were a little rain drop
I’d go plinky plunky plinky as i give the trees a drink-y
Oh I wish I were a little raindrop
Oh I wish I were a star up in the sky
Yes I wish I were a star up in the sky
I would sparkle and I’d glow on the earth so far below
Yes I wish I were a star up in the sky
Ok. I’m stopping now.
Is there a funniest blogger ever award? You are hilarious, Alexa. By the way, are you doing the judging yourself on the verses? Can bloggers vote? Or Simone? Unfortunately I am not creative enough to be an elver award recipient, but I’m enjoying reading.
Oh I wish I were a fish called tuna
Oh I wish I were a fish called tuna
I’d swim and swim and exclaim WHEEEE
and then I’d poison you with mercury
Oh I wish I were a fish called tuna!
Oh I wish I were an activist judgey
Oh I wish I were an activist judgey
I’d say choose whoever you like for a mate, and then I’d overturn Prop.8
Oh I wish I were an activist judgey!
I am mightily enjoying this post! I have not had to look far for inspiration, either.
Oh I wish I were a little sheepy-dog
Oh I wish I were a little sheepy-dog
I’d cause drama drama drama when I sink my teeth in Farmer
Oh I wish I were a little sheepy-dog.
Oh I wish I were a fat and lazy hound
Oh I wish I were a fat and lazy hound
I’d go farty farty farty every time you have a party
Oh I wish I were a fat and lazy hound
Oh I wish I were a little squawky hen
Oh I wish I were a little squawky hen
I’d go clucky clucky clucky when my biggest eggs get stuck-y
Oh I wish I were a little squawky hen
Oh I wish I were a big old grumpy goose
Oh I wish I were a big old grumpy goose
I’d go honky honky honky and my waddle’s awful wonky
Oh I wish I were a big old grumpy goose
Oh I wish I were a little nematode
Oh I wish I were a little nematode
I’d go slither slither slither till I wound up in your liver
Oh I wish I were a little nematode.
Um. Or maybe not :P
No song entry, but at our house, we call the laundry pile “Mount Washmore”.
Oh, this is too much fun to resist. You have some very talented commenters here and I can’t imagine how you are going to decide. My contribution:
Oh, I wish I were a little furry moth,
Yes, I wish I were a little furry moth,
I’d go snacka-snacka-snacka,
On your favoritest alpaca,
Oh, I wish I were a little furry moth.
Yes I wish I were a little kitty cat
Oh shucks…ignore the last line…my copying and pasting got all out of control.
Since everyone is so damn funny, I’m going for sweet. And this way you can turn it into a bedtime lullaby:
oh I wish I were my baby’s little hands
oh I wish I were my baby’s little hands
I’d go lovey lovey lovey
with my grubby grubby grubbies
Oh I wish I were my baby’s little hands
Oh I wish I were my Simone’s brown eyes
Oh I wish I were my Simone’s brown eyes
I’d go peepy peepy peepy
Till I fell right off to sleepy
Oh I wish I were my Simone’s brown eyes.
(insert name of child as appropriate).
OR
Oh I wish I were a deadly Cockatrice
Oh I wish I were a deadly Cockatrice
I’d go looky looky looky
and make you feel all ook-y
Oh I wish I were a deadly Cockatrice
Oh I wish I were a slimy Basilisk
Oh I wish I were a slimy Basilisk
I’d go breathy breathy breathy
you’d expire something easy!
Oh I wish I were a slimy Basilisk
I was casually reviewing my bloglist, saw this and I wish I could say I had a clever lyric for you; alas, I don’t.
I was blown away by the picture, and I do find it cute. It reminded me of some of the ones I have of my two preemies, in similar position in similar surroundings. I even teared up a bit (photos are all I have of them now; story for another time), I just thought your picture was beautiful.
Blurriness aside, Simone is adorable, I can tell. Lovely, lovely!
Let me preface this by saying I read your post and then went to work so guess what I was humming all day. I work in Hematology and Microbiology in a hospital lab, so that will probably make my verses make more sense:
Oh I wish I were a Varicella-Zoster
Oh I wish I were a Varicella-Zoster
I would give you Chicken pocks
and lots of itchy spots
Oh I wish I were a Varicella-Zoster
Oh I wish I were a little Giardia
Oh I wish I were a little Giardia
I would make you really sick
and want a doc real quick
Oh I wish I were a little Giardia
Oh I wish I were a little white blood cell
Oh I wish I were a little white blood cell
I would use my anti-bodies
and fight off all the naughties
Oh I wish I were a little white blood cell
Oh I wish I were a little red blood cell
Oh I wish I were a little red blood cell
I would carry lots of O2
and visit every tissue
Oh I wish I were a little red blood cell
Oh I wish I were a little pla-te-let
Oh I wish I were a little pla-te-let
I would keep you from bleeding
so a transfusion you wouldn’t be needing
Oh I wish I were a little pla-te-let
And, if you need more ideas for your blog month (which I love)- I’m curious if you guys open to another cycle? I was wondering if after all you have been through with Ames and Simone if you would try again or are you content with the way things are now? You have maybe covered this at some point and I’m just curious (and nosy).
Someone else almost got my idea, but theirs was more cutesy…mine’s more, ummm, juvenile?
Oh I wish I were a little feral skunk
Yes, I wish I were a little feral skunk
I’d be stinky, stinky, stinky
even worse than you might thinky
Oh I wish I were a little feral skunk
How in the WORLD are you ever going to choose!?!?! I’m in AWE of the wit and wisdom!
Oh I wish I were a little flying bat
Oh I wish I were a little flying bat
I would dive and I would hover
Make you scream and run for cover
Oh I wish I were a little flying bat
This is so sweet. When my kids were little we had a million verses for the song “We’re Going to the Zoo”
The involved things like wearing clothes, riding in the car, going to school…it was fun. We still make up new verses 15 years later.
We’re going on a campus vist tomorrow, vist tomorrow, visit tomorrow
We’re going on a campus visit tomorrow
We’ll act smart a day
We’re visiting Bard, Bard, Bard
Getting in’s hard, hard, hard
We hope we’ve pre-pard, pard, pard
We’re visiting Bard, Bard, Bard
I’d best not let my daughter share that with the admissions director. I have a feeling she might not be accepted if she does!
Here is another one:
Oh I wish I were a little plucky guitar
Yes I wish I were a little plucky guitar
I’d go strummy strummy strummy,
and rest against your tummy
Oh I wish I were a little plucky guitar
(I can’t resist…. ‘words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup’… so here are some more)
Oh I wish I were a little CamelBak
Yes I wish I were a little CamelBak
I’d drip water water water,
to make you feel less hot-er
Oh I wish I were a little CamelBak
Oh I wish I were a little children’s book
Yes I wish I were a little children’s book
My pages go flippy flippy flippy
Your baby in drool would dip me
Oh I wish I were a little children’s book
Oh I wish I were a little swinging door
Yes I wish I were a little swinging door
I’d go squeaky squeaky squeaky
And hit your bottom cheeky
Oh I wish I were a little swinging door
Oh I wish I were a little teapot
Yes I wish I were a little teapot
I’d go whistle whistle whistle
While my steam becomes a missile
Oh I wish I were a little teapot
Oh I wish I were a baby Okapi
Yes I wish I were a baby Okapi
You better come and hurry
to see me in Ituri
Oh I wish I were a baby Okapi
… I have more… my internet is being slow right now though!!!
can’t stay away…
Oh I wish I were a little wallaroo
Yes I wish I were a little wallaroo
I’d go bouncy, bouncy, ouch (cactus!) with a joey in my pouch
Oh I wish I were a little wallaroo
Oh I wish I were a fuzzy little skunk
Yes I wish I were a fuzzy little skunk
As quick as you could blinky you would be stinky, stinky, stinky
Oh I wish I were a fuzzy little skunk
oh I wish I was a little napping baby
oh I wish I was a little napping baby
I’d go sleepy sleep sleepy and my mommy wouldn’t be so weepy
oh I wish I was a little napping baby.
We call my daughter a baby shark *she was a shark for Halloween* so she likes the bitey shark verse.
Oh I wish I was a little baby tush
Oh I wish I was a little baby tush
I’d go pootie pootie pootie
With a squeaky, stinky tootie,
Oh I wish I was a little baby tush!
Oh I wish I were a little Medusa
Oh I wish I were a little Medusa
I would think it no great shakes
that my hair was made of snakes
Oh I wish I were a little Medusa
Oh I wish I were a little guinea pig
Oh I wish I were a little guinea pig
I’d go wheeky wheeky wheeky in my voice so high and squeaky
Oh I wish I were a little guinea pig
A couple more:
(I can’t stop, it is addicting!!!)
Oh I wish I were a little Camel Spider
Yes I wish I were a little Camel Spider
I’d go scuttle scuttle scuttle
And make you scream and huddle
Oh I wish I were a little Camel Spider
Oh I wish I were a little rooster chick
Yes I wish I were a little rooster chick
I’d run by you in a blur
And stick you with my spur
Oh I wish I were a little rooster chick
Oh I wish I were a little greedy colt
Yes I wish I were a little greedy colt
To satisfy my hungry tummy
for a treat, with you I’d get chummy
Oh I wish I were a little greedy colt
Eh, I’m starting to sag….
This is so fun, though.
And… another one. I’m sorry, I just can’t help myself. And I have nothing else to do.
Oh I wish I were a little Orchid flower
Yes I wish I were a little Orchid flower
I’d go blossum, blossum, blossum
For nothin’ would you toss ‘em!
Oh I wish I were a little Orchid flower
Oh I wish I were a little Catydid
Yes I wish I were a little Catydid
On leaves I’d amble amble amble
And with the Ants I’d gamble
Oh I wish I were a little Catydid
Okay, now I am running out of steam.
Dear god- you people are brilliant! Seriously, can you put all the verses together and provide some sort of link? I’d pay for it!
Here is my rather sophomoric attempt:
Oh, I wish I were a little owly owl
Oh, I wish I were a little owly owl
I’d go hooty, hooty, hooty and then I’d bite you on the booty
Oh, I wish I were a little owly owl.
I swear I’ll stop after this…
Oh I wish I were a slender crocodile
Yes I wish I were a slender crocodile
I would smile and smile and smile as I floated down the sparkling Nile
Oh I wish I were a slender crocodile
Oh I wish I were a furry lagomorph
Yes I wish I were a furry lagomorph
I’d nibble and gnaw all day just to keep my incisors at bay
Oh I wish I were a furry lagomorph
Oh I wish I were a chubby manatee
Yes I wish I were a chubby manatee
I could charm drunken, lonely seamen and leave them all day-dreamin’
Oh I wish I were a chubby manatee
Oh I wish I were a flippered platypus
Yes I wish I were a flippered platypus
I’d make taxonomists wonder ’bout the “mammal” from Down Under
Oh I wish I were a flippered platypus
Shaynee, you are a genius!
This is the best post I have ever commented on, seriously.
Oh I wish I were a little unicorn
Yes I wish I were a little unicorn
I’d dance and caper so lightly
You’d think me purely sprightly!
Oh I wish I were a little unicorn
Oh I wish I were a little tree frog
Yes I wish I were a little tree frog
My brilliant colors like berries boyson
But please be careful of my poison!
Oh I wish I were a little tree frog
Oh I wish I were a little horny toad
Yes I wish I were a little horny toad
With me everyone would sport
‘Till I gave you all a wart!
Oh I wish I were a little horny toad
Oh I wish I were a yummy cherry pie
Yes I wish I were a yummy cherry pie
I’d be gooey gooey gooey
As for calories, oh phooey!
Oh I wish I were a yummy cherry pie
And I’m spent!
I hope no one minds… but I gathered all the new verses and formatted them,and I have posted them on my blog… just click on my name at the top of this comment to get to it, then you can copy paste or print directly, or select the ones you want.
Everyone is so creative and talented! Great job ladies.
Okay so here it goes. I was trying to think of verses that would have easy to do animation with them
Oh I wish I were a hungry crocodile
Yes I wish I were a hungry crocodile
I’d go snappy, snappy, snappy,
then I’d eat your great grand pappy!
Oh I wish I were a hungry crocodile
Oh I wish I were a little angel fish
Yes I wish I were a little angel fish
I would swim around in space,
and make a fishy face
Oh I wish I were a little angel fish
Oh I wish I were a silly vampire bat
Oh I wish I were a silly vampire bat
I would want to suck your blood,
but only if you were a bug
Oh I wish I were a silly vampire bat
Oh I wish I were a big polar bear
Yes I wish I were a big polar bear
I would rub my butt on ice,
because, of course, it feels so nice
Oh I wish I were a big polar bear.
Hope you like them. Oh added bonus if I win, I don’t like chocolate,(yes I know, against the women rules) but my poor husband (who is dealing with a very pregnant wife) does and would forever be in your debt!!!
I wasn’t going to contribute, but overnight I got inspired (or, that’s one word for it.)
Oh I wish I were a little pair of eyes
Oh I wish I were a little pair of eyes
I’d go blinky, blinky, blinky
then I’d winky, winky, winky
Oh I wish I were a little pair of eyes
Oh I wish I were a little pair of hands
Oh I wish I were a little pair of hands
I’d go clappy, clappy, clappy
It would make me very happy
Oh I wish I were a little pair of hands
Oh I wish I were a little comfy coat
Oh I wish I were a little comfy coat
I’d go huggy, huggy, huggy,
then you’d be all warm and snuggy
Oh I wish I were a little comfy coat
Oh I wish I were a little corny pun
Oh I wish I were a little corny pun
I’d make everybody groan
in a lovely baritone
Oh I wish I were a little corny pun
Now, I’m going to go and find a song to kick this one out of my head!
I love the pic.
Oh, I wish I were a baby without gas,
Yes, I wish I were a baby without gas
I’d sleep wherever I did lie,
And my mommy wouldn’t cry,
Oh, I wish I were a baby without gas.
This is a wonderful song and all the verses so far are brilliant! I purloined Little ‘lectric Eel to sing to my babe when you first posted it, and I made up several verses, of which these were the best:
Oh, I wish I were a little platypus,
Yes, I wish I were a little platypus.
I would paddle in my stream
and be a happy monotreme,
Oh, I wish I were a little platypus!
Oh, I wish I were a little whale of blue,
Yes, I wish I were a little whale of blue.
I would swim around the ocean,
anywhere I got the notion,
Oh, I wish I were a little whale of blue!
Oh, I wish I wish I were a little killer bee,
Yes, I wish I were a little killer bee.
I would sting someone and then
they would need an Epi-pen,
Oh, I wish I were a little killer bee!
oh dear… I was going to toss a verse or two into the mix, about a purple goose or a little fuzzy monkey… but you’ll have enough on your plate deciding :) great entries!
I, too, can’t stop singing this and thinking up more verses!
Oh I wish I were a little baby rat
Yes I wish I were a little baby rat
I’d go squeak-y squeak-y squeak-y and the ladies would scream eeek!-y
Oh I wish I were a little baby rat
Oh I wish I were a little strip-ed tiger
Yes I wish I were a little strip-ed tiger
I’d go growl-y growl-y growl-y while I was on the prowl-y
Oh I wish I were a little strip-ed tiger
Oh I wish I were a tiny little crab
Yes I wish I were a tiny little crab
I’d go pinch-y pinch-y pinch-y up and down your every inch-y
Oh I wish I were a tiny little crab
Oh I wish I were a little baby starfish
Yes I wish I were a little baby starfish
If I came to any harm I’d just grow another arm
Oh I wish I were a little baby starfish
and finally, from the disgruntled grad student:
Oh I wish I were a lowly ABD
Yes I wish I were a lowly ABD
They can screw me every day and I ain’t got any say
Oh I wish I were a lowly ABD
Oh, I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
Yes, I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
I’d go spiny, spiny, spiny, don’t you dare get near my heiney,
Oh I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
or
Oh. I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
Yes, I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
I’d go quill-y, quill-y, quill-y, til I heard you scream so shrill-y,
Oh I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
So I have to admit to having read your original post about the song on election night… and since it seems I can’t think of any animals that someone else hasn’t done- you get these….
Oh I wish I were a little John McCain
Oh I wish I were a little John McCain
I’d say tsk tsk tsk when you say mom’s health’s at risk
Oh I wish I were a little John McCain.
(and a bit more crude…)
Oh I wish I were a little Sarah Palin.
Oh I wish I were a little Sarah Palin.
I’d say you have to marry when you pop my daughter’s *ahem* cherry.
Oh I wish I were a little Sarah Palin.
OK… one more, not about politics!
Oh I wish I were a little artist’s brush.
Oh I wish I were a little artist’s brush.
My work would never cease till I’ve made a masterpiece.
Oh I wish I were a little artist’s brush.
Oh I wish I were a little killer whale
Yes, I wish I were a little killer whale
I’d smack you with my dorsal, you tasty little morsel,
Oh I wish I were a little killer whale
Apparently I can’t stay away.
Oh I wish I were a fearsome great white shark
Yes I wish I were a fearsome great white shark
I’d snack on squid and seals galore (and maybe a surfer or four!)
Oh I wish I were a fearsome great white shark
Oh I wish I were a surly little llama
Yes I wish I were a surly little llama
I’d go spitty, spitty, spitty on your clothes–oh what a pity!
Oh I wish I were a surly little llama
Oh I wish I were a fuzzy galago
Yes I wish I were a fuzzy galago
By night my eyes would glow, glow, glow as along tree branches I’d go
Oh I wish I were a fuzzy galago
Oh I wish I were a chirpy lorikeet
Yes I wish I were a chirpy lorikeet
I would preen, preen, preen to give my feathers a most becoming sheen
Oh I wish I were a chirpy lorikeet
Oh I wish I were a swimming cetacean
Yes I wish I were a swimming cetacean
I would frolic with all the fish and sometimes spit up ambergris
Oh I wish I were a swimming cetacean
(In my defense, I have a lot of time to think while I rock my son to sleep.)
Oh I wish I were little Hip Hip-O
Oh I wish I were a little Hip Hip-O
I’d go wadey in the river then I’d tip your boat and chomp your liver
Oh I wish I were a Hip Hip-O
Oh I wish I were a little Aye-aye
Oh I wish I were a little Aye-aye
Id pokey pokey my long finger, to eat grubs and worms for dinner
Oh I wish I were a little Aye-aye
Oh I wish I were a cheeky monkey
Oh I wish I were a cheeky monkey
I’d eat bananas and fling poopy my red butt is kinda cute-y
Oh I wish I were a cheeky monkey
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
You would find me ’round your sink,
or on the rim of your kid’s drink,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat.
Then there’s-
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
My little wings would still be flapping,
while around me hands are clapping,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat.
(come on, you know you try to kill those little SOBs with both hands, too)!
And finally-
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
‘Round bananas I would fly,
but with frost I’ll surely die,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat.
Thank goodness for the cold weather and good riddance to those pesky gnats (until next year)!
Such fun! I sing these to my daughter-
Oh I wish I were a little lightning bolt,
Oh I wish I were a little lightning bolt,
I’d go zappy, zappy, zappy to the poopy in your nappy,
Oh I wish I were a little lightning bolt.
Oh I wish I were a little Julia,
Oh I wish I were a little Julia,
I’d be so pretty, pretty and iddy, iddy biddy,
Oh I wish I were a little Julia.
I have more but that’s all I can think of! Great fun to read all of these!
ALASKA EDITION
I’ve been seeing most of these animals in my neighborhood so the verses just keep coming, you know, like poo when the diaper is off. My sons love your verses. You may be sorry you asked to hear mine. Also, I can spot the verses of my fellow biologists from a mile away, you kindred dorks.
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy moose
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy moose
I’d lay wastey wastey wastey to your garden plants so tasty
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy moose
…raven bird
…raven bird
I’d go thrashy thrashy thrashy through your biggest bag of trashy
…raven bird
…sledding dog
…sleeding dog
I’d go mushy mushy mushy o’er the snowy trails I’d rushy
…sledding dog
…ptarmigan
…ptarmigan
I’d go flighty flighty flighty underneath the northern lighties
…ptarmigan
…snowshoe hare
…snowshoe hare
I’d go hoppy hoppy hoppy with my giant feet so floppy
…snowshoe hare
…otter pup
…otter pup
I’d go gambol gambol gambol for an abalone scramble
…otter pup
…grizzly bear
…grizzly bear
I’d grow hairy hairy hairy when I gorged on wild berries
…grizzly bear
…polar bear
…polar bear
I’d go squealy squealy squealy when I caught a chunky sealy
…polar bear
…sneaky fox
…sneaky fox
I’d go runny runny runny underneath the midnight sunny
…sneaky fox
…caribou
…caribou
I’d go chewy chewy chewy on the tundra lush and dewy
…caribou
And my (and my son’s) favorite, since I study their hibernation:
Oh I wish I were a little arctic squirrel
Oh I wish I were a little arctic squirrel
I’d go sleepy sleepy sleepy through the winter dark and deepy
Oh I wish I were a little arctic squirrel
I’ll bet I’m not the only mom who wishes she could fall into a profoundly torpid sleep and wake up in the spring
Oh I wish I were a monkey in a tree.
Yes I wish I were a monkey in a tree.
I would chatter, chatter, chatter,then I’d eat all your bananers.
Oh I wish I were a monkey in a tree.
I’m leaving it because I thought of it, though I’m downright embarrassed after reading the other entries!
Wow, who knew so many people could be so clever? I’m feeling some hope for the world yet!
OK, so I’m lame… I’m just going to repeat my favs from my childhood. :)
Oh I wish I was a little English Sparrow
Oh I wish I was a little English Sparrow
I’d go sit upon the steeple and spit at all the people
Oh I wish I was a little English Sparrow
Yeah, as we got older we realized “spit” wasn’t the real word to use here…
Oh I wish I was a little kitty cat
Oh I wish I was a little kitty cat
I’d go lay in the sun and answer to no one
Oh I wish I was a little kitty cat