Comments on: Readers’ Choice #6: : To Breed or Not to Breed.

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 03:37:01 +0000

“I could never handle that,” Late to comment, but…

I always feel like parents say that as a sort of talisman against fate. Like if they tell me how strong I am to have a sick kid, the implication is they are never strong enough to go through something like that. The truth is, of course, no one is strong enough. You just do because you have to.

By: jennie w.

jennie w. — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:50:20 +0000

I just found you through, hmmm, I don’t know. But I’ve enjoyed reading many of your back posts. I had to reply to this one because I have a different response than most people. I have six children. I have also had two miscarriages (11 weeks and 17 weeks) and one stillborn at 20 weeks

My closest two (babies #5 and 6) are 14 months apart. My first two are 16 months apart. I really like having them close together and did it that way on purpose.

The space between babies #4 and 5 is four years. It’s a lot less gruelling than having them close together. There are more opportunities for bonding and spending time together. But there isn’t the closeness between those two girls the way there is between my children who are born close together.

I like the idea of getting all the diapers and sippy cups out of the way at once. It’s even harder to go back to that phase once you’re out of it. Believe me.

I wanted to have my kids close together so they’d all kind of be at the same phases of life together. They’d all like the same movies at the same time, and ride on all the same rides at Disneyland.

I have friends who are constantly dragging a toddler around to their older kids plays and football games. It seems kind of unfair. But I don’t think the younger kids mind because they don’t know anything different.

There isn’t one right answer. It really depends on the family and the situation, but it’s been nice for our family to have everyone close together. Six kids in ten years in hard, but the youngest is 2 now and it’s getting to be a lot of fun.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

By: Iheartfashion

Iheartfashion — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:09:37 +0000

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I know what you mean about the inane, but probably well-intentioned comments people tend to make about horrible situations. It’s not at all the same as what you went through, but having a son with a chronic illness-diabetes-generates the same kind of “I could never deal with that” remarks. I always want to say, What else CAN you do but deal with it?

By: Jill

Jill — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 22:58:44 +0000

Then again, you might want to leave well enough alone and raise Simone as a singleton. It has enormous benefits: you’re done with pregnancy and attempting pregnancy horrors; once she’s toilet trained, that’s it. No more diapers until you and Scott reach senescence; mo’ money! A larger college fund for Simone and better vacations and, well, more stuff for the three of you.
I am a singleton as is my son. We are happy folks. I see my husband and my friends battling with siblings and I thank all that is holy to be free of THAT mess.
There are many, many reasons to stop at one child. The myths of the lonely, spoiled “only child” are just that — myths.
It’s something to consider.

By: Flicka

Flicka — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 01:20:42 +0000

“Believe it or not, it is very rare for a person to spontaneously combust from grief during a difficult situation. You get up, you make it through the day, time marches grimly on.” Oh, yes. There’s so much I thought I could never do until suddenly I had to. The situations I’ve faced are different but the soldiering on because there is no choice? That’s the same. It’s so surprising that the human heart doesn’t just stop from grief.

Enjoying just Simone for a while sounds like a wonderful plan. She is so scrumptious! When the time comes to try again, I’ll be wishing you all the luck in the world (the good kind.) You certainly deserve it.

By: MamaOrDoctor?

MamaOrDoctor? — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 17:46:24 +0000

My children are 4 1/2 years apart. When my daughter was barely days old, my son was picking her up and bringing her to me in the kitchen where I was selfishly trying to do dishes for another 19 damn seconds before having to nurse her, again. My son was INDIGNANT, this was HIS sister and I was not living up to his standards.

He has always taken his job as older brother very seriously, once writing in a 2nd or 3rd grade essay that the best time of his life was when he graduated from preschool and got to go to kindergarten, because it meant he got to spend more time with his baby sister.

He is now in 4th grade, and she is in kindergarten, and they ride the bus together every morning and he doesn’t even mind.

Having one child all to yourself until they are a cool independent school age person and then having another baby to share with him or her is the most awesome thing that’s ever happened in my lifetime.

By: Tina

Tina — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 06:20:51 +0000

I always thought I wanted at least 3 children, but then I did the single mom thing at 27 and now, 5 years later, am doing the married-couple-with-two-children thing. I always thought I wanted little stair-steps, about two years apart, but ya know, that just wasn’t in the cards for me and now I’m thankful for it. My 5-year-old is an independent little thing–bathes herself, gets herself dressed in the mornings, feeds herself, fetches me things (*wink*)–and on those mornings when I’m so exhausted from being up with the baby all night, that’s just PERFECT and I thank God all over again for those 5 years. She’s also happily skipping her way through kindergarten while I’m at home playing with her brother, so they each have their own “thing” and I like that too. I’m thinking Baby Boy will be our last given to some severe hypertension with that last pregnancy, but in another 5 years, who knows? ;-)

By: tash

tash — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 03:21:20 +0000

Well, funny, not so ha ha, I wanted children 4-5 years apart. I started at 32 and thought this was marginally do-able. Didn’t have a baby until 35. Caught my breath, tried again, and we all know how that turned out. (Space, shmace.) So either: my children will be 5 years apart (if not more), or I will have one child. And like you, I guess I’m ok with both at the moment. It’s kinda hard for me to imagine either scenario, to be perfectly honest.

Anyway, thanks, food for thought and all that.

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:51:03 +0000

So much of what you say rings so true for me. The whole “I could never handle that” or “you’re so strong!” thing annoyed me as well. Like what other choice do I have? My baby was in the hospital. I coped. It sucked. I cried. A lot. I also got up every morning, went to the hospital and spent time with my baby. I rubbed her back when she brady’d, I held her as much as I could, I just DID it. There was no strength involved. Just a baby who needed her mama.

By: WG

WG — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:08:03 +0000

People tell me all the time that they could never handle my son with special needs. I never know what to make of the statement. Do they mean that they would have returned him to Target and argued that he was still in warranty? Or are they implying that that’s what _I_ should have done?