I didn’t mean to be gone so long. The thing is, I’m feeling funky, and not in a good, James Brown kind of way. My mood seems to lurch from one place to another, and as a result I keep starting to write about, say, how annoyed I am, or how sad, or how wistful, and ten minutes later Simone summons me imperiously to her side, and by the time I return to my computer, I feel another way entirely. Happy! Grateful! Amused! And so I start to write about that, and then AGAIN with the imperious summoning, and…you get the idea. I end up with five scant paragraph-long entries, each of which could have been written by a different person.
So, to catch you up, let’s run through my recent emotions:
WORRIED
Simone doesn’t care for solids. Every bite has to be stealthily slipped (ok, wedged) past her lips, and most is spit back out again. Some foods are better than others—she will sometimes masticate a spoonful or two of carrots or sweet potatoes—but the only food she will open her mouth for, that has been anything like a success, is a mixture of butternut squash and corn. On the suggestion of her therapist, we tried a less pureed texture (a mashed potato) and Simone just gagged in horror.
I haven’t talked much about this here, and it’s not because I am afraid of boring you with such a tedious and inconsequential topic. On the contrary, I am perfectly comfortable boring you with tedious and inconsequential topics—it is something of a hobby of mine, as you have no doubt already gathered. No, I haven’t discussed it because I KNOW I am slightly hysterical on the subject, and veering dangerously close to obnoxious milestone-obsessed mother territory. She’s only seven months adjusted, so who cares, right? But lots of preemies have feeding issues, and when you have a preemie, sometimes it is hard not to worry preemptively about all the monsters that could be lurking just around the corner.
Up until now, Simone has been eating like a champ—she weighs sixteen buttery, roly-poly pounds—but I am afraid that when she is supposed to be getting her nutrition from solid food, we are going to lose all of that progress. Being the parent of a micropreemie seems to mean CONSTANT VIGILANCE, what with the therapists and specialists and waiting-and-seeing, and it’s exhausting. It is also impossible not to compare your baby to others, which brings me to my next emotion:
ENVIOUS
When I was on bedrest, the nurses told me about the girl in the next room, who had an incompetent cervix and was laying in trendelenburg (feet above head) trying to keep her baby in. One night everyone was rushing around in the hall, and it turned out that she had delivered. She was only 23 weeks and 1 day, and the baby wasn’t expected to make it.
Less than a week later I had Simone. Throughout her time in the NICU, the nurses and doctors would remark upon how similar her course was to that of another baby, named Max. They were the two tiniest long-term residents, and they did everything together: were put on the oscillator, were extubated, then failed extubation and were reintubated on the same day. Simone’s primary nurse and I used to joke that when they were older Simone and Max would meet and fall in love—obviously they were destined for one another. They finally made it off the ventilator at the very same time, and by then even the respiratory therapists were talking about “Simone and Max.” They were discharged within the same week. It wasn’t until later that I found out that Max was the 23-weeker whom I thought had died after his mother left the bedrest wing.
He was born only a week older than Ames was when he died, at an age many hospitals do not consider viable. I sometimes lurk on his family’s website, to see how he is doing, and you know what? He has been far ahead of Simone in everything, from sitting to crawling, and while Simone’s appointment at the NICU follow-up clinic was a disaster, he sailed through. Simone was immature for her gestation, and had a small placenta, but she was almost a 26-weeker. I know better than to compare, I SWEAR I do, but they were progressing at the same rate when they left the NICU, and now they’re not, and I am alternately jealous and certain that I am doing something wrong.
EXCITED
My mother comes home from Switzerland for the holidays on Thursday, and I am so, so, SO full of glee at the prospect. Last year at this time she was in a hospital full of German-speaking nurses after being hit by a car (we are an exceptionally lucky family), so this year we are going to do it up right, and no crutches, bedpans, or foreign nurses allowed. I got her a fabulous present, too, if I do say so myself. I wish she didn’t have to leave again in January, but GOTT EN HIMMEL are we going to have fun while we can.
PROUD
I have done The 30-day Shred almost every single day for the last week and a half. After the first time I had to take a few days off on account of I couldn’t walk, but now I can do it for days and days in a row and I’m not even sore afterward. I still want to die while I’m in the middle of the routine, but it is over so quickly, and it’s strangely addictive. I had to skip it the other day because of an injury and I was actually DISAPPOINTED, and practically sprang out of bed to do it this morning. I haven’t lost any weight at all in the past two weeks, even though I am eating well, but I feel so smug and strong and hardcore that I don’t even care about the scale. Probably I am storing a bunch of weight in this little muscle that is developing on my inner arm. Also? I owe it all to this site, which I find massively inspiring, and makes me feel like part of a team, somehow–a team of people who aren’t perfect, but keep trying anyway.
PAINED
The one problem with The Shred (That’s what we Shredders call it. It’s “The 30-Day Shred” to you) is that it seems to have ruined my knees. Yesterday I couldn’t really move about, and I had to skip the workout, as mentioned. Today I resumed The Shred, and while I felt fine at the time, a few hours later my knees were back to howling and shrieking whenever I tried to do something strenuous like bend my leg. Am I old? Is Jillian Michaels trying to kill me? Do I need one of those ICY HOT patches or some sort of athletic supporter?
ANNOYED
Both of Simone’s bottom front teeth have broken the surface, and as a result she has been an insufferable little shit for days now. I know, I’m not supposed to say that, but it’s true. Last night I wrote her a letter:
Dear Simone,
BABIES HAVE BEEN GETTING TEETH SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. GET OVER YOURSELF.
Love,
Mama
I am back at that place where I feel I am doing a pitiful job in all arenas, failing as a mother, a writer, and a regular old person, and the way my daughter refuses to be quiet and/or still for even one minute of the day aggravates me to no end because I keep thinking that if only I had one uninterrupted hour, oh the things I could do! So I am irked and short-tempered, which makes me feel…
GUILTY
I don’t read to Simone enough. She recently went over a week without a bath before I remembered (I am embarrassed just typing that). The other day when she was crying and I was ready to snap at her I caught myself thinking “Thank god I don’t have twins,” and then I burst into tears, because why don’t I just spit on Ames’ grave, while I’m at it? Except he doesn’t have a grave, and his ashes are currently IN MY BEDSIDE TABLE.
SAD
One year ago today I looked like this. I had babies—plural. A week ago last Sunday marked one year since we found out we were having a boy and a girl. I remember that day so clearly, how soaringly happy I was. The babies felt real to me, and I was starting to believe they might be coming safely home in the spring. In a way, that was the high point, the peak of the rollercoaster, and I can see myself there paused for a moment, hand on my belly, before events began their descent. Within the week I was diagnosed with an infection, and I wonder now, was that THE infection? Is that when it started? It is certainly when smaller things began to go wrong: more pain, more nausea, gestational diabetes, and a rising tide of anxiety and panic. I have reached the part of the year where every day I feel something akin to the memory of a dream.
WISTFUL
What if?
GRATEFUL
Sometimes I still sit and stare at Simone while she sleeps. Asleep she is small and milky smelling, and when she is awake she is like a sudden gust of squeals and smiles and drool. Even on our bad days, she makes everything better; even when she’s part of the problem, she’s the solution as well. Just today I had to put her whole hand in my mouth and nibble on it a little, to calm myself so that I wouldn’t be tempted to swallow her whole. I have A BABY, and when she sees me in the morning, her mouth drops open and her whole face lights up and she erupts into wriggles: MY GOD! she seems to say, IT’S YOU!!
And I think, MY GOD! HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY?
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Alexa, I love this post. I want to print it out and put it on my wall and transfer it from office cube to office cube and read it whenever I am oscillating between all the emotions you described above. Bravo.
I cannot remember a day, since having children, that I was one consistent emotion throughout. In fact, I’m generally cranky/happy/weepy(at the drop of a hat)/bitchy/silly/happy/did I mention bitchy? I think it goes w/multitasking and trying to be everyone’s everything. Just breathe- and know that we’re all right there with you.
Two other things, not that you need affirmation, but you have EVERY RIGHT to feel all that you feel- but please stop beating yourself up. You are amazing, strong and honest. Simone is so lucky to have you as her mother.
As far as food is concerned w/Simone, keep on keepin’ on. She’ll find what she likes soon. Sometimes it takes many tries. Before you know it she’ll only eat Cheetos!
Isn’t it amazing how the grateful feeling can over power everything? This week marks the one year anniversary of when my pregnancy took a turn for the worse and landed me in bed. I’m trying to concentrate on the grateful instead of the sad :)
I read all the time but rarely comment. Most often I just don’t feel I have anything to offer or add.
I feel the urge today. I do not know if it will help or not, I hope it will but if it doesn’t please just ignore me. I have not had a preemie or a loss beyond m/c’s and do not truly understand the stress and pain of either.
What I know is this. You have been screwed and skewed by the preemie thing which is unfortunate. If your child were NOT a preemie you would still worry and get caught up in the milestones but not likely as much. I CAN say that with babies born huge, like mine was, I was very struck with hoe different they ALL are with development stages. I am not talking weeks here I am talking multiple months and it is certainly not all size related. My son walked by 9 months but he never had a solid until a year beyond gnawing on a saltine while teething.
I have always been told by my doc that when a baby refuses or spits out food it is a sign their digestive system is not physically ready for it yet and I always liked that. It made sense. I also never ended up giving pureed food, he would never have wanted it. He went from boob, to saltines, to pasta I swear. I did sometimes chew food a bit for him. Mama bird to baby bird I called it but mostly when he was ready hewas ready. He also had phases after starting solids where he would really slow down and barely eat any and then pick back up. ALL normal, but hard to trust with your history.
He talked later than others but here is the thing. I had friends whose kids started walking a full year later than Bliss, a year. These were term babies and it was normal. It is all part of what added to my decision to home school. If they develop at such HUGE intervals how can they be expected to learn at the same time and levels???
I truly think it is unfair and rough to have your understandable fears because it skews your being ok with some things. I would imagine it so easy to get caught up in the whole “making those milestones” thing. It is like when you have had m/c’s and early pregnancy is never fun again. It makes so much harder than it should be.
So all I can suggest is to try and occasionally look through a non preemie lens a moment to see if it would help you to ease up on your worries at all. I am not sure it is possible, just a thought.
Lastly I really wish you above ALL else to be gentle with yourself and give yourself a break. Simone would want that for you too I promise. She adores you. No bath, so what they are not very messy at that age. Feeling frustrated at the teething, it is hard as hell. Parenting is hard as hell. We ALL have awful moments of feeling at our wits end, but they pass and we get through them as best we can and you have been doing an awesome job, truly.
Much love and peace.
(sorry for the novel)
hmm. might make you feel better. max was not a twin, was he? so it makes sense that he would be developing at a different rate than your own.
you are doing a lovely job. you are a fabulous writer to boot. my favorite blog…
Is it bad if I feel all those things . . . within a 10 minute span? Yes? Hmph.
Talking very much out of my ass, but 1) could the teething/not eating be related? I’m going on very dusty memories created when I was extremely sleep deprived, but I seem to remember Bella cutting teeth right around the intro of solids and having a very rocky start that sorted itself out my about 8-9 mos. 2) you’re probably doing this, but eh, in case, do you mix food with breastmilk/formula (sorry, brain=fog — forgetting what it is you’re doing presently)? I did this for some time actually, with pretty much everything and I really think it helped.
And ditto the cut yourself slack. How can anything that delicious not love her mommy?
I love Bleu’s comments. I just wanted to say that every parent feels those conflicting emotions daily. Simone doesn’t want solids, except for the butternut squash thingie and judging by your description of her eating habits, so my mind tends to think she isn’t ready. My son didn’t like mashed potatoes…gagged like crazy. (BTW, my niece is 16 months, still nurses,and isn’t that interested in food.)
I say enjoy your baby, and keep writing!
Thank you so much for this-it totally turned my day around! My 21 week old was having “one of THOSE days” and his 2 year old sister is well…2-need I say more. You helped me put it all in perspective. I might not LIKE them all the time, but my God do I LOVE them all the time!
Baths are overrated. You can feel proud if Simone gets a bath once a week because I think i hold the record in non-bathing. My second daughter only gets one every COUPLE of weeks. I know, it sounds gross, but she smells fine. Really. I’d do it more often if she smelled. :)
My goodness – you write well! I came here via Dooce (or was it Julie?) when you guys rightfully went up in arms against McCain and his “women’s health” air-quotes. I was subsequently gobsmacked when I read that you were pregnant with twins, delivered at 26 weeks, but lost a baby – because that’s exactly what happened to me almost 18 months ago.
I gobbled up your edema posts, nodding in agreement at pretty much everything (“Crisis Mode!”) and today I find myself nodding at (with?) you again.
Just wanted to holler that you’re not alone, that watching-and-waiting sucks and that it’s the female’s prerogative to have lots of emotions. All are valid, and you’d be a zombie otherwise. What fun would that be? :)
I’m a lurker than needed to come out of the woods for this one. My son ended up with pneumonia at 7 months, and back in hospital at 9 months with a viral infection..all around the time we were starting solids. Due to having so much junk in his lungs and having breathing difficulties he was constantly gagging on solids and we had to make sure any food was pureed and almost liquid consistently because I was so afraid of him choking. It wasn’t until he was 12 months we really started him on “proper” solids, but even up to 2-2.5 we had to constantly tell him to chew his food as he’d just swallow it whole and then not what to eat. At 3.5 we can finally give him pretty much anything to eat without worries. Every kid is different, and given that Simone was premmie that will probably add into the equation of her taking things at her own pace. I also agree that teething might be having an impact.
The other thing is reading…I very rarely read to my son and felt so guilty about it as I’d heard all the stories about how it can impact their speech development and all that. Finally when my son was 2 we moved him out of the cot and into his “little bed”. We then found it easier to sit on the floor next to his bed to read. Now we read every night and he is a real bookworm. Not reading for the first 2 years has had no impact on his development. And I think if you’re talking to her constantly throughout the day then its telling her your own story instead of one out of a book.
Give yourself a break, look at that smile, you’re doing a great job!!!
Given my (admittedly foggy) memories of my own life at the approximate phase you’re enduring right now, I’d have to say you sound perfectly well-balanced to me. Sometimes I look back at those days and I’m genuinely shocked that both I and the child survived it.
You and Simone will, too. And also? Don’t sweat the nutrition thing. There are children who would eat nothing but green beans for six months, and they not only survived, they thrived. Kids are just weird, you know?
I was about to comment on this post and say something similar to what Holly said and then I saw that you were pimping Meritage and so I looked up the Meritage and it’s been 30 minutes and wait…what were we talking about again?
Delurking to say that my son just turned 18 months and only got interested in solids in the last few months. I had read in several places that often if a baby is not interested in solids it is because they are not ready. I know it is hard (I worried alot about it too) but trust that Simone’s body knows what she needs. There is a great book out there called My Child Won’t Eat by Carlos Gonzalez. It really put my fears to rest.
She’s a darling. But for your own sanity, do not compare. My son, who was a full termer, was (is) humungous and I constantly compared him to others and he was always behind. Well, now, at 5, he’s caught up. And I’m sure Simone will be too.
My son is 12 and I still love to watch him sleep and it is still awe inspiring. I am grateful even on the days when I wish he would JUST STOP TALKING ALREADY.
For whatever it’s worth, we’ve definitely gone more than a week between baths. Hey, the soap and water can dry out their skin!
This may not be the least bit helpful because my son was a full-term singleton and is more than a year older than Simone, and I don’t really remember that time period you’r in now (see? I have blotted it from my memory!), but I can tell you that now, my toddler will have days when he wants (e.g.) MORE SAUSAGE PLEASE! MORE SAUSAGE! NOW! GOOD GOD MUST HAVE MORE SAUSAGE! MORE! I’M FAMISHED HERE! and then a few days later will express ABSOLUTE OUTRAGE if I suggest that he might, just possibly, consider having perhaps just one small bite of sausage. Or maybe just allowing some sausage to be near him. Oh, and just for the record? He’s a happy, easy-going kid (despite what the above might suggest). So there does seem to be a certain, er, quirkiness, or perhaps it’s just difficulty expressing oneself in those (these) pre- (not fully) verbal days, involved in small persons deciding what foods they want to put in their mouths. I do get that with Simone’s prematurity you may be facing more serious issues and I don’t mean to minimize them, but at the same time … eh, kids!
Per your recommendation, I ordered The Shred. I’m wrapping it for myself and saying it’s from my baby, for ruining my body. Merry Christmas, mommy.
Also, I love your blog. Love love love.
My daughter just turned two last week. These days she will eat anything, I am not even kidding when I tell you that tonight she voluntarily ate her first mussel. She is a louisiana baby just like her daddy. She was very difficult to get started on solids. I tried starting her on solids three different times at 4,5,&6 months with no luck. Around 6 1/2 months she started to look jealous of every bite of food I put in my mouth. All of the sudden she was ready and she let me know. From that day on she has eaten like a champ. Feeding went from feeling like a chore, to something very enjoyable for both of us. Simone will let you know when she is ready, in the mean time she is clearly fat and happy.
I don’t know if this hurts or helps, but…
My son was not a preemie yet solids have been an EFFING NIGHTMARE. I think that for some babies, it’s just hard, but that the problem is eventually going to take care of itself, even if they lose a few ounces in the transition.
beautiful baby girl! she’s lucky to have such an aware mama. feeding is just a hard nut to crack. i’m sure you guys will find your way in time. some babies just never are much for purees, and do better with (closely monitored! :) ) table foods. being a mom of a preemie is just hard, too. you are doing a beautiful job!!!
similar problems with the knees are very often related to your shoes, specifically exercise shoes. you probably need cross-trainers, not running shoes, for the sort of exercise you are doing. hit up a small athletic shoe store and tell them about your workouts, and they will help you find the appropriate shoe. and then you can order it from zappos.
oh, also, my friend is a pediatric GI physician’s assistant and wouldn’t let her son touch solids till 9 months–said his digestive system wasn’t ready. there’s your pass card till 9 months, if you need it. :)
One of my favorite posts. You have summed up motherhood quite perfectly. Thank you for being so honest…. and such a phenomenal writer.
I think I’ve only commented here once or twice, but like the others here, this one made me want to pet you & say, “Oh, honey, it’s OKAY!”
Every single comment thus far has said something I wanted to say, so I’ll just chime in with a “ditto!” & add that it is SO normal of you to play the compare game. We can’t help it; maybe they slip that in while they’re doing the post-partum teaching none of us listen to like we probably should? I don’t know. All I know is that I recently had my second child five weeks early, & I know that I CONSTANTLY do the “why-isn’t-he-doing-that-yet” thing, promptly following by the “well-if-I-adjust-by-five-weeks…” thing, which is almost INSTANTLY followed by the “Dear-God-what-have-I-done-wrong” thing. And he was only five weeks early! I won’t even pretend to put myself in your shoes! My friend’s niece had her (full-term) daughter a month after my son was born, & it still bothers me that she weighs more than him & plays with her rattles. It’s not just you…
Oh, & don’t think it goes away either–I have a 5-year-old, & while it fades a bit, I still catch myself wondering if the other kids in her kindergarten class can do math better than she can or if they’re writing in cursive yet. Crazy, I know.
I just have to keep telling myself that both kids seem happy, even if their mommy is obviously insane. Hang in there–everything you described sounds COMPLETELY normal.
Don’t worry about the solids – if she’s spitting it out, then she’s telling you that she’s not ready for it. You said it yourself, she’s really only seven months old. And breastmilk should be the main source of nutrition until at least twelve months.
On the food factor: I am going through a lesser version with my just turned 8 month old right now. Most days it’s a few (5-10)spoonfuls, some days I’m lucky to get in a single spoonful…for three days in a stinking row, and then there’s been a like 5 times the little bugger has eaten 6-8 ounces in a single sitting! Grrrr! She is also very against trying new foods. I finally get her to accept something and so I move on, only to find that a week later she no longer accepts it and we start all over. My son, on the other hand, would eat anything and was a fantastic eater. He would eat until he barfed, as a matter of fact. So fun! Still, he did not really eat well until 8 months. One day something just seemed to click. I’ve heard the same from other parents too. I know it’s hard not to worry, but I remember hearing over and over again that it’s not so much the nutrition at this age but the experience of taste and texture.
And on reading…talking to her one on one with eye contact is much more exciting than reading. Reading is good too, but not nearly as important as motherese.
Never commented before, but just wanted to say that there’s a relatively new approach to the whole eating thing developed by a British woman (I’m from the UK) called Gill Rapley. It’s called baby led weaning and the basic idea is that you let the baby decide what/when/how much to eat. She advocates going straight to finger food – no purees, no spoon-feeding, no hovering over your baby. Rather, steam up some broccoli spears until they’re mushably soft, put them on the table in front of your babe and let them get stuck in. If they’re able to pick them up, get them into their mouths, chew off a bit, roll it round their mouths and swallow it then they’re ready for food. They’ll eat as much as they want, as much as they need and as much as their body is developmentally ready for and the whole point is that there’s NO need to stress about amounts. Here’s the book (just published in UK): http://www.amazon.com/Baby-led-Weaning-Helping-Your-Baby/dp/0091923808/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1229507658&sr=8-3 and two really good resources (UK based, but lots of posters from the US on the forum): http://babyledweaning.blogware.com/blog and http://forum.babyledweaning.com/. Even if the approach isn’t right for you I think the BLW mantra that ‘food is for fun until they’re one’ is reassuring for us all! Good luck!
I’m another mama who has not gone through anything like your experiences. Until now.
My son (who was 17 days LATE) refused every “baby” food I ever tried to feed him (we started at about 6 months). I made my own, I bought organic, I bought chi-chi, I bough cheap. I bought EVERY FLAVOUR THEY OFFERED. I made every variety I could think of. Didn’t matter; he refused them all. For months.
At about 9 or 10 months, we discovered that he actually liked yogurt and mushed bananas. (Thank goodness… I was beginning to think I would have to nurse him into adultohood! LOL)
He’s 5 now… and still a fussy eater. I’m not sure whether this is a comfort that it may not be a preemie thing (I hope so) or a warning that you may also have a child with a particularly discriminating palate on your hands, but you are not alone. ;-)
Alexa, how you often seem to write the words I cannot express! Please know that you are not alone in your emotions being all over the place and that motherhood does play with your mind. Thank you for this post and your honesty.
All the best to you and your little family.
Well my daughter breastfed every one of her 4 kids through age 2 1/2 without solids or any other foods except water, and they are very healthy rambunctious kids! They also never had an ear infection, and I chalk that up to the constant breast feeding. They’re now ages 11, 8, 6 and 3, and extremely healthy children. So, you’re doing a very good job Alexa/Scott, and don’t worry too much about the solid foods. In time, Simone will eat them.
Oh, I recognize those emotions. I’m exhausted just reading about them and I know how exhausting and painful feeling and living with them is. Honey, be kind to yourself. The emotions suck to feel, but they are normal and so is flying between them rapidly.
As I was reading your post I was thinking, “hmm, I wonder what happened or is going on that finally triggered an avalanche that I think was to be expected” (you know, with my huge expertise -ha, right! – in this area; five miscarriages, one 5 year old with hearing loss and a two year old with a genetic defect and cleft lip and palate). And then you brought up a year ago and the idea of this is the anniversary of the last “before” time and I thought, “bingo.” Anniversaries and other expected dates have A LOT of power on us. I remember becoming hugely depressed for “no reason” and after over a month of weeping realizing that I had just passed my due date for my first and lost pregnancy. And when we hit July the first year after my son was born I couldn’t figure out why I felt like I couldn’t breathe and my throat was clamped shut – until we got to July 3rd at 6:30pm and the real flashbacks started to the moment the high risk fetal medicine doc called to tell us the bad news from our late stage amnio. When I see pictures from the “Before” time now I still clench up. I have a favorite wedding picture but my reaction to it over the last couple of years when I catch a glimpse of it has been, “Man, you guys were dumb. You have no idea what is going to hit you.”
And the milestone thing? And the feedings? Those are killers.
Anyway, I just want to say you are not alone in this, that I appreciate you articulating it, and that it really sucks feeling that way. And, for what its worth, while I still get ambushed some days and its sometimes two steps forward, one back, and sometimes one step forward, two back – it does change and (ducks) even gets better. No, the underlying issues with my son will never change (and that kills me), but we have such great days together and he is such a joy. So I try to focus on that – sometimes succesfully and sometimes not. I’m scrambling for a conclusion and realize I have none. Life just is.
Early christmas present! A yummy post from you today totally made my day!
You are so wonderful.. how you write!! you know exactly how to take whats in all of our heads and toss it right out there!
So I’ll add my envy to yours!
Don’t worry about the food thing.. it will work out! Shes a gorgeous chubba…. and babies are hard work! You are doing fine!
… you just wait til they are MY kids ages… 14 and 18.. if you REALLY want a list of ever changing emotions!
hehehehehe!
Thank you for today!!! Awesomeness!
It’s been a long time since I had a young one around but I do remember eating solids was quite an issue with my son and he was a full-term baby. I think it took over a year to get him to eat with any consistency. Take it easy on yourself and just keep trying. That’s all you can ask of yourself. You have done a great job, don’t be so hard on yourself.
On another note, you might try a glucosomine supplement for your knees. I have trouble with mine from ten years of being a softball catcher. It truly makes a difference. Keep up the good work.
As far as the reading goes, I think that’s just really a caution to not set your kid in front of the TV and expect them to learn things. They need human interaction and I’m sure she’s getting that.
I hope it helped relax your mind to elucidate your feelings like that. I’m sure you’re doing a fine job.
This is just the best blog – the writer, of course. But the commenters are the best too. You ladies are a wealth of support and love and wonderful advice. Alexa, I’m envious of YOU.
p.s. my 9-month old pushed out and gagged on every attempt at solid food from 6mon-8 1/2mon. He’s a good eater now.
I havent’ been able to read all the way through the comments, so I don’t know if this has already been said. Does Simone like to chew on things in general, while teething? Have you tried putting some food in a mesh feeder and letting her get used to the taste of stuff through that? it’s not really a meal-related context, and it allows her to take some measure of control in what goes in her mouth: food in mesh, or handle. This worked really well for us and for our friend’s kid, who was refusing everything but the boob.
And I just got a series of DVDs from scholastic that are books being read aloud. On DVD. awwww yeah.
I have only de-lurked once or twice before, but I wanted to say that you are an incredible mama. You’re doing everything right for Simone (and for Ames). You are my favorite writer on the internet, and if I lived near you, I would try very very hard to become your friend.
-The spitting has more to do with her not quite knowing how to swallow. It’s completely normal of course, babies are used to sucking from a nipple and that tongue motion is opposite of a eating and swallowing motion. That’s the best way I can describe it.
-Max is different most likely cuz he was not a twin.
-I went into labor at 22.5 weeks and my baby died an hour later. I don’t have the heart to bury his ashes in some grave, His ashes are home with me where he belongs.
Speechless, Alexa. Wonderful post. Wanting to consume one’s child is reason for life.
Not that you asked for the assvice…
But both my girls rejected baby food. HATED IT. Wouldn’t touch it. They liked real food better. I would give them a plum and let them suck on it – or peas on the mush side and let them grab and eat. All around that 7-8 month period. Not sure if that helps or hurts. Just trying to offer a suggestion.
You are a great mother – you love your daughter and that’s all that matters. Comparing is normal – but realize that she will be different than everyone else – she’s your daughter :) (That was meant to be a good thing but I’m not sure if it’s going to come off via ‘writing’ that way!)
you are a terrific writer, and I love this post. If I were a hugging type person, I;d send hugs : )
don’t stress about weight, btw – muscle weighs more than fat. you’ll start feeling your clothes fit differently.
give Simone a kiss for me; I chew on my bay regularly, even when he hasn’t had a bath in days (and yes, we all do that, esp, in winter…)
You are a wonderful mother, and not that it makes anything better, but every mom that I know thinks she is doing something wrong from time to time.
As for Simone not liking solids I always tried fruits first. I know they tell you not to but it just seemed to work better for us.
Good job on the exercise and I hope you have a fabulous time with your mom.
Merry Christmas
Heather
I am delurking to say:
-The shred has F*CKED UP my knees too! But I can’t stop doing it because as you say, just as you think you’re going to die in the middle, it’s over and you’ve done a whole workout with cardio, abs, and strength and you feel BADASSSS
-My friend’s daughter is 11 months old and totally rejects solid food. Actually she rejects most food unless it is delivered in “airplane” fashion. Right now the only solid she’ll really eat is ramen noodles without the seasoning (at first this was horrifying to me, but now, eh) and fruit mixes. Her teeth are just coming in now, actually…I guess I have no real point except to say my friend’s kid, whose name happens to be Alexa, seems perfectly content and happy, normal height and weight and everything…her pediatrician was pretty much like “don’t worry about it, when the spirit moves her to take solid food, she’ll take solid food”
-A biteable baby – I love it. Clearly you are a wonderful mom to an adorable baby :)
It is so hard not to fret over milestones and comparisons so don’t beat yourself up over it. My son was fullterm and we still had eating issues. It just takes some longer to get the hang of it. He was a year old before he would reliably eat food. He just preferred nursing and a bottle. We play freqently with a little girl who is the same age as my son. When they were babies, I noticed he was hitting the physical milestones a lot earlier while she was ahead on the verbal stuff. Now at two, he will talk your ear off and she is doing mini-gymnastics while my son trips over his own two feet. It all evens out.
I have to laugh and priase your post all at the same time. First, the letter you wrote to Simone about babies geting teeth since the beginnging of time…I wrote a similar letter to her this past weekend when she finally cut her first tooth. The other letter was to the tooth fairy. I’m not entirely sure where the tooth fairy’s responsibilites end…is she simply in charge of picking up the teeth after they have fallen out or is she just as responsible for putting them in? If anything, she was my scapegoat for my daughter’s non-stop crying all weekend. All-in-all she makes a better scapegoat than my husband.
Second, I have been waiting for you to post for awhile about Simone’s eating. I needed to know that someone was struggeling just as much as we were. If you look at Adali’s blog you see that one second we blog that she is doing great and the next she sucks and acts like she has never seen a spoon in her life. We are on the up swing now but I’m just waiting for the next down swing.
It’s completely natural to compare Simone to other preemies. We all do it. But I can say that recently I have started to let go of the comparisons. It makes my day so much easier. Worrying about milestones and eating and crawling and still needing be swaddled…it’s all so exhausting. Now, if she wants to roll to get where she wants to, fine by me. Crawling is overrated anyway.
I have said it before and will say it again. Simone is beautiful. Be proud of how far you have come TOGETHER!
My little girl turned 7 months today and she detests all food. She gags and sticks out her tongue and scrunches up her face like I’m trying to poison her. She also would probably never have a bath if her father wasn’t constantly reminding me. I was having trouble remembering to read to her, so I stashed little books all over the house. That way, wherever we are hanging out it’s like, “Oh look, here’s a book, let’s read it.”
It sounds to me like you are 100% NORMAL. I think we all have this same up and down of emotions – all in the same day, the same hour, sometimes even the same minute.
I know this is going to be an annoying “I have a friend…” comment, but it might be helpful. :) Maybe. Anyway, a good friend has a daughter who is 8 months old and completely by-passed baby food. She just wouldn’t eat it, much like Simone. Her pediatrician agreed to move her to mushy people food, like smashed pieces of bread and french fries, and it seems to have done the trick. Her mom says it’s “second child syndrome” in that she just wants her to eat something already and didn’t care how she got it – but that they wouldn’t have dreamed of deviating from the “norm” with the first kid. Maybe Simone would like a Happy Meal? ;)
Wow, you sound . . . perfectly normal. Lovely post.
Hi Alexa, it’s Hollen’s mom. I’m no expert when it comes to eating, seeing as how Alexa is four months younger and only 1 pound smaller than Hollen but I can definitely relate to the eating worries. I just ran and grabbed my little baby calendar and looked up Hollen’s eating. Around 7 mos corrected, she was still not a huge fan of eating solids and I remember she didn’t really open her mouth for the next bite for a long time. She does now. Truth be told, I’ve done exactly what they tell you not to. I was so worried about her having eating issues, I only fed her what she would eat- FRUIT. Every once in awhile when the grandparents or dad was watching, I’d get out the token jar of green beans and do 1/2 beans and 1/2 applesauce on the same spoon, just to prove I was a good mom and was feeding my kid vegetables, too.Then, once we got to stage two foods, the vegetables were all combined with something else and they were a lot easier to feed her. Hey, whatever gets my micropreemie to eat, you know? I am hoping not forcing things she didn’t like down her helped her to not dislike eating- a very real micropreemie issue I have good reasons to be scared of. Now at 11 mos corrected, she eats oatmeal with fruit in the morning, finger food snacks for lunch, and a jar of stage 2 for dinners like chicken&apples or turkey&sweet potatoes (stage 3 meats make even ME want to puke and I can’t bear to feed it to her) plus bites off of our lunch and dinner plates. She loves spaghetti, macaroni & cheese, bananas, toast and stuff like that. Sure, other babies are eating better, more balanced things but others are NOT eating by mouth at all. I’ll take what I can get.
I’m no help with the more serious issues, but I can, like others, comment on baths and books.
Baths are easy. You bathe them when they smell bad, when they are visibly dirty, and when the neck cheese gets out of control and a washcloth just won’t do the trick any more. Or you bathe them as a Fun! Thing! To! Do! I know many people are a fan of the daily bath, but I just don’t have time.
As for books, with my sample size of two children living in a house overstuffed with books (husband owns a used bookstore), both had different reactions to books as babies. The Older Child loved books as soon as she could focus. Before she was a year we were reading her to sleep each night. The Younger Child seemed to hate books until she was about 14 months. I worried a bit that we were short-changing her, and worried a bit more about her black sheep potential (which she continues to live up to) but now she loves books just as much as her older sister. Reading is a very convenient “activity” for a tired mother who can lie down for ten minutes while ostensibly spending time with her children. I wouldn’t worry about it too much until she’s over a year. Both of you will enjoy it a lot more at that point.
And when she’s four or five and can follow chapter books? Then you will enjoy it so much more.
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