Thank you all for your kind words last week. I can’t say that I have revised my position that January should be abolished, but I do feel much better, now. It is odd to look back on last year and realize that I went through all of that with no idea how it would turn out in the end, just blindly putting one foot in front of the other and humming as loudly as possible to drown out the thrumming of my heart.
This year, we have been chosen as the local ambassador family for The March of Dimes’ March Of For Babies, here in St. Paul. What does that mean, you ask? Well, besides the obvious trappings that come with any ambassadorship—parking privileges, diplomatic immunity, a Town Car festooned with little flags (bearing the crest of the March of Dimes, which shows a baby astride the back of a tiger)—what it means is that I will share my story with others, partly by speaking aloud (publicly and without cue cards, ach du lieber) at March of Dimes functions.
The year before I got pregnant with Ames and Simone, I helped to organize my company’s employee giving campaign. During our volunteer training, a woman spoke about going into preterm labor and giving birth far from home, far too early. She was speaking on behalf of the March of Dimes, and that year I added them to my customary monthly tithing. I didn’t know then that my own daughter would survive partially because of that very organization—more specifically because of the March-of-Dimes-funded development of surfactant—but I was moved by that woman’s story, and what I most hope for my tenure as ambassador is that I can move someone else in the same way.
Tonight I am sitting here watching inauguration coverage, and thinking about a baby I have never met. A month ago, a photographer came to shoot us, and the NICU where Simone spent her first 96 days, for an essay I wrote. The photographer took pictures of a few current NICU babies as well, and this morning I heard that one of them died last week.
On the one hand, there is so much to celebrate. Last year, I returned from walking in the March Of For Babies to see my tube-tethered daughter in her hospital room. I’d bought her a March T-shirt in the smallest size available—six months—which was so big I could practically have used it as a swaddle. This April, Simone will be with me on the walk. In her stroller, oxygen free—and she has long since outgrown last year’s shirt.
But last week, another family went home without their baby. A baby they loved, and prepared for, and whose isolette they sat next to for days upon days upon days. I feel sick and small just thinking about it, and about the fact that really, it isn’t terribly unusual. Which is terrible.
I hope that one day it will happen less, but blood circulators don’t pay for themselves, you know.
Last year, you all helped me raise $3600 for the March of Dimes. The donations came from 25 states, England, Ireland, and Brazil. Money is not a subject I am particularly comfortable with, and I know these are difficult, belt-cinchy times, but…well, there it is, over on the farthest sidebar, right at the top. Open for business. That scrawny looking thing between my hands in the picture is Simone. She’s grown quite a bit since then, and the advances in neonatology made possible by the March of Dimes deserve at least a bit of the credit for these cheeks:
{fig. 1: Think of the Children!}
Shameless, throwing in a picture of a baby like that, I know. Thank heavens for my diplomatic immunity.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
I will click on your link. So glad you have a roly poly Simone with you now.
Thank you for giving back. Love the cheeks.
The blood circulator comment just made me laugh and cry at the same time, cause gawd I remember that.
Beautiful cheeks, just awesome.
Freakin’ diplomatic immunity. It’s always abused. Cheeks like that should be illegal, even for ambassadors!
Nice cheeks Simone! Alexa – I know this post had a sincere serious purpose – but you are also so funny – I love it! I remember that blood circulator doofus and I loved how you totally owned them via your retort – signing it “Cordially” cracked me up, you rock!
PS – congrats on the Ambassadorship – maybe you can *borrow* a placesetting of the ambassadorial china for home use – with the baby astride the tiger etched in gold, lol :)
Woo hoo Madame Ambassador! Good luck with the fund raising, hope your knee holds out ok. Have you got rid of the oh-so-attractive brace yet?
Lovely to see Simone blooming as usual, such pinch-able cheeks she has these days ;-) Early last year who would have dared to assume that this year she would be joining you on the Walk? We all hoped, but oh my, there were some dark days back then, but now, well, thank goodness for blood circulators is all I can say! Better go raise the cash to buy some more, and hopefully this year there will be even more babies saved.
Simone has such beautiful eyes!
I wish I could donate, but my personal circumstances just know are eye-wateringly restrictive.
I really couldn’t imagine a better ambassador. You’ve convinced me to donate. Good luck!
Terrible indeed. Every lost baby is one too many, every premature baby one who should have been born weeks or even months later. Those strong little fighters deserve every little chance at a better future!
Still working out how to donate from the Netherlands without a credit card. I put your banner on our blog on the website of the Dutch television series “Babyboom”. You might get some hits (and hopefully donations) from over there…
Little more than a week of January to go. Hope things will go smoothly.
Oh, and wow, those chubby cheeks… Yummie!
Are you sure you are not a lawyer? Because you are so very convincing. I went out to the cold garage barefoot to get my purse. As mine slumbers curled up on his tummy, warm in his crib, I just cannot fathom how difficult it would be to lose him. To have never brought him home in the first place. Good for you for doing this and being so strong for Simone.
here’s a test of your diplomacy, if not your immunity: should we know where your essay is? i remember the photo shoot, and i remember you talking about writing, but i don’t (ahem) remember mention of where and when your essay was published. is this top secret information?
our local npr station is running its winter fund-drive. we are already members and can’t afford to donate more, but i think bitsy and i will bake brownies (the normal sort) to take to the volunteers…our little way of giving. we’ll find a way to give to MoD(F)B, too. maybe if i clean the car i can come up with some spare change….
–s.
Simone’s cheeks just slay me. (I’ll see if I can scrape up some money, but just groceries this week is straining the college-kid budget.)
thanks for the link. I tried to “give you a boost” by putting your link on my facebook, but the link does not work. I’ll keep trying.
Congratulations, The March of Dimes is lucky to have such a wonderful person as Embassador!
I will be walking with my 17-month-old son, also here because of surfactant, in Lake County, Illinois, in April.
Simone is just beautiful, and those cheeks look edible!
I think what you’re doing with/for the March of Dimes is moving and commendable. Kudos.
More importantly, I just realized Simone is having a BIRTHDAY soon!
Shameless…and justifiably so! Immunity granted!
When I was about 14 (1976), the March of Dimes contacted me regarding doing some fund raising in my little town. I agreed because as a kid, I always loved babies. I went door-to-door and collected money, sometimes getting snickers from people. It wasn’t until I turned in the money that the MOD discovered I was just a kid and not an adult! I didn’t think it was necessary to be an adult to raise money for this cause, but they really got a hoot out of it. I’m not sure if they have age restrictions now, but if I remember right, it used to be something housewives would do. No one is too young to fund raise! Good job, Lady Ambassador. Wish I could kiss Simone’s cheeks and sputter on her belly.
I was going to go right to your link and donate but decided that instead I will walk in our local walk and collect donations in honor of Simone and our healthy IVF baby Callie and in memory of Ames and others who were lost recently.
Patti
I am sure your story will inspire many to donate, good luck with all the public speaking, they couldn’t have picked a better person to represent!
You shameless hussy! I’m so glad they picked you. You’re going to do great.
We love surfactant! Maddie is a year old now because of that and a bunch of wonderful people caring for her at the baby factory. March of Dimes helped us out immensely, but I won’t be able to walk because of foot surgery! But we will donate!
March onward your Ambassador-ship!
Oh my those cheeks are so cute! Poor little thing. Hopefully she doesn’t have too many great-aunts that just can’t resist giving them a little pinch!
Planning on bringing our gang to the walk this year too. Guess that means I better get going and sign up!
Holy CRAP not only are you on the ball but you’ve already raised more than twice my goal. I need to get on the ball.
Good luck! I donated to you. In honor of Simone, and also my former 31 week preemie. We have never walked, but I try to give to random people on the random blogs that I read.
She is adorable! So glad that she is going with you on the walk this year.
It is so sad to hear of any lost baby.
Take care
OMG! Look at those cheeks. How do you not melt each time you see her??
(Well, I suspect you do…)
Will go donate now.
Firstly…I don’t know if you know/remember me, I actually designed your old blog layout before going off to have a premmie of my very own. I’m also a member of a micro prem email list that I think you believe to (hopefully or I just made a fool of myself).
I’ve been reading your blog on and off for a while and wanted to congratulate you on those cheeks! Aren’t they the most beautiful things on a prem? I wanted to wish you luck (which isn’t quite the right word) in reaching $5000, it’s such an amazing gift to give.
While Erin was in the NICU there were two babies who died in our room and a good friend of mine lost her baby shortly after we came home. Those three little lives and seeing their mothers grief while they waited has changed me more than anything else ever has (probably ever will).
Before I go, I’m so so sorry you were the target of such nasty, vicious people. That’s just appalling. I can’t believe people like that actually exist.
I’m finally delurking to say hi! I’ve been following your blog for a bit, and I’ve finally made it through the whole thing. I just love your writing, and I have to say that even though much of what I read is long past, I was rooting for you the whole time.
Your shameless posting of Simone’s picture has convinced me that I need to help you reach your goal. I will see what I can scrounge up to donate in honour of Simone and Ames, and in honour of my little sister, who my mother lost due to miscarriage so many years ago now.
I would kill for Sadie to have those cheeks. Damn. So juicy.
hey, can you sell your article to another mag? Do you have the rights still?
On behalf of MoD, we’re so happy to have you and Simone aboard. Thank you, thank you for your time and effort and for loving the babies as much as we do!