June 2009

I am sick with some sort of flu. Just in case it is swine related, this morning I ate a rasher of bacon as spitefully as I know how. I usually feel better each successive day of an illness—save for the first two—but this time it is quite the opposite, and I have a sinking [...]

Well, I was going to post something else—a scintillating diagram of my brain, actually—but I have just heard the news about Michael Jackson. I don’t know if I have told you this, but at one time…oh, about 25 years ago, it was my intent to marry him. I had a Michael Jackson doll (Barbie VASTLY [...]

This past weekend I added Google Analytics to this site, and I must say the results have been fascinating. People find their way here through such an enchanting variety of search queries, but often they leave with their concerns unaddressed. Well, no longer! I live to serve, you see. can baby be a boy even [...]

No day in which you have already been to the emergency room and back by eleven a.m. can be said to be a pleasant one, unless, I suppose, someone later appears on your doorstep with a gift-wrapped box of money, a plate of lobster ravioli in saffron cream sauce, and a magnum of fine champagne. [...]

…a long, ascending wail, say about 7:30 a.m. False European Time, perhaps followed by the sound of mournful, furious typing, don’t be alarmed. It’s just my mother, realizing I don’t keep my promises. {Confidential to you-know-who: Scott is working late; I’m on solo baby duty and typing this very very quickly while she wails, neglected, [...]

Inspired by the inimitable Jaywalker, and also by my need to post something, anything for my ungrateful mother, I have decided to reveal to you the contents of Pearl, my handbag. Roughly clockwise-ish, from left to right: 1. Passport, which has remained in outside pocket since my trip last month. You know, in case I [...]

1. It is actually much worse than it looks. No one burns more easily and through higher SPFs than I. 2. This morning my mother informed me that she HASN’T BEEN READING MY POSTS for the last few days. Surely, you are thinking, there has been a terrible accident—perhaps the crazy Italian who ran her [...]

MONDAY: It was grey and drizzly when we arrived in Luzern. Our first stop was the lion pictured in the picture portion, rather depressingly called “THE DYING LION OF LUZERN.” Mark Twain called it “the saddest and most moving piece of rock in the world,” a memorial to Swiss mercenaries who died at the Tuileries [...]

I am having technical difficulties with my Luzern photos, so I thought I would give you an update on the baby-with-glasses situation. Many of you wondered how they calculated Simone’s prescription in the first place, and I don’t blame you. Babies can’t read, and they’re wiggly, and they are terrible at following instructions. This seems [...]

Simone is getting a molar, either that or she has a form of the mumps in which there is only one mump present, located in the mouth along the gum. This development, along with the fact that the Internet hates me (as evidenced by my Facebook and Twitter accounts being hacked within days of each [...]