An Hour in the Life.

by Alexa on June 12, 2009

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. I have had a terrible headache all day long, and Simone’s newfound love of the xylophone is not helping. In lieu of an actual post, here is a collection of my thoughts from today lazily conveniently arranged in bulletpoints:

  • What does one wear at BlogHer?
  • Does one change in the evenings? Change into what, exactly?
  • Speaking of BlogHer, do I just…wander around and hope to run into people?
  • Should I be scheduling rendezvous?
  • What is the plural of rendezvous? Is there a plural of rendezvous?
  • Could my eyeball just pop right out from all the pressure behind it? Has that happened?
  • If it happened, what would I transport it in on the way to the hospital? Saline solution, probably.
  • Or would the salt be a bad idea? How much salt?
  • Hey, what do you call an epileptic who’s a real asshole? A MYOCLONIC JERK!
  • That doesn’t even make sense. Myclonic jerks are more commonly associated with something like Parkinson’s, and you can’t make fun of Parkinson’s.
  • What, but epilepsy’s okay, you heartless bastard?
  • Why did I even buy Simone that stupid xylophone?
  • Back to BlogHer: how many business cards should I get?
  • Do people carry their cameras around? Cameras are heavy!
  • I can’t believe I get to stay in a hotel all by myself for a whole weekend, and pretend it’s “for my career.”
  • Speaking of careers, whatever happened to mine?
  • Let’s talk about something else. Hotel! King-sized bed! Room service!
  • Not that I’ll have time for room service—too many parties. I should probably start training for them. Training myself to stay up past 9pm.
  • Really. I can’t afford to freelance any longer, unless I get some more actual clients.
  • Oh my god, I going to have to start waitressing at night.
  • Or hooking.
  • No, I would pay NOT to see me naked, at the moment.
  • Why does no one tell you what will happen to your breasts after you stop nursing?
  • Maybe I could start again? It’s only been what, three months? Adoptive moms breastfeed. I could make it work.
  • Except for all the biting.
  • Maybe I’ll mostly wear dresses, at BlogHer. With flattering empire waists.
  • My legs are too pale. And covered in bruises. I wish they made self-tanner that looked natural on the exceptionally pallid.
  • Maybe they do?
  • Why do I bruise so easily? God, I hope I don’t have Leukemia.
  • I have to think of something to say at that March of Dimes thing on Tuesday.
  • “My baby was born weighing less than a small guinea pig, and it sucked. Let’s make that happen less.”
  • There, done.
  • I think I need to eat something.
  • Did I have lunch? It’s hard to remember, my brain is having trouble working, what with ALL THAT XYLOPHONE.
  • Oh my god, I still have to post today.

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