July 2009

BlogHer Part One: Thursday.

July 27, 2009

• The first thing I did upon arrival at my departure gate was look around surreptitiously for potential BlogHers (BlogsHer?)—nerdy, petrified-looking women. There were none. So imagine my surprise when this slender, sylph-like creature asks whether I’m me, which I am, and reveals that she writes online as well. She’d had a baby three weeks [...]

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Alexa: A Field Guide.

July 21, 2009

BlogHer is in two days, and I am in my customary pre-travel frenzy, during which my mind buzzes with such unholy ferocity that it eventually overheats and shuts down altogether. I keep thinking I will outgrow this eventually, but like my fear of Jacks-in-the-Box and tendency to be plunged into depressed and embarrassed ennui at [...]

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Staycation All I Ever Wanted.

July 19, 2009

Four years ago today, I posted a faux interview with Barbara Walters, my very first entry. I am entering my fifth year of inchoate navel gazing, here at Flotsam. It frankly astounds me that I have managed to keep it up this long, my work ethic being what it isn’t, and I was so impressed [...]

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Why I Keep the Camera Handy.

July 15, 2009

Why look! It’s a baby! Scooting toward me with a book in its hand! . . What’s that you’re saying, as you pull yourself up on my skirt? You want me to read the thing you’ve flung at my lap? Let’s see what it is: . . Huh. You’ve been in the hall closet again. [...]

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Nerdtopia.

July 13, 2009

When I was little—say, seven—I had a favorite daydream. I daydreamed quite a bit, back then, playing somewhat elaborate scenes out in my head while in the car, at school, or swinging absentmindedly on the playground. Many of these were excessively dramatic and involved my death and subsequent funeral, or more mundanely, a busy morning [...]

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CHAMPAGNE FOR EVERYONE!

July 12, 2009

I haven’t posted in almost a week, but for once it had nothing to do with my incurable sloth. I’ve been very busy, you see—busy pinching myself, and waiting for ink to dry, and for my sense of unreality to dissipate. It hasn’t, but I can’t wait any longer: It was number one. All standard [...]

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Nutritional Information.

July 7, 2009

So, does your baby eat? Because mine still doesn’t, not with any consistency. Sure, she has her good days, like the Thursday she ate a WHOLE ENTIRE CHICKEN FINGER (happily, the most nutritious part of the chicken), but in general it is a battle, and one I am waging poorly. The situation is not helped [...]

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Heaven.

July 6, 2009

Are you planning a trip to Iowa? No? Well, in case you change your mind, let me tell you a few things about The Corn State, as it is known (Maybe): IOWA IS EMPTY. You could gather up all the towns and cities in Iowa and move them into one corner, perhaps renting the rest [...]

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Impromptu.

July 3, 2009

Yesterday, around noon, I was sitting in my car after a morning as tediously horrible as any I have ever had. This morning had involved a trip to the godforsaken St. Paul police impound lot, which is located in down the most depressing, trash-strewn road imaginable. You drive past junkyards and heaps of dirt, and [...]

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