BlogHer Part One: Thursday.
• The first thing I did upon arrival at my departure gate was look around surreptitiously for potential BlogHers (BlogsHer?)—nerdy, petrified-looking women. There were none. So imagine my surprise when this slender, sylph-like creature asks whether I’m me, which I am, and reveals that she writes online as well. She’d had a baby three weeks ago, and yet her stomach was…flat. Last month when I visited my sister-in-law who was then 17 weeks pregnant with twins, our bellies were roughly identical, and I am SEVENTEEN MONTHS postpartum. So naturally my tentatively-voiced question for this flat-bellied woman was whether she had used a surrogate. She hadn’t. Luckily, she was very nice about it, and we ended up sharing a car to the hotel with two strangers and a Russian-accented driver who no longer worked for the car company but had been called in out of desperation, to deal with the glut of Lady Bloggers.
• Standing in line to check in at reception, I saw an illustrated penis flash by. Porn Skirt! Heather was one of the people I wanted to meet, as we share a Handbag Sickness, but she was on her way out, so we just waved and then I took my luggage upstairs, where I suddenly realized that I had flown into Chicago to see a bunch of STRANGERS, oh my god. I unpacked, and went down to the lobby, where everyone was hugging one other. I pretended to be busy with my phone. Important business! No time for hugging! And then I WAS busy with my phone, as I received yet another rejection from a large publishing house. Now I was pretending to be busy AND pretending not to be bereft. I was reminded of my first day of college, when I walked around pretending to be very busy with my cigarette while everyone hugged one another. While they hugged, I smoked, and convinced myself that friendship was overrated anyway, as I was at Sarah Lawrence to THROW MYSELF INTO MY STUDIES.
• I ran into Aurelia, and we discussed ADD, health care reform, and clotting disorders—you know, small talk. I saw Amy, whose baby is even cuter in person, believe it or not, and she gave me a hug, which startled me so much that I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. We’d talked over email, and yet I was surprised anyway. This would be a theme all weekend. People were nice to me, and I was shocked! People had seen my site, and I was shocked! You would think I was kept in a cave, beaten daily and deprived of human affection, the way I reacted to the smallest bits of kindness, but no. That’s just how I roll.
• I went back to my room, at loose ends, and ordered room service. I think at this point I was still convinced I had made a mistake in coming, and when Scott called I acted as if I were homesick at summer camp. Bear in mind that it had been about six hours since I left my apartment.
• I got myself ready for the People’s Party. As I was leaving my room, someone said my name, and it was Alana. We’d never met before, but we’d written a bit, and you know those people who make you instantly comfortable? Alana was one of them. I adore her. Here she is Saturday, at the CheeseburgHer party:
• The People’s Party was loud and crowded and hot, and everything spilled out into the lobby. Alana wisely got a bit of gin into me before leading me around to be introduced to people, and what do you know! I was having a marvelous time. Metalia showed me her cunningly bedazzled iPhone case; I met Isabel, who was, again, SHOCKINGLY friendly, and what kept striking me was how easy it was to feel I’d known many of these people for years, because I suppose in a way I had.
• Linda was a perfect example, as once I started talking to her I could have continued for quite some time, and (sorry!) probably did. I should tell you that she seems more demure in person, I think because not ONCE did she mention cockpunching.
• By the time I went to bed, I was exhausted and exhilarated, and the soft, lofty mattress was so marvelous that I fell asleep on my back and woke up not having moved an inch. Straight away the next morning, I began my very own Life List. So far it has only one item: OWN SHERATON BED OR SIMILAR.
20 Comments
Chicago’s my hometown and I wanted to go to BlogHer so badly, but a)I don’t feel that I’m enough of a blogger yet and b)I have no travel money. And I guess c), traveling with a three-year-old in tow isn’t always as wonderful as it sounds.
That picture just made my heart clench up. I’m happy you had fun : )
I expect for the rest of your BlogHer posts to go something like this: “And then Heather would never leave me alone. She was EVERYWHERE. OMG”
;-)
(I keep expecting to turn around and see you right there and yet you’re not. And it makes me sad.)
Oh, how I love a good hotel bed!
The nervousness and awkwardness you describe would be exactly how I’d feel, I have to imagine. But maybe the hotel bed and the unexpected kindness would make it worth it.
I am still mortified that you had to sit beneath my enormous suitcase all the way to the hotel. It was an unexpected pleasure to meet you and get to spend a little time with you before the craziness of the conference began. And, oh, do I ever agree with you, those beds were delicious.
Oh Alexa! It was such a pleasure getting to hang out with you. The day I got home I kept thinking, oh I’ll just go out in the hall and get Alexa and we’ll go down to the lobby and have some drinkies and oh my God noooooooo it’s over!!! WAH! Who are these small beings climbing all over me and why do they keep demanding cheese sticks?
Can’t wait to see your pictures. Hoping (in addition to my giant be-bagged head) there will be documentation of all your ultra-cute shoes.
It almost makes me want to become a writer, just to get to go BogHer!!! You guys had sooo much fun! But I would be the NoBody girl…what is SHE doing here…she is not even a writer!!! Go back to PA bitch! Blah Blah Blah! Yeah I Know I would be on the next flight back to the mountains with my tail between my legs. Glad you had fun ALexa! Now it’s back to mommyhood, hey did you say you were pregnant? Did I miss that? What was the part about you and Heather being sick? Please clear that part up! Because I know Heather IS preggers! Are you?????
It was lovely to meet you, Alexa! What a weekend. I really feel like I missed out on that McDonald’s headgear, though. That shit is bangin’.
Wendi
You are the only one I wanted to meet but didn’t get to. I recognized you from afar and at one point saw you at the MamaPop party, but then another woman with the SAME HAIR sat at the table and I walked up to her. Imagine her grace (she really was nice about it) when I stammered an apology and a “I thought you were someone else”. So, I really regret not meeting you, Alexa. Maybe next time? :-)
I’m so glad you’re back! I thought about leaving nasty comments about how BlogHer was just an excuse to leave your regular readers post-less. but now that you are back, all is forgiven.
Oh my god those beds. They were fluffy soft clouds of quick sand, sucking you in and not letting you out again until you RESTED.
Hey, so glad to have hung out with you!!! And it wasn’t all that serious, was it? I seem to have recalled laughing with you at some points. ;)
And very funny about thinking no one would hang with you or be nice to you. That was my line!! I’m still shocked you said hi or even noticed me silly.
Thank you for posting all the links to the other blogs. I find that if I like one person’s blog, it’s probable that I’ll like blogs they link to (to which they link?). I envy you getting to meet all these people because, quite frankly, even though I’m relatively new to blogging, I’ve been reading blogs for some time and feel like I know these people (including you!).
Wait. Did you really go to Sarah Lawrence? So did I.
I was thrilled to lay eyes on you.
Make sure you visit Smoke Daddy on Division before you leave. Best. BBQ. EVER!!
Oh, God. Me with the startling, neither-expected-nor-asked-for hugs. I do that. I should have warned you.
I have a theory about the bed and the not moving. I believe that the beds were so soft and cushy that you sank down in them so far that it is just plain IMPOSSIBLE to roll any direction without smothering yourself.
The jury is still out on whether I loved my Sheraton bed or hated it.
Also, I really enjoyed meeting you. You’re like my hero and stuff. And I’m glad I managed not to mention that to you when I attacked you at one of the parties.
I can’t reply directly to your twitters…excuse me “tweets” (still catching up)…because that just seems, well, weird. But somehow blog comments feel “safe.”
I am constantly stutteringly trying to explain myself to people whose eyes bulge when I call something my son does “creepy.” I firmly believe we personify babies–meaning, they aren’t quite “people” in the way we are. So when they accidently seem like people (inadvertently strike a pose or look or make a sound more advanced than they are capable) or when they cross further into peopledom (respond, recognize, walk, talk) for the first time, it’s…well, creepy. Why wouldn’t it be?
And by “creepy” I of course mean that my son is a precious gift from GOD and he is close to heavenly angels in the great chain of being and thank the lord on high his life is protected by those madpeople in prairie garb holding signs on the side of the road.
How many of us are there in the Twin Cities, I wonder? Does anyone think of arranging a local BlogHer? Wouldn’t that be terrifying? And potentially fun?
So you were just PRETENDING to be on the phone, eh? I kept smiling at you anyway. :D
It was AWESOME to see you in person. We must have more time to talk next time. Yes. We must.
Wait a minute – you went to Sarah Lawrence? Me too! I don’t think you were alone in trying to hide bone-crushing shyness by smoking; most of us writers did. Those people hugging each other were all the theatre students. Pffft! ;)