For Ollie.

by Alexa on August 5, 2009

Since last week, I’ve had a plan for today. On Wednesday, August 5th, I was going to post about a little boy named Ollie, in honor of his first birthday.
And then two days ago, at 5:30 in the morning, Ollie died.

It seems exceptionally cruel to cause parents to lose their child and then, two days later, be visited by what would have been his first birthday. But then, Spinal Muscular Atrophy is an exceptionally cruel disease.

I first learned about Ollie right around the time of his diagnosis. Amanda, a close friend of Ollie’s parents, has been one of my most constant and encouraging readers, and has become a friend, despite her continuing refusal to move here from far-away Raleigh.

Ollie was about two months old when Neil and Bekka, his father and mother, began to notice that he didn’t move his legs much, and wasn’t trying to lift his head or roll over. He was diagnosed with Type I Spinal Muscular Atrophy, which is nearly always fatal by age two. Most babies—sadly, this group would come to include Ollie—do not make it to their first birthdays.

Just imagine what this must have been like. Neil and Bekka endured YEARS of loss and infertility before finally, finally giving birth to their son, and then after two months suffused with a feeling of peace and arrival, discovered that they would spend the next year watching their baby die.

Spinal Muscular Atrophy is the number one genetic killer of children under two, and the number two cause of infant mortality worldwide. At least 1 in 40 people, and possibly more, are carriers of the abnormal gene that causes SMA. There is a genetic screening test available, but while prospective parents are often screened to see whether they are carriers for other genetic conditions, like Cystic Fibrosis, the screening for SMA is rarely offered.

SMA causes deficiency of a protein called Survival Motor Neuron Protein. Without this protein, nerve cells may atrophy, shrink, and eventually die, resulting in muscle degeneration. In short, Ollie did not have the muscle to lift his head, move his legs, swallow, cough, or sneeze. He was eventually fed through a G-tube, and managing his secretions due to his inability to swallow became a full time job. In time, Ollie’s muscles deteriorated to the point that he was unable to breathe. Cause of death for babies with SMA is usually respiratory failure. Pneumonia due to secretions is common. Taking a breath, for Ollie, was work. Every breath—WORK.
I happen to know firsthand what it is like to watch your child fight for each inhale. It is a terrible thing.

By all accounts, Ollie was a remarkably happy baby despite what must have been a daunting daily struggle, and every picture I have seen of him bears this out. He always looks vaguely mischievous, like he is suppressing a giggle.

Ollie
Ollie

I’m not telling you all of this to ruin your Wednesday. I’m telling you because one of the tragedies of death is the snuffing out of a whole personality, and the world spinning on as if that personality never existed. And also because among more than 600 neurological disorders, SMA has been singled out by the National Institutes of Health as the disease closest to treatment. They are SO close to a cure, which seems both hope-inspiring and a little cruel.

Many diseases feel unbeatable. I’ve donated to research for a variety of conditions, and if I am honest, I’ll admit that it is often exhausting to know that while treatments have improved, a cure is a long, long way off. This isn’t the case with SMA. We have the opportunity to make a dramatic difference, and a fund in Ollie’s memory has been set up through Families of SMA. The proceeds go toward critical research and the education and support of families affected by this disease. At the very least, I think we can all contact our representatives, and ask them to endorse the SMA Treatment Acceleration Act.

Lastly, as you go about your Wednesday—sitting in meetings, soothing a maddeningly fractious baby, wondering what you might have for dinner—please keep Ollie and his parents in your thoughts, and leave a comment here to let them know that you’re doing so. Remembering is a small thing, or at least it can seem that way. But it means so much to the people left behind.

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Deja August 5, 2009 at 3:01 pm

What an absolutely beautiful little boy.

I am generally far too lazy to contact my representatives, but I’m going to do it this time.

I am so sorry for Bekka and Neil’s loss. I will keep them in my thoughts.

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C @ Kid Things August 5, 2009 at 3:03 pm

He’s beautiful.

I am so very sorry.

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Sonia August 5, 2009 at 3:07 pm

Neil and Bekka, I am so sorry for your loss and can’t imagine the pain you are going through. Ollie will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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Jen August 5, 2009 at 3:13 pm

Dear Neil and Bekka,

The photos of Ollie are just adorable…what a beautiful little guy! Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

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Heather August 5, 2009 at 3:19 pm

I am so sorry. Neil, Bekka, and gorgeous little Ollie will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

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Carla August 5, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Thank you for sharing this. My thoughts and prayers are with Ollie and his family.

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AthenaP August 5, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Ollie and his parents are in my thoughts. The photos of him are remarkable, his eyes a window into who he must’ve been.

Thank you for the post – for sharing Ollie, and his story, with us.

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Sara August 5, 2009 at 3:41 pm

To Ollie’s parents, so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you as you begin the hard road of grieving. Your boy is beautiful.

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...finally "The Mom" August 5, 2009 at 3:44 pm

Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for Ollie’s parents. Thank you for sharing what must have been a difficult post for you to write. He is a beautiful child and I know that he will be missed.

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Tina Winslow Hudson August 5, 2009 at 4:01 pm

My thoughts are with and for Ollie and his parents. Such a heart-rending loss on top of infertility is so unfair. All good thoughts for your future happiness as you grieve.

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Candice August 5, 2009 at 4:05 pm

They are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Kristin August 5, 2009 at 4:16 pm

As someone who has watched their baby take his last breaths, I understand how painful this is. My thoughts and prayers go out to each and every person who’s lives Ollie has touched. May beautiful li’l Ollie rest in peace.

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Leslie August 5, 2009 at 4:27 pm

As a personal friend of Ollie’s parents (and of Ollie)I thank you for your beautiful blog post and encourage everyone to please screen for SMA. It’s as common as Cystic Fibrosis and yet no one knows about it until it attacks someone you love. Go to Ollie’s blog at http://www.olliestale.blogspot.com to see all kinds of links on the right of his page for how you can take action if you so choose. Neil and Bekka are very special people and were the right parents for Ollie. He was a very special boy who touched so many in his short life. Think of us on Friday when we celebrate his life. Thank you all!

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Anne August 5, 2009 at 4:36 pm

Bless Ollie and his family.

Another testament as to why it’s so important to give when you can. This story, sad as it is, puts the true importance of life (mine, ours, his) in perspective. What we may consider important, is not nearly as important as the gift of giving.

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Hanlie August 5, 2009 at 4:37 pm

I’m delurking for Ollie and his bereft family. May peace find you in all of this.

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KL August 5, 2009 at 4:38 pm

I’m sorry to hear of your loss, Neil and Bekka. He was such a beautiful baby, and was probably everything that you ever dreamt of – perfect. I am so sorry that you had to let him go.

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Erin August 5, 2009 at 4:42 pm

More thoughts coming from here for Neil and Bekka. He was a beautiful baby. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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stacey August 5, 2009 at 4:51 pm

Thinking of Ollie and his family today. So sorry.

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rosie August 5, 2009 at 4:52 pm

what a wonderful little boy…i’m thinking of him and his family.

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Julie August 5, 2009 at 4:53 pm

More prayers for Neil and Bekka…

I’m so sorry for your loss.

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CJ August 5, 2009 at 5:13 pm

I’m so sorry. Thinking of Ollie and his family today.

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Jen August 5, 2009 at 5:48 pm

What a gorgeous little boy… My heart goes out to his family.

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babelbabe August 5, 2009 at 5:57 pm

oh, the sweet little guy. I am so sorry, no parent should have to go through this. Bekka & Neil, I will think of you and Ollie, and not just today. I wish you peace and strength.

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Erin August 5, 2009 at 6:21 pm

My son’s name is Ollie, too. I wish you peace, and I will keep you and your Ollie in my thoughts.

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Val August 5, 2009 at 6:24 pm

Oh how this post hurts my heart, my soul. I don’t know what to say, how to heal your pain, just know that am thinking of you, and your sweet little boy with the sweet little cheeks and I am praying for your family, and for the researchers trying to find a cure.

Your boy, and your family, has become a part of my life and my memories and I will remember his story.

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ccr in MA August 5, 2009 at 6:32 pm

What a beautiful boy. Those laughing eyes! I’m so sorry to hear of this. Off to donate a little something.

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Susan August 5, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Thank you for sharing this story and letting us know about this condition. I’ll be thinking of Ollie and his family today.

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Cj August 5, 2009 at 7:18 pm

Thank you Alexa for sharing Ollie’s story. What a tremendous friend you are and I am keeping Ollie’s family in my thoughts today.

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ann August 5, 2009 at 7:44 pm

As I mourn the first anniversary of my daughter’s stillbirth, I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is to mourn your son on what should be his first birthday. I am sending as much love & strength I can to you, Bekka & Neil. I know you are living through hell right now. I am so sorry for the loss of your darling boy.

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Briar August 5, 2009 at 8:03 pm

He is so lovely. Sending love and light to his family. This is just so sad.

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eden August 5, 2009 at 8:13 pm

He is so very beautiful. Thinking of your sweet boy, I’m so sorry.

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karen August 5, 2009 at 8:37 pm

What a sweet munchkin! I have shivers and tears reading this story. My thoughts and prayers go out to his parents.

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Lisa August 5, 2009 at 9:09 pm

My heart, and my prayers go out to the family of this sweet beautiful boy. I am so, so very sorry.

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Kristin August 5, 2009 at 9:17 pm

I send thoughts of peace and comfort to the family.

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Ann August 5, 2009 at 9:48 pm

Ollie looks like a beautiful cherub. I’m so very sorry for your terrible loss. You sound like wonderful parents. Hugs for you both and for your sweet boy.

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Ann August 5, 2009 at 9:49 pm

Thank you for posting this Alexa, what a beautiful and adorable little boy, and my sympathies to his parents in this difficult time. He is so, so beautiful.

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Beth August 5, 2009 at 9:50 pm

Thanks for passing along this news. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain. May Ollie’s parents find some tiny solace in how many of us unknown readers are holding them in our thoughts today and in the days to come.

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Abbie August 5, 2009 at 9:55 pm

Delurking to let Bekka and Neil know that I am so sorry for the loss of their gorgeous, gorgeous baby boy. I have an Oliver, too, and he just had his first birthday. It is unfair and heartbreakingly sad that your Ollie did not get to celebrate this day. I will think of your son now when I think about the name Oliver, and I’ll remember how precious every single day is.

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Lynda O August 5, 2009 at 10:24 pm

Bekka and Neil, Know that you are being held up to the greatest glory of all.

May Oliver’s light shine on forever; perhaps he and my sister will meet.

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Neil August 5, 2009 at 10:46 pm

Alexa,

I want to thank you (and Amanda) so much for this post. Oliver has been the light of our lives for the last year. It makes a daddy’s heart warm to see so many comments of “gorgeous” and “beautiful” when people are talking about his little boy. Ollie truly was a special child. You can’t even imagine the first impression the grin that extended from deep in his heart all the way to his eyes made on every visitor and every nurse and every doctor. I can only think we saw pure goodness brought to earth in our little boy.

Thank you all for the posts here and on Ollie’s blog. Bekka and I are so happy to have this information and Ollie’s story spread throughout the blogosphere. We encourage everyone to link to our blog and Alexa’s blog and get the story out. So few people, including, pediatricians, GP physicians and OBs even know about the disease and those that do think its “so rare we don’t test for that”. Whether it be carrier testing for parents or testing on the little ones, they are WRONG!

The reality is that it’s now known to be MORE common in the caucasian community than cystic fibrosis and at least on par on the whole.

Responsible physicians should be recommending carrier testing to prospective parents and insurance should cover it (ours did). No one should have to go through what Bekka and I have for the last year. We would take nothing for our time with little Ollie, but SMA is a horrible disease for the children and the caretakers. A cure may be near, but near may mean 5 years or 20 – for now, testing and prevention is the only way to know.

Thanks you all for beautiful words and go hug your little ones for us.

Neil Mastin

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tonnya cinnamon August 5, 2009 at 10:59 pm

what a beautiful boy….i will never understand the how or why on diseases.:(
my thoughts go out to the family.loving hugs tonya

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Dee Anne Simonton August 6, 2009 at 12:10 am

Rest in peace, Ollie.

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twangy August 6, 2009 at 5:01 am

Neil and Bekka, I am so sorry to hear of your terrible loss, too. Even from the photos, you can see how lovely your boy was.

Thanks for informing us about this horrendous disease. This is something we need to know.

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I August 6, 2009 at 5:07 am

Neil and Bekka,
There are no words.
I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss.
Irene

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Shannon Kieta August 6, 2009 at 6:01 am

OMG Alexa… How sad, typing through tears…and counting my blessings, know that those parents are in my prayers, always. That beautiful baby is always an angel by their side now. He looked so perfect and healthy…what a shame! It’s simply not fair!

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Maren August 6, 2009 at 6:39 am

I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my deepest condolences.
–Maren

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Sabine August 6, 2009 at 7:09 am

Happiness is always hanging on the thinnest of threads, isn’t it? I send all my warm thoughts to the family of little Ollie. I’m really sorry for your loss.

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lae August 6, 2009 at 7:44 am

Neil and Bekka

I am so sorry for your loss. Ollie is so beautiful.

my prayers go out to you and your family and my voice to our congressmen

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Michelle August 6, 2009 at 8:04 am

This is so sad. I’m heartbroken for Ollie
and his parents. My prayers are with you.

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Kim August 6, 2009 at 8:26 am

Neil and Bekka,

I’m very sorry for the loss of your precious son, Ollie.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Kim

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