Me and Sheila E.
Lest you think I am living some glamorous, authorial life, now, let me present Simone’s latest hobby: flinging things into the bathtub.
Now that she is bipedal, there are all manner of cupboards and drawers she can open, and when she’s not busy removing my tampons from their box or unshelving all of the books within her reach, she likes to gather random objects from around the apartment, transport them into the bathroom, and heave them into the tub. She is never out of my sight for more than a few moments, thus I am not sure how she manages this without detection, but manage it she does, and it is something of a shock to sit down to pee only to be confronted with most of the contents of your bathroom vanity. Is she building a nest? Is this art? I don’t know.
An inventory of the items in the above photograph, clockwise-ish from left to right:
1. Unopened set of velcro rollers
2. Bath ball
3. Three travel makeup bags–one Sephora brush bag, two Laura Mercier gift-with-purchase pouches
4. Another bath ball
5. Roll of toilet paper
6. Curling iron pouch, heat-resistant
7. Rag? Underwear?
8. Dirty sock from laundry basket
9. Tampon, removed from wrapper
10. Electric razor
11. Toothbrush
12. Toilet paper, loose
13. Charging stand for electronic toothbrush
14. Another sock
15. Rubber Ducky/water temperature gauge
Is she preparing for the apocalypse, or is this a daring indictment of 21st century materialism, and the meaningless detritus from which we construct our lives? Freaky-crow-baby, or GENIUS?
31 Comments
Looks like she is having fun. At least she isn’t playing in the toilet.
I say genius!
aren’t babies supposed to throw things in the toilet? do you have a child safety lock thingy on there?
Oh.My.God. That is flipping hysterical!!!
It’s amazing how fun tampons can be to play with. My daughter also loves bandaids and wearing my undies on her head.
As I was reading, it sounded like you were talking about my Sophia. She is only a few weeks younger than Simone, and I was dying, choking on my laughter as I pictured Simone gleefully, devilishly heaving and tossing random objects into the tub, just as Sophia does. Actually, I am packing my stuff to move back to Virginia from Utah, and her way of helping is to throw random things into the nearest box. This sure is a great age, isn’t it?
P.S. I am totally buying your book when it comes out.
Why is it that I immediately pick the unwrapped tampon out of the crowd and think Hey! I use the same brand!?
And your daughter is brilliant. Be careful. Her sights are only set on what she can reach now. Wait til she sees something out of her reach and figures out a way to get to it. I never knew books could make a solid step stool Sprite has learned they DON’T.
Ha! Gatito has recently started doing stuff like this(at age 3.5) He collects it in an IKEA bag, though. It I’d like living with a magpie.
By far, the best thing I have heard of a newly walking child doing. She is brilliant!
Did we go to DefCon two while I was running around today? Pisser, and here I am out of tampons.
This reminds me of a cat I once used to own. If you find the brown sugar in there one day, call me.
I’ve completely given up on trying to figure out the toddler mind – just go with it! Mine also likes to throw things into the bathtub (which comes in handy when I have to pee, I just line up bath toys and other detritus on the edge of the tub and she’s occupied for whole minutes), and has just discovered that the toilet paper roll actually rolls and the top of the bathroom garbage bin comes off. It was funny the first thousand times, and now both of these things live on the vanity counter.
Your 2 unused bath bombs tell me that you aren’t taking enough baths. Please don’t let this condition become a “problem”.
Yours,
Lt. Lush
If she does it more than three times, it’s an “installation,” and you can charge admission to your bathroom.
I’m voting Freaky-Crow-Baby, btw.
That’s quite an assortment. As long as she’s not turning the water on yet, you’re GOLDEN.
You. Sold. Your. Book.
That is FANTASTIC!!!! Cannot wait to read it.
Thank you for providing an inventory of Simone’s bath nest. How DO these babies of ours open tampon wrappers?? Freaks.
Alexa..
I had to laugh. My daughter is so slick doing the same things. She is only barely a year old! Too funny!
Partition the area off with a velvet rope and you have her first found objects art installation.
genius.
Genius nest builder. Architect?
Want Simone to stop opening closets and drawers and cease messing with your stuff? Get several of those cans that look like they contain nuts but in reality hold springy, leaping snakes. Turn them into toddler bait by decorating them with pretty stickers and bows. Leave them in random drawers and go about your business. The high-pitched shrieks of terror mean she found one.
Pick up a few gruesomely realistic Halloween decorations, the kind that are motion activated. Life-size mummies with flashing red eyes that laugh demonically are good. Place a couple in closets and once again, go about your business.
I guarantee she will never again open a drawer or closet in your apartment or possibly anywhere else.
Well I’m not sure what on earth she’s doing, but I do love it. And I want her to continue, sorry. :)
More photos – let’s see if there are any similar items in each tubful…?
She cracks me right the heck up.
All of the above: freaky-crow-baby-genius.
You are lucky it is the bathtub. In our house it is the fireplace. Very sooty. Thinking of apprenticing her to a chimney sweep.
Genius. She is working in concert with my 15-month-old son on some long-distance installation art. His preferred materials are drug company pens, women’s shoes, dolls, calculators, travel coffee cups, TiVo remotes and (just once, for shock value) the checkbook.
He started his installations in June: http://tinyurl.com/ldtad Sadly, his mother is a Philistine who doesn’t appreciate his art enough to take pictures. So Simone is the more fortunate child…
Congtrats on your book deal, way fun!!!I like Simone’s choices, maybe your right she’s nesting, love the rubber duck, hey you should be using the bath-ball!
While I marvel at your offspring’s capability to self-amuse, i found myself instantly drawn with envious eye to the penny tiles on the bathroom floor. I love those. Sigh, too much designspongeonline.com
Wow, I think Jill might be in the lead for that nanny position! Gruesome behavioral modification? Awesome!
I believe Simone is practicing her art and quite possibly creating an album cover for some angst filled grunge group. Simone rules.
Love your baby; love her hobby. At least she’s sticking to dirty socks, not dirty toilet paper.
Clearly she is a genius. This is my best trick for “cleaning up” before (non-overnight) guests arrive. She is already demonstrating great stealth and speed (imperative as you might have to steal away to “clean” the living room while husband distracts guests with extended tour of the kitchen), but technically, one throws into the tub things from the floor and tabletops rather from other perfectly good hiding places.
Overall, very impressive indeed.
my baby thinks my ob tampons are some type of hair adornment & the 3 year old thinks they are rockets to be shot from his mouth.
Oh, my gosh. All I can think of is Mr. Popper’s Penguins. You know that scene where Captain Cook is building his nest, and he takes all the little things he can fit in his beak from all over the house and drops them in the refrigerator…?