—Remember when I said that my mother, father, and I got my uncle kicked out of his apartment? And then I updated the post because someone (MOTHER) called me a LIAR, and denied that such a thing ever happened? Well, I have been vindicated. According to my uncle, he WAS TOO kicked out, though the eviction meeting got a lot more friendly when he showed up with a live-in lawyer.
—I meant to tell you that my stellar parental observation skills were recently showcased in the magazine Children’s Health. My friend Fernanda, who wrote the article in which I was quoted, noted that they chose a particularly lovely photo of me and Simone to accompany the text. See?
—You may not know this about me, but I am related to the Annie Leibovitz of Gelatin Cocktail Photography. She’s my cousin Amy, and she and her sister Michelle have been working tirelessly to perfect the art of the Jelly Shot, a grown-up version of the Jell-O Shot wherein classic cocktails are reinterpreted via gelatin. For instance, below is a shot (ha!) that Amy took of the Gin & Tonic Jelly Shot, with slices of candied lime.
I KNOW.
The shots are evaluated by a presumably distinguished panel of testers. I am not one of these testers, though I humbly submit the fact that I have never before had a Jell-O Shot should make my virgin palate especially sought after. Luckily, I don’t believe they have yet had a Sidecar Jelly Shot, so my jealousy is easily assuaged by living vicariously through their excellent website.
—Last night I got a fortune cookie fortune that made me laugh so hard I dropped onto the kitchen floor, clutching my sides. Ready?
This is probably as good a time as any to mention that I am currently only 10 pounds below my highest weight of all time, achieved when I was PREGNANT WITH TWO BABIES AT ONCE.
I don’t want to talk about it.
—And, finally, lest you think that life Chez Moi is all button dresses and angelic smiles, here are two recently captured moments with my precious treasure:
Yesterday I tentatively asked Fernanda, whose children are older, whether this wasn’t a particularly…trying age, 19 months, and she assured me that 19-month-olds are incorrigible little shits (I’m paraphrasing). This is an age of extremes—in some ways, Simone is so much more fun than ever before, but she requires stores of patience I do not always possess, and there is no worse feeling than snapping at your own puppy-sized, wispy-curled child. Deny her some small thing—the phone, a knife, a suspiciously ball-like tomato—and she will scream as she sinks to the floor, sobbing, stretching her arms in front of her and lowering her head in WOE, EXTREME, ABJECT WOE, THE WOE OF THE SADDEST BABY WITH THE CRUELEST MOTHER EVER, tears fairly pouring from her eyes. And then, suddenly, we’re back to this:
…until I refuse to let her crawl from the back of the couch to the windowsill.
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
You may want to think about going out for the community softball team in the spring…
S has perfected “the look” (on the right). It says it all and will likely serve her well when she’s 16. I’m trying to practice it now, but I think it looks like I’m constipated.
I’m loving these little flashes of Simone’s personality.
Hank thinks he can crawl on air as well. He has a permanent black eye, pretty much. And as soon as people stop asking me passive-suspicious questions it switches eyes.
Mine is the same age, it is not fun. Unless they are happy.
Oh, Angry!Baby! is so completely cute.
Ha! Love your photo in the mag — you crack me up.
I have to say, yes, 19 months is difficult. Energy-sucking. It may even lead to the consideration of all kinds of formerly rejected types of substance abuse. *However*. When they hit 3, want to hang out with their 7 year old brother and jump bikes off from ramps–with their hands in the air–it’s a whole new ball game. Great photos! Congrats on the mag and vindication from your uncle :)
I particularly like the sepia shot of the Face of Thunder.
You will cherish that one when she is older.
For the next 12 months of her life you can alternate trying NOT to gauge out your own eyes or punch a hole in the wall….and then it supposedly gets better, at least that’s what everybody says. I’m still waiting to confirm that.
I think she prefers buttons to bobbles. And yes, the terrible twos start at 18 months.
OMG, the pout! That is too adorable. And I think she really looks like you in the last photo. So cute.
I know you have a ton to read but my son is 23 mos today and the happiest toddler on the block by karp changed the game for us. And a lot of the tips are super easy to do. And Simone is so cute I want to eat her cheeks!
I love the Angry Eyes. I quake before them!
Once a friend got a fortune that advised him to avoid twisty thoughts.
..?
Alexa…
Abbie is only 13 months and is acting this way, so what the hell is she going to be when she is 18 months!! I’ll have to move out of the house. Oh well, it will be warm out then, I can pitch a tent in the back yard and sleep with one eye opened! Ha! She walks over to me and slaps me when she does not get her way! Little booger! Shannon
My son is 18 months and I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks he’s not nearly as cute and beguiling as all those random strangers who only see him peeking flirtatiously from behind my legs. That kid has a set of lungs on him, let me tell you, and the control it takes to not smack him from here to Sunday when he screams full out in your face because you haven’t let him pour scalding hot tea all over his face is truly epic.
18-19 month olds are assholes. It’s a documented fact.
My daughter does the Exact! Same! Thing!
A book called The Emotional Life of the Toddler has helped immensely. It explains so much, like why she screams “Mama” and runs to me, and just as I put my arms around her, she pushes away and runs! So frustrating!
i love her little moue!
Yeah…it doesn’t really get much better til they’re four, either…sorry. That photo in the mag is kinda creepy…too soft porn for my taste.
Love the sepia shot – Just awesome on so many levels.
Oh, ouch, that sepia photo, I can feel it in my ovaries! Something about that variety of pissed-off baby makes me more likely to want one than even the most cherubic smile.
Your summary of the life of a 19-month-old is EXACTLY what we are going through here in 19-month-old Fuss Land. Thanks for making me feel so much less alone in my misery. :)
Dear Alexa, I laughed out loud at your description of Banana, er, I mean Simone. So spot on, so very much like it’s been at our house…
Mmm, I want one of those Jelly Shots. It might help alleviate some of that living-with-toddler bewilderment!
I actually scrolled thru the entire article first, looking for a picture of you and Simone before I got it….Lookin’ good, ladies!
I feel your pain with the mood swings. My husband and I decided that living with a toddler is like living with a rapidly cycling manic-depressive. I poured my son’s milk into the WRONG sippy cup today. Oh, the horror!
She’s such a cutie!
I left you an award over on my blog, come and get it!
Love the fortune…just got mine today, also from a local St Paul restaurant. Mine tells me that “An interesting sports opportunity is in your near future.” Wonder if they get their cookies from the same place :)
Sorry Simone! My little one is “THE SADDEST BABY WITH THE CRUELEST MOTHER EVER”! My little girl is especially upset when I won’t let her hit me in the face and pull my hair. Whenever she does either of these things, I tell her not to hurt mama and set her down on the floor where she cries huge crocodile tears and lies prostrate with woe. You would think I had just doled out the wickedest punishment ever! She’s only 14 mos old so just think how much fun is ahead of me!! I think I’m going to have several jelly shots and the go in search of the book “Buddhism for Mothers”!!
So, with fall being here, do you have to sequester yourself in again to avoid RSV et. all? Or since Simone is older, are you safer? My son had RSV when he was 2 weeks old so I truly understand why going into hiding was needed last year. But I hope you can have a bit more of a life this winter.
[tap tap tap] Is this thing on? Hello? I was just thinking, “Dang, where is Alexa? Hasn’t it been, I dunno, like, A YEAR since she posted?” Alas, it’s only been a week. What does that say about my life that I think a week without one of your posts to entertain me feels like an eternity? Me thinks me may need a hobby…
I know you said you didn’t want to talk about weight, but I just have to comment. People always talk about the “pregnancy” weight or the “baby” weight they can’t lose. Whatever. Losing the pregnancy weight was easy in comparison to the “working mom who has no time to eat well and is too exhausted to exercise” weight. I’ve been back to work just about a year and have packed on 30 lbs in that time!! WTF? Like being the mother of a toddler isn’t hard enough, now I look like a hippopotamus. Looks like it is time to forgo even more sleep and start exercising. Ugh!
I didn’t see your picture–I saw a hot naked woman–am I looking in the wrong place?
simone has not been wearing her glasses in the last TWO posts…
Simone looks like she will grow up to becone either a labor lawyer or a knee-breaker for the mob. Truculent is the word I’m thinking of. But that’s okay because she doesn’t look all boring and clueless and drooly, like a girl from Tri Delt who had too many Jell-O shots.