Advice to Myself Regarding Book-Writing, to be Re-read as Necessary.
It’s okay to find this hard, even though you’re lucky to be here. Gratitude isn’t magic. You can be grateful to have food and yet not, personally, care for paté. This is something you need to figure out, and the sooner the better. Being grateful for Simone doesn’t mean you can’t miss Ames. Being grateful for a book deal doesn’t make writing a book easy, even if it seems as though it should.
Do you know what does not count as working? Worrying about a sentence you wrote all the way back in Chapter Two.
The upside of the fact that this book will not drastically ameliorate your financial situation is that you needn’t feel that it is the only thing keeping you from the Poorhouse.
Related: you do not reside in a Dickens novel. There is no such thing as a Poorhouse.
When you worry about disappointing the people you love, you aren’t giving them enough credit. Haven’t they always been there with encouragement, and sometimes takeout? What gives you the idea that they would ever be otherwise?
No one offers to publish a book just to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Professional people, people whose business it is to know these things, believe you can do this well.
If the book is good, your skin will split with joy. If the book is bad, it will hurt, a lot. Either way, there will be a Day After. No one ever died of embarrassment. Embroider this on a pillow.
I know it seems unseemly to mention, and that you regard those who expect accolades for enduring perfectly ordinary human misfortune as self-indulgent and insufferable, but you’ve made your way through many difficult things. History suggests that you’re not as weak as you think you are. Maybe you’re getting a little old for self-deprecation.
Keep going. Left foot, right foot. Typity type.
You’re correct—the fact that you have never done this before means that you have no evidence that you can actually do it. Happily, it also means you have no evidence that you can’t.
Leave that damn sentence alone, already.
54 Comments
All true. All very very true. And YOUR book? Your book is going to be wonderful. No matter what tomorrow is like, no matter what that sentence in chapter two is like. We are not indiscriminate readers. All are here because of your WORDS as much as your story. You have something beautiful to share and we all can’t wait to hear it. We hear it every day already.
PS – the crockpot! Help! What is your favorite recipe so far?
I want a like button!
You can do it, there’s nothing to it! Sorry, channeling Dora the Explorer, I’ll stop now.
Go Alexa Go!! :-)
Yep, you’re a writer.
I would buy a laminated piece of paper stating the above. Which is to say, you’re doing wonderfully already!
This is hilarious and good advice to self. Keep writing foot in front of other foot. But don’t worry too much about getting from a to b. Your a to b is clear, as evidenced from your archives. Unsolicited extra advice: Follow your distractions, let the narrative breathe. That’s where the humor and insight will come in. If you end up talking about cats far more than you proposed you would, don’t worry too much about it. They’re there for a reason. And you can revisit the cats and get back to that sentence in revision.
I have no doubt your book will be excellent. After all, your advice to yourself right here is excellent, and relevant to all of us dealing with issues of writing and confidence.
Go Alexa go! Bring the awesome!
Also – you are not your craft. Whether the book sucks (as if) or whether it is fantastic – there’s so much more to who you are than your book. Or, you know, to me than my book :)
“When you worry about disappointing the people you love, you aren’t giving them enough credit. Haven’t they always been there with encouragement, and sometimes takeout? What gives you the idea that they would ever be otherwise?”
I am SO stealing this, because lady, that is a fabulous insight.
I will give you one of mine in return, as a bit of an addendum to your insight about your publisher: No one ever gives you money for something they do not want. If they are paying you for it, it is because it is worth it.
Print it out, blow it up and stick it somewhere visible. Stick another copy on the fridge.
Alexa, I love your writing. Your book will be amazing. I will buy it and read it no matter what.
You can do it.
(And, books aren’t binary GOOD/BAD things. Are they? Some people will love all of it, some will love some, and so on.
(I have a feeling I will be in the first group.))
Keep going.
Where would you like me to deliver that pillow to?
I believe in you. I’ve know a fair number of writers, and they all think like this. You’re in good company. You can do this.
Please do not stop to embroider anything on a pillow. It’s itchy to sleep on. Just keep writing. You are awesome.
This is great advice to yourself – and if you need a cheering section, you need look no further than your “Comments” section. Your book is going to be well-written and fascinating. The best advice I ever received about writing something big (in my case, a thesis…ahem…that is still not done…) was to just write, in any amount. Pick away at it, bit by bit, and it gets done. This seems mind-numbingly obvious, but becomes useful insight as you stare at a blank page, or think you can’t find any time to write. Fixing a sentence is easier than having nothing to fix. And I’m sure the one in Chapter Two is FINE.
All this is so true, and could relate to so many endeavors. It is a good reminder for me too.
You book will be worth it, I have no doubt.
Great advice to yourself and to others. I especially like the bit about how “…you have never done this before means that you have no evidence that you can actually do it. Happily, it also means you have no evidence that you can’t.” I’m going to keep that in mind as I tackle new things!
You’ll get there, and in the meantime remember to breathe. :) I’m looking forward to the end result! Best wishes. ★
I love you!
Based on your writings here, I know you can do it. You are funny and wise. I am looking forward to reading this book, so HURRY UP!!
words to live by.
So true! I am the same…the fear of embarrassing myself is almost too much sometimes…I have to tell myself it’s fine, I actually can do this, all the time.
You are awesome and so will your book be! When I read this, I felt like you were taking the thoughts and feelings right out of my head.
yes, yes, and yes… laminate, post, read, keep writing, look forward…
you are a gifted writer with a beautiful (and hilarious) soul; your book will reflect that. keep going…
As Christopher Robin said to Pooh: You must remember this ~ You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. This saying has gotten me through more moments than I care to admit.
typity type! We are all waiting for this book!
Sounds like good advice for those of us not currently writing books as well. I shall remember it.
You are MUCH stronger than you give yourself credit for. AND your book will be wonderful. Typity type type type!
Really enjoyed this!
Yes yes and yes.
(works for painters, too)
Thank you.
You’re a very good, funny and interesting writer. Your book is going to be wonderful and not at all embarassing! Seriously, I can’t wait to read it! Please stop worrying about that sentence so that you finish the book more quickly and I can purchase it. Kthanksbye
Absolutely, babe! We are cheering you on. :)
Keep going! You will finish the book and it will be spectacular.
I suffered through numerous years of writing a dissertation that I assure you will never be read by anyone, and probably shouldn’t be. Which makes me realize that Actual Deadlines as you have might be a very good thing. But I kept asking myself this: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
That seemed to help when the project seemed overwhelming.
Yes yes yes
Did you get my two emails? They didn’t end up in spam? You don’t have to answer them, just reply here, “Yes, I got them.”
I’m one who avoids doing anything I don’t think I can accomplish easily. This left me not taking a lot of risks and opportunities.
I’ve had two big opportunities in the last year to “step up”, even though I felt I was underqualified for each task. I wrote at the top of one page: “They hired you because they think you’re a professional and you can do it, not so that you can gnaw your stomach raw with self-flagellation.” Guess what? Those two experiences turned out great, the job police did not show up, and now I go looking for other things I can do.
Add this to your list: Even if it’s not the greatest you can do, your level of “suck” is other people’s “marvelous.” And it can be rewritten.
My god. I’m posting this on my office wall immediately as it ENTIRELY (with a little artistic license) fits my life as a dissertation-writing doc student. Thank you- I will take your advice and plow on, even when it seems like it’s never going to end.
Did I say thank you? Because I needed this today.
Alexa, you can do it. You are a wonderful writer. As I had a very similar conversation today about someone who was 2 credits away from finishing college. The most challenging part is near the end, but that’s when you just rage on and finish what you set out to do…even if you end up in bruises for a while. Writing a book is more step by step process, and is a bit different, I’m sure. I’d relate to you by me studying for a certification on my own. It feels kind of impossible, just because life is so busy. Not that I have a life. Hmm.
We are your biggest cheerleaders. Remember to read all our comments as you reread this post too!
Alexa, everything you’re feeling is so completely normal for someone in the middle of writing a first book. (So normal, in fact, that I’ve *only* written one book. But I digress.)
You so so so so so can do this. And all your hilarious soul-searching and hand-wringing in the process will only make it a better read. I don’t think I’d bother with a book from an Alexa who wasn’t at least a little bit angst-ridden. ;-)
But as for dying of embarrassment, I beg to differ, via the brilliant Roz Chast:
http://www.cartoonbank.com/2000/In-the-Embarrassment-Cemetery/invt/120192
I hope you can read it — they don’t seem to have a way to make it bigger.
:-)
Now get back to work!
I don’t even know you and I have a ton of faith in you!
You can do this.
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/101409/rake-it-till-you-make-it.gif
You are right on with this entry… I have been around at least twice as long as you and find you quite wise..Please do not give up, we are all behind you…
Amen. I might add some sage advice from my advisor (who, to be polite, let’s say was a bit slim on the sage advice) who said if you have trouble starting, start in the middle. Work your way out. I can’t tell you how many jams that got me out of.
Perhaps your next book should be a treatise on writing?
I’m totally buying your book in hardcover the moment is becomes available. I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one. We’re all here to support you.
Man, that last one is the killer, isn’t it. Cheering you cheerily on!
Great advice! Like a few other commenters, I was reading your blog as I was finishing my own big project (math dissertation). I sure wish I could return the favor and give you the humorous boost you gave me in my bleak oh-my-god-after-7-years-this-thing-is-actually-due days. I hope it helps to know that so many people already think you’re talented and hilarious- and we can’t wait to read your book.
I absolutely believe you can do this. And not only do it, but do it WELL.
In the wise words of Dory from Finding Nemo…. “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…just keep swimming.”
I’ve never written a book, but I love this post. Just think, the sooner you finish, the sooner your adoring masses can purchase said book and prove your self doubt wrong!
This could be my own personal statement about my life. Isn’t it so sad that we, and I specifially mean women, tend to be so insecure about our strengths. You have amazing insights! Can’t wait to read the book.
That sentence? Highlight it, so that you can feel like you’ve done something, and then leave it alone. Either you will suddenly figure out how to fix it as you’re falling asleep some night, or you can talk to your editor about it when you’ve finished the book. That’s what editors are for.
Do it, Alexa. You are talented. It’s going to be good. I am going to buy it, read it, and love it. The end.
Alexa,
There was nothing “ordinary” about the trauma of Ames’ death and Simone’s early birth. There’s a book I’ve heard of and while its about a specific type of trauma (abuse), its title is relevant to all kinds of grief- its called “Strong in the Broken Places.” And you are definitely that my dear.
… and also it occurs to me that while writing a blog isn’t *exactly* like writing a book, it’s not as different as, say, lumberjack work. Given the number of absolute strangers who weren’t required to read your blog out of any familial duty, but have read every post for months or years now… I hope it’s clear that people, real people, and lots of them, want to read what you write about and love the way you write it.
Same Alexa, just wider margins and that new book smell (not you, the books… ).
I don’t know you, but I just love you. I know you will do great.
My advice when you’re questioning your abilities and deservedness? Think of all the professional writer out there that suck. That helps me everytime.
“Maybe you’re getting a little old for self-deprecation.”
LOVE.
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