Oh, how I envy the reasonable. The reasonable are able, as their name suggests, to see reason. They know that just because they are emitting coughs of the sort which, when heard in a movie, suggest that the character coughing will be dead before the credits roll DOES NOT mean that they, themselves, are in danger of departing for a less corporeal plane. They know that even though they have been sick for a long while—a whole week, now—it is unlikely that they will go on being sick forever and ever and evermore.
The reasonable do not believe that antibiotics are Out to Get Them. Should they be prescribed amoxicillin for a sinus infection, their third in a year after nearly three decades of pristine and healthy sinuses, they are not inspired to concoct elaborate conspiracy theories, nor are they heard to remark tearfully about their health Obviously Going Rapidly Downhill, and Probably It Won’t Be Long Now.
Yea, though it was a full week ago, the reasonable have no trouble remembering “what it feels like to be well.”
The reasonable see no reason why two months of immunological pratfalls shouldn’t be coincidence, and are not disposed to sudden wee-hour convictions that their children’s current illness will one day be looked back upon as a warning sign they tragically ignored.
The reasonable do not ask their significant others to lay a hand upon their foreheads every quarter of an hour to confirm that they are still, indeed, warmish.
The reasonable do not find that spending all this time in bed makes one really crave madeleines, nor would they rationalize a sudden spike in cake consumption by remarking upon the body’s ability to communicate its dietary needs, for the reasonable would know better than to entertain the specious premise that whipped cream has antiseptic properties on a cellular level.
The reasonable would spend more time catching up on correspondence and less wondering whether, if they WERE dying, some foundation might work on their behalf to entice members of various World Cup teams (a proportional international contingent) to visit their deathbeds in order to massage them with therapeutic oils while wearing only the flags of their respective homelands—miniature flags, the sort you wave at parades. The reasonable would not abruptly end a blog entry because of a coughing fit.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I have a sore throat. So I am considering nose surgery to enlarge my nasal passages so that I never have to breathe through my mouth again.
Wow, I am reasonably sure that the Make-A-Wish Foundation (and those of its ilk) have never yet entertained the request to “entice members of various World Cup teams (a proportional international contingent) to visit their deathbeds in order to massage them with therapeutic oils while wearing only the flags of their respective homelands—miniature flags, the sort you wave at parades.” But wow, I am CERTAINLY filing that one away to use should the need arise. Well done, hilarious AND useful.
Get thee a neti pot! Yes, nasal irrigation.
I got so many sinus infections in three years that I developed scar tissue in my sinuses and took so many antibiotics that my doctor started prescribing Cipro (crazy strong) plus a steroid nasal spray in an attempt to keep my sinuses clear.
All this is to say that once I started using my neti pot at the first sign of nasal congestion, I have NEVER had a full blown sinus infection again.
It has been such a life saver that I recommend it to everyone who has sinus issues. Plus I won’t have built up a tolerance to the antibiotic they stockpile in case of an anthrax attack. Double win.
I am not a “reasonable” and this post is usually how I feel whenever I get sick. Glad I am not alone – not glad that you feel this way though. : )
Obviously low on gin…
My husband actually turned to me one time while he was DYING OF THE WORST COLD EVER SINCE THE DAWN OF THE VERY FIRST COLD (riiight) and asked “does my forehead seem larger?” And I said no and went downstairs to call my sister and laugh myself silly. Sooo, don’t worry, there is always someone less rational out there.
I am truly sorry that you are feeling so horrible, but must admit to being equally thankful that you have not lost your sense of humor!
Get well soon! (And I second the Neti Pot advice.)
If you were entirely reasonable, you’d be an entirely boring writer.
OK…not to feed the beast, but…
Go to your doctor and have your thyroid checked…
Go to your doctor and check for anemia.
Both things can cause a bit of being immunocompromised, and both can be a very typical thing for women who have gone through pregnancy recently.
Once, in a grant proposal about a food book, I wrote “mandolins” instead of “madeleines.” As if lying in bed, pining for mandolins was reasonable in any way.
I hope you get better soon although reason is overrated.
This likely isn’t a coincidence. The difficulty with antibiotics is that they kill bacteria – ALL bacteria, good as well as bad. The good bacteria actually help protect you from the nasty sort, so after you have been “cleaned out” you are susceptible to whatever comes along next thinking -”hey what a lovely empty throat/sinus area to live in”.
Go to a good quality supplements store and ask them for a probiotic (Thorne is a great brand – but they only sell at pharmacies). It should be something that requires storage in the ‘fridge. Take whatever the recommended dose is for 3-4 weeks. Do this anytime you take antibiotics. Yes, yoghourt has some good bacteria, no it isn’t strong enough/the right kind necessarily.
Feel better.
I have been given the ARC of your book from my bookstore to read. I’m giddy with anticipation. Just thought I should let someone else know…I kind of want to just stop working right now and start reading it. =)
Oh, you poor thing!
Even the reasoned need to hear that occasionally.
The reasonable would consider getting grapefruit seed extract for their sinuses. I find it to be much more civilized than a Neti pot. (It’s basically salt water mixed in with a tiny bit of, well, grapefruit seed extract, in an easy-to-snort-up bottle.)