Parenthood: There Will Be a Quiz.

by Alexa on September 12, 2013

Lately, Simone has been waking me up in the mornings by coming to the side of the bed, putting her face close to mine, and whispering urgent questions. Here’s an example I shared on Twitter last weekend:

“So,” she recapped a little later, as I tried vainly to blink myself awake. “We have a lot of things I need. I need to take a bath, I need a wig, and…what are those instruments that go like this?” She moves her fists in and out.
“Yes! An accordion! So, THREE THINGS.” Scrambling onto the foot of the bed she ticks them off on her fingers: “Bath, wig, and accordion*. Remember that.”

The next morning my slumber was disturbed by “Mom? I wish I could see my bones.” This closely followed by (surprise surprise) a request for an x-ray machine.

Yesterday I startled awake to her hot breath, wide eyes and a stage-whispered “Mom? What do snakes eat?”

Look, I’m as fascinated by snakes as the next girl, assuming the next girl isn’t a herpetologist, but do we really need to discuss their eating habits at six o’clock in the morning? I mumbled something about mice. It turns out that this is not a complete answer, but seeing as how we’re not actually in charge of feeding any snakes, I think it will probably do for now.

Kindergarten is going well. Our new routine has felt surprisingly hectic, but only, I suspect, because it is new. Today I realized it was time for me and Twyla to get Simone and I hadn’t changed or done anything to make myself presentable so I grabbed my keys and nonsensically dabbed a little Chergui on my wrists before I left, I guess to say to the other parents at pick-up “I may have peanut butter smeared upon my bodice, but I am still A LADY!”

*No idea what the big plan was there, by the way, but it sounds spectacular!

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Jen September 12, 2013 at 10:29 pm

I love Simone. I eagerly await her clean, be-wigged accordion display (though I must admit, I would prefer it to be snake-free). I always find something vaguely ominous about accordions, though, so if I were you I might sleep with one eye open.


Hall September 13, 2013 at 12:19 am

More Simone! We need more Simone!


Lizelle September 13, 2013 at 3:55 am

Love it! My six year wants a stethoscope and a safe for Christmas – who knows what the plan there is…


Kristin September 13, 2013 at 1:13 pm

Ooh! You’re going to have a little safe-cracker on your hands!! :)


Alexa September 16, 2013 at 12:03 pm

Obviously Kristin is right! I’d keep a sharp eye on your valuables if I were you…


HereWeGoAJen September 13, 2013 at 9:02 am

My life has definitely been lacking in accordions and wigs. Baths too, but hopefully that is a function of all the small children around here and only a temporary situation.


Deborah September 13, 2013 at 10:50 am

That is wonderful! I think I’d love to be woken up that way.


Kari September 13, 2013 at 11:06 am

This made me laugh like a hyena. By myself. In my office. Thank you.


Molly September 13, 2013 at 11:37 am

This sounds familiar. The eight-year-old, right around Simone’s age, woke us up at really an inappropriate hour by whispering loudly in my face, “Mom? Are dolphins good or evil?” Most recently, he came to my room at a similarly inappropriate hour to ask me to define the word “marmoset.” “I looked in my dictionary but I couldn’t find it.”


Alexa September 16, 2013 at 12:05 pm

I am waiting to hear your answer about dolphins.


ldoo September 13, 2013 at 12:34 pm

Well, my only conclusion is that perhaps she’s learning too much new stuff at school and needs to instead be homeschooled. HAHA! Seriously, I feel for you. My 5 year old does not do that. But my 3 year old will wake up furious at me in the middle of the night demanding food, TV and play time. WTF?!


GingerB September 13, 2013 at 1:43 pm

My kindergarten daughter often asks what would happen if a person didn’t have any bones. Maybe it is all the picture books with X-rays to illustrate X. Would a xylophone be better for us?

FYI, I have an accordion and I am actually crazy. Just so you know.


Issa September 13, 2013 at 2:11 pm

Five is a crack up. They are so filled with INSANE ideas. I love it. It also makes me very very tired.

An accordion. Hahahahaha.


Aliza September 13, 2013 at 3:01 pm

Maybe she was giving you a mental status exam? I need you to remember 3 things!


Alexa September 16, 2013 at 12:08 pm



Alexicographer September 13, 2013 at 11:29 pm

I’m just relieved that at least Simone plans to bathe before donning her wig and accordion and not to follow the example of her peanut-butter-smeared mother. Even if it is sometimes she who smears the peanut butter.


BonnyBard September 18, 2013 at 7:58 am

Suddenly, I can’t wait for six…


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