Average Temperature? -5 Degrees Celsius.

by Alexa on March 18, 2014

¶ It is a truth universally acknowledged that no one wants to read about how sick you have been. But I do not see the point of HAVING pneumonia if you cannot tell people how miserable you are and have them say soothing things and also marvel at the fact that you are, for instance, at work. Which I am. I have taken a couple of sick days and worked from home and now it is time for me to be back in the office, being congratulated for being back in the office. The antibiotics did get rid of my terrible coughing fits, but otherwise I feel every ounce as terrible as I did before, so I think the lesson here is don’t bother going to the doctor because no one can help you and you just have to wait and see whether you live or die, as your ancestors did.

Speaking of relations, the girls have been sick as well. Everyone has been sick—except SCOTT, who is like one of those impervious plague gravediggers— more or less continuously since Twyla started daycare in February. Daycare is a public health menace. How many people have to perish/be pretty sure they are close to perishing before we get state-subsidized nannies like the Europeans?

¶ If you enjoy weeping freely over the passage of time, boy have I got a hobby for you! I’ve started making a quilt out of the girls’ baby clothes, and there is nothing quite like reducing treasured onesies and sleepers to a small stack of cloth squares via a rotary cutter to make a girl feel empty inside. It’s going to be an awfully nice quilt, though! (Actually, this may or may not be true. I have never made a quilt before and I am doing the piecing by hand, so maybe this is all for naught!) (JUST LIKE LIFE.)

¶ Being sick maybe makes me a smidge more dramatic than I am under ordinary circumstances. Not that I can remember what those feel like, because I have been sick forever.

¶ Because I do not want to end this post on a whiny note (in case it is the last written record the world has of me), I will share something exciting: Simone’s school is holding a SCIENCE FAIR. We are She is to obsessively immerse ourselves herself in a subject that interests us her and then make a craft project about it!

So basically, I have been training for this all my life.

Simone has chosen The Moon as our her subject, and I expect those unfortunate enough to know me in real life will be treated to all sorts of interesting Moon Facts in the coming weeks. Maybe I’ll even share a few here! (SETTLE DOWN, SETTLE DOWN!)

Whatever we end up with for the Science Fair, I feel regretfully certain that it will not live up to Simone’s recent two-sided president-themed offering:


“George Washington was the first president…” (flips to other side) “…And Abraham Lincoln stopped slavery!”

(If you can look at that rendering of Abraham Lincoln without feeling deeply shaken yet curiously mesmerized, well, you and I are very different people.)

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Jessica March 18, 2014 at 3:28 pm

Having made a few quilts before, I would suggest not sewing them by hand, as it will take one million years. Give or take. But I hate hand sewing! So if you love it, go for it.

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Alexa March 20, 2014 at 8:25 am

I honestly do not mind if it takes one million years–well, that is not true. I want it to be done before the girls leave for college so that I can wrap myself in it and weep. Mostly I want a leisurely hobby, and I like hand-sewing, and while I CAN sew by machine sewing machines rather terrify me thanks to a Junior High Home Ec teacher with a penchant for terrible-sewing-machine-mishap stories.

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Swistle March 18, 2014 at 4:28 pm

Too many favorite parts to list.

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GingerB March 18, 2014 at 7:46 pm

It is cold comfort to be told this, but day care kennel cough is a long term investment in strengthening Twyla’s immune system. Or so “they” say. Please update us on your quilt, as I have been saving girl stuff for just such a project myself, and I want to know how hard it is. Because I want more reasons to weep, I planned to take two squares from each article of clothing and make a quilt for me AND one for each daughter. More stitches, more drama!

Abe looks less tortured than usual in Simone’s rendering. Mesmerizing and uplifting, I think.

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Alexa March 20, 2014 at 8:28 am

Uplifting! Yes. He is just so happy for the slaves!

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Amber March 18, 2014 at 9:06 pm

Holy Moses, you are hilarious.

I am originally from Illinois, The Land of Lincoln, and feel as if I can state with authority that your daughter’s Lincoln truly captures his essence.

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Alexa March 20, 2014 at 8:27 am

Thank you! Simone will be pleased to hear it (re: Lincoln).

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AussieAndrea March 19, 2014 at 4:08 am

I second the “non-hand-sewing” suggestion… oh my god, those little squares look all simple and then next thing you are considering that getting rid of the nephew who will supposedly receive the quilt might be a lot easier and less time consuming! I would focus far more on making sure of their exact size and stitching them together accurately, lest your quilt instructor make dismayed faces because “the points don’t match”…. I look forward to Simone’s rendition of the man in the moon!

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Alexa March 20, 2014 at 8:29 am

Surely there is a way to fudge things a bit if squares are not perfect? Also, I have no quilt instructor. My aunt is a master quilter, and I figured that once I get the piecing done I will more or less throw my self upon her mercy for the rest…

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Ruth March 19, 2014 at 6:44 am

It’s the eyes. Lincoln has cartoon “hypnotized” eyes, and they pull a person in.

Sorry about the illness. Schools and daycares are petri dishes.

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courtney March 19, 2014 at 11:36 am

I like the way Simone’s portrait suggests he used his hypnotic powers to push forward the Emancipation Proclamation.

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Alexa March 20, 2014 at 8:30 am

It does have interesting historical implications…

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SarahB March 19, 2014 at 10:19 am

Hang in there! What a particularly noxious run of daycare illness…pneumonia, sheesh!

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HereWeGoAJen March 19, 2014 at 8:22 pm

I do marvel at how sick you’ve been and how you are at work! It’s clearly a testament to your amazing strength and perseverance.

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Debbie A-H March 20, 2014 at 3:06 pm

Oh, please, write more often! I live for your posts–well, I don’t LIVE for them, but I sure as heck love them!

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Robin March 21, 2014 at 9:41 am

But you make writing about having been sick so funny.

Maybe our ancestors got their quilting done while they were waiting to see whether they would die of the pneumonia?

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Cara March 22, 2014 at 4:06 pm

That Abraham Lincoln is positively hypnotic. I remember making things like that as a kid :)

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Jill March 23, 2014 at 6:52 am

The National Portrait Gallery NEEDS that picture of Lincoln. If I ran the place, it would be prominently displayed, in a fancy gold frame.

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Life of a Doctor's Wife March 23, 2014 at 7:59 pm

I certainly hope that by NOW you are all well! Pneumonia! Ack!

I have to say, though, that illness does not dampen your hilariousness one single bit.

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